by Tamara Gill
A roar of congratulations and applause broke out all across the room.
Sarah stood in the back of the room. As she heard her host’s announcement, her head drew back as if she had been slapped. Her breath caught as her eyes widened and her jaw fell open. She glanced across the room to where Edward stood with a group of gentlemen. He was smiling as his friends slapped his back and congratulated him. She felt her heart break in two. Suddenly, all she wanted was to be alone. She turned and walked swiftly to the door. Once in the hallway, she grasped her skirts in her hands and ran up the stairs, tears welling in her eyes. She tripped on the top step, clutching the banister to keep from falling.
With a gasp and a swipe of her eyes with the back of her hand, Sarah fled down the long hallway, not stopping until she reached her chamber. She locked the doors, the one to the sitting room she shared with her parents as well as the door to the hall. Then, she sank to the floor and allowed the sobs she had been holding back to burst forth as her mind circled around the thought, “How could he do it? I thought he cared for me. He was only playing with me,” she said to herself. “And I believed him. Silly, Sarah, just so silly. He is no doubt sitting with Lady Anna right now, holding her hand and laughing at me because I fell so easily for his lies.”
Sarah did not know how long she sat on the floor and cried. When the tears began to slow, she rose on wobbly legs, feeling as though she were missing half her heart. She plodded to her dressing room to pull off her gown and underthings and replace them with a nightshift. Then, she blew out all the candles except the one on the stand beside her bed and pulled the blankets back to crawl in.
A knock on the door arrested her movements. She bit back a sob and took a deep breath as she strode to the portal. “Who is it?”
“If you please, ma’am, I have a letter for you.”
Sarah recognized the voice as that of one of the maids and unlocked the door. She opened it a crack, just enough to see the girl on the other side. “A letter? Who from? My mother?”
The maid curtseyed, holding the missive out to her. “Yes, ma’am, a letter. I know not who wrote it; I was only asked to deliver it to you.”
Sarah’s lip quivered as she pulled in a deep breath. She could not imagine who had written to her. She could not stand here debating the matter, though, and it was not right of her to keep the servant from her duties, so she stretched out her hand and accepted the note. Pushing the door closed, she locked it once more and turned the letter over. She did not recognize the handwriting.
Sarah sniffed and returned to the bed, searching the stand for a handkerchief with which to wipe her nose. Then she climbed into the bed and pulled the covers to her waist. Leaning back against the headboard, she broke the seal on the letter and read.
Dear Miss Payne,
I am so sorry about what happened this evening. I do not know what to say other than to profess my innocence.
I have not proposed to Lady Anna and I will not. I do not want her. I want you. My heart’s desire is to marry you and spend the rest of my life making you happy.
I saw you run out of the drawing room after that farce of an announcement. I tried to come after you but was thwarted by the crowd of people offering me congratulations.
I beg you to believe me. Please say you will meet me in the garden on the morrow before you leave.
Yours forever,
Amblingshire
Sarah wiped her eyes again as she read Edward’s note again. Her mind replayed the scene she had witnessed just before she fled the drawing room, of his smile as he received the congratulations of his friends.
“What should I do?” she thought. “Dare I believe him?” She chewed her lip. “I do not know what to do.” With a small sob, Sarah set the note aside and laid down, covering herself with the blankets and closing her eyes.
Chapter Fifteen
Edward stood amongst a group of his friends, listening to Haston’s speech. He had visually searched the room when he entered and had seen Sarah standing on the other side with a group of ladies. He smiled to see her rapt attention to their host. Following her example, he turned his focus back to the front of the room, just in time to hear Haston’s announcement. “What?” he said in shock.
Immediately, Edward’s eyes darted to the other side of the room. Sarah’s distress was clear, and he took a step in her direction. His progress was stopped by the gentlemen surrounding him. He felt slaps on his shoulder and his hand shaken. He smiled out of habit when he heard the words of congratulations. When he saw Sarah begin to walk swiftly toward the door, Edward made another attempt to get away. “Excuse me,” he said, desperate to reach her. He groaned in frustration when his path was blocked once again. He knew he would have to wait to talk to her; that knowledge allowed his mind to address the announcement that had the entire room in an uproar.
Edward looked around again and saw his mother and Lady Anna standing together with Haston and his duchess. The matching smug looks on the faces of the two ladies told him everything he needed to know. With a pasted-on smile hiding gritted teeth, he forced his way past the other men, heading in his mother’s direction.
“Mother,” Edward began as he reached the dowager’s side. He flashed a tight smile at Lady Anna and her parents before he turned the full force of his angry stare onto his mother. “We have need of a conversation.” He grasped her hand and tucked it under his arm, pulling her away from her friends. He nodded to the others. “Excuse us.”
The dowager stopped and pulled her arm out of Edward’s grasp. “Amblingshire! What is the matter with you? I am not a servant to be misused so.”
Edward turned to his mother, his lips lifted in more of a grimace than a smile. His voice was commanding as he said, “We have need of immediate conversation, Madam. You will come with me now; this will not wait, not even for an hour.”
The dowager pulled her head back as her eyes widened. She had seen Edward angry before, but never like this. Feeling the eyes of everyone nearby on the pair of them and not wishing to give anyone cause to gossip, she swallowed and nodded her acquiescence.
Edward offered his arm once more, and his mother accepted it. He led her through the room, nodding at the well-wishers they passed and offering the same stilted smile he had given the duke and duchess, but not stopping. Once in the hall, he dropped his pleasant demeanour and his mien became grim. He paused as he considered where to go, but realized that the words he was going to say to his mother were better said where no one could overhear. He strode swiftly to the staircase and began to ascend.
“Slow down!” the dowager cried with a gasp.
Edward gritted his teeth but slowed his steps to allow his mother to catch up. Once they reached the top of the stairs, he picked up his pace once more and within minutes, they were entering the dowager’s sitting room.
Edward snapped the door shut behind him and strode to the fireplace, where his mother had collapsed on a settee. “Where did Haston get the idea that I proposed to Lady Anna?” His hands clenched at his sides, he towered over the dowager, rage flowing off him in waves.
The dowager pressed her hand to her chest. “Whatever do you mean?”
“Do not play the innocent with me, Mother.” Edward’s countenance grew darker. “You know very well what I mean. I have not proposed to Lady Anna, and yet, her father just announced to the entire party that she accepted a proposal I never made.”
The smug expression that had graced the dowager’s face in the drawing room stole over it again. “Have you forgotten that you proposed last evening? How is that possible?”
“Enough!” Edward was overcome with anger that clouded his vision. He did not realize his mother had leaned back in her seat and gone pale. “I am not a plaything, given to you for your amusement. I am also not a puppet existing for you to pull the strings directing my life. You had something to do with this supposed engagement, and I demand you tell me what is going on right now.” He turned and strode to the middle of the room. He neede
d the movement and the distance from his mother to regain his composure. He wanted nothing more than to reach out and shake her.
The dowager’s hand once again pressed to her chest, this time shakily as the depth of her son’s anger sunk in. Her eyes were wide as she contemplated his rigid posture and the fact that he had turned his back on her. She cleared her throat before she spoke. “I told Lady Anna to tell her father you had proposed. You are too much a gentleman to allow her to be thought of as a jilt. You would never ruin her reputation that way.”
Without turning, Edward released a dark chuckled. “You think so?” He turned to face his mother again, the chuckle gone. “Why would you do such a thing?” His voice demanded that she answer and the dowager became defensive.
Standing, Edward’s mother raised her voice. “You were paying too much attention to that upstart girl, that daughter of a tradesman. You are better than that! You are a duke, and she is not worthy of you. I had to do something. Besides, you promised me you would marry Lady Anna!”
Edward stepped toward his mother, facing her anger head-on with his own. “I promised to consider her. Consider, not marry. You went behind my back and arranged things to your satisfaction with no consideration for me or my opinions on the matter. What kind of mother does that? Surely not the one I have known you to be so far.” He spun away and walked back toward the fireplace, running a hand through his hair. He paused, breathing heavily, and then turned back toward her. “Understand this. I will not marry Anna Bramlett.” He raised a hand when his mother began to protest. “I care not a whit about her reputation. As far as I am concerned, if she would be willing to trap a gentleman into marriage that way, she deserves to be ruined.”
“You do not know what you are saying!” The dowager was desperate to change her son’s mind. She rushed to him, grasping his sleeve. “Lady Anna was raised to be a duchess. She has all the social graces and skills you require in a wife. She is the daughter of your father’s closest friend. You were formed for one another!”
Edward shook his mother off. “She may have been raised to be a duchess, but I do not care. Why should it matter that her father was my father’s friend? I will not marry her. And if I had been the least bit inclined to do so, your antics would have put me off her entirely. I had already decided against her, Mother, so your schemes will come to nothing. You may as well accept that now.” He paused and drew in a breath. “I already know who I will court and eventually marry. You cannot change my mind, so do not attempt it.”
“But—”
“No, Mother.” Edward held up a hand, the anger in his voice giving way to weariness and disappointment. “I am sorry that you feel the way you do, but I will tell you now that I expect you to accept my choice of wife. If you wish to remain a part of my life, you will embrace her as a daughter, no matter who she is or what her roots are.” He paused again, then finished with, “My trust in you is damaged as a result of this incident. That saddens me. I know Father would have been unhappy with you, as well. I will leave you now.”
“Where are you going?” The dowager’s hand, which had been pressed to her lips as if to hold in her words, fell to her side.
“For now, I am going to beg the woman I love to allow me to explain myself to her. After that, I do not know.” With a final, sad look at his mother, Edward turned and strode to the door, opening it and walking through without a backward glance.
Upon leaving his mother’s rooms, Edward marched down the hall to his own, where he sat at the small table and composed a letter. He called for his valet, and when the man entered from the dressing room, Edward handed it off to the servant with instructions for its delivery. Then he began to ready himself for bed, though he was certain he would not sleep.
Chapter Sixteen
The next morning, Sarah awoke from a troubled sleep with no clearer idea of what to do than she had when she closed her eyes. In the end, the decision was taken out of her hands by her parents, who informed her they were breaking their fast in their sitting room and departing for town within the hour. Sarah quietly sat down with a cup of tea. Her chest ached to match the soreness in her throat that resulted from the crying she had done last night.
“You need to have more than tea,” Mrs Payne exclaimed. “Are you well? I hope you are not coming down with something.” She reached over to feel Sarah’s forehead.
Sarah pulled her head back, clenching her teeth to keep from speaking sharply to her mother. She breathed in through her nose and forced herself to speak in measured tones. “I am well, Mama.”
Mrs Payne eyed her suspiciously but did not press. “Eat something, dear. We have a long ride home ahead of us and will not stop for quite a while.”
Sarah nodded and prepared a plate of eggs, sausage, and a sweet roll. Then, she nibbled at it until she had forced herself to consume the entire plateful.
Once in the coach and on the road, Sarah was quiet as she listened to her parents discuss the house party. She kept her gaze centered on the scenery that raced past her window unless she was asked a direct question. She found her mind wandering now and then, back to the announcement last night, and Edward’s note. She could feel the letter in her reticule where she had placed it this morning. The thoughts brought tears to her eyes, so she did her best to keep her attention on anything else.
Sarah’s parents never noticed her morose and surly demeanour. Their attention was largely held, as it usually was when they were together, by each other. It was only when they had boarded the coach again after changing the horses that they had anything to say that Sarah needed to respond to.
“Are we to expect any callers, Sarah?” Mr Payne looked at his daughter with a smile. “I noticed that you danced and played cards with several gentlemen. Did one catch your eye? Better yet, did you catch any of theirs?”
Sarah caught a sob in her throat before it could escape. She took a deep breath and let it out, telling herself to speak calmly. “No, Papa. There were many nice gentlemen there, but,” she swallowed, “none have asked to call on me.”
A crease appeared between Mr Payne’s brows. “Did you not encourage any of them?”
Sarah looked down at her hands, clasped in her lap. “I was friendly and open, but,” she spread her hands wide. “It seems that I caught no one’s fancy.” To herself, she added, At least not seriously, though I was played with like a children’s toy.
For the next two hours, Sarah’s parents questioned her closely about the gentlemen, her actions with them, and their reactions. She remained stoically silent for much of it, swallowing down her grief and trying not to rub her heart, which ached so strongly she feared she might collapse from it. She was relieved when the coach stopped in front of their grand townhouse in Berkley Square. She waited for her father to hand her mother down and then herself, and scurried into the house and up to her room.
A few hours later, Sarah was called to dinner. Still feeling as though a heavy, wet blanket had settled over her, she picked at her meal, only eating enough to keep her mother from fussing over her. She listened to her parents’ conversation with half an ear, hoping they would eventually find something to discuss that was not her lack of success at the house party. When the meal was eaten, the three of them moved from the dining room to the parlour and settled in to enjoy some family time.
Mr Payne cleared his throat. “Sarah, your mother and I spent most of the afternoon talking about your future.” He waited for his daughter to look at him, and then continued. “I am greatly disappointed in your lack of success with the gentlemen at the house party and frankly, I am frustrated. You seem not to care about your future. You apparently put forth little effort in securing the attentions of any of them. I am baffled, if I am honest.”
Sarah dipped her head. “I am sorry, sir.” She struggled to pull in a full breath. Her father’s disappointment with her had always been something she avoided, because it was so painful. She swallowed and forced her attention back to his words.
“Your mother ar
gued again that I should give you time to find love, but this time I am adamant, and she gave in. Since you failed in your promise to take this seriously, I will take charge of finding a husband for you. Further you will joyfully accept him. Do I make myself clear?”
Sarah swallowed back the tears that threatened to come. She thought about arguing, but what was the point? She was in love with Edward and he was promised to another woman. He had never loved her in the first place. Did it really matter who she married, when she could not have the man she had given her heart to? She was destined to be sad and lonely whether she married or not. She might as well accept whomever her father finds for her. “Yes, sir.”
Mr Payne had taken a breath in preparation for refuting Sarah’s expected arguments. Her unexpected acquiescence left him momentarily speechless, and he looked at his wife with a question in his eyes. When she merely shrugged with a crease between her brows, he looked back at his daughter. “I am happy you have seen reason, Sarah. I assure you, I will choose wisely.”
Sarah nodded, wishing her father would just leave her alone now that she had agreed to his demand. “Yes, sir.” She turned her head toward the window to lose herself in the darkness outside, but that action reminded her of the house party and Edward’s joke when she did the same thing then. She closed her eyes against the pain and the feeling that the blood was pouring out of her torn heart and pooling in her stomach.
Moments later, she opened her eyes again and rose to choose a book from the stack on the table. Even that action brought memories of the man she loved, but she swallowed down the pain and selected a tome she had not discussed with him. She returned to her chair and settled in again, but try as she might to concentrate on the words, she could not.
