“Are you still sketching on that thing?” Aiden stood in the doorway. I nearly jumped out of my skin. I didn’t even hear him and Summer come in the house.
“Don’t do that!”
“We’re going down to the beach. Go change,” Aiden ordered.
“I’m busy,” I replied.
His huge hands grabbed my Touchpad and held it over his head. I didn’t even attempt to get it back. The fact that he’s back to teasing me means that all is not lost. Yesterday, he wouldn’t even talk to me.
“I saw that white bikini you tried to hide in the bottom drawer. I want to see it.”
I glanced at the chest of drawers and frowned. The white and gold bikini hiding in there was a gift from Kimora Lee Simmons after I gave birth. I have not dared to slip it on. I’ve been wearing one-piece bathing suits for two years in order to hide my baby fat. That swimsuit is supposed to be my motivation to take my fat ass to the gym. It’s not working. Being a single working mom doesn’t leave much time to work out. I don’t even remember packing the damn thing.
“I just had a baby, Aiden! I’m not putting on a bikini for you or anyone else.”
“You had a baby two years ago.” He took the swimsuit out of the drawer and tossed the stringy white nightmare on the bed.
“And you look good as hell. Since when are you afraid to show off your body?”
“Since I gained forty pounds,” I fired back.
“Wrong. You gained sixty-five pounds. I was there, remember?”
“Thanks, Aiden. I thought you wanted me to wear the bikini, not run and hide in a moo-moo.”
“You’ve lost almost all that weight. Fat ass or not, you’re still smokin’ hot. You know that.”
The boy must have reflexes like a cat because he jumped back just in time to miss my swinging fist. Usually, I don’t miss.
“My ass is fat. You don’t need to point it out. That’s why no one wants to see me in a bikini. You haven’t seen me naked since I got pregnant.”
Aiden’s mischievous grin was undeniably sexy and I almost forgot what we were talking about…almost.
“You know, we could make that happen,” he said seductively. “It’s been awhile.”
I slapped his hand away from my ass. He laughed.
“Don’t act shy now. I want to see my tat.”
Instinctively, my hand dropped to the large tattoo on my hip. I’ve made three big mistakes when it comes to my relationship with Aiden. Sleeping with him, not telling him about Summer, and my tattoo. All three things are irreversible…permanent, including the tattoo. This thing isn’t going anywhere.
People get tats like that all the time. I know at least three people who have song lyrics tattooed on them. I know a girl who has a gorgeous portrait of Jimi Hendrix’s famed Monterrey Strat tattooed on her arm. My dad has BB King’s Lucille tattooed on his arm. My tattoo makes perfect sense me to me. Of course, Aiden thinks it’s a BFD.
So did Xavier.
I’ve never seen Xavier so mad. He hated it. Every time he saw me naked, he cringed. Aiden loves the tattoo. Just like I love the black sun he has tattooed on his chest, inked directly above his heart.
“Back off,” I warned. “It’s not going to happen. I didn’t come here to screw you.”
“You’ve said that before,” he grinned and reached for me again. I stepped back and glared at him.
“I’ll put the damn swimsuit on if you promise to keep it in your pants.”
“No promises,” he laughed. “Meet us on the beach.”
He walked out of the room with his swim trunks sagging slightly on his hips. It’s easy to see why women throw themselves at Aiden, especially when he’s in need of a haircut. The man in F-I-N-E! Those green eyes, that panty dropping smile, and then he goes and picks up a guitar. He’s all erotic electric guitar sex when that happens. I’ve seen grown ass women pass out when he’s on stage. Hell, even I succumbed to him during quite a few lustful moments of weakness.
Not this time!
I refuse to let him get to me. Besides, once I tell him about his daughter, Aiden isn’t going to want to talk to me, let alone fuck me.
When I finally made it to the beach – sans sketchbook – Summer was trying unsuccessfully to build a sandcastle. I tried to help her but the result was just piles of sand surrounded by a small moat. What can I say? I’m a stylist, not an architect. Summer busied herself trying to fix what I messed up so I settled a few feet away on the blanket next to Aiden.
I felt his eyes roaming over my body and I wanted to smack him. Of course he likes the extra pounds. He’s always had an affinity for thick black girls. I don’t know why he married a super skinny white girl. What the hell was he going to do with a model?
“What?” I snapped.
“Nothing!” He shifted on the blanket, trying to hide the growing problem in his swim trunks.
“So, are you going to tell me why you’re here?” he asked. “It’s been five days, Sunny.”
“You know, for a musician, your timing sucks,” I responded.
“Yeah right. It only sucks when you’re trying to avoid a question.”
I leaned back on the blanket without looking directly at him.
“It’s a pointless question,” I said. “Don’t worry about why I’m here. Just be happy that I am.”
“You could have called first,” Aiden mumbled. “You shouldn’t just crash somebody’s vacation.”
I snickered. “Vacation my ass! This is not a vacation, Aiden. You can’t fool me, Sweetie. I know what you’re up to.”
He moved closer to me on the blanket and slid down so he was lying beside me on his stomach.
“What am I up to?”
I shook my head. “Don’t go there, Aiden. You know. But I have a question.”
“Don’t be mad if I don’t answer,” he replied.
I sat up on the blanket and stared at his back until he sat up too. He wouldn’t look at me. I just want him to be completely honest with me since I’m going to be honest with him…soon.
“Why are you here, Aiden? What are you hiding from?”
“The law,” he answered smugly and rolled off the blanket. He sauntered over to Summer.
“Aiden!” I called after him but he ignored me.
I thought that coming here would be the best thing for both of us. Now I’m not sure. When he’s with Summer, like now, he’s the happiest I’ve ever seen him. But when he talks to me, he shuts down. Summer is the only thing that makes him smile. What’s going to change when I tell him that she’s his daughter?
How bad have I really fucked up our friendship?
I have no idea but I’m scared as hell to find out.
***
I avoided Aiden as much as I could for the rest of the day. It was easy because he didn’t want to talk to me either. However, this Mexican standoff was getting us nowhere. I came here knowing that the wrath of Aiden would soon to be upon me. I waited until Summer was snuggly tucked in for the night before I opened the rotten can of worms.
Aiden was on the porch with his guitar. I’m assuming that this is his nightly routine because he’s done it every night that we’ve been here. I grabbed two glasses and a bottle of wine. We’re going to need something heavier, but surprisingly, the house was liquor free.
Aiden didn’t even look up when I stepped onto the porch. I sat down at his feet and handed him a glass of Merlot. He took it without noticing how bad my hands were shaking.
Get it together, Sunny. You can do this.
You have to do this…tonight.
“What’s up with you and the sighing?” Aiden grumbled. “You’ve been doing that shit all day. What’s wrong?”
I hadn’t even noticed. “Nothing.”
“Alright,” he replied and went back to playing chords.
That was weird, I thought. Usually Aiden will push and push and push until I got irritated enough to say what’s on my mind. It’s part of his boyish charm. Not this time. Either he really couldn’
t care less about my problems or he has too much of his own shit weighing on him to deal with mine too.
He hasn’t exactly been forthright with telling me what’s on his mind, but I know he’s thinking about his father every minute of every day. Aiden was a bit of an asshole as a kid and a bigger jerk to his dad as he became an adult. If he were my child, I would have beaten his ass when he dropped out of college, lied about it, and used his tuition money to buy guitars. He did some rebellious shit to his dad but nothing that couldn’t be fixed.
Until he ran out of time without even knowing that his father was sick. Now he can’t fix the relationship and it’s killing him. He’s killing himself, which was evident in the somber tune he was strumming on his guitar. It was so forlorn that I wanted to cry. I’ve never heard him play anything so sad and he plays the blues!
“Why are you playing like that?” I asked.
“Does my sad song bother you, Sunny?” was his bitchy reply. “Would you like to hear something else?”
“Yeah, smartass.”
He started playing a song that I’ve heard a million times. It’s one of my favorite melodies of his. He claims that I’m the only one who hears his unfinished songs. The privilege of being his best friend and his creative muse, I guess.
“You still haven’t finished this song?” I asked. “Do you still call it Untitled?”
He shook his head. “No. It’s a tossup between Unsung and Unspoken. You know it’s about you, don’t you?” he added. “Well, a girl like you.”
“What do you mean, a girl like me?”
“You know, the type of girl who keeps her feelings locked away, never talks about them. A girl who has been so hurt by men that she won’t allow her true feelings to show anymore.”
“Maybe you should call it Sunny’s Song,” I replied sarcastically.
He laughed. “Always a possibility.”
I rolled my eyes at him and left him on the porch strumming the chords of his stupid song. His words cut me deep. I talk about my feelings, just not to him. Besides, Aiden is the last person who needs to know everything I’m feeling.
I flopped down on the couch, still a little irritated. I’m trying to help him through something difficult. He’s the one hurting. He’s the one with issues. Sunny is fine.
When he switched to a different song, I rejoined him on the porch. I couldn’t stop thinking about his song and what he said. I’m not that kind of girl. Sure, I’m a woman who has been hurt by a man but who hasn’t been? The fact that he knows that Xavier hurt me is proof that I talk about my feelings.
“Sunny,” Aiden whispered and nudged my head that was resting against his calf. “Go to bed.”
“I’m not sleepy,” I told him. “Just thinking.”
“Even though I know what you’re going to say, I’m going to ask anyway. Want to talk about it?” he asked.
“No, I don’t want to talk about it,” I told him. “But I probably should.”
Aiden sat his guitar on the porch and patted his knee, like my father used to do when I was little. I rolled my eyes but sat on his lap anyway like I’ve been doing for years. I brought the bottle of wine with me.
“What’s wrong? What’s on your mind?”
I pushed a few strands of hair out of his face and decided to start with an apology. No need to rush into the inevitable.
“I really feel bad for not sticking around after the funeral,” I confessed. “I shouldn’t have gone back to Atlanta.”
“You did what you had to do,” he replied easily.
“No. I should have been there for you. I’m one of the few people you actually trust and I let you down. I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine,” he answered. “Don’t worry about it.”
“It’s not fine,” I insisted. “Don’t be easy on me, Aiden. Don’t pretend that you’re not mad at me because I know you are.”
“For real, Sunny, don’t worry about it. I’m not mad. If I was pissed at you, I would never have let you stay here.”
This isn’t the reaction I was expecting and I know he’s holding something back. There’s something that he wants to say and he’s not saying it. But he will. I’m going to make him tell me. I’m not going to let him hold it in and use it against me six months from now. It’s now or never…for both of us.
“Don’t try it, Aiden. You’ve been avoiding my calls and not answering my texts since I left Mt. Vernon. You didn’t even want me to know where you were. Don’t tell me you’re not mad.”
He shook his head. “I was never mad about you leaving after the funeral. I was pissed about the way you left LA.”
“Really? You can’t be serious. You’re still mad about that?”
“No. I’m not mad about that anymore.”
“Then why won’t you talk to me?”
He stared at me like I bruised his fragile ego. His gaze pierced my soul.
“I’m so over fighting over stupid shit with you, Sunny. I needed you in Mt. Vernon and you came when I called. Even though I was pissed, all I wanted was to have you there. We’ve been through too much together. We’ll always be friends,” he hesitated and looked away. “We’ll always be just friends.”
Friends…yeah right. This moment, with me on his lap and his warm hand on my back…this doesn’t feel like friendship. It feels like so much more. His eyes betray him too often. He’s not feeling friendship. He’s feeling exactly what I don’t want to feel.
Love. No matter what I say, Aiden is still in love with me. Fuck!
The feeling hit me so hard I jumped off his lap and bolted to the end of the porch, determined to put some distance between my thoughts and his feelings. I stared at the sky, trying to compose myself and keep from crying.
“Oh God,” I moaned. “I can’t do this.”
“Can’t do what?”
“This, Aiden. I can’t do this thing with you anymore! I can’t pretend anymore.” My voice was trembling and my hands were shaking. I’m so glad that he didn’t get up. I feel like such a coward but I can’t look at him.
“We talk about our friendship like it’s the best thing in the world,” I said. “But things have been different and we know it. I hate it, Aiden. I hate the disconnect we have. I hate the tension between us whenever we’re in the same room. I hate knowing that the changes in our relationship are all my fault.”
“What are you talking about?”
With about twenty feet between us, I was able to muster up the courage to face him.
“I’ve made a lot of stupid decision in life,” I admitted. “Especially when it comes to you. I’ve lied to you about everything.”
“What have you lied to me about?”
“Everything,” I whispered. “How I feel about certain things you done to me…things I’ve done to you…Summer.” I couldn’t finish. The mention of her name was enough to get him out of his chair and across the porch in a millisecond.
“What do you mean by Summer?” He leaned again a post right in front of me. “What are you saying, Sunny?”
I stared down at the huge dots my tears made on the wooden slacks on the porch. I didn’t look up.
“Xavier doesn’t take care of Summer because he doesn’t have to. And,” I breathed, “he doesn’t have to because,” I paused again. “Because he’s not her father.”
“What?”
“I didn’t find out I was pregnant while we were in New Orleans. I got pregnant while we were in New Orleans.”
Going to New Orleans to help build more houses for Hurricane Katrina victims was therapeutic for Aiden and I for different and very similar reasons. I had just found out that Xavier was cheating on me and broke off our engagement. Aiden was still walking with a cane due to his car accident and he was going through a divorce. We needed each other. We were damaged goods.
Ramey broke his heart. My heart was crushed by the man that I loved. Aiden wanted to pick up the pieces. We both wanted to feel whole again. New Orleans was one of those times when Aiden was saying ev
erything that Xavier wasn’t. I let him love me the way Ramey wouldn’t him love her. For two months, we were whole again. But it was just that moment in time. I told him that. Then I found out I was pregnant. I’m still surprised he never put two and two together…until now.
“You better not be telling me what I think you are!”
I stared at the dark trees.
“Sunny! Who’s her father?”
“You don’t have to ask that,” I whispered. “You know.”
“Say it,” he demanded forcefully. “Look at me and tell me the truth.”
I turned away from him. Each time I moved, he turned my face towards him.
“Fine,” I snapped. “You’re her father! Summer is your daughter, okay?”
He knew it before I said it out loud, but the actual spoken words knocked him back a few steps.
“Damn it, Sunny!” he roared. “You should have told me this a long fucking time ago!”
This is the reaction I’ve been waiting and preparing for. “I know-” I started to say but one look from him made me stop mid-sentence.
“What the fuck did you think I was going to do when you told me the truth? Say fuck you and run away? Do you think the same shit that everybody else does? Do you think that I’m some douchebag asshole who can’t take care of his responsibilities?”
“No,” I cried. “I know you’re not like that. I love-” I stopped talking and turned away from him. The last thing either of us need is that word to slip out. Not right now.
“I was going to tell you the truth. But when people started gossiping about us and you were so adamant about not being her dad and never wanting kids, I got scared.”
“Bullshit!” he yelled. “You didn’t tell me because of what I said to some fucking asshole with a camera? What the fuck else was I supposed to say? I thought Xavier was her father and you let me think that! I can’t fucking believe you!”
“I’m sorry, Aiden,” I sobbed. As much as I wanted to reach for him, to calm him down, I kept my hands to my side. There’s no telling what he’d do if I touched him.
Sunny's Song (Friends Lovers or Nothing Book 2) Page 14
