by Alexa Land
“He’s right.”
Alastair smiled flirtatiously as he ventured, “Do you think you might want to come home with me tonight and figure out what a fling involves?” He tried to seem bold, confident, but there was no disguising the vulnerability in his eyes when he propositioned me. I was glad he couldn’t hide it. That was the part of him I understood.
“I’d love to. I suppose we should probably go back to the party first though, so our friends don’t think we’re blowing them off. After that, I’m all yours.”
*****
When we went back inside, Rollie and Alastair joined my friends and me in front of the fireplace. Alastair squeezed in beside me on the couch, and when I draped my arm over his shoulders, he snuggled close to me. It felt wonderful.
We spent a couple hours talking and laughing, until the party started to wind down sometime after midnight. Before we headed to the door, I hugged Zachary and his new husband and said, “Congratulations again to you both, and thanks for inviting me to your wedding.”
“I’m so glad you were there, Sawyer,” Zachary said, looking up at me with sincerity in his brown eyes. “I’m also happy to see you and Alastair are getting acquainted. I think you might have fun together.”
“That’s the plan.”
A couple minutes later, River came up to me in the foyer as I pulled on my motorcycle jacket and said, “Great talking to you, Sawyer. Keep in touch, and have fun invading Britain tonight,” he said with a big grin. “Hey, did you use one of my lines when you finally made your move?”
I grinned and said, “Uh, no. That’s why he’s actually going home with me.”
After I said goodnight to Yoshi and Murphy and they took off with River, I stepped onto the front porch and leaned against the railing. One of Zachary’s friends stood close by, peering through the open doorway, obviously waiting for someone. I’d kept noticing him throughout the party. He was beautifully androgynous with long, dark hair, and wore a sheer, black shirt over a fitted camisole, along with black skinny jeans, lots of makeup, and silver jewelry. “Is your name Gabriel?” I asked.
He glanced at me. “Yup. You’re Sawyer, right?” When I nodded, he said, “Zachary’s mentioned you.”
“Yeah, he’d mentioned you, too.” After a moment, I mumbled, “I, uh…I think you’re brave. I just wanted to tell you that. I’ve always admired people who can just…be who they are.” Okay, wow, that sounded stupid.
Gabriel turned toward me and appraised me carefully before asking, “And who are you, Sawyer?”
“I’m….” I hesitated, then pulled up the hem of my shirt a few inches, revealing a black silk corset. “I’m the same as you, but on the inside.” I dropped the shirt and studied the welcome mat.
“I’m guessing most people don’t know that about you, right?”
“Right.”
He smiled at me and pulled out his phone. “What’s your number?”
“Oh. Um, I wasn’t trying to hit on you or anything. I just—”
“I know. You wanted someone to understand, and I do,” he said. “I asked for your number because girls like us need to stick together. I truly believe that.”
“Girls?”
“Too campy for your taste? I’m right about the sticking together part, though. It’s always good to have at least one friend who gets it.”
I recited my number, and he put it in his phone and shot me a quick text so I’d have his, too. After a moment, I confessed, “I’m about to go home with a guy I met at the party, and I’m worried about undressing in front of him. People aren’t always receptive, you know? That, or they totally misinterpret it. I might just change in the bathroom and hide it from him.”
“I hope he’s cool with it if you decide to let him meet the real you.” I was startled when he pulled me into a hug. “Please keep in touch with me, Sawyer. I’d love to have a friend who’s gender fluid like me.”
“I will,” I said as he let go of me. “I’m not sure that’s what I am, though. The couple people in my life who know are just like, ‘oh, you’re a cross-dresser.’ But that label never felt right, either.”
“Screw labels,” Gabriel said. “Be who you are and call it whatever the hell you want.”
“You’re right.”
His friend Scottie joined us, and after a quick introduction, Gabriel said, “Have fun tonight, Sawyer. I’m glad we talked.”
“Me, too.”
Alastair appeared on the porch about a minute after they left, waving his phone. “Found it! No idea how it ended up in the dining room. I don’t even recall going in there.”
“You did a lap of the ground floor when you were looking for Rollie earlier, maybe that’s when you put it down. Speaking of your friend, where is he now? I don’t think he should be driving home tonight.”
“He won’t. Our hosts tucked him into bed in their guestroom right before he passed out. I just checked on him, and he’s sleeping it off.”
“That’s good.”
As we headed down the stairs, he said, “I have a flat just a few blocks from here, at the corner of Green and Leavenworth. Feel like walking?”
“Sure.”
We started down the sidewalk, and he slipped his hand in mine, then glanced at me and asked, “Is this alright?” When I told him it was fantastic, he looked happy.
Chapter Two
Alastair’s building towered above the neighborhood. I looked up at the white, twenty-story art deco structure with its elaborate façade and murmured, “Well, damn.”
“I bought the condo primarily for the views,” he explained. “I want to drink in San Francisco while I’m here. The city’s beautiful, I think, and so different than what I’m used to.”
I turned to him and asked, “Did you grow up in London?”
“No. My family keeps a house there, but my childhood was spent in boarding schools and at our country estate. I’ll live in London when I go back, though.” It wasn’t much of a surprise to find out he came from money. He looked the part.
We crossed the cavernous, vaguely Spanish-style lobby hand-in-hand. As we rode the elevator to the top floor, I put my arm around him and he leaned into me. Alastair was the perfect height. He fit into the space between my neck and shoulder like it was where he belonged.
When we reached his apartment, he led me straight to the bedroom, which was softly lit by a single lamp on his bedside table. We both tossed our jackets aside and I took a deep breath as we watched each other for a long moment. Anticipation crackled across my skin.
I approached Alastair slowly and stopped just inches from him. With a gentle touch, I tilted his face up with two fingertips under his chin. His breathing accelerated as he draped his arms around my shoulders.
Our lips met, tentatively. It felt like an unspoken question. I cupped his face between my palms and kissed him again, and his lips parted for me. Alastair reached up and caressed my short hair as the tip of my tongue met his, and we deepened the kiss just a little, savoring each other.
My heart was pounding as I lost myself in his sweet taste, his clean scent, the feel of his skin beneath my fingertips. I breathed in his little sigh of pleasure, made it mine. His lips were soft and wet and yielding, and I could have spent forever in that moment, reveling in that kiss, feeling it awaken every part of me, stirring needs and feelings and sensations long ignored, shut down, buried.
But when he reached for the buttons on my shirt, I was pulled out of my reverie. I caught his hands and said, “Just a little slower, okay? Come sit down with me.” He looked up at me and nodded, confusion in his eyes as we both perched on the edge of the mattress.
“I didn’t mean to rush. I’m sorry.”
“You didn’t. I just…need a minute.” I wasn’t ready to show him that other side of me just yet, the part so few understood, the part I didn’t understand myself. But there was something else too that had made me slow it down, something in his eyes, his touch, his response to me, something a little uncertain that made
me ask, “Alastair, are you a virgin?”
He chewed his lower lip for a moment before admitting, “Sort of.”
I grinned a little. “How does that work, exactly?”
“I’ve messed around before, but when it came to, um, penetration, it never quite…worked out.” He looked mortified.
“Where you bottoming?”
“That was my intent, but I just couldn’t manage it. I want to, though. God, I want to. I’m hoping you’re a bit more experienced than I am, so you’ll be able to guide me through it tonight.”
“Losing your virginity is a big deal. Don’t you maybe want to wait until you’re in a relationship?”
His voice rose a little as he looked up at me and said, “But I’m never going to be in a relationship. Don’t you see? I only have a few months, and then I have to return to the UK. My family knows I’m gay, but they think it’s just some rebellious phase I’m going through for shock value, and they expect me to be done with it by the time I come home. How the bloody hell am I supposed to just be done with who I am?”
Alastair took a deep breath before continuing, more quietly, “I came to California because I thought I could be open about who I was and explore my sexuality, but it hasn’t gone like I thought it would. I had this idea that I’d be having loads of sex, a different bloke every week. I thought San Francisco would be the perfect place for that. But they don’t tell you, do they? Nobody mentions the fact that it hurts like hell when you’re inexperienced, and that it’s terrifying to make yourself vulnerable with a stranger you’ve just met in a bar, or worse, through some sleazy dating app. So then I thought, alright, apparently I’m not a one-night stand kind of guy, so I’ll just find myself a boyfriend. But that didn’t work out either! I’ve been in the U.S. since I was sixteen, and alright, I didn’t start looking for a boyfriend until I was eighteen, but still! Nothing turned out like I thought it would. And now here I am, twenty years old, and I can’t go back a virgin. I just can’t!”
I said, “You won’t. We’re going to make sure of that tonight.”
He searched my eyes. “I’m surprised you’re still willing, now that you know I don’t have the first clue what I’m doing.”
“Of course I am. I’m honored that you’d trust me with something this important, and I’m going to take good care of you, Alastair.”
He picked up my hand and wove our fingers together. “If you don’t mind my asking, what was your first time like?”
“It sucked. Neither of us had been with a man before, and we were so clueless. The good news is, it taught me what not to do, so your first time will be much better than mine.”
“Who was the guy?” Alastair shook his head and amended, “Never mind, that’s none of my business.”
“It’s fine. He was…I almost called him my boyfriend, but that’s not accurate. All I can say is, he was a guy I was involved with when I was in the Army. He was also the officer in charge of my military unit, which is all kinds of messed up, but that’s another story.” I looked at our joined hands and added, “He’s the only person I’ve ever been with, and he refused to bottom. So, tonight’s going to be a first for me, too, one I’ve wanted for a long time.”
“How long were you and he involved?”
“It dragged on for three years. When I left the Army, I left him, too. In fact, he’s part of the reason I didn’t re-enlist.”
Although I’d tried to keep my expression neutral, the pain I felt must have slipped through somehow, because he asked, “You loved him, didn’t you?” I hesitated before nodding. “Do you still?”
“No. It took a long time, but I finally got over him. I had to. He was never going to treat me as anything more than his dirty little secret.”
“I see why you were alright with the idea of a fling,” he said. “After all of that, a relationship must be the last thing you’re looking for.”
“Exactly.”
“Thanks for being so open with me.”
“Well, I think you should know who you’re taking to bed.” I hesitated before adding, “You don’t have the whole picture yet, though. There’s something I need to show you. It might be a deal breaker, but I don’t want to hide it from you, like I do with almost everyone else.”
He watched me curiously as I pulled off my shoes and socks, then got up and turned to him. I took a deep breath as I began to unbutton my shirt. “If you’re not into this, that’s fine,” I said. “I know it’s…different.”
Alastair stared at me with rapt attention as I began to undress. I tossed my shirt on a nearby chair before unfastening my jeans, stepping out of them, and kicking them aside. My heart was pounding, and I swallowed hard and mumbled, “So, this is me,” as I stood before him. I was wearing one of my favorite outfits, a corset, stockings with garters, and a thong, all black.
His eyes went wide as they ran down my body. I was sure I’d freaked him out. He didn’t know what to make of me, he didn’t even know what to say. I was mortified, and so sad that I’d fucked up what could have been a great night. I should have hidden it and changed in the bathroom. I never should have—
“You’re the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life.” Alastair’s voice was low and thick with desire, and he pulled me to him and kissed me with raw hunger.
It was like a fire had been lit in him. We fell back onto the mattress and he climbed on top of me as we kissed. I grabbed his ass, totally turned on by his reaction, and pushed up against him so I could grind my swelling cock against his. When I began kissing his neck, he murmured, “I never expected that. You seemed so butch! And maybe that’s why it’s so sexy, the juxtaposition of hard and soft, the lingerie against that big, muscular body.”
I chuckled a little and rolled over so I was on top. “Let’s maybe not analyze it right this moment.”
He smiled at me and rolled us over yet again. “I tend to ramble, sorry. But I have a solution for that.”
Alastair slid between my legs and pulled the thong below my cock and balls, and I moaned as his warm, wet mouth engulfed my hard-on. He fumbled with his clothes and pushed his shoes off as he sucked me. After a minute, he tossed his shirt aside, unfastened his belt and pants, and managed to free his erection.
He’d been planning to jerk himself off, but I flipped around and took him in a side-by-side sixty-nine instead. He was uncircumcised, which was new to me. I grasped his shaft and slid his foreskin back, exposing his pink, glistening cockhead before taking it between my lips. He cried out as I sucked and stroked him, and then he grasped my cock and began sucking me again, hard and fast. No way was I going to last long, not with all of that. In just a few minutes, I let his cock slip from my mouth and murmured, “You’re going to make me cum.” His cock twitched in my hand, and he sucked me even harder.
I wrapped my mouth around his cock again and moaned as my orgasm slammed into me. Moments later, he shot onto my tongue. I swallowed without hesitation and he did, too. As I thrust into his mouth, he grabbed my ass and tried to push me deeper down his throat. My yell was muffled by his cock as we rode out my orgasm and his.
Finally, both of us fell back, sweating and trying to catch our breath. After a few moments, Alastair turned around, crawled over to me, and curled up against my side. I put my arm around him, and he draped his leg over mine and whispered, “That was wonderful, thank you.” When I chuckled, he looked up at me and said, “What?”
“You’re so polite. It’s cute.”
“Don’t most people say thank you after oral sex?”
“I have no idea. I haven’t slept with most people.”
That made him smile. “For a couple blokes who’ve only been with one and three-quarters men in our lives, I think we did quite well just then.”
I smiled, too. “Three-quarters?”
“I had three false starts. Two managed to force their tip into me before I made them stop. The other didn’t even get that far. I can’t count them as sex partners, but I don’t want to pretend they nev
er existed, either.”
“Got it.”
He ran a fingertip down the little silver hooks along the front of my corset and was quiet for a while before saying, “I know what I like about these clothes, but I want to hear your take on it, if that’s alright.”
I thought about it before saying, “It just feels…right. That’s the only way I can explain it. This isn’t a fetish, I don’t get off on dressing this way. It’s just, well, me being me, I guess. I’ve been like this all my life, long as I can remember. This part of me isn’t optional. It’s who I am.”
“I’m grateful that you shared it with me.”
“I seriously considered changing in the bathroom before we had sex, so you wouldn’t find out about this. It felt like a coin toss: maybe you’d be okay with it, maybe you’d think it was weird and a total turn-off. But…I guess I just wanted to be honest with you. I spend so much time hiding, and I didn’t want to do that here, too.”
He kissed my bare shoulder and said, “Thank you for trusting me with it.” Then he looked up at me and grinned. “Manners again. They’re deeply engrained. I’ll be fighting the urge to send you a lovely, hand-written thank you note tomorrow.”
I chuckled and said, “That’d be a first.”
Alastair chewed his lower lip for a moment as he watched me. Finally, he said, “I’m an intensely curious person by nature. I think that’s part of the reason why education’s always been so important to me, because I just have this need to know things. This is absolutely none of my business, but I have to ask anyway.” He gently ran his fingers across the six-inch-long tattoo above my left nipple, the one that said ‘Tracy’ in a simple script. “Who is she? Or was, I suppose.”
“He. That’s who I was telling you about. The tattoo is one of the stupidest things I’ve ever done, and it’s going away next week. I have an appointment at Yoshi Miyazaki’s tattoo studio on Tuesday, and it’s getting completely obliterated.”
