I opened the door to leave and standing on the front porch was some guy I had never seen before. I stared at him and for a quick moment thought about pulling out a gun and shooting him. Frank would not have loved that idea.
I waited, though, long enough to hear his name was Ryan. And he said we were in danger.
35
Scott Daugherty
S ophie’s Choice was a movie where a woman, who survived the Holocaust, had to choose which one of her children was going to survive and which one was going to be killed. She ended up sending her daughter away to be killed. She couldn’t live with the decision for long, though, and in the end killed herself, too.
There’s a short story by Guy de Maupassant, a French writer, in which he writes about a greedy woman who borrows a necklace from her friend, loses it, replaces it with a new one and spends ten years of her and her husband’s life trying to pay off the necklace. It ruins their life, and in the end, she learns that the lost necklace was a fake and was worth less than 500 dollars.
Her choice was to tell her friend up front that they lost the necklace, or hide it behind her back and go into over 30,000 dollars of debt paying off a newer expensive necklace.
I enjoyed reading. After my divorce, I really got into the classics. I love stories about a character having to make a really tough choice. Which path to take? Which woman to go with? To tell or not to tell? It was intriguing to me to watch characters struggle with an internal conflict.
I just never thought I’d be involved in one that was so life and death as this one.
I sat in my apartment in silence. I didn’t have any music on, nothing was playing on the DVD player. I even had the lights turned out and the curtains were drawn. When I found myself breathing too loud, I closed my mouth and made sure the room was filled with silence.
Making the decision always seemed to be only half the battle for the characters in the stories I’d read. I always thought to myself why are you doing it there? Why are you talking to that person? Because it just wasn’t the decision that needed to be made, it was how the decision was going to be made.
It mattered who the characters would seek advice from. It mattered what kind of environment they were in when making their decision or what kind of music they were listening to. Were they angry when they tried to make a choice or were they calm? All of that mattered.
There was nobody I could talk to this about. Nobody wanted anything to do with me. I couldn’t talk to the people from WTIX because they hated me and wouldn’t give me enough time to say hi let alone explain the problem. I couldn’t talk to anybody new and ask for an unbiased opinion. That would ruin my reputation in this place overnight.
Not only was it a tough decision, but it was two tough decisions. I had one person wanting me to break up with his sister or else he’d tell her what I did. The other person wanted me to kill a man or she’d tell Sarah what I did.
Neither person was going to back off and neither person was going to find solace in their hearts to just forgive me and move on.
I either just tell Sarah what happened, or I break up with her and then go and kill Jack. No matter what decision I came to, I ended up alone.
Maybe there was a person to go get advice from and I just couldn’t put my finger on who it was yet, but there was absolutely no reason to be talking to Sarah about it, yet.
However, that is exactly who I was going to be talking to when she knocked and opened the door to my apartment.
“What are you doing?” She turned the lights on. “Why are you sitting in the dark?”
“Oh, I was just resting my eyes for a second. I was feeling kind of sick.”
“Oh, no. Are you alright?”
“Yeah, I’m doing okay.”
She walked over and kissed me on the forehead. She smiled and then kissed me on the lips. It was soft and wonderful. It was a small kiss, but it was the kiss I wanted to be having for the rest of my life. It was that kiss that made this decision impossible. I didn’t want to lose her.
“I’m sorry that I didn’t come over to say hi to you when you came into the bar,” she said.
“Are you?”
“What does that mean?” She sat down next to me.
“Glen told me, Sarah. Why didn’t you just tell me he was your brother?”
She rolled her eyes and was disgusted that I knew that.
“I don’t know. I don’t see him as my brother. Yes, he is my brother, but now…I don’t know. Now, he’s just the guy that runs this place. He’s my boss. We don’t get along. We never have.”
“That’s what he was saying,” I said.
“What else did he say?” She turned her body to me. Her knees touched the side of my hip.
“Nothing. That was it.”
“Does he know about us?”
“Yeah, he knows about us.”
“Well, what did he say about it?” She reached out and took my hands. For someone who didn’t care about her brother, she cared an awful lot about what the conversation with him was like.
“Honestly, he wasn’t too happy about it.”
“It’s not his place, Scott. He has no say in this.”
He has a lot of say. I wish I could tell her that.
“I’m happy. Yeah, this is new and fresh, but I am happy, Scott. Aren’t you?”
“Of course, I am.” Which is what made it so sad.
I wanted to tell her that I was falling in love with her. After twenty or so days, I was falling in love with her. Would she believe it? Would she think it was creepy and too fast or that it was love at first sight and romantic?
People on the Bachelor and Bachelorette fell in love with each other after like four days on that show and America seemed to always have an obsession with that show. If those people could fall in love so quickly and be accepted for it, why couldn’t I?
I couldn’t say it, though.
“Seriously, Scott,” she said. “I’m happy. I know it is soon and this whole thing between us was random and unexpected, but I am so happy. I feel something so strong for you and am so unbelievably lucky that you and your friends came here. I won’t say anything more because I don’t want to scare you, but I am happy. I am in this for the long haul.”
“So, am I.” I lied. Sure, I wanted to be, but I knew that was never a possibility. I wanted a few more moments, a few more days to be in her arms.
We kissed.
“Now, I’m disgusting from working almost all night, so I’m going to shower and when I get out, you better have absolutely no clothes on. Got it?”
“I got it,” I responded like a giddy little child.
She kissed me passionately and hopped into the bathroom. The door closed behind her and I heard the shower turn on seconds later.
I lowered my head and I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t mean about the choice I had to make, I meant my emotions. I didn’t know which emotion to channel and let out. Should I cry? Yell? Punch something? Scream? Weep?
Instead, I closed my eyes and like any other good Catholic who hadn’t been to church in over six years, I motioned the cross and then folded my hands.
“God, I don’t know if I have any right to be coming to you right now, and while I have so much to say to you, I don’t think it is you that I need to be talking to. So, I ask that you look over me and the people of this community, but right now, I don’t know if you can help me.”
I took a deep breath. “Hi, Marissa, baby. It’s dad. I want you to know that I miss you so much. I want you to know that I’ve done some bad things, but you know daddy isn’t a bad guy. I am sorry for what I’ve done. You and your mother are watching me, I’m sure, and I need you to know how sorry I am.”
The sound of water running from the bathroom was a calming soundtrack to my prayer.
“I need you to forgive me. I’m sorry for what I’ve done. I want to make everything okay. I want to make sure everything I am doing is okay. You get that, right? I hope you still love me because I still love you both so much. I�
�m sorry for how things ended. I’m sorry that I couldn’t be there for the both of you. I’m sorry I failed you.”
I opened my eyes because I thought I heard the bathroom door open, but she was still in the shower. My lids closed again.
“I still love you and will forever, but I need to move on. I hope you understand that I need to move on. Sarah is a wonderful person and I need her. I need her much more than she needs me. I hope you understand, that you love me and that you can forgive me for everything I’ve done. I am moving on, but you know I will never forgive you.”
I opened my eyes but kept my head lowered. I felt better inside, but still, a dark cloud hung over me because of what was going to have to be talked about.
“That was beautiful,” said a voice.
I looked up, and it was dark in the apartment, but the door I’d heard before wasn’t the bathroom door. It was the apartment door. Elyse had snuck into the apartment and had been standing off in the dark kitchen.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” I said quietly so Sarah wouldn’t here.
“Were you just talking to God? No, you were talking to your family. That is so sweet, Scott. I think I may cry.”
“Get out of here. Please.” I shot up and sprinted over to her. I grabbed her arm, but she pulled back and backed up and away from me
“Your time is up, Scott. Are we doing this or not?”
“What? Tonight?”
“Right now. I’m not waiting anymore. You don’t need any more time. Are you going to do what I asked?”
“You didn’t ask me, you threatened me!”
“Scott, I wouldn’t threaten you.”
“Are you out of your fucking mind?! No! I am not doing this! I’m not killing Jack or anybody!”
“Fine.”
She walked around me and ran over to the bathroom door. She started banging on the door as if she was trapped inside a burning building. She screamed and kicked and cried around like a little child.
“Stop!”
The door opened and Sarah came out wrapped up in a towel still soaking wet. Elyse backed up and looked her up and down from head to toe.
“Damn.” Elyse looked back at me. “She’s sexy as hell, Scott. That’s too bad.”
“What the hell is going on? Who is this?” Sarah asked.
I stood in silence. I was frozen. I could see everything crumbling. I could see the life I’d quickly started to build was going up in flames and there was nothing I could do to put the fire out. I couldn’t move my legs. I couldn’t move my lips.
“Hi, Sarah. I’m Elyse.”
“Okay,” Sarah responded.
“You don’t know me because I actually have been a little afraid to come around Scott lately. Want to know why? See, back at WTIX, Scott raped me. He raped the shit out of me. He hit me and beat me and pulled my clothes off and he stuck it inside of me like a murderer stabbing someone with a knife.”
“What?” She listened, but her eyes pierced me.
“Yeah, he damn near killed me. He wanted to run away together. He wanted to make me his queen and to lock me away. He’s a fucking crazy guy, Sarah. You’re really lucky. Have you two had sex, yet? It’s good, isn’t it? See, I know how good it is because he raped me. I hope he was a little gentler with you, though. I’d hate for a pretty girl like you to die because Scott likes to fuck like he’s raping somebody.”
Elyse stopped and she smiled like a crazy version of the Joker from the Batman movies. She was insane. She looked all over the room and was acting like an innocent little child who was trying to make mommy and daddy proud.
“Is this true, Scott?” Sarah asked. I’d never heard that tone in her voice before. She was terrified of me already and wasn’t even sure it was true, yet.
I couldn’t say anything. I stepped closer to her and put my hand out. I needed her to take my hand.
“Stay the fuck away from me!” Sarah yelled.
I dropped my hand, but I kept walking closer. I walked slowly. I didn’t want to scare her. Believe that? I was afraid of walking over to my girlfriend because she was afraid of me.
“You’re sick. You raped her? What the fuck is wrong with you?” She went into the bathroom and came out quickly after with her clothes in her hand. She picked up her shoes and headed to the door without getting dressed.
“No!” She yelled when I reached out to her again. “Stay the fuck away from me. Don’t you dare come near me, you freak.”
She slammed the door behind her and I couldn’t move again. I wasn’t frozen, though. I was weak. If I tried to move, my legs would have buckled underneath me. I was perfectly balanced on weak legs.
“Wow. That’s a shame. You two would have made a really cute couple, actually,” Elyse said.
I stared at her with my mouth wide open.
“How could you do that?” I asked.
“Are you really in any position to ask me that?”
And at that moment, my legs buckled. I fell onto my ass and my leg rolled up underneath my body. We really would have made a cute couple.
36
Jack Scoville
R yan was a spastic little fuck. He ran his mouth the entire walk over to the bar. It was all about us getting out of District 7-1 and that this place was not what it seemed and that we were in trouble and danger and the people I cared about were going to get hurt.
Honestly, he was saying everything I had been saying the last few weeks. And it was annoying as hell. I could see why the people in my group were becoming more and more frustrated with me every time I spoke to them. Ryan was sober, too. If he was drunk all the time like I was, it would have been unbearable.
He told me that he’d talked to Haylea and Kurt and neither one of them were paying attention to him. My God, he sounded exactly like me! I tried to shrug him off, but the kid would not leave me alone.
I walked into the bar already intoxicated and was really ready to drink myself to sleep. I needed a few strong shots, could pass out, wake up when the sun went down, and then start all over again. This was much better than the life inside WTIX.
“Jack, are you even listening to me?” asked the kid.
“No. I’m not. Honestly, I didn’t know you were still there.”
I sat at the bar and he sat right beside me. I stared at him, but he didn’t feel the slightest inclination to leave. How were my annoying stares and the silent treatment not getting through to this kid? Go away!
“Look, kid, I get it. You’re worried about this place and you think it is bad news. Guess what? I agree with you. But I don’t know you. I’m not going to start some random damn partnership with you. We’re not going to be best friends okay?”
“I just need your help,” he said.
“For what? Don’t you get it? My people won’t listen to me so I can’t help you. If you got some other way to convince them, then go for it, but I’m out. From now on I’m worried about myself.”
He was silent. Finally, he was silent. I shut him up and he was going to give up and move on to the next person who would listen to him.
“Look. She’ll help,” Ryan said. He pointed to a woman behind the bar. “Sarah.” He raised his hand.
“What’ll it be?” She was very unenthusiastic.
“Three shots of tequila,” I said.
“And you?”
“What? Nothing. No. I need your help.”
“Ryan, I’m not in the mood. If you’re not getting a drink, go away.” She stepped back to the bottles and grabbed the Jose Cuervo for me. I felt the butterflies in my stomach flapping around as she poured the beautiful smooth liquid into three tiny glasses. The butterflies were probably trying to stop from drowning in all the alcohol sloshing around my stomach.
She slid the glasses in front of me one by one. As she moved the third one closer to me, I was already done with the first one.
“Sarah,” Ryan said. “I’m serious. This is important. We need to show him.”
She stopped. She looked at him and
I didn’t give it much attention. I took the second shot.
“Hey,” I said to her. She looked at me and I had her full attention. Or Ryan did when he said that. “Move your hand.”
Her fingers were still around the third glass she had poured me.
The door from the side opened up and Scott walked out. I’d forgotten that his apartment was upstairs above the bar. I didn’t like him and didn’t want to talk to him, but maybe I could have a sit down with him and arrange a trade in housing. Because I just realized at that moment that I had a dream of living above a bar.
Sarah looked at Scott and he looked at her. Their eyes lingered for a slow moment before she let go of my glass and looked away. Scott’s stare didn’t stop. He finished buttoning up his little security uniform and when he looked at me, he must not have noticed me sitting there, he left the bar.
Seconds later, Elyse came running out of the same apartment. She didn’t look my way. She was smiling and hopping and acting like a little school girl on the first day of summer vacation.
I instantly felt the blood inside of me boiling over. I wanted to throw the shot glass into the mirror across the bar. I took a deep breath and kicked back the last shot. I watched as she skipped off one way and Scott the other.
Of the two people leaving that apartment, Scott should have looked happy and Elyse should have looked devastated, but it was the other way around. Why was Elyse leaving the apartment of the man who raped her? And why was she so happy?
I thought back to what Scott had told me. For a small second, Elyse killing me didn’t seem like such a long shot. I couldn’t, no matter what, though, convince myself that she really was capable of doing that. At least, I had to hope she wasn’t.
“You know what he did?” the bartender asked me.
“What?”
“The look on your face when you saw Scott tells me you know what he did to that girl.”
“What?” Ryan asked.
“Yeah,” ignoring Ryan, I replied to her. “You know?”
“Yeah, I know.”
“How do you know? How do you know him?”
“I was kind of sleeping with him,” she said.
Dead Last, Vol. 3 Page 20
