They all had Roderick's perfect caramel skin, his inky black hair. Some had eyes as dark as his, others a lighter almost hazel brown that his mother seemed to possess. And as soon as their gazes fell on us, their smiles curved up in a very familiar way, all white teeth and, yep, dimples.
Christ.
It was like a goddamn beauty pageant in this house. Only there would never be a winner since each woman was as pretty as the last.
"Oh, mija," his mother declared, moving forward, arms outstretched, hands going up to frame my face. "I'm so happy you could make it."
And because Astrid had texted me about just being myself, the next words out of my lips were not as practiced, as refined as maybe would have been more proper.
"I don't believe there was much of a choice."
I could feel the smile freezing and falling as soon as the words were out of my mouth, but his mother's smile only widened as her hand patted my cheek.
"There wasn't," she agreed. "We knew as soon as we heard that Roderick - of all people - had himself a woman that we had to meet this creature that could make him see there is more to life than screwing around."
"And that is my mother for you," Roderick told me, giving my hand a squeeze. "Livvy, this is my mom, Grace. Mom, this is Livianna."
"It's so nice to meet you," his mom said, throwing her arms around me.
"You too," I agreed, realizing as she patted my back how long it had been since I had felt a hug from a maternal figure.
"Okay, okay, so... we have Mia and Zoe," Grace said, waving at the twins who were nearly identical except for the fact that Zoe had a nose ring. I wondered if maybe she got it for the sole purpose of it distinguishing her from her sister. "And here is Ana," she went on, waving to the middle sister who was curvier than all her other sisters. "Then there is Elisa over there by the couch. And that is Leala over there by the window," she concluded, and I couldn't help but seek out the scar on her forehead.
"So, we hear you're a gun runner," Mia declared into a somewhat awkward silence following the introductions.
"Mia!" Zoe hissed, big eyeing her elder by a few minutes sister.
"What? We're just getting it all out there, right? This will be a hell of a lot less tense if we are just up front about everything. Liv is an arms dealer who stole from Roderick to create the sweetest little criminal meet-cute ever."
"Yes, the mauling was so damn sweet, Mia," Roderick drawled, shaking his head.
"Oh, wah wah wah. You healed just fine," Mia shot back, rolling her eyes. "He always was a bit dramatic, you know."
"Dramatic?" Roderick asked, but was drowned out by Elisa.
"And a sore loser," she added.
"Hey..." Roderick started.
"I know, right?" Leala chimed in. "He once overturned the entire Monopoly board."
"Because I found out all of you were scheming to cheat behind my back!"
"Oh, and he has like some kind of moral objection to family movie night."
"You all talk through the entire fucking movie," Roderick objected, only to be slapped on the back of the head by his mother.
"Language," she hissed at him. "Liv, cariña, would you like to help me in the kitchen? I suspect a fight any moment now," she added as voiced started getting raised.
I followed her through the living room and into the kitchen, the whole space maybe only as big as my bathroom with sage green painted cabinets and cupboards, a simple tile countertop, and very new appliances.
How she managed to cook for her whole family in such a small space was beyond me.
But she did manage. Because there were platters scattered everywhere, some loaded down already, others empty, waiting to hold whatever was in the pots on the stove and cooking inside it.
"You'll get used to the noise," Grace promised as she pulled the lid off a pot, puffs of steam rising up. "This is the mother's version of a luxury facial," she told me as she poked something inside with the tip of a sharp knife.
"Having six kids must have been deafening at times."
"Oh, mija, you have no idea. I used to stay up late at night even after working a double shift just to enjoy the quiet when they slept. Do you have any siblings?"
"No," I told her, shaking my head, feeling a bit of envy for her large, crazy family whose voices were loud in the other room, five sisters ganging up on their only brother.
"Not a happy home?" she asked, not caring that she was pressing. And maybe that was another mom thing. I wouldn't really know personally.
"No. There wasn't any joy that I remember. My mother passed when I was six. After that, all that was left was my father and me. And he... he had a lot of rules. And a lot of punishments for breaking even the most minor of them."
"Men," she sighed, shaking her head. "The world needs more good ones, yes?"
"You gave the world a good one," I told her, meaning it. Camden aside, and maybe Vas, I had never met any men I would genuinely call good. Like through and through, not just on the surface, not just enough to trick you into trusting them only to use that trust against you at some later time. "It's almost a shame you didn't have more."
"Six. Six is a lot," she told me as she went into the fridge. "So you like my Roderick?"
"I do," I told her because it was the truth, because I had no intentions of playing down what was between us again. A little more time with him only proved what I had been suspecting all along. Something was between us, something big, different, maybe even a little scary, but only in the way that any big, important thing in your life had the potential to really hurt you - either intentionally or not. "He's one of the best men I've ever met," I added.
"He takes such good care of us. He won't hear me say that. He doesn't like the praise. But he does. Not just me, this house, these fancy appliances he got me for mother's day. But all his sisters as well. It doesn't matter what time of day it is, if there is some big party over at his clubhouse, if he just came back from, being on the road for a week, if any one of those girls needs anything, he is there for them. I think he thinks it is his place to be the father since, well, I assume you know that story."
"He told me," I agreed.
"He feels responsible for all of us. I think... I think it is why he has been such a..."
"Manwhore?" I supplied, shrugging it off, knowing his history, knowing it meant nothing, said nothing about his future.
"Yes. That. I think he likes his brotherhood because it is a break. He gets to just be a young man, carefree." She paused, shaking her head. "And maybe he likes a break from all the estrogen."
"He doesn't have it much better there. Most of his brothers have wives or girlfriends. There are women everywhere. Though, to be honest, he doesn't mind it. He really loves women. He seems to sort of view them all as extended family, like a whole other group of sisters."
"The poor guy," she told me with twinkling eyes. "I hear you have some loved ones. Anytime you want, you can bring your family here. I have a feeling your family will be our family sooner rather than later anyway."
I liked how easily she accepted the fact that they were my family even though, technically, they weren't. Everything about Grace seemed welcoming, open-armed, a quality I had never come across before. Except maybe in her son.
"They are all the way in the city."
"Yes, I heard about that. Distance, that can be difficult, no?"
"I honestly don't know. I've never tried it before."
She nodded at that, going into one of the pots to start scooping peas into a bowl.
"Do you like Navesink Bank?"
She wanted to know if I would be taking her son away from her.
Honestly, there had never been any question of that. His club was in Navesink Bank. If things got serious between us, I would have to be the one to relocate since I had nothing keeping me in one place. My people aside. But Astrid had made it clear through her many text messages showing me screenshots of local Navesink Bank attractions, eateries, and real estate that she was perfect
ly on board with moving if things with Roderick and I progressed.
As for Cam, I didn't know. I hadn't had time to debate it all out with him before I left. And, the little snippet of conversation he'd graced me with aside, he hadn't changed his ways suddenly according to Astrid who claimed he was still about his looks and grunts.
It was a conversation I wanted to have. Because even though I was over-the-moon at the idea that Astrid was all in this with me no matter what it meant change-wise for her future, I couldn't picture my life without Camden in it. I didn't want to imagine him leaving us, going off on his own. I had to have him with me. No number of new friends could ever fill a Cam-shaped void in my heart.
So I needed to know where his head was at.
But that was something that needed to be done in person and, quite frankly, I wasn't ready to go back yet.
Getting more time with Roderick only made me want more time with him.
I wanted to sit around the common areas, bullshitting with his friends, learning all their inside jokes, meeting the rest of their women. I wanted to fall into his bed, enjoying each other until our bodies gave up on us, then fall asleep in his arms, getting the luxury of full nights of sleep that I could only have with his arms around me, his body beneath mine.
I wanted to wait out the rest of the cold months with him then take a trip to the beach when the summer got hot. I hadn't been able to spend much time lounging on beaches in my adulthood, and the idea of doing them with him - especially with how much he loved it there - made me giddy as a kid on Christmas Eve.
"Do you want children, Liv?" Grace asked, point-blank, as Roderick warned me she would.
"I do," I told her honestly. "I wasn't ever sure it was something I could have. With my lifestyle, y'know? But I would like kids."
"You would have to retire, no? To be a mother."
"I guess that would likely be true. Safety hasn't exactly been guaranteed in my line of work," I told her, waving to the scar on my face.
"Oh, that. Don't let that make you feel insecure, mija. I have more than my fair share as well. It is interesting, no, how life only etches the bad times on our skin. There is no proof of the smiles, the laughter, the dreams fulfilled, just the pain."
"Maybe that's the point of tattoos," I said, shrugging. "Unfortunately, I am not some modern-day rapper. Face tattoos wouldn't work for me."
"You have other scars, yes?" she asked, watching me hard, her expression unreadable.
"Yes."
"Maybe you and me, one day, we go and get something happy etched over the pain."
"I could design them," Ana suggested from the doorway, making me wonder how long she had been standing there. Grace, however, didn't seem the least bit distressed. I would imagine with six children, she had long ago given up the idea of privacy, even in her own home.
"I saw your art on Roderick's walls in his room. You're amazing."
"He has my art up?" she asked, eyes brightening at the idea that her big brother thought they were good enough, the look of joy something precious on her face.
"You've never been to the compound?"
"No," Grace and her daughter said in unison.
"Seriously? None of you?" I asked, looking over at Roderick as he moved into the doorway with his sister, his giant frame making her have to move forward or else be crushed.
"None of them what?"
"Have ever been to the compound," I told him, shaking my head. "Why not? Don't they have parties and such in the summer? Family parties?" I specified, knowing he would never want to have his sisters around the whiskey and clubwhore sort of parties.
"Is this true?" Grace asked, brows raising, eyes shooting accusations at him.
"You're ganging up on me too, huh, mami?" Roderick asked, moving into the room to haul me into his side, his arm crushing down on my shoulders.
"Well, it seemed like the thing to do. You know... to fit in," I told him, smiling. "I already swore a blood oath to Mia to start painting your nails in your sleep."
"Oh my God, seriously?" Leala asked, coming into the small space. "You tell people about that? Did you also tell her about how I kept my baby blanket until I was twelve?"
"Nope. But you just did," he informed her, smiling big, all dimples.
They all had them.
Dimples.
Even his mother.
Some had two like he did, others just the one. Some were etched deep like his, others more of a hint like mine.
"Mija, do you cook?" Grace asked, tuning out her children's bickering.
"I do," I agreed, nodding.
"Yeah?" Roderick asked, looking down at me."I was starting to think all those pots and pans in the loft were for decoration."
"Says the man who only knows how to make scrambled eggs," I shot back.
"Hey blame that on Elisa," Mia declared, somehow squeezing into the tiny space as well. "For a whole year, all she would eat was scrambled eggs and strawberries. Roderick got good at making them when Mom had to work."
I liked this.
More than I ever thought I could.
Learning the deeper meanings behind some of the more surface things I knew about Roderick. Would he maybe, someday, have gotten around to telling me about Elisa and her scrambled eggs? Maybe. Or maybe it would have been one of those little things lost to the back of his mind.
I was enjoying hearing all the little things his sisters had to say about him, all the good and bad. And the bad, well, none of it was necessarily bad, and they only seemed to bring it up to fuck with him because they could, because he was quick to tease them as well.
"What are you doing?" I asked when we all finally sat down at a giant dining room table set up in what was meant to be the family room, but had to be the dining room because it was the only space big enough to fit the farmhouse table with room for all of Grace's family and extra space that she called her hopeful seats - one for each of her children to have for a significant other, and Roderick pulled his phone out of his pocket. Knowing how Grace had slapped Ana's knuckles with a wooden spoon when she went to reach for her own, I figured cell phones were a no-no at Grace's table.
"Astrid sent me a picture of the three bags of chips she is having for dinner," he told me. "I wanted to..."
"Shove this in her face?" I supplied, smiling because I liked their weird brother-sister relationship, the way the two liked to fuck with each other.
"Exactly," he agreed, snapping a picture of his over-full plate because his mother claimed that the giant wall of muscle was 'getting too thin' as she scooped his portions out.
"I need New Years Eve elastic band pants," I told him as I looked at my own plate, looking like two servings of my Christmas dinner at once. And I got the distinct feeling that Grace wouldn't hear of me not finishing it.
"And you need to leave room for dessert," Roderick told me, giving my thigh a squeeze.
"Next time, you bring your friends," Grace demanded. "No one should be eating chips for dinner on New Years Eve," she declared, clucking her tongue.
"Astrid would love this," I told her, knowing she would be grumbling when she looked at the picture.
"Maybe for Easter then," she suggested, sounding almost like the issue was settled already.
And I found I liked that.
Her confidence.
Her certainty.
If there was anyone who knew Roderick, it was his mother. And if she thought he was serious about me, that I would be around months from then, well, then, it seemed likely that it would come to pass.
I chanced a look at Roderick's profile, realizing how much I wanted that. To sit here at this very table with these women, with Astrid and Cam, and this man.
Sensing my inspection, Roderick's face turned, giving me a warm smile. "You ready for this, mami?"
Yes, yes I was.
EPILOGUE
Roderick - 2 weeks
"I have to," Liv insisted, putting some of her clothes into her bag. "For all I know, Astrid has started a
hamster farm in my bedroom by now. I need to check in with everyone."
I didn't want her to go.
Two weeks was the longest chunk of time I had ever spent with a woman, but it was still not enough.
"So... what's so bad about a hamster farm?" I asked, smiling when she shot me a raised-brow look. "Those tunnel things all built around the walls and shit could give the place some ambiance. Besides, she texts me at least once a day. Nothing with whiskers yet. Though the overflowing sink is close to giving me nightmares."
"See? They need me to go whoop some butt. Make sure we don't get vermin. I don't want to go," she added, moving over to me, dropping down on my lap, pressing the side of her head into my shoulder. "This is hard. Having two separate lives. I love being here with you. But I feel guilty, like I am neglecting Cam and Astrid by not making any time for them."
I got that, I did.
It didn't make me like it any better.
But I knew this was part of the situation.
For now anyway.
We would get some time together, get into the swing of the things, then have to part so she could go see her people, go do some jobs.
I didn't have to like it, but I had to accept it until things had been going on long enough to sit down and have another talk. I was ready for it. I was sure. I knew this was going somewhere. That being said, I didn't want to push Liv. Unlike me, she was the one who would have to have her life uprooted, would have to consider major changes not only for her future, but for the future of Cam and Astrid as well.
I could wait.
We had time.
Even if this was hurting me more than I thought it would.
It was amazing how quickly everything could change.
"I know, mami," I agreed, wrapping my arms around her, pressing a kiss into the top of her head. "And if I can get away this weekend, I will come up to spend some time too."
"That'd be nice. We don't have any jobs lined up just yet."
I hated the idea of her being on jobs.
That was unfair of me, I knew. I had no right to have an issue with her job when my job was very similar. But anytime I pictured her doing a drop, my mind flashed back to that parking garage, to the days following when she had been in so much pain, having trouble moving.
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