He shuts the door behind her as she steps inside. The first thing she sees is the arm draped on the window ledge, a rag of flesh that once belonging to a woman. It’s nice to be respectful of the dead. But the open window through which she made her half-escape is the only chink in their fortress and it must be dealt with.
The remote control sits on the desk and a simple opening of the back and rolling around of the batteries gets it going. It’s as easy as changing channels in the end.
Her side of it anyway. Roberto, for his part, is charged with lifting up Dawn’s lifeless arm and stuffing it out of the window onto the paving outside, giving her a quick kiss on the cold hand as Justine brings the shutters down again.
He leans up against the wall and stares at her, tears mingling with his sweat.
She glances to the door. ‘If they come, will this keep out a bullet?’
‘I think so,’ Roberto says. ‘Tiny gap at the bottom, but the thing is steel. If a man like Lance can’t get through it, god rest his soul, then someone would have to get more creative than any of this lot are capable of, I reckon.’
Justine fingers the remote control, then pushes it behind her casually, out of his reach, giving him the kind of look she first offered him on the boat, when they first met, the sort he’s craved since the crack of Lance’s neck. Some arm around him to tell him it’s okay and he has done well and nobody will be coming for him, that he is fundamentally good and there is someone to keep him safe.
He holds out his hand. There’s space and safety from the others down here. And from revelations about their inner selves. But there’s still a gap between them.
Which she finally closes with a punch. Justine remembered when she found Lance outside this door that you only need the right circumstances to close the gap on strength differential. This is just another one of those moments.
‘Leave them,’ Liv says as Tabs runs to the door in the wall and bangs on it, knowing they’re beneath them by now.
‘Do you think Simon’s out there?’ says Summer, staring out through a frame that once held glass.
Zack sits, hands to his head, eyes on the space where the fire once burned. ‘I – I think I saw him dive before the glass broke. Did anyone else see that?’
‘Maybe, I think, maybe,’ says Summer.
But these two aren’t the best people to trust on what they did and didn’t see.
‘Either way, we can’t stay here, we’re exposed,’ Zack says, the odd spot of rain that seems to be threatening a heavier presence making its way into the living room at his feet. ‘Maybe it’s good they’re down there, maybe we should do the same.’
‘Yes,’ Liv says. ‘We find rooms with locks on and hole up there until five. In couples.’
Zack looks to Tabs and sees what she’s thinking. Zack and Liv, a stronger couple than they ever were before the blood was shed, will find a room together, leaving her locked up with a slowly mentally disintegrating Summer, a place none of them want to be.
‘Or, a room. One room. There’s only one with a lock on it anyway. Let’s get to the Love Nest and barricade ourselves in. All in favour?’
‘Hey,’ Liv says, a hand on the shoulders of Tabs and Summer, even finding a smile. ‘This is the best way. I really think it’ll be fine.’
And the four form a huddle, their bodies linked in a group hug, foreheads touching, to show their love and trust. It’s this spirit that takes them upstairs, Zack carrying the gun in case anyone tries to get in, the serrated knife and the moleskin left behind.
At the top of the stairs, Tabs pauses and looks right as the others head left.
‘I’ve got to get something from the bedroom,’ she says.
Liv stalls; none of them want to say it.
‘It’ll be warm in the Love Nest, always is. There’s blankets and—’
‘You’re going to stop me going to the bathroom now?’ says Tabs.
‘There’s a bathroom too,’ says Summer. And suddenly it’s a stand-off, three on one.
‘Look, we don’t have time for this. Roberto could’ve dealt with Justine already and could be heading this way.’
‘Don’t say that,’ says Liv. Tabs’ tone, a cold brand of catastrophe, seems out of character.
‘Or the killer’s dead and we’ve no problem anyway,’ says Tabs. ‘Get inside. Barricade yourself in. I need to find a book from the communal bedroom. Something Tommy gave me.’
‘We should stay together,’ says Zack, as Summer, still shell-shocked, grabs Tabs’ arm.
‘Get off me,’ Tabs says, staring at Summer. Then she says calmly, ‘You got Tommy. I just want the book. And I’m going to get it. I’ll knock.’
She throws the last two words over her shoulder and the others waste no time getting inside the empty room, slamming the door and dragging the bed in front of it.
Roberto hits the ground, taking a kick to the stomach after three full-blown hits to the head and throat.
‘Stop,’ he says. He’s barely fighting back. And this only increases Justine’s anger. As he takes it, he wonders if the others were more swiftly dealt with. If the strength of this performance was reserved for him. And, in some odd way, whether that should make him feel special. But then he thinks about whether that’s just the fucked, borderline psychotic mind, he’s recently been told he has, talking in tongues.
He won’t be talking or thinking for long. Justine grabs the monitor that once spelt the words ‘Feed Down’ and holds it over him, ready to plunge the television onto his head and see what’s left of the carapace in the aftermath.
‘No!’ he shouts. ‘What’s wrong with you?’
She holds the weight of the screen as her rouge face looks down on him. ‘Me? I’m totally fucking insane. Haven’t you heard?’
‘Me too! Let me do it with you. Let me barely grasp how stupid I am. With you.’
She falters, her eyes glassy, holding the screen.
‘Let me be completely irrational and not know my limits and make hideous mistakes. Let me wonder how I can deal with living with someone I care about with so much of my so-called heart that I wonder how it has any energy left for pumping blood or helping the breath or whatever it does, because I’ve used up all its strength feeling everything, like how much it kills me to see you not thinking the very best of me at all times. Because when you don’t, I will lash out in small ways, and sulk even though I say I never sulk, and start arguments over insignificant things, when all I really mean is, I love you, why won’t you love me the exact same amount back? And even when you say you do, I won’t quite believe it. And even when I start to believe it, I’ll think “why can’t I feel loved as hard as I want to every second of the day?” And I’ll think about that way too much, even though you won’t really understand what I really mean. But what I really mean is, let me be eaten. Because I want you to see me weak and tired and at my worst. I want you to see me be irrational in my professional and social life. I want you to see me cause scenes in restaurants, and have panic attacks, and I want you to worry about my mental health. Which is just one of the many, many worries I have. But despite them, most of all, I want you to let me worry about you. Because if there’s one thing I can do for you, that I promise I’ve had more practice in than anything, it’s worrying. I suppose what I’m saying is, to sum up, let me do all the worrying for us both. Let me take your insanity away with my insanity. Or at least match it to mine, so by comparison you don’t seem quite as completely, deeply, overwhelmingly insane as you so clearly are.’
She drops the television. Back on the desk. And holds the weight of his head in her hands, staring at his wet and impractical eyes.
‘But Summer said you liked her. That you tried to… put one on her?’
Her red eyes don’t seem so much like those of a killer anymore. But given where his heart and head is, he wouldn’t care too much even if they were.
‘I never tried to crack on. I looked at her, and I thought she was fit, but that was it. And there may be ot
her people I think look nice. And I know it’s crazy, but I don’t think there’ll ever be anyone I ever think is as nice as you, in my whole life. I said it in there somewhere when I did all that talking. But I love you.’
She looks down at him, he’s on one knee. Her hand strokes his face. Then she withdraws it again.
‘No, I can’t. You’ve heard all I am, and how I am with jealousy. If I get out of here, I need to disappear. I am impulsive and dangerous and though I haven’t killed yet, that was only a matter of fortune. They dragged my boyfriend out of the water, and after weeks in hospital, he survived, remembering little or nothing about that night. But I did everything I could to end his life. I have something ugly in me. And I know you like what you see on the outside. But I like you too much to infect you with whatever I have.’
Roberto leans back into the wall as he shakes his head.
‘But I’m infected too.’
‘I came in here to play a game,’ whispers Zack, as he and Liv lean with their backs up against the bed. ‘Thought it’d be easier to win if I acted a romance. With a willing actress. Rather than feeling around for one with my heart.’
Summer lies on the mattress above in no good mental state to talk, so the two have been bypassing her in conversation. But now, she raises her eyebrows.
‘I don’t blame you. I expected little in the way of reality and got nothing back. Until now,’ whispers Liv, her eyes meeting Zack’s.
But Zack doesn’t catch her meaning, until she gently grips his hand.
‘It’s nice to have arrived. I feel like I’m really living. And Liv, I like you a lot.’
‘I like you a lot too,’ she says, with a hopeful smile. ‘For real.’
They lean in for a gentle kiss, but with their lips an inch apart, Summer blows out hers above, massacring the mood.
‘Tabs should be back by now,’ says Zack, settling back down.
‘Want me to go out and check?’ Liv says, releasing his hand.
‘Definitely not,’ he says. ‘She fought to go and get her keepsake. I’m not having her putting anyone else at risk for a stupid book.’
‘Oh, I don’t know,’ says Liv. ‘When and if we make it to that boat, it might be nice to have one nice thing. One thing of beauty to outweigh all the rot and murder.’
Zack looks her in the eye again. ‘Out of everyone here, Liv, you’re the one who confuses me. You’re not superficial, or unfeeling, or ruthless—’
‘Don’t rush to judgement on that,’ says Liv. ‘Simon always said I was too quick to forgive myself for something I did. I said trying to forget your worst moments showed perspective. He said it showed evidence of something called shallow affect.’
‘I don’t care,’ says Summer from above. ‘I don’t care if we’re broken bits. I liked all of us in here. Even Lance and Rob, in a way. We’re all so… beautiful. And you, Liv, you’re the most beautiful of us. You’re a good person.’
Liv lifts her head to Summer’s gaze then shakes it to deny that.
‘You are. And despite everything that’s happened tonight, you’ve stayed looking really lovely,’ Summer’s tranquilised voice says. ‘I’ve always thought, of everyone here, you’re someone I really could’ve loved.’
With that, Summer leans across the bed, brushes her blonde hair aside from the pink flesh of her lips and kisses Liv on the mouth. A long kiss, after which Liv smiles at Summer in comfort as she lays her head back on the bed.
A bang on the door. ‘Who is it?’ says Zack. And at first there’s only a laugh. So Zack sneaks towards it, shotgun in hand.
Liv primes herself and Summer stays flat on her back.
‘I’ve got the book,’ says Tabs. ‘Sorry, I had trouble finding it. Let me in, it feels sketchy out here.’
Zack turns to look at Liv and together they heave the bed back, with Summer still on it. The door opens just a crack and a head pops through it. It’s Tabs, to their relief, and there is no other behind her in the dark hallway.
She squeezes her waifish body inside and helps them close the door and push the bed back against it.
Once inside, she leans her back into the bed and a silence swallows them up for a couple of slow minutes. Broken only when Tabs shows them the book. ‘The Science of Love. Tommy bought it for me at the airport. It’s amazing that moment when you know you love someone. It could take years. Like, with my grandad. He was just an old man at first, and quite a stern one. Then slowly I learnt to love him. With Tommy, it happened in under three hours. He gave me this book. And I kissed him.’
On the bed, Summer’s eyes widen.
‘In the airport? That was early grafting,’ says Liv.
‘Before we even got on a plane,’ says Tabs, wistfully. ‘Because I knew that he was kind. And that’s such a rare, rare quality in people these days.’
‘I want the gun,’ says the voice from above.
Zack looks at the other two. ‘I’ll keep hold of it for now, Sum.’
Then Summer pokes her head at Zack, after a brief look in Tabs’ direction of distaste and a certain fear.
‘I really think I should hold it,’ Summer says, standing over Zack.
Liv’s body tenses. Tabs remains calm.
Zack stands slowly to reason with her, Summer makes a fast move, and suddenly her wild hands are on the gun. But he has a firm grip and seems to be walking her towards the window that started all of this. The one Tommy’s best features fell from. It’s closed, but Summer senses its presence behind her, looking into Tabs’ eyes who has stood to join the struggle, Summer pulling desperately on the weapon like a trapped animal. Then Liv stands and there are four sets of hands on the thing.
‘I don’t trust her,’ says Summer, glaring at Tabs.
‘It was just a kiss,’ says Tabs.
‘Not cos of that. Not that,’ Summer says, clutching hard and looking pleadingly at Liv. ‘I just have this feeling. Please. There’s this feeling…’
‘I’ve told you, babes,’ says Tabs. ‘I love you, I’m on your side.’
And when Liv’s hand strokes her face Summer stares deep into her eyes and loosens the gun enough for Zack to take the weight of the thing, before Tabs grabs it safely and withdraws to the window.
‘It’s fine now,’ says Liv. ‘Fine now. We just have to wait. Promise.’
Summer looks to Zack and he affirms a promise with a nod too.
‘Please don’t hate Tommy and me for pashing. It’s what our hearts wanted,’ Summer says, without looking at Tabs. Instead, she aims her words at the other two as she backs away and strokes the bed softly with a wry smile. ‘It’s funny to say that here,’ she says, in creeping realisation. ‘Because this is where it all happened.’
The force of the bullet takes her off her feet, then sends her reeling onto the bed, with a hole where her chest once was.
‘God, I’ve been waiting a long time to do that,’ says Tabs.
The noise is deafening and the kickback is a little tough but Tabs got the butt right into her inner shoulder and absorbed the recoil well.
Liv and Zack, flecked with blood, in front of a wall similarly newly patterned featuring a large gauge bullet lodged in it, stay perfectly still as Summer chokes out a last laugh of realisation. Then chokes out her last breath.
‘Now, you two. What is it they say? Oh yeah. Get your fucking hands up.’
And they do what the well-spoken girl with the hunting rifle says, as they watch the rising smoke from the gun pointed at them.
Down two floors, past the smoke breathing out its last breaths into the outside world, near to the knife that did so much damage. Past the firelighters, matches and wood newly strewn all around. And through the sliding door and down again to where Roberto and Justine are. Unaware of what’s behind them.
Justine drops to her knees.
But just as they kiss, they hear the crackling, the same time as they smell smoke. They turn to see the fire creeping under their door.
Roberto rises and tries to find somethi
ng to smother it with, but only succeeds in taking off his T-shirt and setting it on fire as he slaps it ineffectually against the fast-rising flames, leaving him without anything to cover his mouth.
Meanwhile, Justine grabs the remote control for the shutters, which refuse to work. She takes the back off, slides the batteries. Nothing. The jam or the low battery power has taken its toll on the remote, and when Roberto sees her slam the thing to the ground, he knows there is no way out.
He grabs her and she him, the smoke covering the ceiling above them in a thick mist, as they hug each other’s bodies like there’s nothing complicated in their lives anymore. And nothing scary. They have never been able to hold anyone so freely, uncomplicatedly and passionately as this in their short lives.
‘I want you forever,’ Justine says. ‘Will you marry me? Despite all my terrible faults. Despite the fact that you will never be able to understand the things I say, and even if you do you won’t understand what I mean. And not because you are stupid. Because… love is difficult.’
‘Yes, yes to all of it,’ he says, the flames licking at his heels.
‘I want the cells that make you what you are. And if we live together forever in smoke it still won’t be long enough,’ she says.
As the fire starts to burn away at the skin of his arms, he speaks through the pain. ‘In all the shouting… I think… I’ve forgotten… to tell you… how much I like being with you.’
And as the smoke fills their lungs, and they get lower and lower to the ground, the fury of the raging heat and smoke surrounding them, she says, ‘I love you, too.’
‘Don’t be scared, Tabs,’ says Zack. ‘I’m telling you, no, asking you, I’m asking you to trust me. I didn’t do this and…’ He looks over to Liv. ‘I really believe Liv didn’t either. I’d stake my life on it.’
The gun shakes in Tabs’ hands. ‘But how can… I be sure?’
‘You can trust us,’ says Zack. ‘None of us needs to do anything until that boat comes. And when it does, we won’t tell them what you did. We’ll tell them you were afraid of what she might do. Which we all were. I don’t think you should be punished for this.’
Beach Bodies, Part 3 Page 7
