by Amy Cecil
I walk back in the house and headed straight for the bar. As I rummaged through the bottles, I found Ice’s bottle of Maker’s Mark. I grabbed a shot glass, poured a shot, and downed it. I poured myself another one, downed it, and proceeded to go back outside to have my smoke.
“Everything ok, Rebel?” Emma asked.
“Oh, it’s just peachy!” I replied as I headed out the door.
I pulled out the unopened pack of smokes, knowing that once I opened it there would be no turning back. I wouldn’t have the courage to toss them, and I would smoke the other nineteen in the pack. Fuck it. She drives me nuts.
I lit the cigarette and took a drag. Already I could feel the tension leaving my body. Why do cigarettes have to taste so good? Just then, my phone rang. I pulled it out of my pocket and checked to see who it is. Fuck! It’s Ari. She is in the house, in her room, and she’s still calling me on my fucking phone. Why doesn’t she just come out here and talk to me? Shit. “What?” I said after answering the phone.
“I’m sorry,” she said into the phone.
“For what, Ari?!” I wasn’t about to give her any slack. She’d pissed me off, and I was gonna make damn sure she knew it.
“You were trying to tell me something and I wouldn’t let you. I’m sorry,” she said.
“It’s fine, Ari. At least now I know where I stand. No worries, doll, I’m good.” I wasn’t going to give her the satisfaction of knowing that it had affected me in any way.
“Will you tell me what you were going to say?” she asked.
“Fuck no! You had your chance, Ari. Why wouldn’t you listen to me fifteen minutes ago?”
“I was scared,” she whispered into the phone.
“What in the hell are you scared of, Ari?” I asked. I had to know. She’d known me ever since I met her brother at Dirty Dick’s that night we took out five Satans—what could she be afraid of? She was quiet for a while and I started getting frustrated with her. Why wouldn’t she speak? I said, “Ari, you gotta tell me. If you are scared of something, I need to know.”
“I’m afraid that you feel the same way about me as I feel about you,” she said.
“And what is wrong with that?” I asked. She was being ridiculous.
“Because I don’t think my brother would approve,” she said meekly. “I don’t want to get my hopes up about us if Caden is going to screw it up.”
Now we were getting somewhere. I said, “What if I told you that I have already talked to your brother?”
“You have?” she asked, eagerly. “What did he say?”
“As long as I don’t break your heart, I will stay alive. Does that work for you?” I waited for a response, but she didn’t say anything. I said, “Now why don’t you get your cute little ass out here and talk to me.” Still nothing—but a few seconds later, she came walking out the door, phone in hand and tears in her eyes. She just stood on the porch, staring at me.
I held out my arms, inviting her in. “Come here, darl’n,” I said. She came running into my arms. Finally, I was able to hold the woman I loved. The feeling was euphoric, and I didn’t want the moment to end. “So, I take it that you feel the same way I do?” I asked.
“I don’t know. You haven’t told me exactly how you feel about me.”
Fuck, she is going to make me work for this now. Damn woman. Out loud I said, “I love you, Ari. Hell, I have loved you from the moment your brother introduced you to me three years ago. I know it has only been three years, but I don’t remember a time when you weren’t a part of my life. Holding you like this is something that I want to do for the rest of my life.”
Tears streamed down her face as she clung to my shirt. I just held her and let her cry. Five minutes went by without her saying a word. Had I said the wrong thing? Was it too much, too soon?
She pulled away, wiping the tears from her eyes, and said, “I love you too, Fire! And I always have. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve dreamed about you, about being with you.”
I like the sound of that. When this shit is done and we actually get some alone time, I’m definitely taking her up on that offer!
We went back into the house, both of us much happier. Now that all that was settled between us, we could get this other shit done and go on with our lives.
“You two finally kiss and make up?” Honey asked in that damn motherly tone that she had. That woman never missed a trick.
“Yeah,” I said. “We’re all good here.”
Ari looking at me lovingly and said, “Yep, all good.”
The rest of the day and night was pretty quiet. We had another amazing dinner provided by our very own master chef, Honey. The girls chatted, played some cards, and then finally, they all headed to bed. The house was quiet. I did one final check around the house and headed to bed myself. It had been a long day.
Chapter 15
Emma
The previous week had been a whirlwind of things to do. Honey, Ari and I had worked on preparing food that we could freeze and store at Kandi’s. The out-of-town guests began arriving, and Rebel and Hawk were constantly in and out taking care of things on their end. Finally, it was the day of Caden’s memorial service. I couldn’t help but feel sad. I knew it was dumb, since he was alive and well, but I kept imagining what it would be like if he wasn’t, if it was all real. I wouldn’t be able to bear losing him, not after all we’d been through—and especially not now that we had found our way back to each other. We had a future. We would have a family. I prayed every day for God to keep him safe.
Dressed all in black, I took a deep breath and made my way downstairs. Rebel was up and ready, dressed in black jeans, a black t-shirt, and his cut. Apparently bikers didn’t really dress up for funerals. I looked down at the black dress I was wearing and thought perhaps I was overdressed. Before I could ask, Rebel said, “You look beautiful, Emma. But if I were you, I would not be wearing a dress.”
“Oh. I’m too dressed up, aren’t I?” I asked.
“No, you look great. But you will be riding on the back of Hawk’s bike today in the procession. Probably not a good idea to wear a dress.”
“Why? Why am I going to be on a bike?” I asked nervously. I’d only been on a motorcycle one time, the night Rebel brought me here. And I was terrified! Cade had said he would take me out on his bike, but with all the stuff that had been going on, it had never happened.
“Because, Emma, you are Ice’s old lady. You ride in the procession. Since Hawk is the new President, you ride with him. Ari rides with me next in line, since I’m the Sergeant at Arms.”
“Rebel, I’ve never been on a bike before. I didn’t know this. I can’t. I just can’t do it,” I said nervously.
“It’s tradition, Emma. And one thing I have learned over the years is that you don’t mess with biker traditions.” He waited for me to say something, but I just stood there looking panicked. “Don’t worry, darl’n, it’ll be fine. But I suggest you put on something more appropriate.”
I nodded, still very unsure. I thought, maybe I can call Hawk and see if we could drive in a car instead of his bike. Then I remembered that this was all for Caden. I can do this. I turned and marched myself back upstairs to change. I can do this, I repeated to myself several times. I can do this.
I changed into a pair of black jeans, boots, and a black sweater. I braided my hair down the back instead of wearing it down and grabbed my leather jacket. I looked at myself in the mirror and realized: I was a biker chick! I’d never thought I would be living in the biker world, but there I was. And although there was danger, I had Caden. It was all worth it, and I wouldn’t have had it any other way.
I went back downstairs and Rebel nodded, giving me his approval. By then Honey and Ari were dressed and ready to go as well. We were all wearing black and ready to play our parts.
“So Rebel, how is this gonna work?” I asked.
“Well, Tiny will be here to drive the truck. You and Honey will ride over to the church with him. Ari will ride w
ith me. There will be a service at the church—a short one, hopefully—but brothers will be invited to speak and say something about Ice. That alone could prolong the service. Once the service is completed, the procession will begin. All the brothers—and when I say all the brothers, I don’t mean just this club—will line up. Spike, our road captain, will lead, followed by Hawk and me. All the brothers from our Chapter will fall in line next, then all the others.”
I knew from that last couple of days that at least 100 bikers had arrived from out of town. We didn’t have enough room for everyone at Kandi’s and had needed to arrange a block of rooms at the Comfort Suites. That had been a chore in itself. It felt like we’d taken over the whole hotel.
“Thanks, Rebel.”
“You ready for this?” he asked, looking at all three of us.
“I’m ready,” I replied. Honey and Ari nodded in agreement.
Just then we heard a bike pull up. A few minutes later, Tiny came in. It was time to go. I looked over to Honey and Ari. They actually looked sad enough to be going to a funeral. Looking at their faces, I realized that I was ready, too. Just the thought that this could be real made me sad.
We all headed out the door and proceeded to the Broken Chains Church, a nondenominational biker church. I didn’t know much about it, but from what I had gathered from Hawk, it was where the club held all its weddings and memorial services.
We entered the church and it was completely full. I was in awe at the number of people who were there to pay their respects to Caden. It was overwhelming. Hawk was waiting for us at the door and proceeded to walk us up to the front pew. He sat with us as we waited for the service to begin. As I sat there, I looked around the altar and finally caught a glimpse of the all-black casket situated directly in front. I had not even noticed it before, but seeing it there now, I couldn’t hold back my tears. I knew Caden wasn’t in there, but the thought that he could be one day brought me to tears. The casket was closed, which I had expected. They just needed something for show.
The service began like any other memorial service that I had attended. The pastor said a few prayers and the body was blessed. Then the pastor invited people to get up and speak. Hawk rose and walked up to the pulpit.
“Ice was not only my president and brother, he was my best friend,” Hawk started. “We have been to hell and back together, we rose through the ranks in the club together … and now, it is time to say goodbye. I make a pledge to you, my brother and my friend: I will protect this club, your old lady, and your sister. I’ll keep this family whole. Four wheels move the body, two wheels move the soul.” He paused for a moment, wiped his eyes and then continued with a poem.
As you ride the lonely road,
Feeling the wind in heaven,
Can you hear us down on Earth,
Weeping for you as you go,
Wishing we could take you home?
As you ride the lonely road
We’ll lay your body down.
Can you hear me call your name?
Can you see our falling tears?
They say Heaven has no tears,
So maybe you can’t see us here.
As you ride the lonely road
I’ll ride along the earthen road
Filled with memories of you
And all the roads you rode with me.
Can you hear the sound of silence
Where once your bike rolled with mine?
As you ride the lonely road
Life will take me here and there.
Can you feel the pain inside
As I see you here no more?
The silence where you once spoke
Screams so loud it’s hard to bear.
Your leather and your bike
Now they gather dust
And we carry the empty space
That’s the shape of you.
As you ride the lonely road,
Watch for me as you go.
One day I’ll be there.
I will shake your hand
And ride with you along the only road that has no end.3
He paused, then added, “RIP, brother.” Everyone in the church repeated him. At that moment I realized that everyone there was not just a member of Caden’s club—they were also members of Caden’s family. Every one of those people respected and loved him.
Hawk stepped down and returned to his seat next to me. Several other brothers spoke, and every one of them ended with, “RIP, brother.” And every time it was said, the entire church repeated their words.
Suddenly, the door at the back of the church opened. Everyone turned to see who it was, watching as four Satans entered the church and sat down in one of the pews in the back row. I glanced over at Hawk, and for the first time, I saw actual worry on his face. I leaned over and whispered in his ear, “Is everything ok?” He nodded unconvincingly. We turned back to the front of the church and continued to listen to the remainder of the service.
When everything was said and done, six members of Cade’s club walked up to the casket, lifted it, and proceeded to carry it out of the church. I recognized some of them: Spike, Dbag, and Tiny. Hawk, Honey, Rebel, Ari and I were the first to leave the church, following directly behind the casket. Everyone else followed behind us. When we passed the Satans seated in the back, the one with the word President on his cut nodded at me. I barely nodded back and proceeded to walk, looking down.
When we got outside, I was amazed to see dozens of bikes parked in formation starting at the entrance of the parking lot. Who did this? I thought to myself. There were over one hundred bikes in the parking lot, all in formation and ready to head out. Leading the way was a police car and the hearse. Behind them was a lone bike, which I assumed was the road captain’s bike. All the others were lined behind. It was quite a sight to see.
“Emma, you wait here with Rebel and Ari. I’ll be right back,” Hawk said to me. He turned and went back inside. I guessed that he was going to talk to the surprise guests.
A few minutes later, he returned. “Everything ok?” I asked.
“Yep. Had a chat with our late arrivals. Just wanted to make sure they weren’t planning any trouble. They said that they just wanted to pay their respects.”
I looked at him curiously, as if to say, Really?
He added, “I took them at their word, Emma. They are far outnumbered here, so if they cause any trouble, they’ll be the ones who end up in trouble. I thanked them and came back out here.”
He was right. I may not have been an expert at this sort of thing, but it was clear that the Satans were outnumbered. They would be fools to start something at the church. Maybe they just had to see for themselves that Ice was really dead. For all intents and purposes, it was looking like Caden’s plan had worked. I thought, maybe this means he will come home sooner.
Once the casket was carefully placed in the hearse, we proceeded to the bikes. Spike walked to the lead bike. As we approached the bikes, I started to get nervous. Rebel could see my concern and leaned over to say, “It’s gonna be ok, Emma. Hawk’s got this.” I nodded and followed Hawk to his bike.
Standing next to his bike was a police officer. As we approached, Hawk shook the officer’s hand. “Sgt. Briggs, this is Emma Baylee, Ice’s old lady,” Hawk said.
Sgt. Briggs offered his hand and said, “I’m very sorry for your loss.”
“Thank you,” I replied demurely.
Sgt. Briggs turned toward Hawk and asked, “Helmets?”
Hawk shook his head. “No.” I looked at Hawk curiously. He answered my unspoken question, saying, “Riding without helmets during the procession, Emma, is a sign of respect to Ice.”
“But isn’t it illegal? Aren’t there helmet laws?” I asked.
“Yes, but the law is usually overlooked during funeral processions. Wearing a helmet is like wearing a hat. Same concept,” he replied.
Standing beside his bike, Spike started his engine. Hawk, Rebel, and all the other bikers in the procession did the s
ame while standing beside their bikes. Then Spike revved his engine five times, followed again by everyone else. The sound was powerful and soulful all at the same time. Once everyone had stopped, I heard one last rev. When everything was silent, everyone mounted their bikes. The hearse departed, and all the bikes followed in unison. When I looked behind me the site before my eyes was unlike anything I had ever seen. Motorcycles followed and I was unable to see where they ended. They just kept coming as we drove slowly through town. The outpouring of support for Caden was overwhelming and brought tears to my eyes. It was obvious that all these people respected and loved him. When we arrived at Kandi’s the hearse turned around and headed back toward town.
Caden
It was surreal watching my own funeral service. I have to admit, I was surprised by the turnout. For a minute, I let my ego get the best of me and was fucking proud that so many people were there. For a minute. Then reality sank in when I saw the Satans arrive. What the fuck were they doing there? I hoped they were just there to obtain proof that I was already dead. Their showing up reminded me that I needed to forge a plan on how I was going to approach them.
Chapter 16
Emma
After every funeral service I’d attended in the past, close friends of the family would all meet at a designated location for a meal—in most cases, at the family of the deceased’s house. Friends and family would talk fondly about the person that passed, but it was always a solemn affair. The gathering at Kandi’s was a full-blown party, nothing like what I had been used to. There were so many people there drinking and partying that at times it made me angry. How could they be so happy? I thought to myself. I knew that Caden was still alive, but they didn’t.
