Zhou Yizhen caught a glimpse of a woman’s silhouette entering a courtyard house in front of her. Ah, was it Zhu Mei? She shouted: “Zhu Mei!”
Zhu Mei dashed up to Zhou Yizhen.
“You’ve come out too,” she said with a smile. “Sure, why wouldn’t you? At night, it’s a Shangri-la here. Do you know who I was looking for inside? My lover. He’s only twenty-eight—a guy who fears nothing!”
Zhou Yizhen heard the lewdness in Zhu Mei’s tone. Ordinarily she wouldn’t be able to stand it. But in this kind of moonlight, this kind of atmosphere, she felt that everything was reasonable. The fifty-year-old Zhu Mei should love a twenty-eight-year-old. If she, Zhou Yizhen, were a young man, she would want to fall in love with Zhu Mei: Zhu Mei was a rare treasure.
“Oh, so that’s it. I’ve disturbed you. Don’t pay any attention to me. I’m leaving,” she said.
“No, don’t go!” Zhu Mei raised her hand and said decisively, “Since you’ve come out, I want to enjoy this evening with you. Look, the twilight is so beautiful!”
“Yes. Yes,” Zhou Yizhen murmured.
“We’ll go to the plant where you worked before. Now it’s been converted into shops selling a wide array of goods.”
Zhou Yizhen wanted to decline, because for twenty years she’d been afraid of running into her former workmates. But Zhu Mei pulled her along in that direction; Zhou Yizhen thought that Zhu Mei was warmly enthusiastic. Why was she so exuberant? Zhu Mei told Zhou Yizhen: before the plant went out of business, she had been a temporary worker there for two years. After that, all she could do was return to her old trade as a design assistant. She had earned some money in design the last few years, but she still cherished her time in the plant. As she talked, Zhou Yizhen recalled the lotus seeds and felt intensely emotional. Without thinking, she said, “Those days working in the plant were splendid!”
“See!” Zhu Mei shouted. “I read your mind, didn’t I? Even if a person goes only once to that sort of place, she never forgets it!”
When they reached the spot where the plant used to be, Zhou Yizhen saw that it had completely changed.
The workshops in the former plant were now small shops. There were colorful lamps everywhere, and people coming and going. Some of the shopkeepers looked familiar; they had worked at the plant. Some were unfamiliar. They welcomed Zhu Mei with open arms, but no one recognized Zhou Yizhen. The shops sold a variety of goods—kitchenware, appliances for lavatories, writing implements, metal fittings, children’s shoes.
When Zhou Yizhen saw her former workmates, even though they didn’t recognize her, she still felt happy. She thanked Zhu Mei inwardly, because she hadn’t introduced her to these people and yet she was pleased that Zhu Mei had done this. She followed Zhu Mei and felt relaxed. A happy premonition arose within her.
Zhu Mei pulled Zhou Yizhen into a two-room shop selling chinaware. The shopkeeper was a middle-aged woman whom Zhou Yizhen didn’t recognize. When she asked them to sit down, Zhou Yizhen thought she seemed familiar. Zhou Yizhen had no sooner taken a seat than the woman dragged Zhu Mei off to the other room and left Zhou Yizhen to watch over the chinaware.
After a while, several customers showed up all at once. Flustered, Zhou Yizhen wished that Zhu Mei and the woman would come out soon, but they remained in the warehouse in back.
An old man picked up a teakettle and asked the price. Zhou Yizhen replied that she wasn’t the shopkeeper.
“If you aren’t the shopkeeper, why are you standing here?” he reproached her. “You have to take the responsibility. Oh, I see the price. It’s pasted on the bottom of the teakettle. It’s twenty-three yuan.”
He counted out twenty-three yuan, placed it on the counter, and headed out. As he left, he said angrily, “You’re the worst businessperson I’ve ever seen.”
Then a young woman picked up a vase and sought out Zhou Yizhen. Zhou Yizhen told her the truth and asked her to wait a moment, because the shopkeeper was in the other room. She looked inside the warehouse, but no one was there. A door opened from this room onto a small street. The other two must have gone out for a stroll.
She returned and told the young woman that the shopkeeper was out.
“But you’re here, aren’t you?” the young woman said, staring.
Then the young woman said she had found the price; it was thirty-seven yuan. She placed forty yuan on the counter, took the vase, and left. Zhou Yizhen put the money away at once.
Every person who came in bought something. The last customer wanted to bargain with Zhou Yizhen. He was holding a large soup bowl, and said fifteen yuan was too much. He asked Zhou Yizhen to sell it to him for ten yuan. Zhou Yizhen said the shopkeeper was out, and it wasn’t up to her to lower the price.
“Why can’t you? Didn’t you sell several things just now?” he said in a fierce tone.
Zhou Yizhen was afraid. She shouted toward the back room, “Zhu Mei! Zhu Mei!”
The man immediately said, “Don’t shout! Please! I’ll just put it back, OK?”
When he swept past her, Zhou Yizhen saw that he was her former gang boss. Back then, they had sat in the same workshop opening lotus seeds. Why had he threatened her?
Zhou Yizhen was angry with Zhu Mei. She put the money in a drawer under the counter, closed the shop door, and ran out.
All at once, she relaxed. She thought, she had come here just for fun. Why had Zhu Mei pressured her so much? Whatever happened in the chinaware shop was really a conspiracy. The surroundings had changed greatly, and there wasn’t much lamplight. Zhou Yizhen had actually lost her way outside the plant where she used to work. Just then, she heard someone call her name. She turned around and saw her former workmate Bai E. Except for her voice, this woman had changed completely. Even in the dim lamplight, one could see that her face was dark and that she was very thin, yet she seemed in good spirits.
“Zhou Yizhen, come to my house!” she said eagerly. “I live alone now. You can live in my home!”
She gripped Zhou Yizhen’s arm and dragged her to a low house next to the road. It was dark inside. The two of them almost fell onto a bed with a big mattress. Zhou Yizhen struggled to get up because she hadn’t taken off her shoes. Bai E was still holding her tightly. She said there was no point in following any rules in her home. It was best to simply fit in.
“It’s dark outside. Where can you go?” Bai E’s voice turned eerie.
Zhou Yizhen stopped struggling and calmed down. A minute later, her eyes closed heavily. She felt a quilt being put over her. She could faintly hear Bai E arguing with someone outside.
When Zhou Yizhen awakened, it was daylight. She saw her former workmate Bai E sitting beside the bed, quietly watching her; she looked fascinated. Zhou Yizhen blushed; she wasn’t accustomed to people looking at her so closely.
“Yizhen, we’ve finally met,” she said.
“Yes. Finally,” Zhou Yizhen responded in kind.
“I thought I wouldn’t be able to wait for this day.”
“Everything depends on luck,” Zhou Yizhen said.
“No! That’s wrong!”
Bai E stood up angrily, and began pacing back and forth in the room. She was agitated.
Zhou Yizhen made the bed, whisking the dust from the quilt. She waited for Bai E to explode.
But Bai E didn’t lose her temper. Her anger was suddenly replaced by happiness, and she whispered: “I know you came over from Zhu Mei’s place. As soon as you arrived at her home yesterday, everyone from the plant knew. Everyone was eager to see you. I got to you before anyone else!”
“If that’s the way all of you felt, then why did everyone pretend not to know me in the small shops? I saw several of my former workmates,” Zhou Yizhen said.
“Everyone was keeping an eye on everyone else. We had to pretend not to know you. We had to wait until night to take you by surprise and get hold of you. It’s the way things are done here. I did it just this way, didn’t I? All these years, we were curious. Everyone wanted to know how you ha
d survived. You were everyone’s hope.”
After Zhou Yizhen washed her face and brushed her teeth, she sat down and ate breakfast with Bai E. Noticing that Bai E kept looking her up and down, she asked with a smile, “Is there something nice-looking about me?”
“I’m not looking at you, I’m looking at myself. When you left, you took my soul with you. I’ve been thinking all along: People say that Zhou Yizhen didn’t die; she survived. What happened? I have to see her again. Last night my dream came true.”
Zhou Yizhen felt inspired by these words. She got up and made a few birdlike motions. And then she was a little embarrassed again and said to Bai E: “If someone as inconspicuous as I am can get a new lease on life, then the rest of you surely can! I want to tell you that everyone can experience a turn for the better. But now I have to leave you. Zhu Mei must be waiting for me. Thank you for your hospitality.”
“Good luck, Yizhen. And thank you for keeping me company. The scenery last night was beautiful. The deer ran so fast.”
Bai E’s gaze fell. She stared, dazed, at an oil stain on the tablecloth. She forgot all about Zhou Yizhen.
Not until Zhou Yizhen left Bai E’s home did she realize that Bai E’s home was on a quiet street. It was two blocks from Jixiang Lane. She intended to go there and say goodbye to Zhu Mei before going home. She felt happy and a little puzzled. She thought that she wouldn’t be able to put her thoughts in order until she got home. She had come to her old house and had encountered some novel things. The thing that surprised her the most was that the people here all considered her one of them, as though she—Zhou Yizhen—had lived among them all this time. Even the customers in the chinaware shop didn’t consider her any different from them. What on earth was the reason for this? Hadn’t she vanished from here twenty years ago?
In the daytime, Jixiang Lane looked tumbledown again. The courtyard houses she had seen yesterday were once more invisible. Piles and piles of detritus and sand were everywhere, as if the path was going to be repaired. A large pile of coal was in the middle of the lane. She had to walk around it, and her shoes got dirty. Zhou Yizhen thought that Jixiang Lane was disgusting now. No one was in the courtyard of her old home. Probably everyone was at work. Zhu Mei and the woman shopkeeper from last night were sitting in the doorway, not at all surprised to see Zhou Yizhen. It seemed the two of them had spent the night in Zhu Mei’s home.
“I put all the money for purchases in the drawer under the counter,” Zhou Yizhen said. “I didn’t dare do anything on my own in helping you with your business.”
“It’s all right! Never mind!” the woman interrupted Zhou Yizhen. “Your showing up was a pleasant surprise for us. Zhu Mei and I spent the whole night talking about you!”
“Talking about me?”
“Yes. You caused quite a stir in our circle. I’m leaving. Take good care of yourself! Bye!”
Zhu Mei and Zhou Yizhen watched her disappear into the courtyard.
“Zhu Mei, I’ve come to say goodbye. Visiting my old home has made me feel great, and it has enriched me too. But—I don’t know how to put it—it seems I experienced everything here through a layer of gauze. Nothing was very clear. Now I feel excited, but I don’t know how to explain that. Can you understand what I’m feeling?”
Zhu Mei stared straight at Zhou Yizhen, then nodded and said, “I understand you, Zhou Yizhen. If I didn’t, then who would? I invited you to come, and you came. This was telepathy, wasn’t it? Twenty years ago, I thought I could live as you did. Now the facts prove that I wasn’t wrong. Let me see you off.”
When they walked out of the courtyard, Zhu Mei said, “Your shoes are dirty. You must have taken the main road over here. Actually, there’s a side path you could have taken.”
“Oh, I see! No wonder I didn’t see the courtyard houses. How could I get lost in my former neighborhood?”
“Of course that can happen. Come this way!”
Zhu Mei pulled Zhou Yizhen over, and the two of them went to the forked road. The courtyard houses appeared, and the main entrances stood open as they had the night before. Zhou Yizhen saw again the scene in the lane from last night. This was really a quiet little lane! When had it been built? She hadn’t seen these courtyard houses before, and yet they looked rather old. Where had they come from? Noticing Zhou Yizhen’s puzzled expression, Zhu Mei began to laugh.
“Zhou Yizhen, you rescued me back then, and I’ve always wanted to repay you. After you left, I waited year after year for you to return, and now you have. Tell me: what is your impression of your old home?”
“I feel that both the people and the view have totally changed. This place used to be rather depressing. But I’m not very sure about this impression. Maybe I’m the one that used to be depressing. Since I came back yesterday, I’ve been constantly excited. People here have been so warm to me. But I can’t understand them, even though I was with them every day in the past. Zhu Mei, can you tell me how to understand my former workmates?”
“You don’t need to fully understand us. All you need is to feel our love, that’s enough.”
Zhu Mei had no sooner said this than the bus arrived. They embraced and said goodbye.
When the bus started, Zhu Mei waved to Zhou Yizhen.
“Come back often!” she shouted.
Zhou Yizhen was dazed as she stood in the bus. Right up until the bus stopped at the street corner and she got off and bought some vegetables at a nearby vegetable plot on the way home, her train of thought was stuck in her old house. She resolved to gradually disengage from any curiosity about that old home.
Untitled Original 11386i
Nathaniel Mackey
—“mu” two hundred thirty-sixth part—
As if I saw blood run down my neck, I
heard gurgling say, “Say something,” the
blood. A fabled elsewhere the oud I played
es-
poused, an elsewhere’s elsewhere the dou-
ble strings contrived. I stood in the center
of an eight-pointed star, side-eyed… Soon
it
seemed I schooled my oud on circumambi-
ence, a being-around or a being-about,
subject itself subject to qualm, semiquaver,
com-
plaint. I was the abandoned boy asking
what not being would be like, all the more the
more no one could answer, what would not
being be like… At the moment of letting go
one
would know, I was thinking, except not be-
ing there to know, except there being no one
to know. I was the abandoned boy again. Nur’s
aggrieved whiteness gave me jitters. Why was it
we
who got schooled on notness, I was asking, we
whose we-the-people fell flat, we their we-the-
people landed on, they their own migrating we.
It
all bore me eastward, Trane at my side on so-
prano, waft so thick, the air so exact an attar,
we played our noses I thought… It was the dila-
tional sound of yore I knew and loved, dilational
tone
and buzz, burr, bite. We played ignoring the
line between anywhere and somewhere. Noncos-
micity gave ground, ceded the way as we had
our
way. Meant to charm snakes it might’ve been, so
open-throated I dreamt I bled. Next I knew
Leroy Jenkins joined us, bowing hard but going
no-
where, a utopic “nowhere” run… We played
keeping history at bay or it was history was what
we played. No matter I sat in a cage, we played
on
the line joining anywhere with somewhere, played
away the border between. I was in the school
of oud again, the abandoned boy wanting Nub’s
cray-<
br />
fish, fretless play all I could
eat
__________________
My oud a Nativity goose, Trane’s horn part
horn, part hookah, we played in a cage,
made to pledge allegiance. We were feeling
hap-
penstance’s hand on our shoulders, the
we we’d be. We had taken a real trip, Trane
was heard to say, on a real ship, no matter
real
seemed up in the air, the realty prez’s way
with fact what the matter was. We blew with
soup-cooler aplomb, unexcelled… Why the
bent
neck, I wondered, looking at my oud. Was
there just a record on the box I played along
with, I wondered, fighting back toe cramps
keep-
ing time with my foot. I wasn’t fretless like
before… The weave went on without me or
with me but ragged. Trane and Leroy said it
was
okay. Why the bent neck,
I went on wonder-
ing
•
Into the mystery it would come to be seen
as, the deejay librarian held sway in the school
of oud. A hollow block of wood, a wooden
egg
I sat holding, I was exactly an orphan now.
Sad cage they were calling freedom, cage
we shedded in. Empathetic Leroy, empathetic
Trane
at the border, an empathetic serenade it seemed…
I played with an awkwardness they said was
true. An apt inability to advance Leroy called it, stu-
dent of “going nowhere” that he was. We were of
an-
other we, he told me, subject to summary slaugh-
ter, each an emir of nothingness, an under-
ness lighting our way. Better my axe’s neck than
mine
I was thinking, the muse’s hard look not unbe-
known to me… Bent necks were many I finally saw
it wanted to say, wrung necks of the lynched and
of
A Cabinet of Curiosity Page 18
