Sarah began to cry. Stephen looked like a deer caught in the headlights. Aaron darted from the room and then she heard him start to sob out in the hall. She got up to get him and brought him back in.
***
I knew it! God, I knew it. I could feel it. I don’t know why, but I could feel it. It really is him.
Stephen felt stunned but was glad of this news. He didn’t know why his dad did what he did, but he was just so happy to have the man back in his life that he didn’t care. He thought it was cool that the man who had been spending time with them was not just a friend, but his dad.
His mom’s voice broke his trance.
“Like I said, I didn’t realize it until Thursday night. I wanted us to be together to tell you kids. Not like this.”
“Why didn’t you say something then, Mom?” Aaron yelled at her from the hall.
“I was in shock myself honey. I couldn’t even think.”
Sarah went to their mom. “Can we go see d-d-daddy?” Stephen could see the tears begin to fall down his sister’s face.
He took this moment to agree. “Mom, let’s go see dad.”
He watched as his mom left the room to talk to Aaron, “Would you like to go see him too?” Aaron must have just nodded his head yes.
“Alright then, let’s go see your daddy.” She came back in the room, “I guess we will not be in service this morning.”
“That’s fine. If you were, I would have been a little concerned. Can I say something in the service?”
“Did, David, I mean Ryan say to?” It sounded as weird to Stephen as it must have been to his mom to say. “We aren’t married anymore so I can’t speak for him.”
“He did give his blessing for his part. Do I have your blessing on your part?”
“I suppose, not much to say besides we just found out ourselves.”
“Do you trust me to do the right thing, Emma?”
“Yes.” She stood up, hugged Pastor and Mrs. Cross and then looked at him and his brother and sister. “Let’s go kids.”
Stephen was more than ready. He had thought on Thursday that it would be wonderful if Mr. David could be a part of their lives permanently but the fact that he was his real dad was even better.
He walked to his mom and took her hand and said, “Let’s go Mom.”
Chapter 24
There she was, standing right in front of him, dressed in a white dress that flowed with the breeze. Her beautiful face smiled at him and it warmed him through to the bone and made the ache disappear. Her eyes sparkled in the light like sapphires. Her hair hung loose around her shoulders and down her back. Her golden hair had the glow of a halo and it made her look like an angel. He wanted to reach out and run his fingers through it like he once had. He took a step toward her, but the distance hadn’t changed between them. So he took another step, but still, she was just as far from him as she once was. He continued to walk toward her, feeling more and more confused with each useless step. As he felt panic creep up, he began to run for her, but still, the distance had not changed. He could see her, her arms were stretched out to him. He could faintly hear the sound of her voice crying out to him to “Just reach out”. Every time he did, their fingertips would barely touch and then the space between them grew again. He didn’t know what to do anymore. In frustration, he ran his hand over his face and through his hair and realized his face was streaked with tears and his hair was damp with sweat from running to her. He didn’t realize he had been crying, but he knew why. The woman he loved more than his own life was just out of his reach. As he started running for her again, he felt a hand on his head. He stopped dead in his tracks and looked around in confusion. He looked up and saw nothing, but he felt it. Like someone petting his head. He tried to shake it off, but then when he looked back at Emma, she was gone and he looked into blackness. Then he heard her voice. “Ryan, wake up. Please. We need you to wake up.”
His eyes flew open and before him was his beautiful Emma with her eyes glistening like water in the sun light. “What happened? Where am I?”
“Ryan, you’re in the hospital, remember?”
“The burglary. Man that was stupid.” He was embarrassed to admit he acted before he thought.
“How are you feeling?” She was holding his hand and gently rubbing his hand with her thumb.
He found the action very soothing.
“What are you doing here? Who told you I was here?”
“Pastor Cross called us in this morning to tell us what happened. We decid...”
“Wait, we? Who else is here?” He picked his head up to look around the room and saw no one.
“The kids, Ryan. They’re in the hall. They’re waiting, well, waiting to see their dad.”
“What?!” He sat up without thinking and felt a shooting pain pierce him in his side. He looked down at his right side, remembering he couldn’t move so quick.
He looked back at Emma. “Did you tell the kids? Alone?”
“I had to. Your name was released in the papers this morning and everyone in church knows. Pastor wanted to be sure we knew before the kids got word through the gossip mill. You ready to see them?”
“How did they react? I mean, are they okay?”
“They are fine. In fact they chose to come here instead of sit through service. We are here on their request.” He didn’t like how that sounded.
“You mean you wouldn’t be here if they didn’t want to?”
“Ryan, let’s not do that now. Let’s just let the kids come in and see you. Sarah is eager to ‘meet’ her daddy. She is beside herself.”
He nodded his head and Emma left the room to go get the kids. They were all hesitant to come through the door without Emma leading the way. He thought it interesting to watch. He just played football with the boys a couple of days ago but right now, they were looking at him like he was a stranger.
“It’s alright guys, come on in. I’m okay.”
Stephen came right to the side of the bed, leaned over and hugged Ryan’s neck. “I knew it was you, Dad. I don’t know how, but I knew. I knew it.” He kept repeating himself and didn’t let go. Ryan had to push him back a bit. He was squeezing his neck so hard, Ryan was having a hard time breathing.
“Boy, you are getting strong. You’re killing me here. Loosen up a bit,” he said with a laugh and both of them looked at each other with big grins on their faces.
“I am glad you figured it out.” He pulled his oldest son a little closer to him and whispered in his ear, “took your mom long enough.” They both started to laugh at that.
“Okay let me hug the other two.”
Stephen stepped back and went to his mom and wrapped his arms around her like he did as a toddler. It warmed his heart.
Next Sarah came to his bedside. He could see her bottom lip quiver and tears begin to pool in the corners of her eyes. “Is it really you?”
“Yes baby girl, I am so sorry I left you. Do you forgive me?”
She stood there for a moment and then nodded her head.
“Good, can I have a hug now? I haven’t held you since you were three weeks old.”
Sarah leaped on to the bed and wrapped her arms around him. The movement of the bed made his side hurt again, but he didn’t care. He was holding his baby girl again. It was worth the physical pain. After a minute or two, she nestled in on his left side and with her head on his shoulder, she began to pat the right side of his face. The action broke his heart. He looked up at that moment and saw Aaron standing at the end of his bed. He looked like he was ready to lash out. Just like his mama.
“Sarah, why don’t you go to your mama, I think Aaron has something to say.” Sarah got down off the bed and went to her mom and crawled in her lap. Emma was seated in the chair in the corner of the room. Quiet as ever.
“Come here Bud, and let me have it. But don’t hit me like your mom did, not until I have healed a bit.” Aaron went to Ryan’’s side and was looking down at him. “Say what’s on your mind, Aaron.�
��
“I am mad at you.” He was honest.
“Okay. I can understand that. Want to tell me why?”
“You left.”
“I was a fool.”
“Yes, you were.” Just like his mom.
“Anything else you want to say or do?”
“I want to…to...I don’t know.”
“Can you sit right here?” Ryan patted the bed. Aaron sat down, hesitantly. “Can I ask you something?” Aaron nodded his head. “Can you forgive me? I was dumb and I thought I was doing something good for you guys. I thought you would all be better off without me. I realized over the last couple of months that was not the case. I am sorry.”
Aaron sat and watched Ryan for a moment. Then leaned over and did as his brother and sister had, and wrapped his arms around his neck and squeezed. He patted Aaron’s back and said, “Little looser Bud, I can’t breathe.”
When Aaron relaxed a bit, Ryan held his second born a little longer than he had the others. He truly missed out on so much with Aaron, and even more with Sarah.
He caught movement from the corner of the room as Emma got up and walked to the bed. He could feel the tension radiating off of her. It felt like his dream. She was here in front of him, yet she was so far away. He felt closer to her as David than he did now as Ryan.
“Alright Aaron, we need to let your dad rest. We can come back after school tomorrow.”
“They are releasing me tomorrow possibly. Can I call you and let you know?”
She let out a heavy sigh, “Alright, that’s fine. Do you have a ride home if they do?”
“Yes, Pastor Cross is coming.”
“Mommy? Is daddy coming to stay with us now?” Sarah looked up at her mom with hope in her eyes. Emma looked uneasy so he spoke for her.
“Sarah, honey, come here.” She walked to him. “Mommy and Daddy are not married right now, so it wouldn’t be right for me to stay at your house. Do you understand that?” She nodded her head.
“So will you get married now?” Sarah asked.
“That is something we have yet to talk about. There hasn’t been a lot of time to talk.” He looked up at Emma and caught her startled look. He looked at her pointedly, “But we will be talking about it, soon. Right, Emma?”
“Maybe but you have to worry about getting better, first.”
He could tell she was putting him off, but it just encouraged him more. He wouldn’t be letting go so easily this time.
The kids came and gave him a tight hug and walked out of the room. Emma stayed behind and looked at him.
She came to the bed, grabbed his hand and gave it a squeeze. “I am glad you are alright. I was worried.”
“Were you really?” The idea of her being worried about him made him feel a little more confident in how things were going to play out.
“Yes, Ryan. I am not totally heartless.” He knew that this act of being indifferent was just her trying to keep her wall in place and he was determined to bring it down. To drive that point home, he ran his thumb across the top of her hand. It had always been his signal to her that he still loved her.
“Emma, I am a patient man, but please don’t put this off longer than necessary. We both know we need to talk about some things. In my defense, let me say, I am sorry. For all of it, the wasted time and neglecting you. I know how bitter you feel toward me. I cannot blame you, but I hope you can forgive me and we can fix this.”
She slowly nodded and squeezed his hand and then walked out of the room.
Chapter 25
Emma woke earlier than usual every morning for the past week. Sleep seemed to avoid her almost every night. She dreamed of him often. Seeing him lying in that hospital bed again just put her back eight years. She was really unsure how she was going to function while teaching today. Coffee and prayer. That’s what will get me through the day.
With her elbows on her desk, she put her head in her hands and began to talk to God. “How am I going to handle this, God? I want to scream at him and kiss him all at once.”
“Well that’s a start.”
Emma picked her head up and saw her sister-in-law, Tiffany, at the back of the classroom standing in the doorway. Excitement filled Emma at seeing her and she felt a slight rejuvenation. “What are you doing here? Why didn’t you call and tell me you were coming to town today? How long are you here for?” As Emma rattled off all her questions, she had walked to Tiffany to embrace her sister. The two women stood in the doorway, hugging one another. Finally, Tiffany stepped back a bit and watched her sister.
“I received a phone call yesterday, Emma. I figured you needed some family right now.” Emma couldn’t think for the life of her, who had called that would cause Tiffany to have this look of sympathy on her face. “Ryan called me, Emma. He told me everything. Even though I already knew it was him. I am sorry I didn’t tell you who David was sooner. I wanted to protect you both. I hope you don’t hate me.”
Emma was taken aback by this revelation. She took a step back and proceeded to pace the floor of her classroom, trying to process this information. She stopped and looked at her sister with total confusion on her face and in her voice, “You knew? How? When?”
Tiffany proceeded to tell her about Halloween night when Sarah had broken her arm.
Emma was in shock at the news. “He was there? At the hospital? Why didn’t he say anything?” She didn’t know how to handle all this new information. She didn’t know how to handle anything that had happened in the last seven days. She felt like she didn’t know which end was up and wanted to be with in the safety of her home. She began a frantic pace on the floor again. She was startled by her sister’s hand on her arm.
“Emma, are you done for the day? Let’s get you home.”
The next hour was a haze to her. She wasn’t sure how she had gotten home but she felt glad to be in a safe place. She halfheartedly climbed the stairs to her bedroom, and changed into something a little more comfortable. She could hear her sister-in-law on the phone while she took off her makeup and put her earrings away. She felt numb to everything now and was on autopilot. She just didn’t know what to do. She felt lost and, like the flag on her front porch, waving in the cold breeze.
Emma walked to the window that overlooked the backyard. Her eyes fixed on the place in the yard that she finally confronted her missing husband. She just didn’t know where to start in the process. “God? What now?”
“That’s a good place to start, sis.” Emma turned to see Tiffany standing behind her with a cup of chamomile tea handed out to her. “Talking to Him is always the best place to start.”
“Tiff, where do I go from here? What would you do? Besides pray of course”
“Do you still love my brother?”
“I think so, but at the same time, I am so mad that having him around right now would be very bad for his health. Well worse than he is right now.” She then remembered she was supposed to take the kids to see Ryan. Then Emma realized someone was missing. “Where are the kids?”
“Your friend Ann took them home with her. I told her you needed a break.”
Emma hugged her sister, “Thank you Tiff. You are right. I need a break. Let’s go downstairs and talk.”
They made their way to the back of the house, Emma’s thinking room.
The sisters sat there in silence. Emma turned on the electric fireplace. She didn’t know if her being cold was the weather or the shock of the last week, but she couldn’t get warm.
Emma looked into her cup, trying to think of a way to ask her next question, but finally decided straight forward was best, “Do you forgive him?”
“Yes.”
“If your husband did this to you, would you take him back?”
“I can’t answer that; it didn’t happen to me.”
“Okay, do your mom and dad know?”
“Yes we did a three-way call. He told us all at once. Even though he knew that I already knew.”
“How do they feel about this?”
“Relieved. In fact, they are on their way here now. Mom has this need to take care of her injured boy.” There was a pause as tension filled the air. “Emma, did you forgive him?”
“I thought I had, but now I find myself feeling happy and furious all at once. Thursday night, when I realized it was him in my backyard playing football with the boys, I was dumbfounded. And when I broke down and he caught me and held me, it was like I was whole again. Then reality hit me and I pushed him and that feeling away. When Pastor Cross told me about the robbery and shooting, I felt like a repeat of a bad movie from eight years ago. I just don’t know where to go next.”
“Sounds like you doubted yourself, him, and God. Ever think this is all orchestrated by God?”
“A little.”
“Then let God finish guiding you. Emma, you know how to do this, why are you fighting it? Are you happy he is safe?”
“Well, yes.”
“Then start there and let God do the rest.”
At that moment, a truck pulled in the driveway. It took Emma a moment to realize who it was. She reached for Tiffany’s arm, “What is he doing driving? He just got out of the hospital today!”
“It looks like someone is with him.” Ryan had Pastor Cross with him. “He must be eager to get things settled.” She looked Emma head on, “Be honest with him Sis. Lay it all out there on the table. Let him see your heart, Emma. He was your husband.”
“You know, I never could call him my ex-husband.”
“What does that tell you about your heart?”
“He is still a part of me.”
The knock on the back door caused them to both look at that direction. “Go with that then Emma. Let God guide you. You will be alright.”
There was another knock on the door as they embraced again.
“Thank you, Tiff. Love you.”
Tiffany turned to the door and opened it up to her brother. She let out a little laugh at the dejected look he had on his face. “Hi there big brother. Good to see you again.” He leaned down to hug her. She whispered in his ear, “Be patient and go slow.”
What God Brings Together Page 16
