by C. M. Albert
We still had a lot to talk about, and I was eager to get everything out on the table before we got even farther along with the pregnancy. Even though we were trying to go with the flow and be open to what all this meant, it would only get more complicated as time went on. And the baby would be here before we knew it.
“So, what do you guys think? Still want to leave the baby’s DNA a mystery?” I asked, sipping my merlot. The wine had a hint of blackberries and vanilla and went down smoother than it had any right to.
Olivia took a deep breath, and I thought she was about to answer when she pressed her lips closed and looked down at her lap.
“Look, maybe we all need to make a new truth pact,” I suggested, looking at them both. Brighton was sitting to one side of Olivia, who was nestled in the prime corner spot. And I was on her other side, massaging her feet when I wasn’t sipping my wine. “We’re going to face a lot of hard times ahead because this is not a conventional situation, to say the least. And we’re not always going to be in this honeymoon phase. We need to face the reality that there will be times when one of us gets jealous. When Brighton feels left out because we have obligations as a married couple. Or when the baby comes, and we’re all cranky and overtired. There are practical questions we need to start thinking about, too.”
“I know,” Olivia said and sighed. “I just haven’t wanted to face everything yet. I’m still so overwhelmed learning about the baby and picking back up with doctor’s appointments again. It’s harder than you think. The last time we were doing this, it was for Laelynn. And that didn’t turn out the way we wanted. So even though I’m excited, I’m also scared as hell, Ryan. I wake up most nights sweating, dreaming about losing this baby.”
“I didn’t know that,” I said, squeezing her foot in my hands. “This pregnancy was so unexpected. We didn’t exactly have time to prepare ourselves for everything we would have to face again.”
“Not to mention, I just booked three more jobs over the course of the next few months. They aren’t as big as Brighton’s, obviously. But I’ll have a full-time workload coming up.”
“Are you sure that’s for the best? Maybe we need to think about having you start to cut back?”
She chewed the corner of her lip while she thought. “No. I think it wouldn’t do me any good to have too much time on my hands. Idle hands and all. I think I would just sit around and worry too much about the baby. I don’t want to fall into the pit of despair I just pulled myself out of.”
“Have you told Dr. Paul yet?” Brighton asked, stretching his arm out on the back of the couch behind her as he crossed an ankle over his knee.
Olivia was seeing him religiously, at least once a week. We took his suggestion about the three of us seeing a counselor together seriously, and our first appointment was the week after next. It’d be nice to have some of these harder decisions ironed out before then so we could all be on the same page and not waste the therapist’s time with things we should be able to work out on our own.
“I have.”
“What has he said about all this?”
“The same thing he always does. That we need total transparency for this to work.”
I nodded. “We expect it in our marriage, so I don’t think this should be any different.”
Brighton agreed. “Yeah, I never want to hide anything from you again, Ryan. Which brings up a delicate topic.”
I ground my jaw, suspecting where this was heading. I’d thought about this same thing many times myself—only I’d never landed on a good, fair answer. It was so easy when it was the three of us. But even I knew if we were going to have an open relationship, I couldn’t put rules on when and how they showed affection or saw each other. That wouldn’t be a relationship built on trust. And it would always end up leading to feelings of guilt, judgment, jealously, or fear. And they had no place in our marriage.
I ran my hand over the back of my neck, waiting for Brighton to continue. I noticed Liv was awfully quiet. “Go on.”
“Are you going to be comfortable if Liv and I want to be alone together?” he asked, his eyes piercing mine with their laser-green focus. Even though he was ten years younger than me, Brighton was one of the most well-rounded, intelligent, well-adjusted men I knew. I think that’s why I was so drawn to him myself. He was confident and successful for a reason. And his eyes told me he would not back down from this.
My jaw twitched, and Liv sat up straighter on the couch, squeezing the pillow that was nestled on her lap.
“I don’t really know a good answer to this question. Do you want to be alone with him more, Liv?”
I knew it wasn’t fair to put her on the spot like this, but we hadn’t discussed it on our own yet. And if we were going to be in this weird, three-way relationship, we needed to learn to communicate in front of one another without jealousy or nerves flying around unchecked every time we broached a difficult subject.
I sighed. “It’s okay if you do. I honestly just want to know.”
“I want to feel comfortable showing both of you my love, in whatever way feels natural in the moment. I don’t want you to consider it cheating if”—Liv licked her lips—“if Brighton and I find ourselves alone sometimes.”
“And I don’t want to keep putting you in this situation of being stressed out about it, either. I don’t know what to call what we have. But I guess if we’re going to go all in and do this, we need to go all in and consider each other equal partners, even if Liv and I are married. I don’t want you to always feel like a third wheel, Brighton. That’s not fair to you.”
“I don’t either,” Brighton said. “So, it’s settled then?”
I nodded. “Just excuse me if I get a little jealous sometimes while I get used to everything. I’ve had Liv to myself for so long. I never imagined sharing her for the rest of my life with another man. Not to say it has to be forever, or anything. You know what I mean.”
“What if I want it to be?” Brighton pressed.
My stomach dropped because I wasn’t ready for where this was going. It was one thing to open my marriage bed to another man and consider ourselves on equal footing in this unusual three-way relationship. It was another thing altogether to say forever. But then again, it already kind of was, wasn’t it? The life we’d created changed everything quickly, putting us on an accelerated path of unity.
“Do you?” I asked him. I had to know.
Olivia looked over at Brighton, her gaze soft. I could tell by the way they looked at each other and the lack of her surprise that they must’ve talked about this before. That only made my heart ache a little more. It felt like a betrayal that they’d openly spoken of marriage already behind my back. Olivia was my wife.
“I know I can’t marry Olivia. She’s your wife, Ryan. But I want to feel equal in this relationship, and I want to be fully committed to her—and to you by extension. Especially when the baby is born. If we’re both ‘Dad,’ then I want that baby to know I did everything I could to be committed to his mother.”
“Or hers,” Olivia said playfully.
Brighton winked at her. “Or hers. The point is—you know I love Olivia. I’m trying to be as transparent as possible here. But I also respect you. As my friend, and as someone I love.” He grew quiet. “And as Olivia’s husband.”
“So, what do you suggest?”
“I want to marry her in a small, private commitment ceremony. It wouldn’t be binding by law since it’s not legal. But it would mean everything to me to be wed to Olivia by heart. Especially with a baby on the way.”
“Can’t you have that without an actual commitment ceremony?” I wanted to vomit thinking of Olivia walking down an aisle to another man. It somehow made it all too real. It felt like losing her more than I already was.
“I suppose,” Brighton said. “But come on. You know I’ve always wanted to get married. To have a family. I choose you guys. But that also means I lose that dream of ever being able to legally wed. That’s a lot to give up.”
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br /> “But isn’t she worth it?” I bit back. “You said you’d take her however you could. That she was worth the risk.”
Brighton sat up straighter, leaning forward as he leveled me with his gaze. “And she is. And I would. But didn’t you also say you would do anything to make Olivia happy? It’s no different. We both love her!”
“It is different!” I said, standing up. “She’s my wife. I’ve loved her for almost nine years now. You can’t love her the same way yet, Kerrington. Not enough to want to marry her.”
“You don’t get to tell me how I love Olivia,” Kerrington ground out. “Besides, doesn’t she also get a say in this?”
I looked at Olivia, noticing her eyes were shimmering with tears. I ran a hand over my face and sighed, sitting back down and trying to cool my temper. I put my head in my hands, afraid to look at her. “What do you want, Livy?”
It felt too soon to be having a conversation about Kerrington co-marrying her. I’d just gotten comfortable with the idea of the three of us openly being together. Hell, I’d just told the man he could sleep with my wife whenever he wanted without me even being there. Didn’t I get some credit? Why did he have to push this now?
“I—I’m honestly not sure,” she said, looking up at Brighton. They locked eyes, and a million unspoken feelings, words, touches, and stories passed between them. There was so much love it hurt to watch.
“He only mentioned the possibility of it on Friday, and we hadn’t really had a moment to discuss it any further. Plus, I wanted to talk to you about it privately first. But we haven’t had a chance yet with the trip and all.”
“But do you want it?” I asked again, deliberately annunciating each word. “It seems pretty simple. I need to know the whole truth, Liv.”
Her body trembled with the heavy breath she exhaled. The pause hung heavy in the air between us. Our eyes stayed locked, and our life flashed before my eyes. The first time I saw her walk into my classroom—that pale blond hair falling in big, soft curls down her back. The effortless smile and mesmerizing blue eyes. The chemistry. God, the chemistry. Then it moved to our first kiss—stolen in my office at the university. Hotter and more combustible than anything I’d ever felt. I knew then that I was going to marry her. That no logic of being her professor could stop me from loving this woman or make me walk away from her. And that was less than a month after meeting her.
I remembered her on our wedding day, and the way she glowed from the inside out. We’d gotten married lakeside in the summertime. Her white, sheath-styled dress was made of lace and fit perfectly to the curves of her body. It was more casual than a traditional wedding dress, but that was Olivia. The wild to my holy. The dress had an open back, and I remember holding her in my arms for our first dance, my fingers trailing down her spine to finger the delicate buttons at the waist of her gown. The promise of our wedding night. The hope for everything to come.
How could I simply hand that gift over for someone else to take?
I glanced up, trying to fight back the warring feelings clawing at my heart and the control that was slipping through my fingers. The Olivia I remembered from the first day we met stared back at me. Then it dawned on me.
She was healing.
She was consistent in her therapy. She was openly sharing her feelings with me again. She’d apologized for the mistakes she’d made along the way. And now, here she was, bravely carrying our baby once again. Giving life to a future I’d begun to think wasn’t in our cards. It had to kill her with fear. Instead, I saw hope on her face. And softness. And vulnerability.
All the things I’d been praying for the past year.
I held my breath, waiting for her answer.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Brighton
I DIDN’T REALIZE I was holding my breath until Olivia answered.
“Yes.”
One simple word and my life changed forever. She wanted to marry me.
The room stood quiet, holding all the weight of her response as we each absorbed it in different ways.
Ryan swallowed, as if coming to grips with what this meant. He shot me a glare from the corner of his eyes with a warning. “Then you better do it right, and you better not hurt her, Kerrington.”
“I have your blessing?”
“I’m her husband, not her father,” he snapped.
“Yeah, but you’re the only other man who matters.”
“I need time for all of this to sink in, okay? Can’t you give me that?”
Olivia nodded, and I squeezed her shoulders with the arm I had around her.
“Look, I’m going to bed. We have to leave early in the morning so I can get home and grade papers. I’m not going to wait up.”
Ryan kissed Olivia goodnight then took the stairs two at a time and disappeared to the second floor.
Olivia exhaled, slouching deeper into the couch as she leaned against me. I played with her hair, giving her space with the thoughts that must be running through her head. She was quiet for the longest time.
“Do you want to go to bed, too? Or talk about this some more?”
I thought maybe she’d fallen asleep, but she hadn’t. She turned into me, holding onto my shirt with both hands. She put her forehead to my chest, and I could tell she was silently crying by the way her body shook. I scooped her into my lap and held her, rubbing circles on her back with my palm.
I never thought of the responsibility I was placing on her by wanting something like this. While I was elated that she said she wanted it, too, it must’ve been hard for her to say as much to her husband. Was I pushing for too much, too soon?
“Olivia,” I murmured.
She rotated in my lap, so she was straddling me now. Her hands cupped my face, brushing against my three-day stubble. Her eyes were watery as they looked down into my mine, but they were full of love, too. It had been hard, but we were pushing through it to claim what had always been right here between us. In this space of what could never be. It felt forbidden, and in some ways wrong. But it also felt like the rightest answer in my life.
Olivia North Wells was going to be my wife.
She dropped her mouth to mine, softly at first. She just barely nipped at my lower lip, gently swiping her tongue across the skin. Then her tongue pressed forward, more assertive, sensual. Asking to tango. I had one hand on her hip and the other snaked up her spine to cradle the back of her head and pull her lips closer to mine.
The heat exploded between us with the permission that was now unlocked. I pulled her body down harder into my lap as I pressed up against her core to show her just how much I wanted her. Her head fell back as she rocked her hips back and forth over my lap.
I cupped her breasts, kneading them as she ground her hips a few more times, until I could tell the friction was too much to bear. I held onto her back and stood. Olivia’s legs wrapped around my waist and she never stopped kissing me. I walked us to the stairs. I needed to get her into a bed. But we never made it. It was as if every feeling we’d ever had for one another came pouring out, unrestrained. With this new permission came freedom without guilt. I pressed her back against the wall at the bottom of the stairs and kissed her hard, slipping my hand inside her sweatpants and making her come. The first time we made love was hot, dirty, and sensual as fuck. I kept her pinned against the wall as we took greedily from one another. She’d have scratches on her back tomorrow from the brick, but she told me not to stop as I drove deep inside her, possessing every inch she surrendered to me.
We finally snuck upstairs well after three in the morning. Olivia’s legs were shaking so badly I had to carry her. When we got to the room, Ryan wasn’t there. It changed the mood instantly.
“I’ll go check on him,” I said, letting Olivia get ready for bed.
I walked down the hall and saw the door to the guest room ajar. Ryan was standing at the window, wide awake, his back to me. He’d never gone to bed. His hands were in his pockets as he stared out the window at the snow-blanketed woods b
eyond.
I started to step back when he called out to me.
“If you hurt her, I will kill you.”
“I’d expect nothing less,” I said. “But I’ll never hurt her, Ryan. And I want to stop hurting you, too.”
“It’s harder than I thought it would be.”
“I can only imagine.”
“Get some sleep,” he said.
“Aren’t you coming to bed?” It didn’t feel right without him.
“I need some time and space to process everything.”
I nodded, shutting the door on my way out.
By the time I got back to our room, Olivia was sound asleep. I could see the shadows and light play across her face from the moonlight coming in through the big, open windows. How could it hurt so much and yet feel so right to love a single woman?
I’d give Ryan the space he needed tonight, but tomorrow I would talk to him one on one. I wanted to marry Olivia more than anything in the world, but I wouldn’t if it alienated Ryan. This wasn’t just about me and Olivia. It was about the three of us, and we weren’t complete without him.
I wasn’t complete without him.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Olivia
RYAN WAS SURPRISINGLY cheerful the next morning, considering the weighty conversation we’d had the night before. He greeted me with an arm around the waist and a loud smooch to the cheek while making omelets. Brighton wasn’t downstairs, so it was just the two of us.
He set the table for three, pouring orange juice and setting out cutlery while I got a small mug of decaf dandelion tea.
“Where’s Brighton this morning?”
“Went for a jog.”
“In this weather?” I asked, looking outside dubiously. More snow had fallen overnight, and I couldn’t see the floor of the porch anymore.
“Yeah. He was up bright and early. Think he just needed to get some energy out. You know how much he loves to run.”
“Why didn’t you join him?” I asked.
