by Erin Trejo
“You mean a lot to me too, Nessa. I know I’ll love you one day. I’m bein’ honest here. I feel a lot for you. You make me better.” I admit. Her smile is bright before she leans down and captures my mouth with hers.
“See, I don’t have to taste barf, either.” I say playfully. Nessa laughs against my mouth. It’s perfect.
But with perfection there are flaws. They come in many forms and I fear that her flaw, is being with me.
The front doors open. My heart stops beating. Nessa snaps her head around the same time I look up. Roc stands there with a small human in his arms. “Brought a present!” My breath catches in my throat.
That’s him–that’s my son–the life I created. Nessa climbs off my lap as everyone looks at Roc. The room is packed. Everyone was waiting on this. Yet, I can’t seem to make myself move. I can’t force myself to my feet. Luckily, I don’t have to. Devil grabs my arm, yanking me to my feet.
“Go say hi to your son, Ghost.” Shoving me forward, I don’t know how to move. Roc stands there grinning from ear-to-ear. The happy uncle, while I’m the freaked-out father.
“He doesn’t bite.” Roc grins bigger. A slow smile creeps across my face.
“Then he can’t be mine.” I say. The guys laugh. Jordan stirs in Roc’s arms.
The closer I get, the more nervous I become.
I look down into the dark eyes of my son. He’s perfect–handsome.
“Hey, Jordan. I’m your daddy,” I say. Roc passes him over to me and my heart melts. He does look just like me.
“Ghost, I know you want to enjoy this moment but there’s some shit we need to talk about.” Roc says. I knew there would be. I knew more was going to come down over this little search and rescue mission. Nessa is by my side in a second.
“I’ll take him to the room and get him changed.” The smile on her face is infectious. She’s beaming with happiness right now. I look at the smile on her face before leaning down and pressing a kiss to Jordan’s head.
“Daddy loves you,” The words were a whisper but I heard the sob leave Nessa’s mouth. She heard me. I pass Jordan to her, a piece of me filling with joy and hope. Standing there, I watch her walk down the hallway with my son. My son, I like that. I like how that sounds. Dragon slaps a hand on my shoulder, pulling my focus back to him. “Come on, Ghost.”
Nodding, I clear my throat before following the guys into the dining room. We all drop into a chair but I grab Roc into a hug first.
“Thanks man. You don’t know how much that means to me.” Roc chuckles before pulling back.
“Always, brother.” We take our seats when Roc moves to the head of the table.
“Gettin’ in and out wasn’t easy. Well, the in part was. They saw me leave with him. A few of them came after me. My boy got me past security, but that’s as far as his loyalty lies with me.” I don’t like the sound of this. I don’t like the direction it’s going.
Devil growls next to me. “Meanin’ what?” I know he’s ready for blood.
“Meanin’ they will come after me and that boy. I don’t know when, but I know they’ll come. We need to be ready.” We already knew this. We knew the backlash of what would happen when Roc went in there.
“So, we get ready. I for one, am ready for a good kill.” Devil is always ready for a kill.
“I’m callin’ in some other clubs. Throw some favors out there.” Dragon looks at me when he says it.
“No shit from you though, Ghost. Go enjoy your son before the war comes.”
Chapter 15
Opening the door, my heart leaps in my chest. Nessa stands there, rocking Jordan in her arms. She isn’t looking at me, she’s focused on him. The glow that shines off her is gorgeous. I never knew anyone could look so spectacular.
“You’re perfect, Nessa.” I say. Her eyes come to meet mine, a smile crossing her face.
“He’s perfect.” She says, looking back down at him, she smiles brighter. I walk over to her, wrapping my arm around her. I gaze down at Jordan sleeping peacefully in her arms.
“Did you know you could love somethin’ the minute you saw it, Nessa?” I mean it, I love him. I know it’s weird but seeing him, I love him.
“Yeah, I did. Here.” She tries to pass me Jordan but I shake my head.
“He’s happy in your arms.”
“I like having him in my arms.” Her words burn holes through my heart.
“Let’s lay down darlin’, I’m tired.” Nessa moves toward the bed, lying on her side with Jordan snuggled into her. It’s mesmerizing to see her like this.
I pull my boots and my cut off, climbing on the bed behind her. Wrapping my arm around her waist, I find Jordan’s little hand. As soon as he feels my finger, he wraps his around it. I gasp at the feel of him.
“You’re going to be a great father, Ghost.” She says. Pressing a kiss to Nessa’s cheek, I rest mine against hers. I look at Jordan as he lies there, oblivious to the world around him. He’s so young and vulnerable.
“There’s a war comin’. It’s not gonna be good, Nessa.” I hear her sigh. She already knows all this.
“We’ll deal with it.” She’s always so sure of everything.
“I need to figure out where to keep you and Jordan. I can’t have you in the middle of it.” Nessa snuggles into me deeper. I love holding her like this.
“I’ll do whatever you say. Don’t worry about Jordan. I’ll protect him, Ghost.” How am I this lucky? How the hell did I get someone like her in my life?
“I know you would.” Snuggling into her hair, I sigh.
***
We fell asleep together. All three of us. Four, if you include the little one growing inside of her. It was a strange feeling waking up with them both asleep in my arms. I slowly slide out of bed, careful not to wake either one of them. Standing here, I stare at them as everything begins to sink in. I have a family. Not just the guys, a real family. A woman that loves me, kids. It’s an amazing feeling.
“I promise to protect you.” Whispering the words, I know no one can hear. Heading out of the room, I close the door quietly.
Angel stands next to me with a smile on her face. “They asleep?”
“Yeah, we fell asleep. Nessa and Jordan are still out.” Angel nods.
“I know we don’t talk a lot, Ghost, but if there’s anything I can do to help, I will.” She says softly. I throw my arm around Angel’s shoulder as we walk back toward the front.
“I really appreciate that. I know this war is gonna get bad. I just need to know that Nessa stays calm and takes care of herself.” Angel seems to sense what I’m trying to say without the need for the actual words.
“We’ll take care of her, Ghost. You’ll be fine, too.” She says sweetly. Bumping me with her shoulder, I nod.
“Hey, stealin’ my woman?” Devil grabs Angel, pulling her in for a kiss. I can’t help but smile at them.
“You know the ladies love me.” I say winking at Angel, she giggles.
“I know you want to talk, Ghost. Let’s do it. Walk with me.” Dragon’s hand lands on my shoulder. Glancing over my shoulder, I nod. Following behind him, we walk out the front door. The cool air hits me and it’s welcomed.
“I just wanted to say that I’m proud of you, Ghost. You’ve really taken on a lot. This shit isn’t gonna be easy on anyone, least of all you. I just want you to know that we’re all here for you. We’ll get this shit worked out.” I take a deep breath, steadying myself for what I’m about to say.
The thought has been sitting in the back of my mind since Nessa told me she was pregnant.
“I think I should step down as VP.”
Dragon laughs. He doesn’t look over or say a word. He just laughs.
“I mean it, Dragon. I’ve been fallin’ behind. Haven’t been holdin’ up my end of shit. I feel like I’m lettin’ this club down, brother. Roc would be better standin’ next to you.” I say in all seriousness. Dragon’s laughter continues.
“Fuck off, Ghost. You think I’d let
you step down like that? You’ve been here longer than anyone else. You were a little shit punk when I met your ass. You know me better than anyone here. You’ve always had my ass when it’s been needed. In fact, I don’t know of a time that you didn’t have this club’s ass. I won’t let you do it.” He says with authority. Running my hand through my hair, I sigh.
“I just don’t feel it, Dragon. I’m so wrapped up in this baby stuff.” Shaking my head, it’s the truth. This shit is taking over my life. It’s taking over my thoughts and dreams. I don’t know how to be a fucking VP like this.
“We all have shit happenin’, Ghost. That’s why we’re a fuckin’ club. We hold onto each other. That’s what we’re doin’ now. When shit's done, if you still want to step down, I’ll call it. Just wait it out for me.” I would be a coward and a fraud if I stepped down right now. I can’t do that to this club.
“You’re right. I’ll wait it out.” Passing me a cigarette, I light it up.
“Good lookin’ kid you got there.” Jerking his head toward the clubhouse, I grin.
“Yeah, that he is. I just don’t want to fuck him up.” Chuckling, Dragon looks over at me.
“I don’t wanna rehash my past but put those kids first. Even above us. They deserve a dad that cares.” His eyes suddenly fall. He looks so lost.
A dark haunted look takes over his features, but I don’t have the heart to ask him about it. I can see the look, if he wanted to talk, he would.
“I will, Dragon. Speaking of shit, you want me on that run tomorrow?” Dragon blows out a breath, looking over at me.
“I’d prefer you be there, but with Jordan, I get it if you don’t want to go.” I shake my head. I can’t change all that I am. This is me.
“I’ve been ready for this one. I can’t change who I am or what I do. I’ll go.” Dragon smiles, taking my cigarette from between my lips.
“Don’t you think you need to stop smokin’?” Laughing at him, he’s crazy.
“Hell no! Havin’ two kids might just kill me before the lung cancer.”
Chapter 16
Nessa is surprisingly calm with all this. She has Jordan in the dining room feeding him. The little bald headed kid sits up in a highchair that Devil, of all people, went out and bought.
“Ain’t he too little to eat that?” I ask pointing at the jar in her hand as she laughs.
“No! From what the doctor said, he’s at least one and a half. He can eat, Ghost.” She scoops some more food onto the spoon and Jordan eagerly opens his mouth for the spoon to slide in.
“Come over and try it.” She says. Nessa shoves out of the chair she was sitting in, allowing me to sit. I pick up the jar and scoop some onto the spoon. Getting it into his mouth is a whole other story. My hands shake as I bring the spoon to his little mouth. He opens but my hands won’t stop their movement. I guess I don’t get it in there fast enough for Jordan’s liking.
He slaps the spoon in my hand, food flying all over both of us.
“FUCK!” I look down at the food that’s now splattered across the front of my shirt. I hear Nessa giggling off to the side. I should spank her ass for that.
“We made a mess, dude.” I say to my son. Jordan chews his fingers while looking at me.
“Think we need more?” Picking the spoon up off his tray, I try it again. This time, I make it. Feeding my son is weird. I’m in charge of another human being. It isn’t the same as watching out for the guys. It’s more than that. I’m in control of him. I have to feed him, clean him, keep him safe. The reality slaps me in the face. Pushing out of the chair, I awkwardly unhook is tray. Picking him up, I hold him.
“I don’t know how we’re gonna do all of this dude, but I’m gonna be a good daddy for you.” I hear her sniffle. Glancing over my shoulder, I look at Nessa as she sobs.
“Don’t cry, darlin’. I hate it when you cry. Come on, let’s get little man a bath before I have to leave.” I say as Nessa presses herself into my side. We walk down the hallway like a family. Shit, we are a family.
***
“What the hell am I doin’?” I mumble under my breath. Looking at the diaper, I’m pretty sure, that isn’t on right. I roll Jordan to the side making sure all his parts are covered but when I roll him back, the front pops open.
“What is this shit?” Again, I mumble to myself. Pulling at the tab, I have no clue how this shit works.
“Nessa, sweetheart. Are you gonna laugh at me the whole time or help me get this shit on our son before he explodes on the bed?” Her gasp cuts that short. Nessa walks over, pulling the tab and pressing it into the front of the diaper, securing it in place before lifting Jordan.
“You ok, Nessa?” She looks a little off and I don’t like it.
“Yeah, can you get those pajamas.” Pointing to the table where a whole new fucking wardrobe lays, I grab them.
“Let me do it.” Laying them out on the bed, Nessa giggles.
“Make sure you put them on the right way,” She teases. I can’t help but smile at her. She likes fucking with me, and honestly, I love it.
“Come here, little man.” Picking him up out of Nessa’s arms I lay him on top of the pajamas.
“Nessa, why are you so quiet?” I noticed Nessa chewing at her lip. Something I said or did must have set her off. I’m not sure what it was, though.
“You said our son. It just threw me off.” Glancing over, she looks as though she wants to cry.
“That’s what he is, isn’t it? If you changed your mind—” Nessa grabs my shoulder.
“No! I didn’t change my mind, Ghost. It just caught me off guard. I mean, we don’t even know what happened with Melanie.” Her name claws its way into my chest.
Nessa’s right. We don’t know what happened to Melanie but at the same time, Nessa is my future. I finish buttoning up the pajamas before picking Jordan up.
“Melanie will always hold a spot in my heart. She was my first love, Nessa. She gave me Jordan. But that’s all she is. She doesn’t mean anything like that to me anymore. You do–this does.” Tugging her into me with my free hand, I wrap my arm around her waist.
“You are all I want, Nessa. Never doubt that.” Covering her mouth with mine, I make her feel it. I make her feel the way I feel. Without saying the actual words, I love her. I know I do. I don’t know that I can get the words out of my mouth just yet. I know what I feel, though.
I love this girl.
Chapter 17
My bike has been missed. I feel like I’ve avoided it for a while now. How rude of me, to be so disrespectful. I caress the handlebars as I ride. Not being able to ride is something I’ve never imagined. Now with a kid and baby on the way, I’m sure I’ll be doing more driving in my truck than anything else. I watch the road in front of us. Not many cars are out at this time of night. Riding in the dark has always been a thrill for me. I see the pull-off and start on my way over. Trick, is right behind me. Seeing the clubhouse I’m visiting, I motion to Trick. I never liked going to anyone else’s clubhouse. It never feels right and gives me a shitty vibe. This one is no different but Dragon’s had this meet set up for a while now. Getting Gatekeepers on our side for the new drug trade has been at the top of Dragon’s list. I know he’s trying to get in some legal business also, but for now, this is what we have to do.
“What do you think?” Cutting the engine, I glance over at Trick.
“I don’t think, I do,” I say. Pulling the helmet off my head, I hang it off the handlebar. Trick follows along behind me. I pull my gloves off, shoving through the front door of the bar. Apparently, this doubles as their clubhouse.
All eyes shoot to us.
“Well, this is goin’ well.” Trick speaks, but I don’t listen to him. In fact, I’d hate to have to shoot his ass for being a prick.
“I’m lookin’ for Sage.” The man in front of me with his beer in his hand, doesn’t look all that thrilled.
“Who the fuck are you?” His eyes travel over me, stopping on my name patch.
“Ghost. VP of Hell’s Fire. Sage knew I was comin’.” I say. I’m not in the mood for this shit. He doesn’t need to lose his shit with me right now.
“That so? He didn’t say shit to me.” Crossing my arms over my chest, this shit might get interesting.
“Maybe, you ain’t anybody to say shit to.” Gritting my teeth, he’s making me pissier by the second.
“Say one more word Ghost, and I’ll snap your neck.” His arms fall to his sides.
Was that a threat? Glancing over my shoulder at Trick, I smile. When I turn back to the bitch in front of me, I test him.
“One more word, motherfucker,” I growl. His fist collides with my eye. I stumble back slightly before regaining my balance. He must of thought that I would go down easily. The rest of the crew has gathered around when I move in on him.
My knuckles collide with his nose, blood splattering across my skin. We throw some good blows until we’re yanked apart.
“What the hell’s goin’ on!” The man that stands between us is about the size of Dragon, with the look of Devil. Tattoos and piercings are everywhere you look.
“Seems your boys didn’t know about our visit.” Reaching up, I wipe the blood from the corner of my eye.
“And you are?” The man glares down at me like I’m a piece of meat.
“Ghost, Hell’s Fire MC.” His stature changes, his arms falling to his sides.
“Dragon’s VP. Thought you looked familiar.” His hand comes out to me. I grip it in mine, shaking it.
“Sorry about him. Vintage is just that—old son of a bitch has an attitude from Satan himself,” Sage chuckles before motioning me toward the bar.
“Heard that.” Trick and I follow along behind him before dropping down on the stools. The cute little blonde behind the bar leans forward, spilling her breasts onto the counter. Damn, if I wasn’t already taken, I’d fuck that.
“What can I get you?” She says, licking her lips, and smiles at me.
