by Erin Trejo
“You don’t have to do this, Dragon.” Ev’s hand wraps around mine. She brings it to her lips, pressing a kiss to the top.
“I do need to do it. It’s been far too long for this shit. If any of this was meant as a learnin’ experience, I need to do this. There is so much loss and shit. We take hit after hit. She deserves to know her grandkids. They deserve to know her.” Everleigh leans back slightly before I look over.
“Don’t you dare. Haylee is as much mine as she is yours. I told you that! You won’t take that part away from me, Ev.” I can see the look in her eyes. She knows Haylee isn’t mine by blood, but she is mine.
“I just don’t think it’s a good idea.” Throwing the phone half way across the room, I shove her hand off mine.
“I can’t do this shit, Everleigh. I told you, you’re either all-in, or you’re not. You want to run around livin’ in the past, go for it, but you’ll do it without me. I want this family, goddamn it!” I don’t care if that hurt her. I see the look on her face.
I’ve come too far, and been through too much, to turn back now.
I thought this was what she wanted. I thought she wanted this family with me.
Maybe I was fucking wrong the whole time.
“Don’t look at me like that, Dragon! You haven’t lived through what I have!” Here she goes again... I’m so sick of hearing this shit.
“You know what, Everleigh. I’ve lived through hell, too! I also lost a lot! You won’t take this part of my life away from me!” Storming through the room, I grab my phone off the floor and walk out. I need space... I need air.
“What the fuck you screamin’ about?” Devil stomps toward me with a pissed off look on his face.
“I can’t deal with his shit right now. Just fuckin’ take a walk!” I snap. Brushing past him, I head outside. I need a break; I need to clear my head. Losing my shit with Everleigh wasn’t the right choice, but she isn’t taking this away from me. I grab my helmet, sliding it over my head before climbing on my bike.
Revving the engine, I take off.
I need the feel the open road.
Driving like a bat out of hell, I head down the highway with a new reason in mind.
My mind shifts gears, if only slightly. Why is she acting like this after everything we’ve been through? Is she not happy with me? Maybe Ghost was right; maybe I’m rushing her. My mind drifts, but not far. She is always there. Her face, her body, her heart. It’s all I want. I want her. I don’t know what else I need to do to prove that to her. I’ve given her everything. Including me. I’ve given her pieces of me that I didn’t want to give, and now she’s rethinking it?
Chapter 27
Pulling into the cemetery, it’s the one place I haven’t been in a while. I know I need to come out here more often than I do, but it’s always so hard. My dad was the one constant in my life. He was the one that made me the man I am today. I’d like to think that he would be proud of me, and what I’ve done with the club. I brought it back to life after all the guys left. I knew he wouldn’t want it any other way.
Driving to the back, I park before climbing off. The walk to his grave is short. He is the second from last at the back of the cemetery. He has the bike shaped headstone. It was perfect for him. Hell’s Fire MC emblem is proudly displayed on the front below his name.
“John Michael Jacobs.”
I place my hand on the top when I get close enough.
“I’ve fucked up a lot, pop. Made a lot of mistakes. I miss the hell outta you. I know if you were here I wouldn’t even be thinkin’ about this shit. You always had the right answer whether I wanted to see it or not. She’s all I want, though. Everleigh brought light into my life. She brought me everything I’ve ever wanted. I don’t know why the hell she can’t accept it in return.” Blowing out a breath, I sit in front of it.
“You got more grandkids. I know you have Emily with you, but I have the other two here. Haylee reminds me of her. She’s outgoin’ and funny. She’s special, pop. Jeremy, too. He’s the spittin’ image of me. You’d love him. He’s so laid back and easy to handle.” Fuck, why is this so hard for me?
“I’m a grandma again?” Her voice slices its way through me. It’s been so long since I’ve heard it.
“What are you doing here? I was gonna call you... I wanted you to meet them.” I don’t turn to look at her. I sit in my spot, contemplating what to do next. Ev made it pretty clear that she didn’t want to be a part of that phase, but I don’t think I really give a shit.
“Same thing as you, I’d guess. I miss him, too. I come talk to him when shit’s bothering me.” She sits next to me, and I glance over. Still as beautiful as the last day I saw her.
“Shit bother you a lot?” I ask. We don’t look at each other, we both look at the stone that is now my dad in front of us.
“Gets lonely, that’s for sure. Look, Dragon. I know I said a lot of things to you back then. I wasn’t a good mother. I was lost in myself. I had to blame someone—anyone. I took that shit out on you, and you didn’t deserve it. Believe me when I say this. I have beat myself to hell for years about the way things went down.” Huffing, I shake my head. Nice words.
“Yet, you never made an attempt to come find me. Say somethin’ to me. Don’t lie, mom.” I hear her huff next to me.
It’s the truth, though. She knew I was running the club. She knew what I was doing, and she did nothing to come to me.
“You have every right to be pissed at me, son. I messed up. I’ll admit to that. I know what happened to Emily wasn’t your fault. It was an accident that changed all of us. I made the mistake of placing the blame on you, and you know what? I’ve lived with that all this time. I lived with the guilt of it all. I was a damn coward back then, and I still am. I should have come to see you. I should have been by your side when you buried your woman and daughter, but I wasn’t, and I can’t change that.”
The silence is eerie. We sit here together, but we’re a million miles apart.
It hurts me to know that she has felt like this the whole time, but a part of me wants her to feel that pain. The pain I felt when my own blood blamed me. The way it felt to have to bury the two things that mattered the most to me in life, alone.
I was alone also. I was left to wallow in my pity. I was left to fend for myself as I tried to figure out how to make it alone without them. It ate at everything inside of me. I was so lost and out of control.
“I wanted you to feel that pain. I wanted you to feel what I felt. I don’t know how to be anymore, Mom,” I admit. Her hand rests on my knee. The first motherly thing she’s done for me in years.
“I know. I’m sorry, son. I’m sorry I wasn’t a better person then. I wished I could change all of that. Living a life of loneliness shows you a lot of things about yourself,” she says. Nodding, that much I do know.
I’ve had the guys for a long time, but before that, I had nothing but myself.
“It’s a hard road to travel. I did it, though. I found somethin’ good at the end, and now I don’t know if she wants the same things as me.” Her hand tightens before I shake my head.
“I thought we were on the same page. I did unspeakable things for her and her daughter, Mom. I felt the biggest pull to her from the day I laid eyes on her.” When I finally drag my eyes up to meet hers, there’s understanding in them.
For the first time in a long time, I see my mom.
***
“You know, you’re a lot like your dad. He was the same way. I was timid and scared when he first came to me. I didn’t know what I wanted out of life. I wasn’t sure he could be that. He kept on and on until I gave in and saw who he really was. He amazed me at every turn, Dragon. He was a good man with a heart of gold, much like you. Tell me about her.” She shifts around, so she’s looking at me. I don’t know why I want to open up to the woman that walked away from me all those years ago, but it feels so right.
“She’s beautiful, mom. Inside and out. Haylee’s seven. She was the only kid sh
e and her ex had. He was abusive. Found her outside at my clubhouse, hidin’ out from him. Ever since that day—she’s held a power over me.” My mom smiles at me with the brightest grin I’ve ever seen.
“She was meant to be yours, Dragon. That’s why she was there. So what’s the problem?” Chuckling softly, I nervously look at my hands. I’m actually fucking nervous about this.
“We’ve been together since then. I took Haylee in like my own. We just clicked, ya know? Found out she was pregnant not long after. We have a little boy. Everything seemed perfect. I want her, mom. I want to marry her for fuck's sake, but when I brought up the idea of you meetin’ them, she flipped on me. She pulled away and didn’t think it was a good idea. Fuck if I know what the hell that was about. I thought I made myself clear on what I wanted.” Her hand comes to capture mine, pulling it into her lap.
“If you’re anything like your dad—I don’t even need to ask what you did to her Ex.” She laughs softly as if remembering something he did.
“What I can tell you from experience is, she’s scared, Dragon. She was hurt for so long, and then someone like you comes into the picture and shows her what love is like, she’s scared. She doesn’t know real love. She has to feel it, and see it. You show her that. Give her time to adjust to another world, one she’s never known. It may take her a little longer, but she’ll come around.” Patting the top of my hand, she releases it before standing.
“Will you?” I ask. Looking up at her, she looks confused.
“Will I what?”
“Come meet my family.”
Chapter 28
She said yes... I can’t believe she said yes. She went home to change, but I gave her the address. Coming back to the clubhouse, I had the best feeling in the world. It amazes me the way things work out. My dad made this happen; I know he did. I walk in with a grin on my face when I see Roc.
“What the hell has you smilin’ like that?” Roc asks. He doesn’t look too happy, though.
“Talked to my mom. She’s comin’ over here to meet everyone.” His smile crosses his face slowly before pulling me into a hug.
“That’s great, brother.” Pulling back, he still doesn’t look too happy.
“What’s wrong?” Roc shakes his head before pulling out a cigarette.
“Don’t want to ruin your happiness, but those Street fucks been pullin’ some shit,” he says. I knew those little fuckers wouldn’t be off the radar for too long. I thought after we took care of that other shit and raised their prices, they’d calm down. Clearly, I was wrong.
“What the hell they doin’ now?” Roc blows out a ring of smoke.
“Well... for starters, they are unloadin’ our products onto another group. Get this, though; the motherfuckers are chargin’ them more than we are!” The laughter that bursts out of me is surprising. I didn’t think it was all that funny, but I will give Marcus props for trying.
“Guess we need to pay Marcus a visit then.” Roc’s eyes meet mine, and I know there’s more to this story.
“What else?” He laughs before pulling the cigarette from his lips.
“They’re sellin’ it to Hell’s Country.”
As if shit wasn’t funny enough, that just did it. How the fuck are they even involved with Hell’s Country? Bear should have known better than to deal with them if they were from around here. Which sparks my next question.
“Why are they so far up north?” There’s the main one. Street’s never worked any other area but ours.
“Don’t know. Thought you might.” Shaking my head, I sure as hell don’t.
“I’ll call Bear, see what the fuck is goin’ on around here,” I say. Roc nods before walking past me. I don’t know why this is even happening right now anyway.
I wander around trying to avoid Everleigh for as long as possible. I don’t want to fight. I don’t want to see the look on her face.
“Fuckin’ hell! Dragon!” Devil yells. I turn around heading toward the sound when I see it.
“Is that dog shit?” I ask, pointing to his boot, I almost lose it. The laughter comes out without me knowing it.
“Fuckin’ dog is shittin’ all over, brother. You bought that bastard!” He snaps. Haylee wanders in with a roll of paper towels looking as cute as ever.
“His name is Max. I’m telling mommy that you called him a bad word,” Haylee says in a matter of fact tone. My eyes widen as she stares Devil down. He can’t be an asshole to a kid; he doesn’t have it in him. Snatching the roll from her hand, he picks the shit off the floor while I laugh.
“Thank you, Uncle Devil.” I watch the look on his face; it’s hysterical.
“Start takin’ him outside more, ok?” Haylee nods with a smile, before walking back down the hallway.
“She got Uncle Devil whipped.” His eyes meet mine before shaking his head.
“She’s got somethin’.”
***
I called Bear, but he was out on a run. I made sure to tell him that he needed to get back with me as soon as possible. I sit outside enjoying the sunshine. It’s so damn beautiful out here. I couldn’t imagine living anywhere else.
“Can we talk?” She says softly. I close my eyes not wanting the fight. I just want to enjoy my fucking day.
“I don’t wanna fight, Ev.” I don’t look up, but I feel her hands on my shoulders. The next thing I know, she’s straddling my lap. She lowers her body until I can feel every bit of her. Her hands stay on my shoulders until they slowly slide up to my neck. Her thumbs skim over my neck making me shiver.
“I know... I’m sorry, Dragon. I just—I don’t know what to do.” My eyes finally open, seeing the hurt in hers. I hate that I’m the one that put it there, too.
“I wasn’t tryin’ to hurt you, Everleigh. I know what I want, darlin’. I can’t help what I feel.” I see the tears shimmering in them. I reached up cupping her cheeks.
“I just need you to tell me that you don’t want this. I can’t read your mind, Ev. I know what I want, if you don’t, I won’t push.” I watch her chest rise and fall with the breath she took.
“Meeting your mom and introducing Haylee, it’s all too much. She’s never known a grandparent, Dragon. I don’t want her getting too attached to your family, and then something happens between us.” Has she lost her mind? Is she completely unaware of what we have?
“Everleigh, fuck! Is this about meetin’ my mom or about us?”
Clearly, I’m confused about the whole damn thing! She doesn’t answer, and I wonder where it is her head’s at.I bring her mouth down to meet mine. Caressing her lips with mine, I force her to open up to me. My tongue finds its way into her mouth, slowly running over hers. Her fingers dig into my neck as I take what I want from her.
“What’s this all about, sweetheart? Talk to me.” I’ve been wrong. I’ve been way too harsh and hard on her.
“I’m just scared, Dragon. I’m scared to lose you. I’m scared that you won’t want me later,” she says. The tears I saw shining, are now falling down her face.
“Ev, I’ll never want anyone the way I want you. You won’t lose me, sweetheart. I’m yours; I want you—I want all of you. We have a son. Haylee is my daughter, no matter what. What else do you need from me?” I can’t breathe when she looks at me the way she is right now.
“I don’t know, Dragon. That’s the thing. I don’t know what I need. I’m so sorry.” Shaking my head, I pull her into my chest as she sobs.
“No, I am. I’m pushin’ you too hard. Fuck, I’m sorry.” Pressing my lips into her hair, I hold her a little tighter.
I just thought Everleigh was looking at things the same way as I was. I assumed she would want the same things as me, but I never once thought I was going too far.
I feel like a fucking ass now.
“I’m sorry, baby.” Whispering into her hair, she sighs into my chest.
We don’t talk anymore. We don’t say anything else as I hold her close to me.
Chapter 29
“Dragon!
Someone’s here for you!” Ghost hollers from the lobby. I was already on my way down the hall with Jeremy in my arms. I knew Everleigh wasn’t ready for this, but I still want her to meet my son. Coming around the corner, I see the smile spread across my mom’s face. It’s a smile I haven’t seen in a very long time.
“Is that him? Oh my God, Dragon!” Her squeal is perfect. I move closer as she looks into the face of her grandson. Tears spring to her eyes.
“He looks just like you when you were a baby. Can I?” I know she wants to get her hands on him. I nod before passing him off to her. She loses herself in Jeremy just like I knew she would. The guys filter out into the lobby as they take her in.
“Damn—mom’s hot!” Trick slaps a hand on my shoulder.
“Are you kiddin’ me?” I ask looking at him. Shaking his head, he grins wider. I elbow him in the side before he grunts.
“Fine, I’ll go check out someone’s girl.” I watch the idiot walk away when Devil walks over.
“So, that’s her, huh?” Devil asks. Nodding, he doesn’t say anything. Knowing Devil, he’s thinking of what kind of bitch she is and plotting her demise in his head.
“I don’t like her,” he says. Glancing over, I knew it.
“You haven’t even talked to her.” He shrugs his shoulders making me laugh.
“Don’t matter.”
The girls came out and met my mom before taking off to the kitchen. They are cooking lunch for everyone while she’s here. She hasn’t stopped smiling since she stepped in the door. It’s a beautiful sight to see. Seeing her happy once again. I took Jeremy back to his mom when he started getting fussy and wanted to eat.
“You did your dad proud, Dragon. This is amazing,” she says. Hearing her say those words does something to me.
I’ve never been one that needed praise but hearing those words leave her mouth; it makes me feel like a real son.
