by Emma Hornby
‘Because I couldn’t have thee!’ he shot back. There was a world of pain in his voice. ‘Because I couldn’t have thee. Do you know what strength it took to walk thee down the aisle?’
‘But you offered—’
‘Aye, I did. For your father was dead and it pained me to know you had no one. I did it to ease your heartache. I suffered handing over the woman I loved to another man for thee. I love the lad, God knows I do, but I prayed all through that service, prayed you’d change your mind, refuse to go through with it, flee – anything. But you didn’t. And later, when you disappeared from the party, disappeared here to your marital bed, to make love to him … Imagining … You killed summat in me.’ He tapped his chest. ‘And I knew you were gone from me.
‘Lizzie …’ he went on, raising his eyes to the ceiling in despair. ‘It were a madcap, spur-of-the-moment decision that I regretted the second the question were out of my mouth. I couldn’t bite the words back. I can’t still. So you see, I’ve made a fair mess of everything. I must wed her. And you …’ A ragged breath tore from him. ‘You, too, must do what yer must. If that means marrying Edwin Howarth, I’ll not stand in your way.’
Through a blur of emotion, Laura walked towards him. He lifted his head when she stopped in front of him and they locked eyes. Tears glistened on both their lashes. When he threw his arms around her waist and buried his face in her chest, she held him tightly. Their bodies rocked in unison with sobs of regret, of yesterdays and of now and what must be for the rest of their tomorrows.
They shared a deep and lingering kiss, which told without words what could never be, one that finally signalled the end. As they drew apart, the heavens opened and rain battered the window, and it was as though the very angels wept in sympathy at their parting.
CHAPTER 24
HAVING HELPED LIZZIE all morning with the cakes for tomorrow’s stock, Laura was free later to honour her own duty. Mouth set in determination, she donned her shawl and headed off for church to catch Bridget and her niece.
Throughout the long, sleepless hours last night, three men had been with her in mind continually – now, they were no nearer to leaving her in peace. One she loved but couldn’t have, the other she liked but didn’t want. As for the third … Him she loathed with everything that she was, would rather that he didn’t exist at all.
Men were nothing but trouble, she ruminated as she made on for Mulberry Street. All of her life’s strife and heartaches had been wrought by them – by men both bad and good – one way or another. Uncle Ambrose, the Cannock brothers – Adam included. Her father and Nathan, Edwin Howarth. Daniel. None more so than Daniel. Whether they hated or loved you, they were guaranteed to cause you nothing but pain in the end. She was just mightily fed up of them all.
Pausing by the church wall, she kept a watchful eye on the doors. She moved closer as people began to stream out, then there was Bridget. Sighing in relief that she’d attended today, Laura picked her way towards her.
‘Hello, Brid— Oh.’ Laura frowned in surprise at the sight of the girl she recognised in the Irishwoman’s company. What on earth …? ‘Youse two know each other?’
‘Sure, this is my niece.’
‘Your …?’ Slowly, Laura’s brow smoothed as she remembered. Lizzie’s instruction that fearful day when escorting her from the mill: ‘You, Millicent Figg, see to them mules …’ Of course. She’d been so distracted with the accident that she’d failed to take notice of the surname, to fit two and two together. Well! She hadn’t expected this, that was for sure. ‘Nice to see thee again, Millicent,’ she told her former piecer with a nod.
‘And thee,’ the girl murmured. She appeared just as amazed to see Laura. Amazed and … was that guilt lurking within her blue eyes?
‘You know each other?’ It was now Bridget’s turn to ask.
‘We met recently at the mill where Millicent’s employed.’
Bridget’s chest puffed with pride. ‘Just been promoted to minder, the lass has. In charge of her own pair of spinning mules, now, so she is.’
‘I thought she might,’ said Laura, hiding a smile, and Millicent’s awkward blush deepened further. It’s all right, really, no hard feelings, Laura was quick to reassure her with her eyes.
‘’Tis glad I am to see ye, colleen,’ Bridget said now. ‘Rushing off as I did yesterday at the market … I’m sorry, Laura, I just …’
She nodded understanding. ‘Please, don’t dwell on that. Mind, I would still like to talk with you, if you can spare the time?’
Catching her meaning, Bridget glanced to her niece then emitted a sigh. ‘Aye. Aye, all right.’
Laura motioned that they should follow, and the three of them set off for Ebenezer Court.
That Millicent trotted along with them without question spoke volumes about her relationship with Ambrose. Wouldn’t Laura herself once have done anything to avoid being alone with him at home?
When they were seated in her kitchen with steaming cups of tea, she hesitantly brought up the subject of Millicent staying at her uncle’s. ‘How did it even come about?’ she asked.
The girl went immediately on the defensive. ‘What business is that of yourn?’ she shot back before Bridget had a chance to answer. ‘What is all this? My aunt’s friend you might be, but that don’t mean you’ve the right to poke your nose—’
‘Ambrose Todd is my uncle.’
All vestige of colour left Millicent’s face. She opened and closed her mouth then lowered her head.
Laura reached across for her hand. ‘Lass, when I dwelled beneath his roof it was one of the worst times of my life. He … He’s depraved, but I think you’ve learned that for yourself, ain’t yer?’ she murmured, ignoring Bridget’s distressed moan. ‘Why did you insist on staying there? Why would you want to, knowing—’
‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’ Millicent stood abruptly. ‘I’ll not stop here to listen to this. I’m off.’
‘Millicent, stop, please—!’ But Bridget’s plea was cut short by the slamming of the door. Laura patted her shoulder in reassurance then raced outside in pursuit of her niece.
This needed airing. She’d get the answers she sought, even if she had to drag them from the girl by force. She couldn’t leave it like this, wouldn’t leave her in such danger. Millicent had to reveal the truth or her ordeal would never know an end. Hadn’t she learned that herself the hard way?
‘Wait, lass.’
She shook Laura’s hand from her shoulder savagely. ‘Leave me be!’
‘I’m sorry, but I can’t do that. I need to know—’
‘Why? You tell me that. What has anything got to do with thee, anyroad?’
‘I’ll tell thee why: because I couldn’t live with myself, knowing you’re suffering … that. That my uncle’s getting away with it again. I couldn’t, for I know how it feels.’ She nodded. ‘Aye, he did the same to me.’
Like a pricked balloon losing its air, the girl visibly deflated. She dragged out a huge sigh. ‘I didn’t, couldn’t … couldn’t speak of it to anyone. I … I don’t know what to do,’ she finished on a whimper.
Laura bit back tears at the torment exuding from her that she recognised only too well. ‘Eeh, lass. Why do you stay?’
‘I’ve no choice. None.’
‘But of course you do. Walk out right now, leave and never return—’
‘And he’ll make sure my aunt suffers for it.’ She nodded wildly. ‘He will, he’s vowed to, and I believe him. He’s the divil!’
So that was his game. That was why this poor girl stayed. It wasn’t through choice; she was there against her will. Ambrose was forcing her arm with terrible threats. Bastard: he was nothing else. How she loathed him.
‘I wish I’d never left the boarding house,’ Millicent continued, eyes squeezed shut. ‘That’s where I were dwelling with my sister, a boarding house in Salford, had for years, ever since our parents died. We were doing all right. Then my sister wed and moved out and I were alone, a
nd shortly after I grew sick. Aunt Bridget looked after me.’
Laura nodded, recalling the day she and Daniel had hoodwinked Ambrose into believing his yard was on fire so as to gain access to his house and check on Bridget’s welfare. The Irishwoman had arrived back saying she’d been visiting her niece who had been taken ill. ‘So what happened? How did you finish up in my uncle’s clutches?’
‘Aunt Bridget found it difficult getting up to Salford to see me. She asked her master if he’d allow her an hour or two off each day after she’d seen to her duties, just until I were well, and he suggested I stop with them so she could keep a proper eye to me. She were made to fetch me to the house to meet him. When I arrived, he managed to get me on my own and told me I were to inform my aunt that I wanted to stay. That I weren’t to take no for an answer. Otherwise, he’d make my life and hers besides a living nightmare.
‘I were too shocked and afraid to go against him. I did as he said. Aunt Bridget didn’t want it, I could tell, but she’d no choice in t’ matter. He’d spoken, and that were all there was to it. When later she got me alone and I backed up what he’d said and pleaded with her to agree, she had no choice but to give in.’
Closing her eyes, Laura shook her head. ‘Why can’t she see him for what he is and get as far from him as she can?’
‘I reckon it’s more a case of she won’t see, you know? God alone knows why, but she loves him.’
How, after all the maid had learned? Her level of devotion was staggering. Could love really be as blind as that? Or was there more to this than met the eye? Were other factors such as fear or sheer denial at play here? Laura was beginning to think so. Nevertheless: ‘To put you in his reach, though … She knows what he’s a taste for.’
‘I’d suspected she might be aware.’ Millicent nodded sadly. ‘She does her utmost to keep a watchful eye over me.’
‘Yet it ain’t enough, is it? For my uncle will find a way regardless. He allus does.’
‘Aye.’
Seeing the girl’s shiver of revulsion, fresh fury coursed through Laura. Now, she knew all her good intentions of leaving the past where it was, of allowing Ambrose to ruin his life all by himself, had been but naivety on her part. She did want revenge still, had all along.
She’d been foolish to think she could bury her feelings. He couldn’t continue getting away with his disgusting ways. He had to pay. And by God, she’d make sure she was the one to see he did.
‘You have to tell Bridget—’
‘She can’t ever find out!’ Millicent was aghast. ‘Knowing she’d played a part in putting me in that position … it would kill her. Or he’d be the one to finish her off, should she confront him. Nay, nay. I’ll get us out of this, for you see, I’ve a plan. A good ’un, aye. One that’ll not take me long to put into action. Not now, with my promotion—’ She broke off and a poppy-red hue crept up her neck to stain her face. ‘That’s why I were a reet bitch with thee when tha started at the mill. That’s why I resented thee stealing what I saw – what I needed – to be my job.
‘A better position means more brass. And brass is the ticket out of his lair. Earning extra, I could afford to find fresh and decent lodgings, to be free of him, and I’d take Aunt Bridget with me. That’s what I were focused on, and still am. And aye, I were glad of it at first when you got caught in the mule,’ she admitted. ‘Saw it as a sure thing that I’d take your place. I did, an’ all. But it didn’t take long for the guilt to set in, and by … I were terrible sorry. I felt awful to think I’d wished thee such ill will and could be happy about it when it were granted. But I were desperate, and desperation makes you act queerly. It makes you do wicked things. I am sorry, Laura. I am.’
‘I understand, lass. I do, really. I’ve done things I’m not proud of when in the grip of despair and fear.’ She shook her head to scatter the memories. ‘As for your plan … though a good idea it might be … who’s to say Bridget will agree to leave with thee?’
‘I’ll make her see sense. I will, honest. I’ll concoct summat believable. I’ll beg on my knees if I must. Please, Laura. Please don’t tell her. Let me do it my way. Let me try.’
‘And in the meantime? What will you do whilst you’re busy saving? Put up with it, with his wicked ways?’
Sucking in air, Millicent nodded bravely. ‘Aye. It is only watching, after all. He don’t touch. I can …’ She took another deep breath then continued with conviction, ‘I can handle it a while longer.’
‘Lass, this is madness. Why don’t we go back in there and tell your aunt everything and see what happens? Take a chance. Try. It’s gorra be better than suffering my uncle’s attentions, surely? Bridget mightn’t take it so bad. It might just all work out for the best. Youse could leave his house this very day, dwell with me till you get on your feet—’
But the girl was adamant. She shook her head determinedly. ‘She mustn’t know, Laura. Not ever. You can’t say owt. Don’t make me regret telling thee my secret.’
Sighing in defeat, Laura nodded, though it went against every fibre of her. ‘All right, lass. But I want you to believe me when I promise thee he’ll get what’s coming to him. When and how, I’m yet to figure out, but it’ll happen.’
This wasn’t just her problem any more. It wasn’t only herself affected. And who was to say even Millicent would be the last? No, she wouldn’t be, not if he had his way. His insatiable lust guaranteed that there would be more victims to follow. He needed stopping once and for all.
There would be no mistakes. She’d learned from her errors with the Cannocks. With Ambrose, she’d wreak vengeance the right way, the clever way, as she’d first decided was best.
She’d go into it with her eyes open and her head clear. Control was key. She wouldn’t be blinded by anger like before. And if she could help it, she’d recruit no one’s help in her fight this time around.
‘Is everything all right?’ the Irishwoman asked fretfully when they returned to the house.
Laura glanced to Millicent then nodded. ‘Aye, Bridget. Aye, it is.’
At least it would be.
CHAPTER 25
OVER THE COMING weeks, Laura threw herself fully into the business. It offered her the distraction she needed, now more than ever before; she shuddered to think what she’d do without it.
She hadn’t yet given Edwin an answer. He’d called to her house twice since putting forward his proposition but each time she’d pretended not to be present. Still, she wasn’t entirely sure what her answer should be. Loath to hurt him with an outright refusal and too mixed up to know if she’d ever be in a position to accept, she’d taken to avoiding him; she hated herself for her cowardice. Of course, she was fond of him, but marriage? So much had changed since her arrival here. She’d been so adamant back then that she’d never wed again, and then Nathan had come along … She hadn’t made a mistake with him, not in the long run, had she? Who was to say that giving Edwin a chance wouldn’t yield similar satisfactory results? Would becoming his wife be so bad? And yet … The conflicting thoughts nagged at her continually.
Then there was young Millicent Figg and her uncle. Laura agonised in silence, imagining day and night – particularly the nights – what she was suffering alone in that house. Could the girl endure it until a solution presented itself? Would Ambrose stick to not touching her? He’d put his hands on her, after all, had crushed her with his weight and grabbed her between the legs during that last encounter before she’d left for Ebenezer Court, hadn’t he? Would he up his depraved game and begin the same with Bridget’s niece?
Yet what could Laura do? Millicent had begged from her her solemn vow that she’d do nothing for now. She couldn’t go back on her promise. To do so would be to lose the trust Millicent had put in her completely. She couldn’t risk that, couldn’t be seen to let her down as well.
The baby steadily growing in her womb was another frequent cause for concern – albeit, Laura suspected, a stress she was making for herself unnecessarily. Though t
he sickness was, thankfully, abating with each passing day, it also brought her closer to meeting the new person she and Nathan had created; the thought of motherhood both excited and terrified her in equal measures. Would she prove good enough? Would it be healthy, survive? And on, and on.
As for Daniel … Daniel had taken a piece of her heart that she’d never get back. With well-meaning pressure from Joyce and Bee, a date for his and Lizzie’s wedding had been set: the fifth day of September. Laura just prayed she’d be too large with child by then to attend. It had taken everything he had to see her married to another – she, on the other hand, hadn’t the strength for that, she was certain. More than anything else, her crippling guilt towards Lizzie was by far the worst thing. That poor, sweet lass deserved so much better than her for a friend. How she’d cope afterwards, living side by side in the court with the newly-wed couple, she refused to dwell upon.
The women’s hard work paid off and, towards the end of the next month, they were in a position to pay back Daniel the money he’d loaned them in setting up. Though initially he was reluctant to accept it, insisting they hold it off a while longer and to pool it back into the business, that he was in no rush for it just yet, Laura and even Lizzie had been adamant. Recognising their desire to feel independent and understanding their need to see they were making a success of things, he relented. That he was proud of what they had accomplished so far was clear to see. The sense of achievement was immense.
‘’Ere, taste that, tell me what you think.’
Pausing in her task of washing up the mixing bowls, Laura took the small square of cake from Lizzie and popped it into her mouth.
It was a bright but chilly mid-April day and the two women were, as usual, in her kitchen, working on their products. Only today’s cake was proving a more difficult task than either had encountered so far in their new career. Getting this right was important, could add a whole new direction to their business and profits, and they were determined to see it happen.
