“Haha,” Janis said finally. “Maybe I’ll just buy them all myself.”
“That’d be cool too,” Todd said, and then he and Tom went to help their bandmates set up.
“Hey, Janis, cool dog.” Bode Chase was standing in front of us. Bode Chase was a senior, and looked exactly like you would expect someone named “Bode Chase” to look. He had shaggy blond hair, blue eyes, and, somehow, a tan even in Kansas in February.
I didn’t know much about him, except that he was a star soccer player, girls practically fainted when he walked through the hallway, and he wasn’t really from Spring River, but had just appeared at school one day the year before. He was popular but still kind of a loner and didn’t really hang out with anyone other than a few of his soccer teammates, and I’d seen him reading books before.
Ugh, so maybe I did know a lot about Bode Chase, but I did not know what he was doing here, now, holding two cups of punch.
“Thanks,” Janis said. “She’s Esme’s. Her name’s ‘Pig.’ ”
“Nice, that’s awesome.” Bode kept standing there, not even looking at Pig. Just looking at Janis.
“I like your earrings too,” he continued. “Did you know that the ankh symbolizes both eternal and mortal life?” he asked. “And that differing theories posit that the loop and cross construction of the ankh was taken either from the form of the Egyptian sandal or from the belt buckle of Isis?” He sipped his punch. “The goddess, not the Islamic state,” he added.
Janis just stood there, looking at him. “Wow,” she said finally. “I did not know that.”
Bode nodded. “My mom’s an Egyptology professor,” he said. “We moved here last year because she got a job at the university.”
“No way,” Janis said. “Both my parents teach at the university.”
“I think I heard you mention that once,” Bode said. “What department?”
“Nothing as cool as Egyptology,” Janis said, and Bode smiled a toothpaste smile, then held out a cup of punch.
“Hey, you want some punch?” he offered. “I haven’t drunk out of this one.”
“Sure,” Janis said. She handed me Pig’s leash so that she could take the cup from him, and now it seemed like, in spite of using my dog as a conversation entry point, he was just now noticing me.
“Hey, Esme,” he said. “You want me to get you some too?”
“No thanks,” I said. “I’m allergic to pineapple.”
“Whoa,” he said. “I’ve never heard of anyone being allergic to pineapple before.”
I just nodded.
“Yeah, it’s crazy,” Janis said. “Last time she ate some, her lips swelled up so much, she looked like one of those women who get addicted to plastic surgery.”
Thanks, Janis. Thanks a lot.
“That sucks,” Bode said, still staring at Janis. “Would you like to dance?”
“Not really,” she said. Bode nodded, and took a sip of his punch. Janis took a sip of her punch too.
“So,” Bode started, “I was watching this documentary about André Leon Talley—”
“Oh!” Janis said, perking up. “He’s one of my heroes!”
“Yeah,” Bode said. “My mom saw him in the airport in Paris once and…” Honestly, was this for real? If I had used a spell to create the perfect guy for Janis, it would not have created someone half as good as what was standing in front of us right now. I knew a third wheel when I was one, so I decided that now was the time for me to take my leave. Besides, I had work to do.
“Come on, girlie,” I said, giving Pig a tug so she’d move closer to me. “Hey, Bode,” I said, “I hate to interrupt, but…” I stepped between him and Janis and pushed her behind me. Holding my hand up and moving it in a semicircle so that I got Bode and a whole spray of people behind him, I muttered the spell and set my intentions.
As I was walking away, I heard him say, “So, I hear that people really love this band. They’re pretty good, aren’t they?”
Janis responded with, “Oh yeah, I love them.” Goddess bless Janis—she was really good at playing along, and I hoped that a sincere, even if artificially induced, love for Superfüd wouldn’t be enough to sever any genuine connection that might, right now, against all odds, be blossoming in this gym that still smelled, if you took a deep enough breath, like sweaty socks.
By now the dance was finally picking up. There were a few more people on the dance floor, and the groups that lined the walls were breaking up and intermingling. Pig trailing behind me, I wove my way through the crowd, my palms up, casting the spell on anyone who crossed my path. I figured I might miss a few here or there, but that would just make it more realistic. I’m sure that even Fleetwood Mac had a few haters in the crowd every once in a while, and Superfüd was no Fleetwood Mac. If anyone thought I was doing anything weird, no one gave me a second look. With Pig, it was extra easy, as people came to me, squealing and giggling and taking about a million pictures. One sophomore got so excited that she dropped her punch onto the ground, and then filmed it as Pig slurped up the puddle.
From the other side of the gym, I could see that Bode and Janis were still talking, and that Bode was saying something that had made Janis lean forward with laughter. When she stood back up, she was dabbing at her nose, which told me the giggles where real. When Janis really laughed, something always squirted out of her nose.
I checked my phone. It had been awhile since I’d heard anything from Team Circe, so I sent them a quick text. Band about to go on, I wrote. What’s happening over there? My work here was done, at least for right now, so I decided to duck outside for a second to see if Pig needed to use the facilities. We headed down the hall and out the front door. Outside, it was freezing, and a damp wind had picked up, but Pig was being extra particular about which blade of grass she would turn into her toilet.
“Oh, come on,” I said, giving her leash a yank. “Pick a spot already so we can go back inside.” I heard a strange rustle of leaves behind me, and spun on my heel, hand raised and palm out, ready to blast any demon sneaking up on me. It wasn’t a demon, though, and the rustle hadn’t come from leaves. It’d come from feathers.
Adrian was standing there with his hands up and an apologetic look already on his face. “Sorry, sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“So, as long as you’re on the run, you’re never going to just knock on a door or send a text or anything?” I asked.
“Doors seem too risky,” he said. “And my phone died back in January. I was charging it at a T-Mobile store for a while, but I think they were starting to catch on to me, and then my service got shut off, so I just gave up.”
The wind picked up a little, and ruffled the tulle on my dress. Then I burst out laughing.
“I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t laugh,” I said, dabbing my eyes with the back of my wrist, carefully, so that I wouldn’t mess up my makeup. “It’s just, like, I don’t know, it’s kind of pathetic.” A smile flicked across Adrian’s face, and I giggled again. “I mean, you’re falling out of trees and charging your phone at a T-Mobile store. Don’t get me wrong. I know I’m no better. Look at me—I’m at a dance with my dog. We’re like a couple of characters in a YA novel who think we’re outcasts, but really we’re just losers.” Now that flicker of a smile burst into a grin.
“Speak for yourself,” he said. “Maybe I like brushing my teeth in the Pizza Hut bathroom.”
“I apologize,” I said. “Maybe you do.”
“Nah,” he said. “I really don’t.” Adrian smiled at me, and I felt my soul turn into moths and start fluttering all around inside my body. Pig had stopped sniffing and was looking back and forth between us.
“So, why are you here?” I asked finally.
“I wanted to check on you,” he said. “How’s your mom doing? How are you doing?”
I sighed. �
�I’m okay,” I said. “She’s okay.” I filled him in on everything that had happened, and how she was back in the facility, and he listened and nodded.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “And I’m not trying to apologize for something that is not my fault. I just feel genuine empathy for your situation right now.”
“Thanks,” I said. “It is what it is.”
“So are you just here tonight having fun?” he asked, and I laughed.
“No way,” I said, and gave him the short version of the Superfüd and Circe situation. “They should be going on soon,” I said, pulling out my phone. My last text still sat there. It hadn’t gone through. “But I haven’t heard anything from Cassandra, Ruby, and Mallory in a while. I’m starting to get worried, but I can’t leave.”
“If you want, I can fly over there and check on them,” Adrian offered.
“Really?” I said, feeling a rush of relief. “That would be a major help.”
He nodded. “Yeah, no problem,” he said. “There are some perks to being a bird boy, and to having a bird boy as a friend.”
I told him where the band lived. “It’s probably less than ten minutes,” I said, “as the crow flies.”
He smiled. “As the crow flies,” he said. A gust of wind blew up, sending the few late winter leaves swirling around our feet. I shivered in my dress, and Adrian shoved his hands deeper into his pockets. Pig let out a little whimper, as her tuxedo shirt wasn’t much of a windbreaker.
“I should get back inside,” I said, and Adrian nodded. Neither of us moved, though. Finally I gathered up Pig’s leash and started to turn to go.
“Esme,” Adrian said, and I stopped and looked up at him. “You look really nice tonight,” he said. “And I wish that I could have been your date for the dance.”
“Thanks,” I said, smiling. Then, so quick that I didn’t even have time to realize what was about to happen and make it awkward, he kissed me.
He pulled back, smiled, and said, “Okay, gotta go.” Then, with another rustle of feathers, he flew away. I stood there, slightly stunned, and then a sound made me look down. Pig had finally picked a spot to pee.
When she was finished, we went back inside, and I was pretty sure it wasn’t just the glitter Alexander McQueen boots on my feet that made me feel like I was walking on air.
We’d just walked back into the gym when someone tapped me on the shoulder. I spun around to see Ji-A and Amirah standing there, Amirah looking significantly less happy than she had when she’d left. “Why are you grinning?” she said, cocking an eyebrow. “Something good happened. Spill. What was it?”
I wiped the smile off my face. “Nothing,” I said. “I was just thinking about a meme I saw. But hey, how was Panda Sub?”
“I don’t think it sat well with me this time,” she said, and then burped. “I mean, those Bolognese egg rolls were just as good as they were last night, but now I feel, I don’t know, all bloated.” She held out her hand, and her fingers looked like they’d been inflated.
“Uh, yeah,” I said, feeling bad for not warning her. “I can’t eat Panda Sub because there’s too much sodium in it. And I’m someone who mostly eats things that come wrapped in plastic.” She burped again and tried to stifle it, and I could tell by the look on her face that it came out her nose.
“I’m going to go get us something to drink,” Ji-A said. “Maybe that will make us feel better. Esme, you want some punch?”
“I’m allergic to pineapple,” I said.
“That’s weird,” Amirah said. “What happens when you eat it?”
“I swell up like a—” I stopped as a note of feedback pierced through the gym. Superfüd’s show was about to start, and the full weight of what Brain had warned us of hit me. Like he’d pointed out—over and over—by inviting Superfüd to play, we were putting all of the students at risk. But also, we were ruining their night. Anxiety and guilt washed over me. Sure, they’d all gotten dressed up to come hang out in the gym, but some of them would have had fun. I tried to console myself by thinking maybe they’d all go home thinking that they’d at least seen their favorite band, but that just made me feel worse. I’d have to station myself at the door, and get Ji-A and Amirah to help, so that we could reverse the spell on everyone on their way out.
Ji-A reappeared with two glasses of punch. Amirah took one from her, gulped it, and then burped again. “Any word from Cassandra?” she asked.
“Not in a while,” I said, pulling out my phone to see that I still hadn’t gotten a response. “The last I heard, they were waiting for the neighbors to go inside.”
“How long ago was that?” Ji-A asked, taking a sip of her punch.
“Over an hour ago,” I said.
“I wonder if we should go check on them?” Ji-A said, looking at Amirah. “We could just call an Uber and go by?”
“Yeah, totally,” Amirah said.
“That would be great,” I said. Having Adrian check on them was one thing, but if they were in trouble, he wouldn’t be able to do anything about it.
“On it,” Ji-A said, tipping her glass back and draining the last of her punch. “You know, it’s too bad you can’t have pineapple. This is really good.”
“I’ll pass your compliments on to Karen,” I said.
“Okay, let’s go,” Amirah said, and then a guitar chord rang out, and Superfüd launched into their first song.
* * *
—
There are two types of bad music: obvi bad, and sneaky bad. Obvi bad is like a polka band playing Snoop Dogg covers. You recognize it immediately, but sneaky-bad music tricks you. Like, when you’re scanning through the radio and stop on what you think is a new pop song, only to have the chorus be about how all us sinners are going to hell. Or like one of Dad’s favorite bands, Pearl Jam.
Superfüd was sneaky bad.
The crowd was rapt, though, and everyone was watching when Todd stepped up to the mic and said, “Hi, we’re the band formerly known as ‘Jump the Shark,’ but we’re ‘Superfüd’ now.” Nipple boy howled like a werewolf, one fist raised in the air as he started to headbang.
“Thanks for having us,” Tom added, then started to strum a few chords on the guitar. Brad kicked in with the drums, and Todd started singing. The first few chords struck me as okay, not quite as bad as I had expected, but then I really started to pay attention. On bass, Chad stomped back and forth across the stage like he was on his way to dispute a parking ticket. Todd’s voice was smooth enough, it didn’t crack, and I listened to the lyrics, which sounded like they were about camping. When the chorus hit, I no longer had any doubt. It was definitely a song about camping. “I hope you brought a taarrrrrrp,” Todd crooned, “cuz it looks like rain.”
“Raaaaaaiinnn,” sang Brad on backup.
“This tent only holds one,” Todd sang, and then Tom interjected with a little spoken word.
“Take your double sleeping bag and go sleep in the car!”
That was when I lost it. “Oh my God,” I said, turning to Amirah and Ji-A. “This is even worse than I expected. I’m jealous you guys get to leave.” But they didn’t answer. Nor did it look like they were going anywhere.
Both of them were staring straight ahead, at the band, totally enraptured. Amirah was clutching her empty punch cup to her chest like it was a rose from The Bachelor, and her fingers twisted it. “I. Love. Superfüd.”
“What? You can’t be serious?” I stared at her, waiting for her to start cracking up, but she didn’t even look at me. She was totally focused on the band. I turned to Ji-A. “She can’t be serious.”
But Ji-A barely even noticed I was there. She just swayed back and forth slightly, singing along. “I hope you brought a tarrrrrrp,” she said, her eyes half closed in ecstasy.
“Ji-A,” I said, snapping my fingers at her, “you’re from Manhattan. Do you even know what a tar
p is?”
“It’s gonna rain,” she sang, getting the words wrong but still singing along. I stood there for a second, and then felt a cold panic wash over me. Something was wrong. Something was really wrong.
“Come with me,” I said, grabbing Ji-A. “We have to find Janis.” She yanked her arm away.
“I’ll share your sleeping bag!” she yelled at the stage.
“Amirah! Please! We need to go,” I pleaded, turning to her. “This isn’t right. We need to find Brian and fix it.” Amirah had tears pouring from her eyes, and the cup that she still held in her hands was now totally shredded, ripped to pieces. Her mouth was moving, but no sound was coming out. I stared at her lips for a second and could just make out that she was saying. “Superfüd is the best band in the entire universe. Superfüd is the best band in the entire universe.”
Crap, crap, crap. I had to find Janis. I grabbed Pig’s leash and turned to run, but Pig had planted. I pulled again, and she didn’t budge.
“Not now, Pig,” I said. “We need to go.”
But she retained her anvil pose, and what was worse, she too was staring straight ahead. At the stage, at the band, and suddenly she began to howl. “Rorrr-rorrro-rrrrorr-rrrooorrr!” she crooned. She was singing along!
I had to make a split-second decision. I grabbed Amirah’s hand and wrapped Pig’s leash around it several times. “Stay here!” I yelled at all three of them. “Don’t go anywhere!” Then I turned and ran, pushing my way through the crowd. Several people shoved me back, angry that I’d disrupted their view of the band for even one second. When a sophomore tried to shoulder me out of the way, I shoved him back, hard, with my kinesis.
“Ouch!” he yelped.
“Mosh pit, dude,” I said. “Toughen up.” Finally I spotted Janis. Or rather, I spotted Bode, and Janis was standing right next to him. Bode had a fist raised in the air and was pumping it and banging his head back and forth to the beat.
“Esme!” Janis cried when she saw me, grabbing me by the shoulders.
Spells Like Teen Spirit Page 25
