by Jamie Knight
He had become one of the most famous running backs to ever to play for the New York Leviathans. I often thought we would have and should have lasted longer. Even though we only dated for six months, I was madly in love with him.
But once we broke up, I was mad at him, even though it was supposedly mutual. Since then, I had seen him as cocky and selfish – although when we were together, I’d absolutely adored him.
I supposed I wasn’t the only one who had hoped I’d end up with Marvin Ward long term. There wasn’t a girl at school who didn’t seem to dream of being with him.
He was tall and built and incredibly charming. But the most beautiful thing about him was his huge mane of wavy brown hair.
Sometimes when we were making out in his dad’s Mercedes, his curly locks would fall onto his brown eyes and olive skin and I would feel my stomach sink. Usually that would be followed by his hands fiercely fingering my pussy, which would be so wet for him that I could barely stand it. Every part of me wanted him at the time.
I thought we’d get married. Honestly, I suspected we may have done it, if it weren’t for timing. He was two years older than me. And destined for greatness: he was off to play college football and then pro football.
True, back then he had acted as if he owned the world. There was no one on the planet mightier than Marvin Ward. Clearly, he was in love with me too — I knew it from the way he looked into my eyes and how he called me all the time — but timing is everything.
Plus, I always suspected that he didn’t want to settle down, and I guess I couldn’t blame him because he was so young. I swear he had had sex with at least half of the student population of our high school and a third of the population of our county of Westchester before he and I got together.
He was faithful to me the whole time we were together; it wasn’t that he stayed a player after getting with me, or that he cheated on me. In fact, he settled down for me and I felt as if I had tamed a beast.
But perhaps he wasn’t done sowing his wild oats. Maybe after we called things off and he went away for college, he became a player again. Not that I was one to talk. That kind of thing just happened after people broke up. And it wasn’t as if we could have stayed together forever.
Still, maybe if we had met ten years later, I thought now. It may have been different.
The way he looked at me then...
My brother was best friends with Marvin back in high school, when he used to warn me not to get involved with him because he was such a player. In fact, he was still best friends with Marvin to this day, but I’ve forbidden him to speak his name.
Although Marvin and I parted under what seemed to be mutual circumstances — I told him I didn’t want a long distance relationship, although really I was just afraid we wouldn’t work out for the two years I had to stay in high school while he was off to college — I tried not to think about him because I harbored too many “what if’s” that I didn’t want to dwell on.
When my brother had breached my commandment and talked about Marvin once in a while, he swore that he was still the same arrogant prick he was in school, except that he was a tad bit classier and cleaned up now that he was a quarterback for the Leviathans. But I still wonder.
Had I waited to have sex with him, had I told him I wanted to be in a long-distance relationship with him, or had I made him chase me even just a bit more at first… would we still be together?
The pressure to have sex with the hottest guy in school was intense. All the other cheerleaders on my squad were constantly asking me for details and saying I needed to give it up already.
Looking back, I wish I didn’t cave, maybe – because that would probably make it easier to get over him. But then again, the sex was so hot that I couldn’t really regret it.
Chapter 4
Olivia
I remember so vividly having a battle between my hormones and my good sense. Hormones won. So, did Marvin — he always did.
One night when his parents were away, he threw a party, and when the guests left, it was just him and me. He grabbed me and kissed me so strongly I knew that this would be it – I was about to lose my virginity to him.
And I wanted him so badly; my pussy was dripping for him.
Unbuttoning my shirt, he removed my linen blouse. I still remember that the top part was sheer and see through, so I had no bra on, as I didn’t want the straps to show.
“I loved looking at your nearly naked top all night,” Marvin said, his eyes moving up and down my body.
“It’s not see-through where it counts,” I protested, not wanting to be accused of showing everyone my boobs all night.
They were covered up; it was just that the top part of the shirt and some of the midriff were sheer and see through.
But Marvin didn’t want to listen to me talk. He wanted to fuck.
“It was like you were teasing me,” he continued. “And now it’s time to show me the goods. I want to see your whole body naked. Those curvy hips. That perfectly plump ass. And, of course, your juicy tits. Take off your clothes for me. Now.”
I couldn’t help but be turned on at the way he was commanding me to do what he wanted. I looked over at him quite submissively and then obediently removed my top and then my skirt. He began to lick my nipples while unbuckling his pants.
“Hell yeah,” he said, in between tastes of my nipples, as I felt his cock growing larger and harder up against my naked belly. “I have been wanting to suck these perky nipples of yours all night long. I was wishing I could take you right in front of everyone, so they could see me with your tits in my mouth where they belong, or my cock in your mouth, where it belongs.”
I loved his dirty talk. For me it was more than hot. I knew it was mutual since he was hard as a rock and letting me know how much he loved what we were doing.
“Get on your knees and put my cock where it belongs,” he commanded me, as he gave my nipple a gentle pinch and then a little twist and squeeze.
I knelt on the tile kitchen floor and moved my tongue down his taut stomach, all around his six pack abs while looking up at his toned, tattooed chest. He arched back and groaned.
I took his entire cock in my mouth and did my best not to gag.
“That’s it,” he said, stroking my hair and looking down into my eyes. “Stuff your mouth full of my cock and let me feel your lips sucking me off nice and hard.”
I did as he said, and I even reached up and played with his balls.
“Good girl,” he said, pulling my hair a bit as I sucked. He reached down and played with my nipples in between his fingers.
His cock was bulging and pulsing inside my mouth. As for me, I was so wet I started to moan while going down on him. I sucked his cock so fast and hard that he started to nearly growl. He wanted it so bad.
“Stand up,” he said, and lifted me to my feet. “I want to cum in your sweet little virgin pussy. Not your mouth.”
He slid his hand over my clit and rubbed hard and then he bent me over his kitchen table. He spread my legs wide and said, “Let me feel how wet that pussy of mine is. Is it my pussy?”
“It’s your pussy,” I said, ready to give it to him, for him to take it for my very first time.
He was teasing me more though, rubbing all around my clit, making me weak in my knees, as I grabbed hold of the edge of the table and orgasmed.
“I’m cumming,” I called out, panting and writhing all over his hand as he played with my pussy.
“Good, ” he said, as he spread open the lips of my pussy with his hand. “Now I’m going to fuck you for your very first time. If you want me to.”
“I do,” I called out, not even embarrassed to be begging for it. “I do want you to fuck me. I want you so bad.”
“Fuck yeah,” he said, as I felt the head of his big, hard cock up against the opening of my pussy. “I’ll try to be gentle. But after you’re used to it, I’ll take you again, nice and rough, and any time I want. Right?”
“Right,” I to
ld him.
Then I felt him easing his way inside of me. He did it nice and gentle, as he’d promised. It felt hard and stiff as he slid it in, and I wanted more of it. All the way inside me.
I got excited and leaned back into him a bit. That was a mistake, because I felt tear, or a pop.
“Ouch!” I called out, surprised, and jumping forward a bit.
“Hey now,” he said, pulling me closer to him. “That was all you. I didn’t hurt you.”
“No,” I agreed. “You didn’t. You feel nice.”
My pain had already turned into pleasure. He was pushing himself all the way inside of me, just like I wanted.
“Tell me how it feels to have my cock half way in your wet little pussy, for your very first time,” he told me.
“It feels amazing,” I told him, truthfully. “I love how you fill me all the way up. How you cram yourself inside me.”
As I talked, he thrust himself all the way inside me now, stuffing me full. I squeezed my thighs and the walls of my pussy, to hold him as close as I could, even though it was already super tight in there. My pussy was dripping out juice onto his cock. He was playing with my niples that were hanging out for him to see and to play with.
I loved being completely exposed to him. I knew that I was his for the taking, and I loved it.
“Good girl,” he said, cupping my ass cheek in one hand and my breast in the other. “You love it when I stuff your little hole full of my cock, don’t you?”
“Yes,” I nearly shouted out, as he started to rub my clit. I was in heaven now; I craved him more and more. “I love it. Fuck my little pussy hole with your big cock.”
I couldn’t believe the words that were tumbling out of my mouth and I loved that he made me lose control. It was like I could explore my deepest, darkest desires with him.
“I love fucking your little pussy, and I’m going to cum in you,” he said, as he played with both my clit and my nipple.
I started to moan as he pushed his cock in and out of me. I felt a tornado of an orgasm rippling throughout my body as I began to shout and groan.
“Yes, Marvin, yes!” I called out.
He groaned and thrust one last time as I felt his big cock throb inside me, and pulse as it shot his cum into me. At the same time, I was dripping out my juices for him, mixing mine with his, as he hugged me close to him.
I sighed, and it was only then that I realized I’d have to go get the morning after pill the next day. But it was worth it, because I had lost my virginity to the man I loved.
And now, after all this time, that man that I’d tried so long and hard to forget was back in my life – in the most unromantic of ways possible.
Chapter 5
Olivia
I decided I couldn’t talk to Marvin about Kylie. It was too serious of an issue to be discussing with an ex – not just any ex, but that ex. The one you never can totally get out of your mind, and the one you never want to see in front of you when you have to discuss a professional matter.
It had to work out with just Candy. Whoever this Candy was. I could meet with her and talk to her about her daughter’s issue and smooth it all out; I was sure of it.
But then I thought I was probably just fooling myself. I hated my anxious mind sometimes.
As I pondered the possibility of Marvin showing up with Candy after I was to call her in, I panicked. I had been purposefully trying not to think of him for all this time, even though I often failed.
Sure, I knew of his football success since graduating from Simmons. Even though I tried not to pay attention overtly, his best friend, my brother, would certainly boast about his accomplishments on the field.
Unstoppable as he was, I didn’t want to know about that because I assumed he also had a lot of accomplishments off the field as well.
I had avoided any Googling of him over the past ten years since I had left high school. I was sure that all it would lead to was photos of parties and women.
My senior year, while he was off playing for the Leviathons and the most anyone could do was talk about how Marvin Ward the Westchester kid makes good, I tried very hard not to care one smattering about any of that.
Truth be told, I couldn’t get out of high school or Westchester fast enough. Just as quickly as it had taken my principal to utter the words, “Congratulations to the graduating class of Simmons High,” I was on a plane, headed far away to college.
By second semester of my freshman year at Michigan State, I had met a very wealthy business major, Grey Bennett. We fake fell in love by the second date – you know, when you both know that you’re purposefully rushing things for this fake sense of happiness and that it can’t possibly last for good, but at least it’s lasting for now? – and my dorm room became his dorm room by month’s end.
He and I were off again, on again for the entire year until I met Anthony Rivas and decided it was time to end the fantasy bubble with Grey, which had already popped by then, anyway. Grey actually seemed relieved when I said it was over and I wanted to move on. I left out that I wanted to move on to Tony, but Grey and I were never even officially exclusive, so I doubt he would have cared.
Tony was sort of a jerk, but he was absolutely ripped, and he wasn’t bad in bed. He wasn’t nearly as good as Marvin – nobody was, which was a thought I often lamented – but he also wasn’t bad. We mainly fought and drank. That lasted into my senior year, with both of us kind of fading out of the relationship and mutually deciding to call it quits.
By senior year, I was prepared to find a mate. I had had enough of dating for fun and was hoping to settle down. I was super determined to get Marvin out of my head and be able to find someone, despite the fact that I could do was think about him.
Dillon Anders was the opposite of Marvin. Neither a jock nor a “player”, or at least he didn’t walk that walk. He was handsome, but he cared more about wealth strategy and where we should go for wine tasting than he did about Monday night football.
That was lucky for me, since there would be no way I could watch a football game with him for fear Marvin would show up on the screen, as either the quarterback in that game, or on a highlight reel from a different game.
Before he and I graduated, we had already decided that if we didn’t get an academic opportunity or scholarship in London, one of us would have to get hired. Since out of the two of us, business was more likely the option for him, he took a job.
Dillon did not disappoint. He was hired by a top financial firm in London and we were off.
Six months into our courtship, we were in a new land. My relationship with Dillon didn’t last but my love affair with London was on fire.
For me, London would hold many adventures including beautiful men, lots of growing, and quite frankly, peace, as I was an ocean away from the world I’d known.
But I had never been able to forget Marvin. No matter who I dated or where I went, he was always on my mind. No relationship I ever entered into seemed destined to last, because none of them compared to what I had felt with Marvin.
Why was it that I had let him hold me back from finding love again?
I supposed I had honestly tried my best, but I couldn’t control how my heart felt. My own lack of a stable relationship, marriage, children, a happy ever after, very well could be due to not being able to let go of hope that somehow, some way, he and I could work out again. If I could never let him go, how could I ever move on in my own life?
Now, as I sat there dumbfounded at the odds of getting Marvin’s child in my first-grade class, and a problem child at that, early days with him, some good, some horrible memories, began to flood my brain.
All the feelings I had suppressed, all the rage, came pouring out of me at that moment because, when it came down to it, I was upset that he had been able to move on and have a relationship and a child while I had always felt that something irreplaceable was missing and holding me back. It seemed so utterly unfair.
I knew I shouldn’t hate Marvin. It wa
s a mutual decision that we go our separate ways. But I guess I wanted him to fight harder for me and I blamed him for not somehow reading my mind. I was young and foolish.
Does it cut any deeper than teenage love?
I thought it could never hurt worse than that.
I had been convinced that I could never love anyone again, after Marvin.
Come to think of it, I just might have been right.
Chapter 6
Olivia
Marvin and I did see one another, briefly some time later, five years ago. My mother had passed away from cancer. And now truly without anyone except my brother, with whom I was never particularly close, and my dad having passed away when I was girl, I felt utterly abandoned.
I was upset that Marvin would come to my mom’s funeral after not having said a word to me in years. But I supposed that my aunt had invited him because she knew he was close to my mom and also, maybe, because she seemed to like to do things that would piss me off.
Or maybe Marvin had just seen my mom’s obituary or heard through the rumor mill in our hometown that she had passed away – and wanted to come to her funeral of his own accord.
I thought about walking up to him and demanding to know who he thought he was, to just show up like this, for the most part uninvited. Even if he had been invited, it didn’t mean he had to accept the invitation.
But truly I was in no real functioning state of “fight” at the time, so I acquiesced, deciding not to confront him. I chalked it up to a gesture of respect that he chose to attend.
Roxanne, my BFF, my confidante throughout high school and beyond, thought it meant more than that. I did not. It wasn’t surprising.
It seemed fitting, albeit slightly self-indulgent, that he attend the burial. Scarred wounds were re-opened just a smidge that day. But they healed once again.
