by Jack Ray
I drown away the pain
I sit alone in silence
Wet, shivering, debating whether or not
To reach out to you
Knowing damn well it’ll never be the same
Knowing you’d be angry with me
Knowing you’d be annoyed
But not truly understanding how or why
These feelings came to be
I really thought you wanted me
I really thought you cared
And for a moment,
I even thought you might have loved me too.
Painting You
You opened me up to a world
I was never ready to be a part of.
It’s Not The Same
Our hearts erupted
And I thought they’d never burn out
What a shame,
I was so wrong.
Lies // Love // Longing
Maybe I hate you
You cheated and lied me to death
A pretender who acted like everything was perfect
Although you couldn’t shake the hold
He put you in
And you came with baggage
An ex was still on your mind
In fact the only time he wasn’t there
Was when my hands were all over you
Pleasing you when he couldn’t
But it wasn’t the same I suppose
Because you made distance
And when you had your chance to run you took it
You found yourself back at his place, I’m sure
Fucking him without remorse for the lonely heart
You left back home, me
The one who truly loved you
The one you truly cheated on.
Untitled IX
Just as the stars in the night sky
She is all too visible
And all too far away.
A Dream About You
In my dreams we’re always so happy
Then I wake up,
Breakdown in the bathroom
Where my only company comes
From the lost soul in the mirror.
Homewrecker
Do you want me to sing you to sleep
In this violet city
This underground
Where all the neon lights
Have blinded us from the black alone
We will no longer let you manipulate us
We rise up
With pistols in our heads
And beliefs on our arms
These firearms fight back the monster in your heart
The one that left me here
On our sacrificial honeymoon
So with sin out of the way,
Are we even fucking lovers
Or just tourists to rock bottom
Where the darkest nights
Shine just as bright as the purest hearts
And the purest hearts are nothing short
Of sinister
What losers we are
To have believed this was so right
When every night with you
Was so wrong.
He’s Not Always Bad
You could either be popping pills
Or relieving the blood from your arms
And whichever you choose
You know it’d be better than facing the truth
You’re so scared of it
It makes you look weak
You won’t even take a glimpse
At how broken
You really are.
Once A Liar
You promised to tell me everything
That we would hold no secrets
And yet you hid this behind my back.
White Converse
Thank you for taking it all from me
And leaving me with black
That rigid splintered mood cutting into…
And my hearing had gone black
STATIC DEAFNESS PAUSED
With the love on my tongue still black
Never to shake your taste in everyone everywhere
And I try to hide from you
But I know my life will always be black.
No Such Thing As ‘Wrong Timing’
For your sake I hope the memory of us dissolves
That you never think of me again
You never wonder what if
You never whisper my name
Cause I know that’s what you’d want
To believe we never met
Believe we never made love
Believe we never burned out
As for me
I hope to never love again
Never open myself up to this horror
Denying all friendships
Because you took my heart and robbed me
Of everything I was willing to give
And in the rain you’ll find me
After all the times we shared
Cursing to the heavens;
Fuck you for breaking me down
Fuck this world that our paths ever crossed.
Tatted // Pierced
You did it once before
Did you do it again?
Did it seem right?
Did it seem fair?
Did loving him behind my back
Remind you of our own
Forbidden fire.
Are You Okay?
She leaves the crime scene without a scratch
A trail of blood stains the concrete floor
Her withered grey eyes are anything but innocent
But her pearly lace dress stays pure
The man she left- forgotten
A lover of the past
The one who’d give his dying breath for her
Has traded in his last
With a stunning 231 stab wounds
He has surely passed away
A hole for every compliment
A hole for every day
A hole for all the times he said I love you
Or every time he begged you stay
A hole for all the fun they had
A hole for all the hours
And every time they went to Comics
To talk about superpowers
And in his final moments
He still whispered to her love
One last puncture finally sent him above
Now the killer in this plot
Well she’s too sly to catch
No one on planet earth
Could have, would have guessed
She made him believe in love
Made others believe it too
But that’s what makes a brilliant killer
The twisted side of you.
Infamous Snap
Months later
I’m still plagued by your smile
Where did you go…
My little one.
Over Our Summer
You pretend to be pure hearted
You pretend that you miss me
But you refuse my calls
Claim you’re ‘too tired’
‘Too busy’
That’s why I know
If I really needed you
I can find you sleeping with your ex.
WW
Let it be known
That if our eyes shall ever meet again
I will not have the strength
To hold back the loss
So much loss
You’ll be able to read it on my face
And by the time you look away
Our whole life from birth to chaos
Will have flashed before those eyes
Breaking your heart
Just as you have broke mine.
Hopefully Eternally
Nowadays I can’t even find the time to sleep
I’m too busy spending nights
Waiting for your return
Waiting on that text
I’m certain you’ll never send
All the while aching from the pit in
my heart
And just praying for some rest.
Left Handed Driver
How quickly you became my enemy
After countless nights of wishing
You were more than just a friend,
That is the great tragedy in young love.
Will You Still Visit Me?
How hard my life has become
How much more complicated
How one person can manipulate my world
I can’t escape you
I can’t escape you in anything
You’ve left your mark on me
Now I have to find a way to live with it.
The Current
While you’ve moved backwards
Just to have your heart broken as before
I’ve learned to never trust anyone ever again.
Do You Really Want Me Making A Decision At Two In The Morning???
When we talked for the last time
I never really believed it was you
Cold, direct, unaffectionate
That couldn’t have been you…
Or maybe that was the only time
You ever chose to show your real self.
Unfriended
It’s so hard to understand
I was always there for you
No matter what
But in a moment of weakness
You wouldn’t even listen to me
And I tried to fix us
I would have done anything
But you were hellbent on leaving me to die
And I’ll never forgive you for that.
Bunny
All I ask
Is that you feel the pain you’ve dealt me
I hope you fall in love
I hope you’re happy
And most of all
I hope it comes crashing down before you
Then
Maybe
You’ll know what it feels like
And better yet
Maybe
You’ll know regret.
Ever Be Friends Again?
For the longest time it was difficult without you
I couldn’t think of anything I had to hate
I couldn’t think of anything that was wrong
But I guess that’s what I hate
That nothing was ever wrong
You just gave up
And so I thought
And thought
And thought
And I realized how much he still meant to you
You see I know you better than you think
I know the guilt of cheating
It must have killed you…
It killed us
You felt like you didn’t deserve me
That it wasn’t right after what we did
And that’s shitty
You lied to him
And you used me
You threw me away when you couldn’t take it
How selfish
How immature
Every decision you made was wrong
And you’re still so fucking wrong
Because you tried to have it all
And baby, I told you from the beginning
You can never have both.
DDT
Whether you knew it or not
I always understood your depression
And I would’ve done anything on this earth
To help you conquer it
But I guess you just found it easier
To give it all away.
One More Lap
You left me for dead
But you underestimate my resolve
I will come back from this stronger
Better than before
And one day I’m sure you’ll regret this.
Bus Ride
I felt like I knew you all my life
And then you lied to me…
You told me you wanted me forever
But every morning I awake in awe, alone
Seeing that I have survived
Another day without you
Another day without my better half
Another day wishing to break this silence.
Triple Word Score
The thought of you tortures me
When it used to bring me peace of mind
How I wish it still did
More than anything
And I know
It still should.
Bleed Me Dry
To be apart from you
Is to be torn from you
And to let you go
Is to be taken from you
And as I wait
Across this world for you
Know I am thinking
Of ways to get to you
And every night
I’ll say goodnight to you
Through the distance
May not seem right to you
Just know no bounds
Will keep my heart from you
This guarantee
I’m always part of you.
Would You Like To Read It?
And how difficult it is to write about you this way
When all I ever did was love you
From that very first moment.
I finally got around to writing that book about you.
Untitled X
You can still find me at our favorite spot
Wishing upon the midnight sky
For the day
When our timing will finally be right.
And The Eyes Were Our Thing
Eyeshadow of oceans and evergreen
Finally fade from face
Needles from your grey pines fall
Pikes and lances to pin me down
I beg for your release
I beg to be saved by you once more.
More Than Anything
Sometimes I find myself still writing about you
Just to see if I remember how much
I really loved you.
August
And maybe one day
We’ll get the chance to do it right
Maybe one day
We’ll lock eyes in the pouring rain
Reliving the union of two lost souls
Becoming intertwined like we first met
And maybe just maybe one day
You’ll walk up to me in that beautiful storm
And say;
You’re still the one with all the love to give.
The One I’m Waiting On // Don’t Wait For Me
I’ve made a lot of sacrifices for you and yet
I would do them all again to get you back
And I’m sure you believe that.
Barefoot On The Grass
And after everything
You’re still you
And I still love you
That may be the worst part of it all.
A Level Beyond
Maybe one day these will reach you
And I hope you remember all that I was
Doing whatever I could to make you happy
Even if it took everything
Especially if it took everything
Because unlike you, I did feel something
Something so powerful
That to say you didn’t feel it too
Is nothing but you lying to yourself.
Blueberry Muffins
And in those moments
You were lacking what it meant to be truly loved
So at least now you understand
What to look for in friends
Family
Lovers
Now you know who to be
And with that,
I believe I was meant to be in your life
Even if
We were only ever young lovers.
Our Quiet Place
This pain you traded me for my love
It burns like a fire inside
All the ways I showed you my heart
Meaningless to you now
The lengths I
went to make you mine
The lengths I went to please you
Christmas, birthdays, Valentines
Bloodshot eyes and swollen lids
From tears that sever layers of skin
All the ways I showed you my heart
Anything I’d do to love you…
…And after it all there wasn’t even a moment
A sliver of a second you ever felt it back
No matter what I did or didn’t do
So I lie here,
A stream of drops from the shower head hit me
And as I pick up the knife
You collect your razors too
And we cut and sever and slice
Miles apart, hearts now torn apart
Houses alone
We cut and cut and cut
And for a second,
I feel I share one last moment with you.
