by Emma Hornby
‘I’m going forra lie-down.’
‘Father, please tell me—’ The slamming of the door swallowed her pleas and she crushed a hand to her mouth with the unknown fear of it all. Dear God, what was he hiding from her?
She had bolted from her chair and was hurrying for the bedroom to press him further when a familiar whistle echoed through to her from the court. She paused. Nathan. Then she was rushing outside to meet him.
‘Laura! I planned to call in on thee later, see how youse were settling in … You’re crying.’ His wide smile melted. ‘Eeh, what’s wrong, lass?’
‘Father. Father, he … Summat’s occurred and he’ll not say what. It’s his health, I’m certain. Was it at the yard? Did you witness owt the day? Please, Nathan, I must know!’
‘Ay now, sshhh. Don’t take on so, else you’ll be the one ill.’
‘So he is unwell? I knew it! What happened?’
Putting his arm around her shoulders, Nathan led her to the court’s narrow entrance, where they could talk in private. ‘There were an incident, aye. Your father arrived back from his afternoon round breathless and in pain with his chest. I went to his aid, but he wouldn’t admit he needed assistance. He were trying to hide the truth of it, same as afore, but I saw through it – as did your uncle. He’d spotted Amos from his office window. He ordered me to help his brother inside. That’s all I know. When the shift was over and I went to find your father for us to walk home together, I were told he’d already left.’
‘But he was fine when I left him.’ Laura dropped her head in her hands. ‘The foxglove tea worked, it did, I saw the change in him with my own two eyes. It’s a medical marvel, works wonders on the heart, the owd herb woman said so herself. She’d no reason to tell untruths, even refused to take my brass … Why relapse now, when he was doing so well? I don’t understand!’
‘Talk to him. I’ve a feeling he’s been keeping more from thee than tha realises.’ There was sadness in Nathan’s eyes when Laura jerked her head up to look at him questioningly. He lifted one shoulder in a shrug. ‘Amos wants to protect thee. If that means bending the truth when he needs to … he will. I’m sorry, would do owt to take away your pain. Talk to him,’ he repeated in a whisper, taking her body, shaking with silent sobs, into his arms.
‘Uncle Ambrose dismissed him,’ she told Nathan through her sniffs minutes later as they walked back to their homes.
‘He never did! Oh, lass.’
‘I’ve given up my position, and if Father ain’t strong enough to work … What will we do, with no brass coming in? Who’ll keep an eye to him if I’m forced to seek other employment?’
‘We’ll worry about that when we need to. For now, go and be with him.’
She paused to look up at him. The gathering darkness threw the cobbled yard in shadow, but the curve of white moon, sitting in the small patch of sky visible above them, cast its glow on to his handsome face, showing him to her clearly. ‘We?’ she murmured.
‘You’re not on your own, Laura. Not now you have me.’
A sense of security, warm and wonderful, thump-thumped in her breast. ‘Eeh, lad …’
Their lips found each other. His hand on the back of her head drew her closer still and, blissfully, she felt herself slipping from reality, from the pain and fear and uncertainty. For just this one brief moment, troubles didn’t have to exist and all was beautiful with the world. His tongue sought hers and she matched his fervour without restraint. He was here, and she needed him. They were meant to be, had been all along. She’d been blind to it at times, but not any more. Nathan loved her. And she …
Forced coughing sounded behind them and the here and now crashed back with a thud; she sprang away from Nathan with a gasp.
‘Sorry to interrupt …’
‘Nay, lad. We were just … talking, is all.’
Daniel gave his brother a wry look. ‘Aye, ’course youse were.’
If the ground could have opened up, Laura would have dived headlong into it, would have welcomed it swallowing her up – her embarrassment was absolute. What on earth had she been thinking, carrying on like that? Right here, too, in public view … God alone knew what the neighbours must think. The shame!
‘Mam sent me to warn thee your meal’s on t’ table,’ Daniel continued, ‘though how long for remains to be seen. She’s threatening it’ll be inside Smiler if you’re not indoors in the next minute.’
‘Mam saw …?’ Nathan nodded to Laura.
Daniel fixed Laura with his steady green gaze. ‘Aye, from the window.’
‘Oh ’ell.’ Nathan’s guffaw brought a smile from his brother, but Laura was far from amused.
This was all some big lark to him, was it? She’d let her guard down, given herself up to his attentions, his love – trusted him – and it had meant nothing? A grubby game was all it had been, was that it? She felt loose, cheapened, used – so bloody foolish.
‘I’ll see thee later, Laura?’ Nathan called after her as she turned on her heel and hurried for home.
She didn’t answer. The way she felt at this moment in time, if she never set eyes on him again it would be too soon.
Amos was still in bed when she entered, but she knew he wasn’t sleeping. She went across and sat beside him. He lay with his back to her and for a long moment she didn’t speak, simply stared at him, her heart breaking. Then: ‘Why didn’t tha tell me, Father?’ Her question held no recrimination, only heavy sadness.
‘I couldn’t. You were that convinced … I had to let thee think yon medicine had worked, couldn’t wipe the happiness from your face.’
‘Oh, Father, Father …’
‘Don’t cry, lass.’
Enveloped in his thick-armed embrace, she emptied out her sorrow into his broad chest. ‘The day me and Bridget came to your aid … you didn’t fall from bed in your sleep, did you? You became breathless again and passed out. That’s the truth of it, ain’t it?’ she asked through her tears.
‘Aye.’
‘There’s been other times, others I know nowt about?’
‘Aye,’ he murmured again, rocking her comfortingly as one would an infant.
‘I believed the foxglove had worked.’
Laura felt him shake his head.
‘I just learned to hide it better. I’m that sorry, my lass.’
She felt bitterly let down, deceived. Above all, she was utterly devastated. Her heart felt like it had shattered to dust. She was going to lose him.
Desperation had her grasping at any possible shred of hope: ‘Happen your bad turn today … Happen it were just the strain of the house move, of you lugging our possessions.’
‘Nay, lass.’ Amos was shame-faced. ‘And me haranguing Ambrose for letting me go? Well, I were looking for someone to blame, weren’t I? He were right in what he did. I can’t keep lying to myself no more as well as to thee – I’m finished.’
No. ‘I could visit Widow Jessop at the market again. Another dose might—’
‘It’d not do no good, lass.’
She didn’t want him to say this. Why wasn’t he reassuring her that all would be well, as he always had? She felt she was drowning in terror, couldn’t comprehend the truth of it. He was her haven, her safe place. She had no one but him. She’d die, too, without him, surely?
He was speaking again: ‘It weren’t meant to be like this. I agreed to Ebenezer Court for your and young Nathan’s sakes, figured it would bring the two of you closer – mebbe we should have stayed where we were. You’re going to have to lean on your uncle when I’m … It’s all gone wrong.’ His voice rose, his breathing quickening in panic. ‘Look at us. No positions, very little brass … I’ll not see thee alone and destitute. Never that! Summat … summat needs to be done, and soon, aye, else—’
‘Father. Father, please,’ Laura soothed. ‘You’ll make yourself ill. Don’t fret over me.’
‘But of course I do! I do, day and night! Lass …’
‘I’ll wed Nathan.’ The words were
out before she had time to understand what she was saying. Now, there was no biting them back. Nor did she want to – not if it helped ease her father’s mind. She nodded determinedly. ‘If he asks me … I’ll accept.’
The stress seemed to leave him in a drawn-out sigh. Closing his eyes, he sagged with undeniable relief. ‘It must be for thee, mind. Tha have to want to, Laura.’
‘I do.’
‘You’d never shackle yourself to another fella, you said—’
‘Aye, well,’ she cut in quickly. ‘Happen I were being hasty, there. Nay, I know I was,’ she insisted, in what she hoped was a tone of certainty.
‘Then my heart is gladdened again. That it is, lass.’
And hers was because Amos’s was. And later that night when he was sleeping and a knock came at the door she put aside her earlier annoyance and disappointment with Nathan and welcomed him with a smile.
They sat close together on stools outside her front door. Neighbours were by their hearths, enjoying the precious hours of rest before a new working day began at dawn, and the court was quiet. Above, the moon had shifted from view. Barely touching the night, flickering candles from the windows and the single gas lamp bracketed to the wall by the entranceway threw the only dull strokes of light on to the cobblestones.
‘Mrs Price reckons she remembers when great chunks of this city were grazing pastureland and open meadow. In the last century, like, when she were just a slip of a lass. Imagine that.’ Nathan spoke in a hushed tone. ‘Our generation and our parents afore us ain’t known nowt but greyness, have we? Grime and chimney stacks, that’s our lot. And the smoke. There’s no forgetting the smoke. No getting away from that, is there?’
Though his words held no bitterness, there was an underlying edge to them, as though the usual acceptance of things for the poor wasn’t something that sat well with him. Laura stared at him keenly. ‘Nay.’
‘And these squalid little courts, shoehorned in between squalid lanes and streets, with their squalid little burrows that the nobs have the gall to call dwellings … That’s our lot, an’ all, eh?’
‘Looks that way, aye,’ she responded, frowning slightly. She hadn’t heard him speak as deeply before. He was usually carefree, his ready smile never far away. ‘Nathan? Is tha all right?’
Turning suddenly, he took her hands in his and held them to his heart. Though she couldn’t see his face properly in the darkness, the passion in his voice was clear: ‘I want to take care of thee. This – our lot – there’s no changing it, nay. But we could still find happiness amongst it all. We’d make our own, the two of us. Once we’d shut away the outside at the day’s end, it’d be just us together, and the misery beyond the front door couldn’t touch us. You see?’
‘I … don’t know, I …’
‘I don’t pretend to be a man of greatness, Laura. I’m more brawn than brains, for sure. I ain’t like our Daniel; he’s the thinker of the family. He’s employed as an overlooker in a cotton mill, did you know? That’s some responsibility, aye,’ he continued when she shook her head in answer. ‘An achievement, to boot, landing such a position, and him only in his middle twenties. Me? I’ll likely allus shovel coal, and that’s all right. It’s honest work and regular brass; folks’ll allus need fuel. Anyroad, it could be worse. I’d prefer the yard above ground any day over working the coal face in the Earth’s bowels extracting the stuff – awful toil, mining is.
‘D’you know, with the wages we’re fetching in betwixt us, we could afford to get Mam out of here and into summat a bit better, but she’ll not hear of it. The court’s been her home for ever – she’ll not budge and there’s folk aplenty what share her view. Our lot … It is home, aye.’
He paused for a moment as though he’d trailed off course and was searching for the right words to bring his point back on track. ‘What I’m saying is this: I reckon I love thee. Nay, I know it. We could make this life we’re saddled with a better one, for the both of us, if we put in the effort. What d’you say, lass?’
Say to what? she wondered. That hadn’t exactly been a proposal of marriage, had it? Though it probably amounted to the same thing. A husband-and-wife team was what he was driving at and, in all honesty, it sounded a solid idea. Sensible, aye. Secure. And he loved her. Well, he reckoned so, at any rate, and that was enough. For if she was to answer the same question regarding him, with all honesty … Aye, Nathan loved her. And she … She loved her father, and a promise was a promise.
‘Lass? Say summat.’
‘I … We’d make a good team, I think, Nathan, aye.’
His teeth flashed white in a delighted smile. ‘Eeh, lass.’
‘So if you’re asking … Aye. I’ll marry thee.’
He held out his arms. She leaned towards him and he held her in a soft embrace.
‘By,’ he murmured into her hair. ‘You’ll not regret it, Laura.’
That night, she found herself locked in a terrible dream.
It was snowing heavily. In the spiralling flakes, Ambrose stood laughing at the entrance to Ebenezer Court.
His bulk barred all chance of escape. Alone in the centre of the cobbled yard, she knew it was pointless banging on the doors of the darkened houses. No one would come to her aid. Not her father, not Nathan, for both were lost to her for ever. She was trapped.
Though she screamed on in terror, it made no difference – her uncle simply laughed harder. Then two figures loomed into view over his shoulders and her heart ceased its beating. Unable to breathe, to speak, she watched the Cannock brothers’ faces come into focus.
Their features held no amusement. They were snarling, eyes pinpricks of red, their murderous intentions palpable. Ambrose had brought them here. They were drawing closer, closer, and she couldn’t move an inch, was rooted to the spot. She was going to die, was going to die …
In the moment that the four rough hands made a grab for her, the scene changed.
She was lying in her old marital bed in Bolton. Though she tried to stop her eyes straying to the space beside her, they wouldn’t obey, and she gazed, petrified, at the unmoving shape beneath the bedclothes. She saw her hand reach out and pull back the covers. Adam’s dead grey features and glassy stare greeted her and again she was screaming. But his voice reached her anyway.
The same words. Over and over in a gravelly scratch: ‘A.C. and L.T. Remember. A.C. and L.T. Remember …’ And on and on. Until the world spun, faster, faster, and she slipped into blackness.
She awoke drenched in perspiration, tears streaming into her soaked pillow. But the knowledge that it hadn’t been reality brought no comfort.
Though she couldn’t answer why, she knew without question that it had been more premonition than nightmare.
Bad things were coming. There was nothing she could do to stop it.
The burning question of when would terrorise her waking hours more than any dream could.
CHAPTER 11
IN THE FOLLOWING days, Laura couldn’t settle her mind to anything. The meaning behind the opening of that nightmare had been clear: Ambrose still posed a very real danger. She’d prayed he was all bluster, but she wasn’t so confident about that now. After all, had he not seen good his threat in sacking her father? What next? The possibilities made her nauseous with worry.
However, it was the second part of her imaginings, involving Adam, that she found herself replaying more; the ambiguity made her head ache. Why must she remember their initials? Had he really the power to reach her from beyond the grave? Did his ghost know she planned to marry Nathan? Had it been a warning, his way of telling her she’d never be free of him, that she was his still? But that was ridiculous, surely. And yet the thoughts continued, relentless.
Adding to her troubles was Amos. The news that she and Nathan were betrothed had injected him with a renewed sense of purpose – weddings cost money and he was determined to contribute to make it a decent one. Deaf to her protestations, he’d gone off in search of fresh employment and, to her consternation
, had secured a position within the hour at another coal merchant’s.
Eyes sparking with determination and that old stubbornness she recognised so well, he’d told her in no uncertain terms that his one wish left on this Earth was to see her settled and, if needs be, he’d toil until he dropped to see it happen. Nothing she said would dissuade him and so she’d had no choice but to accept his decision – albeit with a condition of her own. She’d accompany him on the cart same as before, only this time she’d be present on every delivery. If it meant breaking her back by doing the lion’s share of the work, so be it. She refused to lose him sooner than she must for the sake of male pride.
Then, on the morning he was due to start, the snows came. It brought with it an eerie realness almost, as though the dream had nudged a step closer to coming true, and her dread intensified.
After gulping down a breakfast of bread and dripping and a cup of piping tea, Amos was impatient to be off, but Laura stopped him. Inclement weather coupled with his precarious health was a recipe for disaster – she was taking no chances. ‘Wait a minute, Father.’
‘Come on, lass, afore I’m late. It’s a good impression I’m for making. Besides owt else, folk need their fuel the day, ’specially so, thanks to the white stuff. I’ll not have families freezing to death on my conscience.’
‘And I’ll not have you ending up the same way on mine,’ she told him, securing his rough jacket closer around him and pulling his cap lower to shield his face from the biting breeze.
As with the arrangement at her uncle’s yard, Amos’s new employer had agreed to stable Kenneth on his premises – now, as they picked their way along the slippery streets to Ambrose’s to collect the horse and cart, Laura’s stomach churned painfully with nerves. The last thing in the world she wanted was to see him, but needs must. She couldn’t have let her father face his brother for the first time since their fall-out alone. He needed the stress like a hole in the head; she’d make damn sure that devil created none.
Thankfully, Ambrose wasn’t present when they arrived, and as Amos harnessed Kenneth to the cart with Nathan’s assistance, Laura wandered back to the gates to wait. Just being on his ground made her flesh creep – the sooner they were away from here and for good, the better.
