by Alfred Adler
ALFRED ADLER
WHAT LIFE
COULD MEAN
TO YOU
V. 03/15
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CONTENTS
I. THE MEANING OF LIFE
II. MIND AND BODY
III. FEELINGS OF INFERIORITY AND SUPERIORITY
IV. EARLY MEMORIES
V. DREAMS
VI. FAMILY INFLUENCES
VII. SCHOOL INFLUENCES
VIII. ADOLESCENCE
IX. CRIME AND ITS PREVENTION
X. OCCUPATION
XI. MAN AND FELLOW MAN
XII. LOVE AND MARRIAGE
BOOK ONE
WHAT LIFE COULD MEAN TO YOU
1931
I. THE MEANING OF LIFE
Human beings live in the realm of meanings. We do not experience pure circumstances; we always experience circumstances in their significance for men. Even at its source our experience is qualified by our human purposes. "Wood" means " wood in its relation to mankind”, and "stone" means " stone as it can be a factor in human life." If a man should try to escape meanings and devote himself only to circumstances he would be very unfortunate: he would isolate himself from others: his actions would be useless to himself or to any one; in a word, they would be meaningless. But no human being can escape meanings. We experience reality always through the meaning we give it; not in itself, but as something interpreted. It will be natural to suppose, therefore, that this meaning is always more or less unfinished, incomplete; and even that it is never altogether right. The realm of meanings is the realm of mistakes.
If we asked a man "What is the meaning of life?", he would perhaps be unable to answer. For the most part people do not bother themselves with the question or try to formulate replies. It is true that the question is as old as human history and that in our own time young people — and older people as well — will often break out with the cry, "But what is life for? What does life mean?"
We can say, however, that they ask only when they have suffered a defeat. So long as everything is plain sailing and no difficult tests are set before them the question is never put into words. It is in his actions that every man inevitably puts the question and answers it. If we close our ears to his words and observe his actions, we shall find that he has his own individual "meaning of life" and that all his postures, attitudes, movements, expressions, mannerisms, ambitions, habits and character traits accord with this meaning. He behaves as if he could rely upon a certain interpretation of life. In all his actions there is an implicit reckoning up of the world and of himself; a verdict, "I am like this and the universe is like that”; a meaning given to himself and a meaning given to life.
There are as many meanings given to life as there are human beings, and, as we have suggested, perhaps each meaning involves more or less of a mistake. No one possesses the absolute meaning of life, and we may say that any meaning which is at all serviceable cannot be called absolutely wrong. All meanings are varieties between these two limits. Among these varieties, however, we can distinguish some which answer better and some which answer worse; some where the mistake is small and some where it is large. We can discover what it is that the better meanings share in common, what it is that the worse meanings lack. In this way we can obtain a scientific "meaning of life”, a common measure of true meanings, a meaning which enables us to meet reality in so far as it concerns mankind. Here again we must remember that "true" means true for mankind, true for the purposes and aims of human beings.
There is no other truth than this; and if another truth existed, it could never concern us; we could never know it; it would be meaningless.
Every human being has three main ties; and it is of these ties that he must take account. They make up reality for him. All the problems which confront him are in die direction of these ties. He must always answer these problems because they are always questioning him; and die answers will show us his individual conception of the meaning of life.
The first of these ties is that we are living on the crust of this poor planet, earth, and nowhere else. We must develop under the restrictions and with the possibilities which our place of habitation sets us. In body and mind alike we must develop so that we can continue our personal lives on earth and help to insure the future continuance of mankind. This is one problem which challenges every man for an answer; which no individual can escape. Whatever we do, our actions are our own answer to the situation of human life: they reveal what we think necessary, and fitting, and possible, and desirable. Every answer must be conditioned by the fact that we belong to mankind and that men are beings who inhabit this earth.
Now if we take account of the weakness of the human body and the insecurity in which we are placed, we can see that for our own lives and for the welfare of mankind we must take pains to consolidate our answers, to make them far-seeing and coherent. It is as if we stood before a problem in mathematics; we must work to find a solution. We cannot work haphazard or by guesswork, but we must work consistently, using all the means at our disposal. We shall not find an absolutely perfect answer, an answer established once for all; but, nevertheless, we must use all our ability to find an approximate answer. We must struggle always to find a better answer, and the answer must always be directly applicable to the fact that we are tied to the crust of this poor planet, earth, with all the advantages and disadvantages which our position brings.
Here we come to the second tie. We are not the only members of the human race. There are others around us, and we are living in association with them. The weakness and the limits of the individual human being make it impossible for him to ensure his own aims in isolation. If he lived alone and tried to meet his problems by himself he would perish. He would not be able to continue his own life; he would not be able to continue the life of mankind. He is always tied to other men; and he is tied because of his own weaknesses and insufficiencies and limits. The greatest step for his own welfare and for the welfare of mankind is association. Every answer, therefore, to the problems of life must take account of this tie: it must be an answer in the light of the fact that we are living in association and that we would perish if we were alone. If we are to survive even our emotions must be harmonious with this greatest of problems and purposes and goals—to continue our personal life and to continue the life of mankind, on this planet which we inhabit, in cooperation with our fellow men.
There is a third tie in which we are bound. Human beings are living in. two sexes. The preservation of individual and of common life must take account of this fact. The problem of love and marriage belongs to this third tie. No man or woman can escape giving an answer.
Whatever a human being does when confronted by this problem, this is his answer. There are many different ways in which human beings attempt to solve this problem: their actions always show their conception of the only way in which the problem is soluble for themselves. These three ties, therefore, set three problems: how to find an. occupation which will enable us to survive under the limitations set by the nature of the earth; how to find a position among our
fellows, so that we may cooperate and share the benefits of cooperation; how to accommodate ourselves to the fact that we live in two sexes and that the continuance and furtherance of mankind depends upon our love-life.
Individual Psychology has found no problems in life which cannot be grouped under these three main problems—occupational, social and sexual. It is in his response to these three problems that every individual human being unfailingly reveals his own deep sense of the meaning of life. Suppose, for example, we consider a man whose love life is incomplete, who makes no efforts in his profession, who has few friends and who finds contact with his fellows painful. From the limits and restrictions of his life we may conclude that he feels being alive as a difficult and dangerous thing, offering few opportunities and many defeats. His narrow field of action is to be construed as a judgment, "Life means — to preserve myself against hurt, to stockade myself in, to escape untouched."
Suppose, on the other hand, we consider a man whose love-life is an intimate and many-sided cooperation, whose work results in useful achievements, whose friends are many and whose contacts with his fellows are wide and fruitful. Of such a man we may conclude that he feels life as a creative task, offering many opportunities and no irrecoverable defeats. His courage in meeting all the problems of life is to be construed as a judgment, "Life means — to be interested in my fellow men, to be part of the whole, to contribute my share to the welfare of mankind."
It is here that we find the common measure of all mistaken “meanings of life” and the common measure of all true "meanings of life." All failures — neurotics, psychotics, criminals, drunkards, problem children, suicides, perverts and prostitutes — are failures because they are lacking in fellow-feeling and social interest. They approach the problems of occupation, friendship and sex without the confidence that they can be solved by cooperation. The meaning they give to life is a private meaning: no one else is benefited by the achievement of their aims and their interest stops short at their own persons. Their goal of success is a goal of mere fictitious personal superiority and their triumphs have meaning only to themselves. Murderers have confessed to a feeling of power when they held a bottle of poison in their hands, but clearly they were confirming their importance only to themselves; to the rest of us the possession of a bottle of poison cannot seem to give them superior worth. A private meaning is in fact no meaning at all. Meaning is only possible in communication: a word which meant something to one person only would really be meaningless. It is the same with our aims and actions; their only meaning is their meaning for others. Every human being strives for significance; but people always make mistakes if they do not see that their whole significance must consist in their contribution to the lives of others.
