Julia’s still living with me. She makes half-hearted noises about moving back to her flat, but we both pretend it would be very cruel to throw Daniel out. We don’t let the fact that Daniel’s worth more than the GDP of a small country bother us with this pretence. Or even the fact that Daniel now has a girlfriend. ‘Where would Daniel go?’ we ask ourselves, shaking our heads at the impossibility of it. If Claire is here, as she often is, she snorts and says, ‘Anywhere, actually,’ and we all laugh. But Julia stays put. I know one day she’ll take Jack and move on with her life, but I’m not going to push her. And maybe she needs to be looked after for a while – because I didn’t really do that before.
But I’m being careful not to make her my whole world. I have all these friends. God, Mike, I don’t know where they all came from, or how I went so many years without them. I belong to a yoga group that I joined with Claire and a group of widows she and Julia know, and a book club, and a gardening club. And I go to dinner parties and lunch parties. And I’ve started nursing again. Proper nursing. I’ve decided to train as a midwife. It seems right.
And then there is Larry. My boyfriend, Larry (Julia rolls her eyes when I say that).
‘You don’t have to sound so proud of it, Mum,’ she says. Not that Julia can talk – I can see where things are heading with her ‘friend’ Steve. But still, I am proud of it. I have a boyfriend. We even have sex. How did I go without sex for so long, Mike? You never would have wanted that for me. Never.
In fact, you wouldn’t have wanted any of it for me. But the thing I know now is that you aren’t lying there thinking about it, or me, or anything really. Whatever was ‘Mike’ disappeared in the accident. Miriam’s recovery somehow made me see that. Nobody understands why, but that doesn’t matter. I do.
I miss you, Mike. And I miss Jack. But finally – finally – I’m ready to be whole again. And I know that is what you would want for me. And my life has a purpose: Julia and Baby Jack. Because in Baby Jack I have rediscovered the joy of unconditional love.
And that’s what it’s all about, really.
Love, always,
Helen
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Writing acknowledgements for a book is always a challenge. No matter how many people you remember to thank for their input on various ideas and facts, you will always forget a few.
I know that I consulted my lovely GP, Dr Jacquie Yutar, early in the writing to find out if Mike’s condition was medically feasible. If it isn’t, don’t blame her! I know that Ian Rijsdijk helped with Julia’s music choice.
One of my day jobs involves sub-editing without prejudice, a legal magazine. A few years ago I read about the case of Fourie and Another v Road Accident Fund (2014 (2) SA 88 (GNP) C) and was badly traumatised by the facts, which haunted me for a long time. As is the way with writing, the basic facts re-emerged in this book. I feel a bit like a vulture – although I only realised afterwards that this had happened. Having now gone back to find the case reference, I am re-traumatised. The facts of the real case are worse than anything that happened in this book, and my deepest sympathies go out to that family.
The character of Claire was inspired by the many amazing mothers who I know at my children’s schools. Women who always seem to have it all together, who always know what’s going on and can tell the less organised (me) what to do. I think every mother knows a Claire – but my fictional Claire has the benefit of drawing from the best of a whole group of lovely women.
In South Africa, my huge thanks to Nicola Rijsdijk, Andrea Nattrass, Eileen Bezeemer, Veronica Napier, and the rest of the team at Pan Macmillan South Africa. I adore them all.
At Lake Union, a special thank you to Sammia Hamer and Ian Pindar, who edited with kindness and humour, and to the rest of the team.
And to my agent Aoife Lennon-Richie, who I handed a dream and she made it into a reality. I still need to pinch myself.
As always, my husband, Paul van Onselen, and our children, Thomas and Megan, are my support and inspiration.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Photo © 2017 Nicolise Harding
Gail Schimmel is an admitted attorney in South Africa, with four degrees to her name. She is currently the CEO of the Advertising Regulatory Board – the South African self-regulatory body for the content of advertising. She has published five novels in South Africa, and The Aftermath is her international debut. She lives in Johannesburg with her husband, two children, an ancient cat, and two very naughty dogs.
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