by Tamara Gill
“More murders are in store then? Burning? Looting?” She tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. “How nice to know what to look forward to.”
Bloody hell. Would she always fixate on that? “This is the way of things. It may not be an honorable life, but it’s life nonetheless.”
“Ah.” Again, she turned away to stare out at the ocean.
“Have you anything else to say on the subject? You seemed rather upset when the French ship went down.” Apparently, conversing with Sarah while she wanted to remain headstrong was a bit more difficult than he’d anticipated.
“While I cannot fathom why God would continue to allow a murderer such as yourself to live and allow a ship full of innocents to die, I am more convinced it is a problem I must work through on my own. Perhaps the reasoning just escapes me at the moment.”
“Ah, and don’t forget, you are now a murderer as well.”
“I cannot forget, thank you and while it’s troubling, I cannot correct the matter.”
“Neither can I.” Here was a subject he could draw her out on. “There are reasons behind everything, Miss Covington. None of the events surrounding piracy should be taken lightly and we all have the opportunity to learn from each, but I will caution you to understand God has His own timing for every living thing. Perhaps He tests me on the off chance I can chase salvation after all.”
A hint of a smile lifted the corners of her mouth before succumbing to a frown. “What makes you think you can be saved? My efforts at prayer might be wasted on you when they can be otherwise employed in better pursuits.”
Adrian tamped his continued agitation. Teasing had apparently escaped her grasp. He concentrated on the rowing.
Several minutes passed before she spoke again. “I never thought you’d give in so easily, Captain. Are you done playing or have I hit a nerve?”
Oh, she was crafty. No wonder he couldn’t let her go, but if she wanted a debate, she’d get one. “Doesn’t everyone deserve redemption? I would think a missionary’s daughter would spend her free time praying for the lost around her.” As much as he attempted to appear flippant, agony hung in the balance.
Did she see him as the monster she’d said? Why did it matter so much to him if she did?
She was only one woman among many, and none before her had questioned his morals. Especially not one who had blood on her hands the same as he. “Piracy is my livelihood, no different than a butcher or a hangman. All unpleasant, yes, but necessary evils. Each with a place in society and the world.”
“This is true. And yes, I do believe you deserve redemption, but first you must be willing to be redeemed. I fear you haven’t forgiven either yourself or someone else in your life yet. This hinders you from thinking you are good enough for God’s grace or even the love of another person.” She ran her fingers through her hair. “If salvation was easy, everyone could attain it and still live less-than-devout lifestyles. It is difficult for a reason, so you remember the trials.”
“I see.” The urge to defend his character clamored in his brain. He wanted to ferret out exactly what she meant. “Do you compare your life to mine? Or perhaps you measure every man you meet against your saint-like father?” Obviously the life of a Bible-thumper was not for him. He’d made a career of piracy. It was a good, albeit hard, life, but did that mean he lacked integrity or a work ethic? He didn’t think so, not when he ran the Lady Catherine with efficiency born of an iron hand. Why did she feel the need to judge him on one little area? Adrian had no answers. He’d never questioned his immortal soul before meeting Sarah and wasn’t convinced either of their viewpoints was correct.
“Do not presume to place me on a pedestal, Adrian. I am far from perfect, and my father certainly wasn’t.” Her dark eyes bore into his. “I struggle daily. I’ve lost my way several times, at least twice since meeting you, but the glory is I have only to ask for help to find my way back.”
“Back to your life before you met me?” He hated the fear circling through his insides like a sea monster. “Do you want to go back to that life, the living under the thumb of a man with morals and ideals like your father?”
“Not exactly. I would like to stretch my own wings, chase my own pleasure for a while. I wish to experience a new life, or at least enough to compare one with the other.” Sarah cocked her head, her gaze never leaving his face. Hunger burned in her eyes, for what he couldn’t say. “You never answered my earlier statement. Do you consider yourself beyond redemption or hope or even love?”
Did he? Adrian put his back into rowing. Several strokes went by before he’d formulated enough words to answer. “As a young man, I had nothing but hope. Fate took that as a sign to knock the wind out of my sails and make certain I wouldn’t see it again for years.” He’d not talked about his past with anyone since he’d first set foot on a ship. Wanting to share it with Sarah felt right, connected him more deeply to her.
Surprise reflected in her expression. “You did not aspire to piracy?”
“No. In fact, I really had no aspirations of any kind, and that was the crux of the issue.” Bitterness over that one, life-changing event rose in his throat. “After my tangle with fate, I committed many crimes that redemption has no part in. In fact, you’d be hard pressed to find anything altruistic about me at all. Outside of this ship, the world refuses to acknowledge me—either as who I was or who I am now—or at best wants me dead. You have expressed your intent in that regard as well.”
“I don’t wish it now, and I did give you my promise in that respect.” The tendons in her neck moved with the force of her swallow. “I might despise your decisions and question your motives, but I no longer have the urge to end your life. I’ve grown accustomed to your arrogance. Besides, you are a difficult man to kill.”
Adrian chuckled. He let off with the rowing in order to let the longboat glide on the whim of the ocean. “You are not the first person to tell me this.”
“It’s a good trait to have when one is a pirate or held in high regard by someone who cares.”
His chest constricted. Did she refer to her feelings for him? Knowing it was possible and that she might care for him despite her obvious reservations of his professional sent a chill down his spine. He refused to say anything that would interrupt her thoughts.
She again looked out over the ocean. A touch of pink stained her cheeks. “In a way, being on your ship, having no choice but to follow your dictates and accept my fate, has allowed me to rethink my life. It’s dissipated the rage I’d carried around since Father’s death. On the other hand, it’s left me a bit empty. I’m not certain how to counter that.”
“A life fueled by revenge has no meaning once that vengeance has been satisfied.” She was lucky indeed in that regard. He struggled between holding onto his past hurt and forgetting it ever happened, but how could he when it had been the catalyst that brought him to this life?
“Yes.” She drew a hand through the water but said nothing else.
He couldn’t understand how she let her quest lapse. How did one forgive something that had wounded so deeply, that had been the major force behind every decision since it happened? Adrian resumed rowing. “Yet you tried to escape from me and my ship. That act indicates you aren’t willing to live under the very conditions you say have been your reason for change.” Though he strained at the oars, his breath stalled in his chest. Why did he feel as if fate lurked over his shoulder again? And if it did, why did it feel more important this time?
She moistened her lips. “It was an immediate reaction. Put yourself in my position. What would you do if you were forced to endure circumstances in quick succession that you couldn’t abide let alone make peace with?”
In that perspective, perhaps she’d responded in a normal fashion. The difference lay in that she’d let him take her back to the Lady Catherine. She could have jumped from the long boat and hidden away on St. George’s. “Last night, as well as now, you told me you wished to seek a new life, a new chapter on my ship
. Live for yourself. Was that a lie?”
A trill of surprised laughter left her throat. “Why are you concerned about my lies when your whole existence is based on them?”
“Answer the damn question, Sarah.” He had to know. Had she said that because she felt she had no other choice, and if given a chance at freedom, would she leave him for greener pastures, or worse, another man? She’d made no bones about her disagreement with the way he ran the ship’s operations. For the first time in years, he had to face the reality that he might indeed have fashioned a life wherein companionship with a woman wouldn’t be possible. While he wanted to test her trust, if he had a choice, he’d keep her with him for far longer. “Please tell me.”
She heaved a sigh. “No, it wasn’t a lie. My existence before meeting you is gone. I realized that as soon as I entered the courtyard at the fort in St. Augustine. I made irrevocable choices that morning. I cannot return to that time, even if I wanted to, and I am quite certain I do not.”
Relief drenched his back with sweat. That day at the gallows—the day his second—twentieth—hundredth—chance at life began, yet how had he changed each time he’d avoided death? He hadn’t, which brought him to his current bout of self-doubt. No matter how much he wished for someone to believe in him as a person, if he hated himself, all was for naught. Meeting Sarah made him pick at the flaw like a child with a snag on a jumper. “I wonder now if it wasn’t a mistake on my part to bring you here.”
“Adrian—”
He shook his head, cutting her off. “Knowing me has undoubtedly corrupted you beyond the redemption you spoke of earlier. If there is no hope for me, I’d rather not be a blemish on your bid for heaven.” It was hard enough to live with himself and his crimes. Why should he subject Sarah to the same?
The hull of the Lady Catherine loomed ahead. Two pulls at the oars and the longboat bumped against it. “Allow me a brief period of rest. After that, I will return you to the island. From there you can book passage on the next ship bound for England or America. Your new life should start far away from me and the harsh realities I represent.” Though she would leave a large hole in his life, the pain would fade. It always did. Change was as inevitable as the sea. At least leaving her free might begin to balance out some of the wrong he’d committed. He dropped the oars to the longboat’s floor.
“Oh, Adrian.” Sarah leaned forward and laid a hand on his knee. Heat lanced through his veins. “What happened to you that you cannot accept the fact you’re not as bad as you think?”
“You waste no time in telling me I am.”
She shook her head. “For that, I apologize. When everything you are is stripped away, you are merely a man. Why can you not trust?” She rubbed her hand over his thigh. “Not everyone is out to betray you, but unless you let them past your defenses, you will never see that.”
He couldn’t move, didn’t want to interrupt the exquisite sensations her touch evoked within him. “True, and I will counter with this. Not everyone wishes to dominate your will; they merely desire to see how far you’ll let them before rising to the challenge. Do not mistake the motive.”
Sarah’s eyes twinkled in the sun. “Agreed. It would seem we are both in need of an act of pardon from the other.”
An unfamiliar lurch of his heart gave him pause. Did that mean she accepted him as he was? “Very insightful. Do you want me to return you to St. George’s?”
“No.”
He nodded. The urge to lay bare his soul rolled over him like the waves. “Would you allow me to tell my story?” He hadn’t shared so much with another person. The need to unburden himself to Sarah left him reeling.
“Yes.” The word came out on a whisper as her dark gaze held his. She cupped his cheek. “For the time being, my place is on the Lady Catherine, until I decide otherwise. Don’t force me to track down another dagger and fend you off in order to prove I’m serious. I don’t wish to break my promise.” One of her eyebrows rose.
“Aye.” He couldn’t help his grin. Of course she wouldn’t take kindly to being ordered about again. “Come with me.” Standing, he then edged past her to thread a length of rope through a rusty iron rung embedded into the ship’s hull. When they were ready to depart, the crew would hoist all the longboats up and secure them. “Ladies first.” He gestured to a wooden ladder built in to the side of the hull.
“Thank you for the courtesy, Captain.” She stepped around him and began the climb upward.
If he allowed her the wings, would she fly far from him and his ship, never to return? Perhaps it was as she said: he had to trust her and hope she’d remain his for a bit longer.
*****
As she settled demurely on the edge of his bed, hands once again clasped in her lap, Adrian attempted to marshal his wayward thoughts. Time and again they returned to the woman he’d become just shy of obsessed with in a handful of days. Though the bulk of his attention needed to reside with his ship and duties, he couldn’t manage to relegate her to the off hours. That was how much she’d unsettled him.
“You seemed ready to tell me your darkest secrets ten minutes ago, yet you haven’t spoken a word since we’ve come aboard.” Curiosity lined her expression. “Not that I mind the companionable silence. I find it highly enjoyable to spend time in your presence when you’re not commanding my every move or ordering me about. However, you’ll feel better once you unburden yourself.”
How much did he adore her penchant for cheek? “True, but I find it’s best to share confidences only when the other party is fully relaxed.” He knelt before her. In the end he couldn’t resist her siren song. “I imagine you’ll think the same once I have shown you this is so.”
“That largely depends on what you’re plotting.” Uncertainty flitted through her eyes. She held her bottom lip between her teeth. “For you are always plotting.”
“I am.” Adrian skimmed his hands up her legs, pushing back her skirts as he did. “Days ago I wanted to taste you. Today, I will follow through on that promise.” His cock hardened from the thought. He urged her into a reclining position as he bunched her skirts around her waist. “Open for me, Sarah.”
“I don’t think you should—”
“Hush.” He encouraged her legs apart. Amidst the dark curls, pink skin glistened with her arousal. “You aren’t as immune to me as you want me to believe.”
“I never claimed I was, and you never asked me. You merely took from my body, assuming it was what I wanted.” Fire danced in her eyes, daring him to say more.
“You wanted it then. You want it now. Say it.”
“Will you force me if I say no?”
“I don’t need to. Let me show you why.” He wouldn’t stop his ministrations until she uttered his name or promised she wouldn’t leave.
He stroked the inside of her thighs as he would soothe a skittish horse. She trembled but relaxed into his care. Resting on her elbows, she watched him with shadowed eyes. Adrian grinned. She’d enjoy this. So would he.
Dipping his head, he kissed her mound. He nibbled his way around the delicate skin of her inner lips, familiarized himself with her outer lips, being sure to give each side the same attention. Pleasuring a woman orally was an art form; one he’d had years to perfect. Life at sea was long and with no one except other men to converse with, at some point the topics turned to women. He’d learned. He’d practiced with many women. They’d guided, taught, instructed until he’d mastered the skill. At her whimper, he drew his tongue from her opening to her nubbin and then back again.
“How are you feeling, Miss Covington?” He didn’t need to hear her confirmation for he already knew. The trembling gave her away.
“I’m not sure.” Her eyes were unfocused and soft as she stared at him. “It’s very different.”
“Let me help you decide.” Adrian gripped her hips, encouraging her knees over his shoulders, before settling more comfortably between her thighs.
With slow, gentle movements he thrust his tongue inside her channel
. Two long strokes later, she gasped and clutched the quilt. He hummed his appreciation of her reaction against her flesh. She squirmed, writhing in his hold. Oh yes, his Sarah did so enjoy this type of attention.
Adrian continued his seduction, savoring her sweet juices on his palate. He licked his way upward to circle her swollen button with the tip of his tongue. When she moaned, he lapped from opening to nub as if he were licking juice from a papaya, only her juices set his body on fire.
“My God, Adrian, stop. I cannot endure more.” She struggled to sit, but he splayed one hand on her belly, keeping her still.
“Patience, my girl. The best is yet to come.”
He flicked a fingertip over her button. Sarah bucked against him. She twisted her fingers into the quilt. Covering the nub with his mouth, he sucked on her pearl then released it. When she quieted, he repeated the action and established a languid rhythm. Sarah sobbed for him to stop his ministrations, and alternately begged him not to before she broke into whimpering, unintelligible pleas.
Adrian fought against his body’s needs. His cock pressed urgently against his breeches, desperate for action. He ignored his own discomfort. In this moment, he wished to convey to her how he felt, show her without words that he wanted her. Taking her swollen nubbin into his mouth, he rubbed his tongue over it, circled it, and sucked on it in an endless loop. When he inserted two fingers into her passage and began a series of gentle thrusts, she stiffened. Her cries became hoarse and frantic. He increased the pressure of his suckling. As her hips gyrated, he enhanced the intensity of his tongue’s dance against her nubbin, hoping he drove her mad with need.
She shattered, or more accurately, Sarah Covington experienced her first fall into release. A cry left her lips that made no sense except, perhaps, to her. Her body shook. Her inner walls contracted around his fingers with little, greedy flutters.
