by Erin Trejo
“I wish I could. It’s not that easy to let all that go, Aria. I’ve tried.” Aria sighs into my chest before pulling back, looking up at me.
“I know that, Devil. I’m sure that shit eats you alive most days, but you have something good in front of you. You have people that care.” Looking down at Aria, her eyes beam with light. She’s a good girl, Roc did good with her.
“I’ll talk to her,” I promise her. Aria smiles before pushing up and kissing my cheek.
“Now,” She demands. I let out a chuckle. Letting her go, she heads back down the hallway. I run my hand through my hair. Dropping my head, I don’t know what to say to her. I head down the hallway the same way Aria went, when I see Angel in the main room.
“Can I talk to you?” I ask. She doesn’t turn to look at me. I can’t say that I blame her either. I was an asshole. Walking closer to her, I can smell her perfume. Shit, I don’t know what to do here.
“I need to talk to you, Angel.” She slowly turns to face me, her eyes red from crying.
“We don’t need to talk. It is what it is. I messed up by overthinking things.” My mouth hangs open while she talks. Maybe I was the one overthinking things. Maybe she doesn’t feel shit for me; like I do for her.
“I’m sorry for what I said, Angel. It was wrong,” I apologize. She shakes her head, forcing a smile.
“It’s why I’m here–Devil.” She starts to walk away when I grab her arm.
“Angel.” Shaking her head once more, she turns to look up at me.
“It’s ok, Devil. I get it.” She says. She doesn’t though. She doesn’t get it.
“I feel things for you–Angel. I don’t like it. I don’t like feelin’ anything! You don’t fuckin’ understand what this is doin’ to me!”
***
I couldn’t take it. I had to walk away. Regardless of if I got it all out. I couldn’t handle anymore. It’s been a week. A week of bullshit. A week of torment. I can’t stand it.
“So, what we know is, Throwers didn’t like that their old Prez didn’t want in on the takeover. He was too proud to fight back when Devil and Trick went in there full blast. We don’t know who the hell the new Prez is, or where they are now,” Dragon says as we sit around the table listening to him fill us in on the latest on the Throwers. None of it is new.
“We sit back and wait for them to show up, or make the first move?” Ghost talks, but I tune him out. That little fuck has been pissing me off for weeks now.
“I don’t know what we do! We don’t have any idea where the fuck they are.” Dragon’s pissed. Much like the rest of us. It’s never good to be left outside the loop.
“We go huntin’ these motherfuckers.” I grumble. I’m the only one to voice that option. I want some blood, I need it.
“We could do that.” Dragon says as he slides his phone out as it rings. His brows furrow as he looks at the screen.
“Keep quiet. I don’t know this number.” Dragon growls. The room grows silent.
“Yeah?” I watch his face for anything. Any sign that it could get good.
“Angel?” When he says her name, my heart sinks. Shoving out of the chair, I head straight toward him. I grab the phone out of his hands, bringing it to my ear.
“Angel? Sweetheart? It’s Devil. What’s happenin’?” I knew by the tone in Dragon’s voice that something wasn’t right, aside from the fact, that we haven’t seen her in days.
“Devil. Oh God. Please help me. I’m so sorry.” Her crying is shredding me.
“Where are you, darlin’?” I can hear a commotion in the background. I don’t fucking like it, either.
“I don’t know, Devil. Please! They took me.” Her voice sounds softer now, like she’s hiding from someone.
“Listen to me, Angel. I am gonna come get you. Don’t you dare give up on me.” Her cries kill me. It hurts more than anything I’ve ever felt before. I can hear some noise on the other end before she screams.
“Angel? ANGEL?” Breathing from the other end comes over the line.
“I will kill you motherfucker. Give me one fuckin’ piece of information as to where you are, you’re dead.” The laughter that erupts from the other end pisses me off. The guys are all on their feet right now.
The line went dead, so did what was left of me. I pass Dragon back the phone as something unknown filters its way through my blood. Hatred isn’t anything new to me. I’ve always had it in me. My parents instilled it in me. With every hit, every broken bone, every drop of blood I shed.
“Didn’t hear anything useful?” Dragon asks. Shaking my head, his tone has calmed. It could be the fact that my hands are balled up so tightly, my fingers are turning white.
“They’ll hurt her, Dragon. I will fuckin’ kill every one of them.” The tone of my voice is deadly. I’m deadly.
“Calm down, Devil. We need to figure out where they have her,” He says. Turning to him slowly, I look him in the eye.
“Calm down? They took somethin’ that belongs to me. Whether I wanted to see it or not–that girl is mine,” I growl with rage. The only way to describe what I’m feeling right now is lethal. Dragon doesn’t speak, and neither does anyone else. They all look at me, though.
I don’t think that over all the years of being a part of this club that any of them have ever seen the rage that lives inside of me.
I’ve kept it closed off, showing only pieces of it when needed.
“Motherfucker’s gonna lose his shit,” Ghost mumbles. I heard him. I didn’t turn to look at him, though. Instead, I crack my neck from side to side.
“I’m gonna make some calls.” Dragon leaves the room in silence. No one says a fucking word. It may be wise of them not to. I see Roc out of the corner of my eye texting someone. Not my problem who that is right now. Mitch and Trick start up a soft conversation, leaving me to stand in the corner contemplating who is going to die soon. The door opens behind me but I don’t turn to see who it is. I don’t give a fuck who it is. It’s not her. It’s not, Angel.
“Walk with me.” Aria’s hand lands on my forearm.
“Not a good time, darlin’.” I’m trying hard here. I don’t want to lose my shit on her, too.
“Now–Devil!” She snaps. I glance down at her. My muscles cording tightly.
“Walk the fuck away–Aria!” I growl. She visibly jumps before Roc’s on his feet. Aria just brushes him off though.
“You kept me sane once, Devil. I owe you this.” Swallowing hard, I let her take my hand in hers. I follow behind Aria, as she walks us out of the building. I follow behind her all the way to the edge of the lawn.
“I don’t know what to say to you right now.” I admit. I don’t though. Aria doesn’t let my hand go either. It’s almost calming to me.
“You don’t need to talk. Only listen.” Blowing out a breath, I let her talk.
“When I was little, all I wanted was my mom. It hurt to know she was gone. My dad started looking at me differently as I got older.”
“Aria, your life story isn’t helpin’ right now,” I snap. Her little giggle stings me.
“Fine, what I’m trying to say is, without this club–without Roc–without you–I would be nothing. I was meant to be nothing. You guys have taken me in, brought me to a good place in my life. Let them do the same for you. Let her do the same.” Looking down at her, I sigh. She may be right but I can’t handle having, Angel. I can’t afford to be that weak.
“She laid with me that night. She made me cake, a fuckin’ cake–Aria. No one has ever done that for me before. I was in awe of that girl. I ruined her in the same night. As much as I want to let her have all of me, there isn’t anything to have. She took it all. She already has it. Does that make sense?” I ask her. Aria looks up at me with a tear in her eye.
“It makes sense to me. Aria, give us a minute?” Ghost says from behind us. Aria kisses my cheek before walking away from me.
“I know that this last week, I’ve been shit. I’ve had my own shit goin’ on. I took it ou
t on you. Look, brother. Angel has somethin’ inside of her that you want. Go get it. Don’t let that shit go like I did,” He says. Turning to look at Ghost, I know all about what he lost.
“It’s not the same, man.” He was with his girl for a long ass time before she left.
“It is the same. You’ve known Angel a long fuckin’ time. She’s always been here. You see somethin’ more in her?” He asks me. I nod my head but, I don’t like talking about this shit.
“Don’t let it go. You’ll regret every fuckin’ second of it. You think I haven’t killed myself over Mel all this time?” He says. Shit! I never thought about Ghost missing Mel. I know it kicked his ass when he lost her. I saw it. I watched him spiral out of control.
“I need time–Ghost. I need to get her back here, but I can’t do it all just yet.” Ghost nods as if he understands. Hell, maybe he does.
“I get that. Don’t let shit get out of hand, though. We’ll get her back.”
Chapter 9
My world’s a blur. I don’t know which way to turn. I’ve searched; I’ve put out as many calls as Dragon, and never come up with anything. The thought that I may have lost the one thing that made sense to me, hurts. It hurts that I pushed her away. It hurts that I am more than likely the cause of her being missing. Everyone has walked on eggshells around me. It drives me insane, too. This is the third ride that I’ve gone on today. It doesn’t help. It doesn’t ease anything I’m feeling. My stomach is in a constant spasm. I can’t eat, I can’t focus. I close my eyes, and its visions of her. I’ve thought about running. I’ve thought about hiding out, but what good would that do. Aria tries to stay close to me. It helps to a point. I like having her near; it gives me a sense of peace knowing she’s there. Pulling back into the clubhouse, my heart drops even lower in my chest. It doesn’t feel right without her here. Nothing feels right.
“You’re back. I made lunch,” Aria says as she smiles. I climb off my bike trying not to look at her.
“I’m not hungry.” Her smile fades. I hate seeing her like that. “I’m sorry. I just don’t feel like havin’ shit.” I say trying to sound nicer. Aria nods her head, as though she understands.
“I know, but you have to keep your strength up.” Her fingers intertwine with mine. We walk inside with our hands held tightly together when Roc walks up.His eyes flicker between the two of us before I let go of her hand.
“Thanks for tryin’,” I tell her. Aria smiles slightly up at me. I just give her a nod and watch her walk over to Roc.
“You good?” Roc asks. Nodding once, I walk past them toward my room. I don’t want to be around anyone right now. Least of all, those two. I’ve been doing every kind of exercise I can think of. Sweat pours from my body as I push myself harder. The guys have given me the space I need to breathe, while we look into things. Nothing else has come through, though. I’ve drank, I’ve smoked; I’ve done everything I can think of to try to keep my mind off things. Nothing is working.
“You ever gonna sleep?” Trick asks when he walks up near my head as I do more push-ups. I shove myself off the ground before sitting next to him.
“I can’t. I’ve fuckin’ tried, man. All I can hear is her cryin’ on that goddamn phone,” I say breathlessly. Trick nods as if he understands.
“I can’t relate, brother. I see how it’s rippin’ you up, though.” Passing me water, I take it before I hear people screaming. More importantly, I hear Aria, screaming.
“What the fuck?” I grumble before I’m on my feet and running in seconds. It takes me no time at all to get around to the front of the clubhouse.
Aria’s on the ground, screaming and crying. There in her arms, is my broken and ruined girl.
“HELP ME!” Aria screams but she doesn’t see me behind her. I suppose it’s for the best, though. I can’t move. Ghost blows past me, and so does Trick. I stand there in a stunned silence. People are yelling but everything is silent in my mind.
“Goddamn it–Devil!” Roc shakes me hard before I snap back out of the daze I was in. I look over, just as Ghost lifts Angel up, in his arms.
“Give her to me.” Everyone looks over at Ghost as he carries her limp body to me. I take her small frame into my arms, my chest tightening. I swallow hard, turning to head inside. Blood coats her skin, her head’s bleeding.
“Doc’s on his way,” Ghost says. Nodding my head, I walk down the hallway straight to my room. This is my fault. I pushed her to this. Roc stands next to me with Aria in his arms. He reaches over grabbing my key, and unlocking the door. We all head inside as I lay Angel on the bed.
“She’s alive, Aria,” I snap. Her hysterical crying is working my nerves and that’s not what anyone needs right now. I hear Roc whisper to her but I can’t hear what he said. I don’t care, either.
***
Doc checked Angel out. She has a gash on her head that he had to stitch, and some bruising and cuts over her body. The worst part–she was raped repeatedly. I couldn’t hear it. All I saw was red when he said that. The thought of anyone hurting her eats away my insides. I made everyone leave us alone. Doc has her on some fluids for dehydration, and some pain meds. He said she’d be asleep for a while. I squeeze the water out of the rag in my hands, into the bucket that sits on the table next to me. I slowly wipe her face before making my way down her body. I wince every time I see a cut or a bruise on her soft skin. If my heart was still in my chest, it’d be breaking right now. I make my way down her body to clean her of all the dried blood, but when I touch her thighs, she loses it.
“Please! Don’t do this to me! Devil!” She cries out in her sleep. My name pierces the silent room. A tear settles in the corner of my eye as I reach for her. Of everyone she could have called out for–it was me. Her body flails around, trying to get away from me.
“It’s me, Angel. It’s Devil. Look at me, darlin’.” I talk to her in a calm tone. Trying to soothe her in any way I can, I move in closer to her. Her eyes snap open, taking in the room before coming to rest on me.
“Oh God, Devil.” Tears spring to her eyes. Angel leaps into my waiting arms. Stroking my hand down her hair, I rock her in my lap.
“It’s ok–I got you.” Holding her tighter, she cries harder. I want to question her. I want to know who the hell it was that had her, and why. Angel’s cries pull at everything in me.
“I want to go home, Devil. I want to go home.” Her words slam into my chest. She doesn’t want to be here with me. She wants to go home.
“I’ll take you.” Swallowing my own pain, I agree to take her home.
“Let the medicine work first. I’ll take you home, Angel.” Her cries don’t stop either. She cries until she falls asleep again. I’m pacing the room when my door opens.
“Sorry I lost it,” Aria says. Shaking my head, she moves in closer to me.
“Wasn’t your fault. She uh… she wants to go home. I’m gonna take her home.” Aria looks up at me. A surprised look crosses her face.
“You know about her parents?”
“No. She asked me for a ride once. She showed me where she lived, didn’t say anything about them, though.” Aria’s hand comes out to reach for mine.
“They’ll take care of her, Devil.”
Chapter 10
Taking care of her was the farthest thing from my mind for them to do. I want to take care of her. I want to hold her, and tell her I’ll take care of the assholes that did this to her. I want to be there when she cries. But I can’t. I can’t be any of that, because that’s not who I am. That’s not what I was raised to do. I got Angel to agree to wait a few days until the doctor said it was ok to take her. She reluctantly gave in to me. I can hear her moving around in the bed behind me, but I don’t have the heart to make a move first. I don’t want her to go. I lay here, stalling like a fucking bitch. Her hand touches my back and I jump. She giggles only slightly before I feel her body pressed against my back.
“I don’t know how to thank you for everything you’ve done for me,” She says. I cl
ose my eyes tightly. I don’t want to hear her goodbye. I reach up, closing my hand over hers before I sigh.
“I never wanted this for you. I never wanted to push you away,” I tell her. Her lips touch my shoulder and my world melts around me.
“I know. If there was ever a person I was going to miss around here, it’s you.” Her whisper slams into me. My insides tighten up. Everything in me wants to hold her here. Hell, chain her to the bed if I have to.
“I’m gonna miss you, too. If I’m bein’ honest, now is the best time to say this.” I take a deep breath, feeling her hand tighten over mine.
“I don’t want you to go. The selfish part of me wants you to stay right here with me.” I hear her sniffle. I can’t turn around to look at her, though. I won’t do it to either of us.
“I don’t know how to stay, Devil. They were after you. I don’t know why they took me.” They were what? Rolling over, I look her in the eyes.
“What did you just say?” Angel swallows back the tears.
“He said he was looking for you. I don’t know how he connected us. Maybe just because I’m always here.” Me? He wanted me?
“Why me?” Angel shrugs.
“I’m sorry, Angel. If I had known, I would have protected you.” My words stall in my throat.
“You didn’t know, though. I don’t want you to feel like you did anything wrong.” My hand comes to cup her bruised cheek.
“I’ll take you home, Angel. Just don’t give up on me yet.”
***
She didn’t answer me. I asked her to not give up on me just yet, but that too, was selfish.
She needs to give up on me. She needs to forget about me. She needs to live. I sit at the end of her parent’s driveway. My heart slams in my chest. We said our goodbyes and her parents thanked me for bringing her home. I don’t know the back story or why she ended up at Hell’s Fire, but she was the best thing that ever happened to me. Now I lost that, too. I lost her. I lost the one thing that I’ve ever wanted, and for what? I close my eyes and try to fill the void with anything but her face. It doesn’t work, though. It all comes back to her.
