Yes, I wrote in the notebook, it's true I did get arrested more than once. I was put on probation. I did violate it and I was in danger of going to a real prison. Yes, I knew why Daddy felt he had to place me with my uncle and aunt after Mama ran off with someone and deserted us, but I also knew my aunt and uncle never wanted me and were surely relieved when I got myself in new trouble and ran away. My aunt could claim she was right about me: I was hopeless and now she had a good excuse for getting rid of me forever.
I described it all, how I was cornered into hurting that boy, how I was arrested for it and decided to run off, how disappointed I was in Mama when I found her in that clinic, and how betrayed I felt when my uncle tricked me and got me taken here. I was never as mean to anyone as they were to me, I wrote. I don't deserve this.
As to my fears, I couldn't come up with much except what I had feared when I was a little girl and could actually hear the rats scratching their way through the walls, visiting different apartments as if the whole place were a mall for rats who could shop in this one's kitchen cabinets and then another and pass the news on to the world of rats out there: Come to Phoebe Elder's home. Her mother is a slob. Lots to eat on the floor and counters, and she's so out of it nights in a drunken coma, she won't even know we 're there.
I used to curl up in my bed, wrapping the blanket so tightly around myself it was a wonder I didn't smother to death. Some nights I sobbed myself to sleep. Some nights I woke up positive a rat had crawled over my legs or sniffed my hair. I would throw off my blanket and turn on the lamp, but thankfully, I never saw one in my room. That didn't mean I didn't believe they had been there, however. I imagined their tiny footprints everywhere, and sometimes, I was sure I saw a pair of beady little eyes watching me from some crack in the wall.
I had no idea how much I had written in the notebook when I raised my head. I saw Teal had given in, and she and Robin were still reluctantly at it themselves. Then I heard the door open and saw M'Lady Two hand M'Lady Three a tumbler of ice water. Teal and Robin also watched her drinking it. She seemed to take longer and slurp it for our benefit. She spilled what she hadn't finished on the floor and looked at us with a smile so spiteful it made anger simmer my blood into a rolling boil.
I squirmed in my seat. My need to pee had become impossible to ignore. Soon there would be no way to keep it from happening. It brought new tears to my eyes, tears that escaped my lids. I embraced myself and rocked as I moaned.
M'Lady Three got up and walked toward me. “What's wrong with you?”
“I have to pee, badly.”
“So pee. You're wearing a diaper. We'll change you afterward.”
I looked up at her in shock. I could see she was serious. It put me into a small panic, and when I looked at Teal, she seemed angrier about it than I could be. Then she nodded at me, her eyes small, urging me to call her bluff. Only I knew it wasn't a bluff. Robin looked down, ashamed for me.
M'Lady Three turned back to the door and then I let it go. It dripped off the chair. She looked back, smiling. Then she opened the door and shouted, “Get up a diaper. Baby One had an accident.”
I heard some laughter outside.
I was crying harder now, the tears of shame and rage sliding off my cheeks as if my skin had turned to ice, my fists at my sides, my nails digging into my palms.
“Bitch,” Teal shouted at M'Lady Three.
Her smile faded. “One word without specific permission. One extra hour for all of you to spend in here,” she pronounced like a judge laying the death sentence on some convicted murderer.
M'Lady One returned with a new diaper for me. Teal and Robin watched with disgust and rage. Then Teal stood up and just let go. Robin smiled and did the same. M'Lady One and M'Lady Three looked at each other, then M'Lady Three smiled back at Teal and Robin.
“Gee, girls, sorry,” she moaned as if she really cared,
“but we had only one extra diaper.” Her phony smile vanished. “Now sit down and shut up,” she snapped at them. Their faces of defiance quickly changed into faces of disgust and panic. “Sit down or we'll keep you here two more hours for every minute you're standing.”
Without any other choice, they did what they were told, both grimacing with discomfort. I returned to my seat and held up my completely filled composition book. M'Lady One took it and flipped through the pages. Then she took the pen and left.
Robin and Teal started to write faster, the need to get out of here that much greater.
M'Lady Three shook her head and smiled at them gleefully. “That's better, girls. The faster you all learn that obeying orders makes things easier for you, the better off you'll be.”
When Robin and Teal were finished, they lifted their notebooks and M'Lady Three took them, checked them, and went to the door. She handed them to M'Lady Two and looked at us.
“After your hour's punishment, we'll be learning the school prayer,” she said, and left.
“I'm taking this off,” Robin said, standing immediately and removing the wet diaper. Teal did the same.
“They're crazy. That doctor's crazy. I'm not staying here,” Teal vowed.
“Really? What do you intend to do? Catch a cab home?” Robin asked.
“I don't know. Something.”
“You better not let them hear you talking or they'll tack on more time,” I warned them.
“Don't tell me what to do! I don't give a damn! I won't . . .” Teal stopped and slammed her lips shut when she heard the door opening.
M'Lady Three returned. “Lucky for you two, we found two extra diapers,” she sang. She gave one to Robin and one to Teal. “Put them on and keep quiet,” she ordered, and left again.
I watched them change. We all walked about like caged animals, looking at each other as if one word would set us clawing ourselves as well as the walls, then we glared at the door. Teal tried it and of course it was locked.
“What if they just leave us here forever? Who would even know?” Robin queried. “There's no other way out.”
Teal and I looked at each other.
“My parents would eventually find out. They can't do that. They wouldn't dare. My mother would sue the panties off that Dr. Foreplay or whatever she calls herself,” Teal said.
“Right, your parents are worried sick over you. That's why they had you sent here.”
“Shut up. You don't know anything about me or my family.”
“Who wants to?” Robin mumbled.
All I could think about was getting out of here. Soon we'd be at each other's throat, but the hands of whatever clock we were on were arthritic or something. It seemed like much longer than another hour before the door opened and the three so-called buddies returned.
“Everyone stand in front of her desk,” M'Lady One ordered. We did so, all of us thinking the same thing: we'll do anything to get out of here. “Okay, here is the school prayer. You are to recite it every morning and you are to recite it until you get it perfect. We'll stay here as long as we have to until all three of you have it memorized.”
M'Lady Two came forward. “Repeat after me. 'I am nothing. I am less than nothing. I am a burden to my family and to my country. I must hate myself to death and I must change. I must thank Dr. Foreman for every punishment I receive.' ”
Teal grimaced. “That's a prayer?”
“It's stupid,” Robin agreed.
“Suit yourselves, girls. We're comfortable,” M'Lady Two said, and started out.
“Wait a minute!” I cried.
She paused.
“I can't stand it in here anymore.”
She looked at Robin and Teal.
“All right. How does it go again?” Teal asked.
M'Lady Two smiled and repeated it for us. None of us got it right the first time, so she repeated it and again we mumbled it as accurately as we could. They demanded we speak louder. Teal made an error and we were stopped and told to start again. I thought she wasn't going to do it, but she did and, of course, made a small mistake. Al
l three of us were tired and groggy and uncomfortable. It was so hard to concentrate on words we hated anyway. Finally, we had it right almost to the end, when I left out a word and they jumped on me. Again we recited it and again one of us made a small error. Eventually, we had it perfect and they agreed we had done so.
“Orientation is over,” M'Lady Three declared, slapping her hands together. “We can move out and take you to Dr. Foreman's School. Remember,” she added before we started, “no talking without permission.”
We marched out of the room. I don't think I was ever happier to leave a place than I was leaving there. Even the hot evening air seemed a relief. A dirty, white, win-dowless van was parked in front of the building. The rear doors were opened and we were told to climb in. There was nothing to sit on, just the metal floor of the van. A solid wall separated the back of the van from the driver. All three of us hesitated. It smelled like some farm animals had been transported in it only minutes ago. The odor of animal manure was strong.
Teal raised her hand.
“What?” M'Lady Three asked. We understood now that M'Lady Three was assigned to Teal; M'Lady Two to Robin, and of course, M'Lady One to me.
“There are no windows in there. How long is the trip? We'll suffocate.”
“The trip is as long as it takes to get to the school. Get in. It will be longer if you waste time. We might,” M'Lady Three said, smiling at the other two, “take you on a detour if you don't behave.”
Teal looked at the two of us and then gazed around and into the darkness. Would she try to bolt and run? I think she realized she had no idea in which direction to go and the chances of her outrunning them were slim. Defeated, she climbed into the van and sat with her back to the side, her arms folded. I did the same, sitting across from her, and Robin got in and sat next to her. They closed the doors on us and we were in total darkness.
That wasn't the only problem. Teal was right. Once the doors were closed, we had little fresh air, the odor was nauseating, and the van walls felt like the walls of an oven.
“We'll die in here if we have to stay in here long,” Teal moaned.
“Keep your voice down,” Robin said. “Whisper. Who knows what else those sadistic creatures will do to us if they hear us talking.”
“If I wasn't so tired, I'd choke one of them,” Teal claimed.
“They don't look like they're afraid of that, especially your buddy,” I told her. “I think she's a former football player or bouncer from some bar.”
Robin grunted her agreement. We heard the van's engine start, then the van pulled away. It was smooth for a while, but not five minutes into the ride, it suddenly became quite bumpy, and for us to bounce sitting on this metal floor was not easy. It was at times painful. We all screamed and shouted complaints, but whoever was driving didn't hear us or care. The van jostled and shook us as it went along. At times, the driver turned so hard and sharply, we were thrown from side to side. Finally, the ride became a lot smoother.
“I'm going to strangle my mother darling when I get away from here,” Robin vowed. “She just wanted to get me out of her hair while she tries to become a famous country singing star. She didn't care where I was sent. Just go, she told me. I'm better off. What she really meant was she was better off. She could party and carry on without worrying about me.”
“What did your father have to say about it?” Teal asked.
“I don't have a father. Mother darling got pregnant when she was a teenager and my grandparents made her have me as a punishment. They are very religious and we had to live with them. Mother darling's not sure who my father is. The best she can remember is she was at a party where she had sex with three guys.”
“Three in one night?” I asked.
“That's what she claimed.”
“Some mother,” Teal said.
“I didn't exactly have a choice, you know. From the sound of things, you're not that much better off.”
“Yeah, well, at least I'm sure who my father is,” Teal said.
“Doesn't sound like he wants to be your father,” Robin batted back.
“How come you don't get along with your parents?” I asked Teal. Talking at least passed the time and stopped me from thinking about the horrible ride.
“They had me late in their marriage. I was an accident for sure,” she replied bitterly. “I have a brother who's much older and he's by far the favorite. He works with my father in his business. No one had any patience for me. I'm sure they're just as happy to get rid of me as Robin's mother was to get rid of her.”
“She'll be sorry,” Robin swore. “If she ever does become famous, I'll tell the world how Mother darling treated me.”
“Why do you call her 'Mother darling'?” Teal asked.
“Just to annoy her. You've heard of Mommie Dearest, right?”
“Yeah,” Teal said so vaguely I was sure she hadn't. I hadn't but I didn't say so. What difference did it make? I thought.
“My daddy wouldn't have put up with this,” I told them. “He was hoping to take me back as soon as he got himself a position where he didn't have to be on the road all the time.”
“Sure he was,” Teal said.
“He was!” I insisted. “If he didn't get himself killed, my aunt and uncle would never dare to do something like this to me.”
“What about your mother?” Robin asked.
I told her about how she had deserted us in Atlanta and how I had gone looking for her in hopes of our starting a new life.
“Get real, girl,” Teal said. “Those kinds of dreams are for girls who still believe in the tooth fairy.”
“I'll choose my own dreams, thank you,” I said, but not with a great deal of confidence.
They were both quiet for a while, thinking. I guess in our secret heart of hearts, we were all longing for someone who would care enough about us to keep such cruel things from happening to us. Those kinds of people were just impossible to find for the three of us, I thought.
The van continued to ride over smoother roads. After a while, especially because of all we had already been through, the monotonous sound of the engine and the squeaks and moans in the metal were hypnotizing. We were all having a hard time keeping ourselves awake.
“I'm tired,” Robin said. “I can't believe how tired I am. I feel like I just went through a torture chamber.”
“I hate to think what awaits us at Dr. Foreman's funny farm,” Teal said.
We were all silent again, each of us thinking about that, I'm sure. I know I managed to drift off for a while, but when I woke, I was sore and achy all over. I heard the other two rustling about. Finally, we felt the van turn sharply, speed up, bounce hard, then come to a stop. I didn't know about the other two, but I was sweating so much, I thought I would slide out of the van.
The door was opened and we saw a pole light shedding illumination on what looked like a gravel driveway. M'Lady One was there at the opened doors.
“Get out,” she ordered.
We crawled to the doorway and climbed out of the van. Across from us was a long, two-story, pitch-roofed, pink-stucco Spanish colonial house with an upper-level, full-length porch. The railings looked quite fancy. I could see the six doors that opened onto the porch. I imagined each one opened onto a room, and I hoped each of us was to have one of those rooms. All I could think of was dropping my head on a pillow and curling up on a soft mattress.
“All right, follow us,” M'Lady One ordered. “This way.” She started around the van.
Why weren't we going directly into the house? I wondered. We were all so tired. Surely they were tired, too. There just couldn't be more to this orientation. The three of us stumbled after them. Robin kept looking from side to side like someone who wanted to break loose and run, but all I could see through the darkness was a corral, another barn, and a large shed. There was no road and there were definitely no other houses anywhere nearby. There were no cars going past and no sign of any road. Just a mountain range in the dist
ance, silhouetted against the blue black sky, now dazzling with stars.
Where were we exactly? I had no sense of direction, but because of how long it had taken me to get here by plane and van, I was sure I was at least halfway across the country. It was a frightening thought, to realize I was so far from anywhere and anyone I knew. Vaguely, I wondered what my old friends were doing at this moment. I envied them for being asleep in their own beds. I even envied the ones I knew shared beds with younger brothers or sisters.
We were directed off to the right and brought to what was outside showers. There were no stalls, just three showerheads over a concrete floor.
“Get undressed and take your showers,” M'Lady Three commanded.
“This is a shower?” Teal muttered.
If M'Lady One heard her, she chose not to acknowledge it. “You take a shower every night before going to bed at Dr. Foreman's School.”
We were each handed a bar of coarse soap, a stiff brush, a towel, and a small kit that included our toothbrush, toothpaste, and a supply of tampons.
None of us moved to undress, however.
“Well?” my buddy said, glaring into my face. “Let's get started. We don't have all night.”
“Right out here, like this?” I asked, looking around. It seemed deserted, but it was still getting naked in full view of anyone.
“Always ask before speaking,” she reminded me. “Yes, right out here like this. Do it! You all stink and the stench will keep you awake and bother others.”
Others? I thought. What others?
Robin began to take off her sack, then undo her shoes and lower her socks. I followed, but Teal looked like she was going to be defiant.
“You won't go to sleep until you do this,” her buddy told her.
She started to undress.
The water was a shock. It wasn't just cold; it was freezing. Every time we tried to get out from under, they pushed us back and shouted, “Scrub!”
Broken Wings 2 - Midnight Flight Page 4
