“Why did you want me to find out this way?” I asked. “Why here? Why now?”
“You think I planned this?” The expression on Xavier’s face was pained, as if I’d suggested the most awful thing in the world. “You think I wanted you to see this?”
I nodded. “I do. And I don’t know if it’s because I’ve been away so much. I don’t know if you just don’t love or respect me and that’s why you did it. I don’t know if you’re getting cold feet about the wedding and this is your way out. I don’t know why you did this, why you let me walk in on you having sex with another woman, but that’s what happened, Xavier. But if you didn’t want me to see this, you wouldn’t have done it here. All I need to know is if you want to be with her.”
Xavier stepped towards me, took my hand, and led me over to the sofa. He sat down and pulled me down next to him.
“I don’t want to be with anyone else except you. That girl-”
“Trina,” I interrupted. “Her name is Trina. Don’t act like you don’t know that.”
“Trina,” he sighed, “is not someone I want to be with. What just happened was a mistake. I’ve never cheated on you before this and I promise, I will never do it again.”
“I don’t believe you,” I replied calmly. “I don’t believe that for one minute.”
“I swear to God, Sunny. I’ve never had sex with someone else.”
“Then why her? Why today? If you’ve never have the urge to fuck someone while you’re on the road or any of these basketball groupies that hang out in this building explain to me why I just walked into what I just walked into?”
Xavier lowered his head like a shameful puppy. For once, he actually seemed a little remorseful.
“I don’t know. I messed up, Sunny. I can’t explain it.”
“That’s all I need to know.” I stood up and began walking to the door. Xavier ran in front of me and blocked my exit. His beautiful gray eyes were filled with tears as he wrapped his arms around me and held me against his chest.
“I love you so much, Sunny. I never want to hurt you. I want to marry you. Please don’t leave me.”
“I can’t talk to you right now. I can’t even look at you,” I said. “I need to be alone, Xavier. Let me go.”
“I’ll leave,” he said. “I’ll give you some space. I’m going on the road anyway. I’ll stay with Mitch or Kevin for a couple of days. Just please be here when I get back. Whatever I must do to make this right, I will. Just don’t leave, okay?”
I wouldn’t make that promise because I don’t make promises I don’t know if I can keep. Instead, I just walked away from Xavier and went upstairs to our room. The bed was still neatly made. The drapes were open. Everything was still in its proper place, just like the cleaning lady had left it. It was obvious that Xavier hadn’t brought his whore up here to violate our bedroom. I stood in front of the picture window staring at the sun as it set against the skyline. Even through the smog, the reds and oranges of the sunset were soothing.
I heard Xavier moving around the room, packing his gym bag and suitcase, but I didn’t turn around. Even when he came up behind me and said he was leaving, I didn’t move. I didn’t take my eyes off the one thing that was keeping me calm until the sun had disappeared from the sky, taking the colors of the day with it.
It was only then, when I was sure that he was gone, that I sat in the middle of the bed, folded my legs Indian style, and released all the pain I was holding back in one long teary wail.
Chapter 6: Broken Hearted Girl
“I told you it was bad, Erica. I made Xavier give me his key so I could check on her while he’s gone. She’s been like this since yesterday.”
“Has she eaten? Has she done anything?”
“Not that I can tell,” Daniela answered. “She is still wearing her clothes from two days ago. I don’t think she’s gotten out of this bed at all.”
I opened my eyes and stared up at the high ceilings of my apartment. I heard Daniela come in here yesterday. I didn’t move when she called my name. I had nothing to say when she offered to order me some food or tried to encourage me to take a shower.
“Is she sick?” Erica asked.
“No,” I answered. “I’m not sick. I’m not dead. I’ve eaten. See?” I pointed to a Snickers wrapper on the nightstand. “Please leave me alone.”
Instead of doing as I asked, both of them climbed onto my bed next to me. I heaved an agitated sigh and covered my eyes with my forearm.
“Sunny, are you going to tell me why you’re acting like a teenage white girl in a John Hughes movie? What happened?”
“I’m sure Daniela told you.”
“Actually, I didn’t. I thought she knew. I thought her best friend would have called her by now.”
“Tell her then,” I grumbled. “On your way out. I can’t do this with y’all today. Please just leave me alone.”
“Hell no!” Erica shouted. “Someone better tell me something. Sit up, uncover your eyes, or I will send a picture of this hot mess to Aiden and your mother and we’ll see who gets here first.”
I sat up quickly. “Please don’t do that.”
“That’s what I thought. So, what happened?”
“Xavier cheated.”
Erica threw her arms around me and hugged me tightly. There was something comforting about her embrace. “Oh no, Sunny. I’m so sorry, babe.”
Tears began to fall down my face as I hugged Erica back. I’ve been crying so much these last two days that I thought I didn’t have any more tears left.
“I can’t marry him now, E,” I cried. “I just can’t. Everything hurts. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to feel. I’m so mad and I love him so much. I just don’t know what to do.”
Tears poured from my eyes. Erica rocked back and forth while Daniela rubbed my back.
“Why would he do this to me? Why?”
“Because he’s a disgusting human being,” Erica said.
“Because he’s a basketball player,” was Daniela’s answer. “They all cheat, Sunny. You know this. You can’t have this one little incident knock you completely off your game.”
I backed away from Erica and glared at Daniela. “What?”
“It’s happened to all of us, Sunny. You and Xavier will get past this. This is the territory. This is what being a basketball player’s wife is about. They’re going to mess up. How you handle it will dictate if it happens again. You need to get up, get dressed, and show that man of yours that you are stronger than this. You need to show him that if he ever pulls a stunt like this again, you will ruin his life. If he comes home and sees you in this state, he’ll know that even though you’re hurt, you’ll still stay. You gotta do something to make him think that if he does it again, it’s over. That’s how you keep and train your man, Sunny.”
“If you don’t sound like the most ridiculous bitch in history!” Erica shouted. “What the hell is wrong with you, Daniela?”
“Erica, you wouldn’t know anything about this life. You’re the type of girl he cheats with. Quick, easy, and definitely not wifey material.”
“I’mma let you have that because I’d rather be the woman that he cheats with than be the woman that he cheats on. I don’t know what kind of relationship you think you have with my best friend, but if you think for one second that Sunny is going to stick around to be the woman that gets cheated on, you don’t know her at all, do you?”
For a brief second, I forgot about my tears and stared in absolute awe at Daniela. I knew that type of mentality existed amongst the wives and girlfriends of athletes; I’ve just never seen it with my own two eyes.
“Don’t look at me like that,” Daniela said. “When Garrett first came in the league, he was a little wild. He cheated a couple of times while he was on the road. That first time hurts like hell. It’s all consuming. But you get through it because it’s just sex. It doesn’t mean anything to him. You mean everything to him. If Xavier wanted to be single, he wouldn’t have propose
d to you. You just have to show him what life would be like without you.”
“No offense, Daniela, but that is some twisted shit. I’m happy that you and Garrett were able to work things out but I didn’t come into this relationship expecting Xavier to cheat, professional athlete or not. I’m not putting up with it. I’m not staying. I’m strong enough to leave.”
“You’re just going to throw away three years and all the work you’ve done in this relationship because of one incident? You’re not going to even try?”
“That’s exactly what I’m saying. I moved here for him. I quit my job for him.”
“What job? Working for Aiden? You’re better than anyone’s personal assistant, Sunny.”
“You don’t get it. I almost lost my best friend when I quit. I lied to him and said it was all about my career. It was never about me not wanting to work for Aiden anymore. I quit because Xavier asked and wanted me to live here with him. I loved that man that much. And he repays that love, that sacrifice, by fucking a girl that I know and hang out with in our home! Would you forgive Garrett if he did that?”
“I told you not to befriend any of those dancers,” Daniela replied. “They are thirsty bitches.”
“Answer the question,” I insisted. “If Garret had fucked someone you knew in your apartment, would you forgive him? Would you stay married to him after that level of disrespect?”
Daniela’s loud silence gave away her answer. She didn’t have to respond. I don’t know what goes on when Xavier’s on the road. I don’t know if he’s sleeping with other women when he’s not in New York. If he is, there’s not a thing I can do about it. Seeing how it was so easy for him to bring a girl here to our home and have sex with her, I can only assume he’s done it before and he’s done it on the road. I’m not…I can’t marry him.
“But you love him, Sunny. That should mean something.”
“It does. It means that my love wasn’t enough. It means that being his wife will mean absolutely nothing because loving him, wanting to spend my life with him, wanting to have a family with him didn’t stop him from violating every ounce of love and trust that I gave him every day for three and a half years.”
Daniela stood up. I couldn’t tell if she was angry, sad, or confused when she told me that she had to go since it looked like I was in good hands with Erica. I let her leave because I didn’t want to hear any more of her “this is the league” rhetoric. Fuck the NBA. The NBA didn’t put a ring on my finger and promise that it would never hurt me. Xavier did. Fuck him too.
***
“Can you please be reasonable, Sunny?” Xavier pleaded when I finally got the nerve to answer one of his phone calls four days after the incident.
“I’m being perfectly reasonable. I cannot live in this house with you. Where should I send your stuff?”
“Leave my stuff alone. You’re trippin’. I’m coming home in a few days and we can discuss this face-to-face.”
“There’s nothing to discuss, X. You need to leave. Give me some time and space to consider my options.”
“That’s my apartment, Sunny,” Xavier laughed. “You can’t put me out of my apartment. And I’m giving you time and space. I’m not there now, am I? How much time and space do you need?”
I hit the end call button on my phone and tossed it on the bed. I looked at Erica sitting at the little hotel desk. Not long after Daniela left, we checked into the Hilton and have been here ever since.
Having her here has been great. The last thing I needed was any of these irrational basketball wives in my face telling me it’s going to be okay and that Xavier and I will get through it. What I needed was someone who understands that cheating is a deal-breaker. That no amount of money or fame can condone that violation of our relationship.
“Post it,” I told her.
“Are you sure about this? Does Xavier have a temper?”
“I don’t give a damn about his temper. I tried to be play nice. You heard him laugh, right? Do you realize that he hasn’t apologized even once? He’s said how much he loves me and how he wants to make this right. He has yet to say I’m sorry.”
“Then he deserves what’s coming,” she said with a smile. She clicked the mouse pad on her laptop and turned around in her chair. “Tomorrow at noon, we’re having an Everything Must Go Sale.”
“Yes, we are.”
“Did you hear back from your mother? Did she go see the townhouse?”
I nodded. Things are moving so quickly, much faster than I expected. My parents were devastated when I finally got up the energy to tell them what Xavier had done. Peaches didn’t even suggest giving him another chance. She offered to clean out my old bedroom and told me to come home. Of course, Erica offered me her guest bedroom in her LA apartment. Neither of those options works for me.
When I first started dating Xavier exclusively, one of the best pieces of advice came from Asia Pierce. She was playing for the WNBA and her boyfriend was playing for the Atlanta Hawks. She told me that I needed to start saving for a rainy day. I’d just started working at BabyPhat and my take home pay wasn’t even half of our rent. Xavier was doling out dollars like he’d be rich forever. He’d drop a few grand in my bank account every few weeks like it was nothing. Asia advised me not to touch it if I didn’t have to.
I never divulge how much I make as a personal stylist to Xavier. I didn’t tell him about the hundred grand Aiden gave me. I just let him continue making deposits into my In Case Shit Happens account. I have enough money to leave New York and do whatever I want without losing a beat. I’m going back to Atlanta. I found a cute townhouse online. I did the virtual tour and my mother did a walkthrough yesterday. She gave me the all clear and I had my broker put in a $100,000 all-cash offer. If they accept, I’ll be able to move in right after the New Year. Whatever I make tomorrow will replenish my account.
***
“Ladies and gentleman, this is a cash only sale. Everything not in boxes is for sale. Clothes are $25 each; shoes are $50 a pair. Small appliances are $20. Decorations, furniture, and jewelry are negotiable. If you have questions, please find me or my friend, Erica.”
My apartment – well, Xavier’s apartment – had about fifty people milling around waiting for me to start the sale. I was actually impressed with the turnout. More and more people arrived throughout the day with cash, boxes, dollies, and friends and family to help them carry stuff.
I watched in awe as Xavier’s stuff went flying out of the apartment into the hands of people who could never afford $1500 shoes or limited edition vinyl records. I was beyond the point of being reasonable. I asked him to leave, to just give me some time and space until I could decide where I wanted to live and to find a place. He laughed in my face. Fine. I wonder if he’s going to laugh when he walks into this apartment tomorrow and the only thing that’s in it is the paint on the walls and the carpet on the floors.
I thought we were going to be here all day. However, by five o’clock, the apartment was empty and I had more than $50,000 in my hands. I didn’t feel happy or triumphant. This was a vindictive and spiteful act. Seeing strangers depart with items that I bought him, clothes that I dressed him in, our bed that we made love in, didn’t make me smile. I don’t feel bad about selling his stuff. I feel bad that my engagement is over. I feel horrible because the man I love isn’t mine to love anymore. Nothing will ever take away that pain.
I have to figure out how to live my life without him and that’s something I never thought I’d have to do. My future just doesn’t look as sunny as it did a week ago.
Chapter 7: In the Meanwhile
“Baby, you have to talk to me. I know the situation is fucked up but I love you, Sunny. You know that. Just come home. I’m not even mad about the apartment.”
Next message…
“Sunny, so you’re just gonna empty our apartment and not even answer the damn phone? Where are you? Call me back. We can fix this.”
Next message…
“You sold my shit!
Are you fuckin’ serious right now? Garrett said you put my shit on Craigslist! Have you lost your damn mind?”
I deleted all of Xavier’s voicemails and texts without replying to a single one then blocked his number. His anger level escalated each time I sent his call to voicemail. I have no desire to call him back and be on the receiving end of my ex-fiancé’s wrath. He can afford to replace everything in that apartment and it won’t make a dent in his bank account.
I’m not a complete bitch. Erica and I boxed up his sentimental belongings and the stuff I knew was irreplaceable. We left them in the middle of the living room along with my six-carat engagement ring. This morning, I shipped fifteen boxes of clothes and another twenty of shoes, bags, and all of the household stuff that I wanted to my storage unit in Atlanta. I’m leaving New York for good. The only way I’m seeing this place again is if I’m here on business. Now I’m just sitting on this plane with my friend and client, Asia Pierce. As soon as we take off, that chapter of my life will be closed. I don’t ever want to see or speak to Xavier again.
“You okay?” Asia asked softly.
She was looking down at my hands. I noticed that I was rubbing the empty space where my engagement ring had been for the last year and a half. I shook my head at Asia. It’s going to be a very long time before I’m even slightly okay.
“When I was in college, I caught my boyfriend cheating. I walked right in on him fucking his baby mama. If anyone knows what you’re going through right now, it’s me.”
“It just hurts so damn bad,” I sobbed quietly. “I feel like a complete fool.”
“You’re not a fool and none of this is your fault. Loving someone the way that you love him isn’t stupid, Sunny. You deserve better than what X did to you.”
Sunny's Song (Friends Lovers or Nothing Book 2) Page 6
