She threw her hands in the air. “Jesus, Upton. Do you think so little of me?”
My head jerked back. “This isn’t about you, Belle. It’s about me.”
“I disagree.” She added a vigorous head shake to press home the extent of her vehemence. “You’re imprinting your hang-ups on me. You think that because you have an issue with how your back looks, then that means I must have an awful aversion to your scars.” She snorted. “For the avoidance of doubt, I don’t. I want to kiss you and touch you. And I don’t want to have to segment your body into sections either and then have to remember which bits are off limits. It’s a total buzz kill, and I won’t do it.”
Her chest rose and fell, a sign of her frustration. Silent seconds inched by. I wanted to explain, or at least try to, but the words stuck in my throat. I had a difficult enough time allowing the nurses and doctors at the hospital to see the destruction the bomb had caused, how pieces of shrapnel and flying debris had torn through my skin and the muscle beneath with ease, leaving a path of devastation similar to the picture a three-year-old might create if you gave them a pen and a piece of paper and asked them to draw whatever came to mind.
“You know what? Forget it.”
Belle made for the door, her zipper still only halfway up her back. Like an action replay of last night in the library, I tore after her, my palms hitting the door before she had a chance to fully open it. The slamming sound reverberated through the house, and I half expected Barbara to scuttle upstairs to make sure everything was okay.
I buried my nose in her hair. “Don’t leave. Please. You’ve changed everything for me. I’m a different person since you came into my life, and damn, I don’t want to regress to the lonely, cold, miserable asshole I was before.” I said the latter hoping to bring the beginnings of a smile to her lips. But even from this angle where she faced the door, I could tell there was no smile.
“I can’t do this,” she whispered.
A cold rush of fear surged into my veins. I could feel her slipping away, like sand through cupped hands. No matter how hard you tried to hold on, those grains always escaped.
“Please. Just give me time. You’re right. This is my hang-up, and it might take me a while, but you’ve made such a difference to my self-esteem, Belle. Don’t give up on me. Not now. Not over this.”
This entire time, she’d clasped the door handle. When she let go and slowly turned to face me, my knees buckled. And then I saw the tears in her eyes. Brimming. One spilled over, and then another.
“Jesus, fuck, please don’t cry. I can’t stand it.”
“I’m sorry. God, I’m so sorry. What was I thinking?” She fisted her hair and tugged. “You’re not the asshole. I am.”
Stunned, I took a step back, my eyes wide. “What?”
“I’m the first woman to touch you there, yes?”
“Apart from my nurses, that’s correct.”
“And you react exactly as I’d expect you to, yet I get all pissy and territorial and yell at you for doing exactly what I expected.”
She moved away from the door, and her hands came around my face. She brushed her thumb over my scar, and I barely flinched. I’d gotten used to her touching that particular injury, and it didn’t bother me as much as it once had.
Rising onto her tiptoes, she pressed her lips to mine. “We’ll take it slow. I promise.”
“You’re staying?” I rasped, realizing we’d had our first real-relationship fight.
“If you’ll have me.”
I mashed my lips to hers. “No question. Now come back to bed. I have plans.”
Belle lay curled in my arms, tendrils of her hair tickling my face, but I didn’t care. In fact, I nuzzled closer, smelling her shampoo, her skin, the faintest trace of the perfume she’d dabbed to her neck last night. Contentment sank into my bones. I felt lighter, expunged of the weight I often carried within me, albeit my demons had been in retreat for a while now.
“Tell me about your fiancé, about that night.”
She stiffened in my arms, and I squeezed her tighter. Belle didn’t have visible scars, like me, but there wasn’t a doubt in my mind she carried very deep ones within her. “I want to know everything.”
She sighed softly and snuggled in to me. “Marin loved Savage Groove’s music. I used to tease him about it given they had quite the teenage girl following, but he didn’t care. He liked what he liked. So, when I found out they were ending their world tour in LA, I bought us tickets. I remember how thrilled he was, counting down the days to the event.”
She fell silent. I left her to her thoughts. This was her story, and it was important I allowed her to take her time, to tell it in her own way. She sighed again, and I tightened my arms around her. A way of showing moral support.
“That day, one of my elderly patients suffered a heart attack.”
“You were a carer for the elderly, before me?” How had I not known this?
Because you never asked, you selfish bastard.
She nodded, unaware of the shard of guilt that sliced through my midriff. No wonder she’d never told me about that night and what she’d lost. Despite our growing familiarity over these last few weeks, the vast majority of the conversations had all been about me. Well that changed. Today.
“I’d worked in that sector since leaving school,” she continued. “There’s something very rewarding about looking after old people. It’s a difficult job, especially when they get sick, or dementia sets in and you watch them fade before your very eyes, but I love listening to their stories and watching their eyes light up as they recall their pasts.”
“Yet you gave it up for me,” I murmured.
“The money Sebastian and Garen offered was too good to pass up. I knew the difference it would make to Zak and Mom. I plan to return, though.”
“When you’re done with me?”
She shifted her weight, rested her head on my chest, and placed her palm right over my heart. “I’m not sure I’ll ever be done with you.”
My chest tightened, and a thickness in my throat made it difficult to swallow. I twisted a lock of her hair and urged her to continue.
“Anyway, Marjorie, that’s the lady who had the heart attack. She had no family, and she was so scared of going to the hospital. I remember her crying, saying once old people went in there they never came out. She begged me to go with her, to stay with her. I mean, I could hardly say no, and anyway, I didn’t want to. Anyone would have felt the same.”
She took in a huge breath, and I got the feeling we were approaching the heart of the story.
“So I called Zak and asked if he’d go with Marin to the concert.”
Ah.
“That one decision changed so much,” she whispered. “Marin died, Zak lost the use of his legs.”
“That one decision also meant that you’re here.”
She shifted her gaze, meeting mine. “But at what cost? My life isn’t worth more than theirs. I don’t think I’ll ever completely forgive myself, no matter how much time passes. I remember sitting beside Zak’s bed sobbing, begging for forgiveness after we learned he’d never walk again, and all he did was pat my arm and tell me he loved me.”
The contrast with my own family stole my breath. Dad had given up on me, choosing Jenice instead, and she… well, I was fairly sure if she ever saw me in the street, she’d either gun me down or run me over. Zak had forgiven Belle, but there would be no such compassion for me.
“What happened to Marjorie?”
“She died.”
“Oh God, I’m sorry.” I kissed the top of her head.
“In a way, her passing made it worse. If she’d lived, then it might have confirmed… oh, I don’t know… that my decision had been the right one.”
“Were you there? To the very end?”
I nodded. “I held her hand.”
“Then your decision was the right one.”
She twisted her lips to the side. “Yeah, maybe. But what I went through was the
reason why I knew I was perfect for this job. As soon as I found out what had happened to you, I had to take the position. I guess, on some level, I thought that by helping you, I might find some peace for myself.”
“And have you?”
She stayed quiet for the longest time, and I almost repeated the question until she whispered, “Yes, I think I have.”
21
Belle
“You’re awfully late,” Sebastian said, making a point of looking at his watch as Upton and I entered the kitchen. “I mean, you must have gone to bed at what? Nine? Most of us have already eaten thanks to the marvel that is the beautiful Barbara.” He rose to his feet and kissed Upton’s housekeeper on the cheek. She blushed furiously. Then again, Sebastian was the epitome of charm.
“Fuck off, Seb,” Upton growled.
I quickly checked around, relieved when I spotted Oliver and Harlow outside with the children. Kids their age picked up on everything.
“What would you two lovebirds like to eat?” Barbara asked.
Sebastian sniggered, earning another fierce glare from Upton.
“I’m fucking warning you. One more, and you’re going in the pool. Fully dressed.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Sebastian snagged a piece of toast from a pile in the middle of the table. “Elliot had to fly back to New York. Some bullshit about a deal, but given the fight I witnessed between him and Brie last night, I’d say it had more to do with his crumbling relationship than ROGUES.”
“She looked pretty glum at dinner,” Upton said.
“Can you blame her?”
My interest piqued. I knew very little about Upton’s coworkers or their other halves. Each snippet, from the one Upton mentioned in anger last night about Sebastian and his brother’s girlfriend, and now Elliot’s ‘trouble in paradise’, amplified my curiosity. They were an interesting bunch of people, that’s for sure.
“Why?” I asked. “What’s wrong?”
Upton poured two coffees and pushed one across to me, then cocked his head for us to go outside. He held up a hand in greeting to his friends, but then hung back to give me the briefest of updates while Sebastian went to join the group.
“Athena, Ryker’s wife, is Elliot’s sister. Almost four years ago, she was kidnapped, and they had to pay a hefty price to her abductor.”
I gasped, but he continued.
“Since then, Elliot has grown increasingly…” he paused, searching for the right word, “frantic in his attempts to find the perpetrator. My guess is that his single-minded determination to bring the kidnapper to justice is affecting his relationship.”
“Have they dated long?”
“Yeah. A long time. Even before Ryker and Athena got together.” He pinched his nose. “None of us know what to do with him, to be honest. I’ve been out of it, as you know, but given what Sebastian said, and the body language I picked up on last night, I’d say Elliot’s gotten worse, not better.”
I slipped my arm through his. “Sounds like he could use a friend.”
“Yeah, maybe. But if Ryker can’t get through to him, no one can. Those two have been tight since school. The rest of us met at college, but Ryker and Elliot grew up together.”
“That’s so sad,” I said.
Upton bent to kiss me, but as his lips touched mine, Zak hollered, “Jesus, man, put her down,” which the rest of the group responded to by whistling and catcalling.
“You’re lucky there are kids present,” Upton said as we approached.
Ryker pulled out a couple chairs. “Sit your asses down. We have things to discuss.”
Upton set his cup on the table and shifted the chairs to give us a little more room. “Such as?”
“You returning to work.”
Upton’s shoulders went back, and a bite of uncertainty dulled his eyes. “I’m not sure.”
“Well, I am,” Ryker returned. “You’re ready.”
His eyes sought Sebastian’s, and when he nodded in encouragement, Upton’s gaze traveled around the rest of the group. Each one of them smiled and concurred with Ryker, who appeared to be the one in charge, despite the equal shares they all held in the business.
Eventually, he turned to me. No idea why. This wasn’t a decision I had any business poking my nose into. But when he looked at me, and I read his eyes, pleading with me to give my opinion, I relented.
“I think it’s exactly what you need. It’s the logical next step.”
His tongue jutted into the inside of his cheek, and he suddenly found pushing his cuticle back with his thumbnail to be the most important thing he could do right now. And then his head came up and he clasped my hand under the table. “Okay.”
All the guys rose from their chairs and gathered around him. There were hugs and slapping of backs in that way guys always did. I caught Athena’s eye across the table. She smiled and nodded in approval.
I hadn’t underestimated how hard it must have been for this close-knit group to lose one of their own. Upton didn’t die in that bomb, but the way he cut himself off from those who loved and adored him, he might as well have. But watching them now, the happiness shining in their eyes, a surge of pride filled my chest. I’d helped get him to this point, and not because we’d ended up in bed together. Upton had walked a long way down the road to recovery before we’d even kissed—even if he hadn’t been aware at the time—because he had, in fact, been ready. All he’d needed was a nudge in the right direction. A nudge I’d given him.
Zak wheeled himself around the table and came to sit beside me. “Well done, sis,” he murmured. “On both counts.”
I frowned. “What do you mean, both counts?”
“For helping a guy who desperately needed someone like you,” he said. “And for landing a billionaire.” He accompanied the latter with a twinkle in his eye and an overexaggerated wink.
“Jerk,” I stated, my favorite insult when it came to my brother. I leaned closer. I didn’t want Upton to hear this. “Do you think Marin would forgive me?”
An odd expression, kind of like a flash of anger, crossed my brother’s face, but it disappeared so fast, I questioned whether it had been there at all.
“There’s nothing to forgive,” Zak said, a tic quivering in his cheek. “You’re not doing anything wrong. Marin isn’t here, and Upton is. You’re entitled to live your life, sis. You’ve suffered enough.”
“I’m not sure that’s true,” I said, although my response was tinged with a hint of irony. The crushing guilt I’d lived with for the past year and a half certainly felt lighter these last few weeks. The lump of steel that had sat on my chest ever since I’d gotten news of the bomb wasn’t there anymore. I wouldn’t say the pain had completely gone, and I didn’t know if it ever would, but it had eased. Considerably.
“Oh, believe me,” Zak replied with an edge to his tone, one I couldn’t place. “It’s true.”
“What’s going on?” I said, the invisible twin connection firing like crazy. “What are you not telling me?”
“Nothing,” he said, seeming far too shifty for my liking. “But you’re twenty-three, Belle. You have your whole life ahead of you. I never once blamed you for what happened, but that didn’t mean I escaped the pain of knowing that you did. It killed me every time I’d see guilt sweep across your face when you looked at me, or a TV program came on that you used to watch with Marin, or some news anchor dug up footage of that night for some ungodly reason. Your heart has always been filled with kindness, and the decision you made that day to help the old lady rather than go to a concert with your fiancé, one that he’d eagerly anticipated for months, shows even more how selfless you are. You knew Marin would be disappointed you chose your job over him, yet you did it anyway because, deep down, you believed it was the right thing to do.”
I rested my head on his shoulder. “Love you, bro.”
“Not as much as I love you.”
“Hey, are you pinching my girl?” Upton interjected.
I grinned. “Well, since yo
u were getting so many hugs, I thought I’d grab one of my own with my twin.”
“You’re twins?” Athena asked. “Oh, I always wanted to be a twin.”
“And instead, you got Elliot,” Ryker drawled.
She smiled, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. I guessed she was as worried about her brother as the rest of them, probably more so. She rubbed her swollen stomach, and as if an unspoken conversation happened between them, Ryker put his hand over hers, his eyes seeming to convey a silent message.
“We should get back,” Ryker said. “I’m sure the last thing anyone here wants is for Athena to go into labor in Upton’s backyard.”
“No offense, Athena, but yeah, that is the last thing I want,” Garen offered, earning a dig in the ribs from Catriona. He didn’t appear in the least bit troubled at her obvious reproach. That one must be a hell of a handful, although from the little I’d witnessed, Catriona could handle him just fine.
“Upton, call me tomorrow and we’ll discuss a phased return to work,” Ryker said, his tone brooking no argument.
There would be no backtracking for Upton, not that I expected him to, but Ryker clearly wanted to ensure his message was received loud and clear, and give very little wriggle room for Upton to change his mind.
“Sure,” Upton said. “I’ll see you guys out.”
“We should make a move, too,” Garen said. “Catriona and I have plans for this evening.”
“We do?” she asked, surprised.
Garen pinched her hip. “Yeah, we do.”
“Oh.” She giggled and snuggled into his side.
“And us,” Oliver said. “The kids have school tomorrow.”
“That just leaves me then,” Sebastian said. “Think I might hang around for a couple days if that’s okay with you guys.”
“Works for me,” Upton said, although he narrowed his eyes at Sebastian as if he read something else into his desire to stay in LA rather than return to London.
“Come on, Zak,” I said. “Let’s get you home.”
Enchanted: A Billionaire Romance (The ROGUES Series Book 4) Page 14
