This has been gnawing at me, but I never can get it out when you’re around, so I’m saying it here. Maybe one day you’ll find it. I wish you could have known your daddy. He was a handsome son of a bitch, a charmer. And one day he was mine. I never felt so good as when your daddy was mine. I was happy when you were born, but then your daddy left me. You’re not a bad kid, just a reminder of losing him. But you’ve been there for me, and that’s more than I can say for most people in this rotten world. You’re different, girl. A good kid.
* * *
Mom
My breath hitches. Tyler’s arm snakes around my shoulders, holding me up. I fold the note carefully and place it in the envelope.
All these years I thought I wanted my mom’s love, and I did, but this means something too. I’m different from her and my father. Even my mother acknowledged it, and for once she didn’t seem disappointed.
“Tyler, I think I want to be alone for a couple of days.”
He stares down at me, confused. “Why? I don’t want to leave you.”
I look out at the lake, the pain, the sadness eating at me. At the same time, I am filled with a sense of relief, which frightens me. I don’t know what it means.
“You aren’t leaving me. I just need to be alone for a little bit.”
He leans down and hugs me tight. “If that’s what you want.”
I’m not sure what’s going on in my head, which is why I think I need this. “It is.”
Chapter Thirty-Two
As soon as Tyler grabbed his things and moved out of the cabin, I returned to work. I can’t say I didn’t experience a flash of panic at seeing him leave the house, but it felt right to have this time to myself. I’ve paid back nearly all the money I owe the loan shark, and the man seems content to let me return the rest in a couple of weeks with my next paycheck.
I agreed to let Lewis make the final cash deliveries, because honestly, he’s been a total pain-in-the-ass big brother over the entire thing. Lewis feels helpless and guilty for walking out when I told him the real reason I was in debt. He was hurt that I’d lied to him. Then my mother passed. He felt like he’d taken his frustration too far and wasn’t there for me when I needed him. He’s being overly protective now. He and Tyler have hounded me to talk to the police about Denim Jacket guy who worked at Blue, so I agreed. I will soon. Right now, I’m seeing my therapist and working, and trying to figure out what it means to not care for or worry over my mother anymore.
It’s been almost three days since Tyler moved out. I’ve cried, talked to my therapist for hours, and even written down my feelings about losing my mom. SuperMom and I have had poker marathons where we messaged and she comforted me over the loss. What I’ve learned from all of this? I’m less burdened, and that’s why I feel guilty. I’ll always wonder if I could have done more for my mom. No matter what she did or didn’t do, I miss her. Miss what we could have had if she’d been clean.
I’ve been slowly building the life I want to lead these past few months, and it’s helped me get through this time. Lewis, John, and Becky are my family. Logically, I knew it—but in my heart, I never believed it until now. Most surprising of all, Tyler has been there for me in ways no other person has. Which has me thinking a lot about our relationship and where I want to go from here.
The music festival weekend was a huge success, despite the many obstacles and my absence for a few days, which left Hayden putting out fires. By the time she checked out the sex suite, the place had been cleared. The file she’d found in Jessie’s office on the Fifty Shades suite also miraculously disappeared. Hayden’s been meticulously collecting information ever since on the Blue employees involved in the suite, and keeping what she finds close to her chest. She’s waiting until she has enough information to go to the police. Right now, there is no sex suite, no illicit drugs. Nothing on paper, anyway. But knowing how dogged my boss can be, I doubt that will remain true for long.
On the plus side, we’ve hired a new employee and he starts today. So, yay for me and Hayden. We might get back to something resembling a forty- to fifty-hour workweek if this person pans out.
I walk toward Hayden’s office with paperwork for the new hire. There’s a man standing at the door, staring inside, his expression amused, interested.
I walk up to him and peek around the corner.
Hayden is crawling on the ground in a fitted skirt, her cute butt in the air.
So that’s what he’s staring at.
Before I can rap lightly on the door to warn Hayden she has visitors, the guy beside me clears his throat.
Hayden’s tawny head swings around, one silky lock falling across her eye as she looks behind her. “Oh. Excuse me.” She climbs to her feet. “I was just, uh, yes, well. I dropped something. My apologies.” She smooths her skirt and attempts a professional expression.
I step inside, holding back a smile. I hand Hayden the employment documents. Her eyes flicker behind me and she discreetly mouths, “Shit,” which I take to mean she’s embarrassed she got caught with her ass in the air.
This is why I love my boss. She’s all class and professionalism, but deep down she’s a girl’s girl.
I scrunch my face and give a subtle head shake to let her know it’s probably fine. I don’t think the guy minded ogling her ass, considering he stood there staring at it long enough.
Putting on my professional voice, I say, “If you could please sign these by the end of the day, that would be great. They’re for the new hospitality assistant we hired.”
“And that would be me,” the man standing in the doorway says, his deep baritone, cultured and smooth, ringing out.
“Yes.” Hayden’s voice is a tad high. “Mira, meet Adam Cade. He’ll work with Jessie.”
Jessie is our hospitality manager who was out for appendectomy surgery. She only just returned, but is in good health. She’s also one of the employees Hayden suspects is involved in the drug ring at the casino.
I glance at Adam, this time taking him in. He’s tall like Tyler, with wide shoulders. He has on a navy suit and tie, his dark brown hair trimmed short on the sides and slightly longer on top. He’s still wearing the smirk he had on while staring at Hayden’s ass. And she’s still blushing.
Hmmm.
Adam has navy eyes to match his suit and a slightly angular nose. His skin is smooth and he has a chiseled jawline. In short, he’s a total babe, and he’s looking at Hayden like he wants a piece of that.
He is polished and classy in the way he carries himself. If I had to guess, I would say he should be running the hospitality department, not assisting in it. But what do I know? Hayden hired me for a position I wasn’t qualified for.
I greet Adam and take my leave, so Hayden can introduce him to Jessie and his new job duties.
Hayden has completely forgotten the housekeeping closet debacle and tells me I exceeded her expectations as her assistant, which in a way I was forced into with the staffing shortage. The extra workload, however, pushed me beyond my skill set. I’m a quick learner, and Hayden thinks I have upward potential. I’m taking things one step at a time, considering the sketchy crap going on at Blue, but for once, I feel like I’m being challenged at work. I really like that. Plus, I love my boss.
I’ve needed these last few days to get my head on straight, as Tyler would say, but I miss him so much. I think about him several times a day.
Fine, every hour.
I heard from Gen that Tyler just got offered a job at the community college in town, teaching biology in the fall. He’s been crashing with his friend Phil, who got dumped by his live-in girlfriend. Gen says Tyler seems to be doing fine.
True to his word, Tyler gave me space and hasn’t called or stopped by. He didn’t seem angry when I asked him to leave, so I have to assume he’s staying away for me.
I just hope he still wants to come back.
With my head finally above water these last couple of days since my mother’s passing, the thought of losing Tyler makes
me incredibly sad. I know now that I’d survive the dreaded “alone,” but I want him in my life. If we ended up friends, I would take that, but I want so much more.
This wanting of Tyler is the one constant in my life. It doesn’t fade or ebb, it just is.
On my way home from work, I decide to change my clothes and visit. I could call him, but I want to make the extra effort. He was there for me when my mom died. He’s been there for me since the beginning when he found me in the woods, if I really think about it. He lived with me despite his misgivings. He got a freaking job at the casino to look out for me when he didn’t think it would be a safe environment. In so many ways, his actions have shown how much I mean to him.
I shove open the front door, anxious to change and visit him now that I’ve made the decision, and freeze on the threshold, my hand on the knob.
Tyler is standing in the middle of the living room, but instead of looking worried the way he did after my mom died, his gaze is steady and intent. “Do you mind? I still have a key. I let myself in.”
I glance back. Tyler’s car isn’t in the driveway, or on the street. “Where’s your truck?” I step inside and close the door.
“In the shop. I’m getting new tires. Phil dropped me off.” He absently tugs at his shirt as though it’s hot in here, when it’s actually cool.
He studies my movements as I set my purse on the counter and kick off my shoes. I’m curious about why he came, but instead I blurt, “I missed you.”
Tyler swallows and takes a step toward me.
“I was coming home to change and see you.” I clench my hands at my sides, nervous, though I’m not sure why. He wouldn’t be here if he didn’t care.
“I want to be with you, Tyler, but I’ll take whatever you’re willing to give. I just don’t want you out of my life. I hope you don’t think I was pushing you away when I asked for a few days to myself.” My face scrunches as I think back. “It didn’t feel like that’s what I was doing, but it may have come across that way. I was so upset after my mom passed…and relieved, which made me feel like a terrible person. I needed time to figure myself out.”
Tyler takes another step closer until we’re only a foot apart. “There is no better person than you, Mira.”
I look up into his eyes. “How can you say that? I piss you off more than anyone.”
He gives me a cocky grin. “But I like it.”
“So—we’re okay?”
“If you think you can look past it when I’m a dumbass. I promise to make it up to you when I screw up.” His brows quirk suggestively.
I press my lips together, holding back the overwhelming happiness filling my heart, but Tyler is having none of it. He wraps his arms around me and touches my hair, my face. His lips are on mine and we’re kissing like it’s been years instead of a few days since we’ve seen each other.
And maybe it has been years since we let it all go, the doubts, the fears, and really opened up. I was pushing him away, or he was pushing me away; we’ve never been on the same page emotionally.
Until now.
Tyler’s mouth trails down my neck and I slip my hands under his T-shirt, heat burning beneath my skin. It’s terrifying and thrilling all at the same time to realize we are finally together.
Tyler pulls back, his hands slipping to my bottom. “If we’re not holding back anymore, then you should know, you’re my girlfriend.”
“Oh yeah?” I chuckle and he squeezes my ass, returning his lips to the skin at the base of my neck.
“Mm-hmm. Phil knows, ask him.”
“Were you going to let me know?”
“Eventually,” he mumbles against my skin. His hands slip beneath my slim skirt. “Have I told you how much I like you in these little tight skirts you wear to work?”
“No, but I think I can feel it,” I say, and press against the bulge in his jeans.
“As much as I like seeing you in the skirt, I think I’d rather see you without it on.”
I lift Tyler’s shirt over his head, smiling at his muscled chest and running my hands over it. He attempts to unzip my skirt and pull me toward the couch at the same time.
Something goes wrong. We’re kissing, and touching, and tugging at clothing. The next thing I know, I’m falling forward, and Tyler’s falling over the end of the couch, his arms cradling me before we land. Hard. On the ground. He lets out a light grunt on impact.
“Oops,” he says with a chuckle, and looks up at the couch. “I missed.” His hands move back to where they were on my underwear, my skirt hiked up because he got impatient with the zipper.
I’m busy unfastening his pants when I sense a jerk at my hip and hear a tear. “Did you just rip my panties?”
“Shhh,” he says, and takes my mouth with his. His hand slips to the place pulsating between my legs, fingers expertly working their magic.
I moan, and start shoving down his jeans with my hands, then with my feet when I get them low enough.
With his jeans around his ankles, boxer briefs out of the way, I grab him and stroke.
Tyler moans, his strong arm lifting me up so I’m hovering above him, that finger never stopping its delicate dance. I lower myself, leaning over to gently bite his lip, because he’s hot and the sensation of the tip of him entering me is killing me in all the best ways.
His finger doesn’t stop its gentle swirl where we’re connected. He’s a multitasker, and God, do I appreciate it.
Tyler’s head tips back as my pace quickens, my breathing growing ragged. I am soooo close. It’s been too long, and I missed him. Missed this.
And then I’m there.
Exploding, gasping, moaning. My belly clenching and heaving out of control.
I’m no expert on orgasms, but I’m pretty sure this one is an eleven on a scale of one to ten.
As soon as my senses return to earth, Tyler’s tempo increases, his finger shifting from its lovely place at the core of my pleasure to my hip, where he leverages with both hands to drive into me.
My inner walls clench at the sensation of him growing bigger. He feels so good.
Tyler tenses, his grip on my hips tightening, a deep, guttural groan erupting from him.
He stares reverently into my eyes, his breathing heavy. He runs his hands up my sides, pulling me down until I’m lying flat on his chest, the sound of his heartbeat a rapid drum beneath my ear.
That’s when I realize we’re halfway on the kitchen vinyl and halfway on the living room rug. Or Tyler is.
I’m on top of my hot boyfriend. And truly happy.
It’s Tyler, and it’s me in a good place, despite all that’s happened. It’s both of us.
Together.
Tyler
“You ruined my panties,” Mira says.
I kiss her forehead, tightening my hold on her as she lies on top of me. “Sorry.”
She looks up and raises her brow.
“Okay, not really. It was fun tearing them off.”
She yawns like she’s going to fall asleep. On the living room floor—kitchen—whatever, somewhere that’s hard and not at all comfortable. Which I can’t seem to care about right now, because I’m still inside her, and there is no better place to be. “Guess we got carried away, huh?”
She rests her head on her hands folded above my chest. “Yeah.”
“I should mention, in the heat of things, and because I wasn’t expecting this, I sort of forgot…”
Her eyes fill with recognition. “I’ve been on the pill for years to regulate my period. And I have a clean bill of health, because, you know, you were my one and only.”
“Same here. About the healthy part. And as far as me being your one and only sexual experience, I’m not going to lie, it makes my chest swell with pride.” I grin cockily, and she starts to protest, because I’m an arrogant bastard. “And we have a lot of making up to do to get you up to speed. So we better”—I waggle my brows—“often. Like a few times a day. To catch you up.”
I think she’s goin
g to hit me, but her gaze turns serious. “I think I’m going to like having a boyfriend. I love you, Tyler.”
Her sweet voice and the sincerity behind her words choke me up. She’s the only one who ever reached my heart.
To lighten the mood before I lose it, I counter, “No, I love you. Long before you loved me.”
Her mouth parts. “If there’s anyone with a decade of unrequited love, it’s me. I loved you before you ever knew my name.”
“How do you figure that?”
She tells me the story about the bullies in junior high school. “Huh,” I say, as if I don’t remember the day I met her. “That was you? I thought you looked familiar. You were so different in junior high. You looked like a small child next to those other girls.”
She pushes up on my chest, indignant. “Excuse me?” she says. I love it when she gets riled. I hold her so she can’t escape, our bodies still connected. I could go for round two right now. “You were only a year older, and I was small for my age. I’ve developed since then.”
I let out a growl and drag her mouth to mine, kissing her with tongue and teeth. “Tell me about it. Can you feel how much I realize that?”
“You mean, can I feel that rod you’ve got inside me that’s ready to go?” I shift her so she slides up and down, and we both sigh. “Tyler, is this normal for you to be able to…”
“Nah, I just have a lot of pent-up lust for you. Should go away in twenty, forty years.”
“What, and then you won’t want me anymore?” She picks up her rhythm. Must not be too upset.
I cradle her face, my hand slipping to her breast, because my palm has a mind of its own. “I’ll always want you, even when I’m old and can’t get it up, remember? It’s my curse to love you.”
Her hips freeze. “Curse!”
“My curse that I’ll love you forever, no matter if you push me away or not.” I pull her to my chest, lift her hips at an angle, and drag her back down. Her head tips back on a moan. “So don’t push me away, okay? I may make mistakes, but you’re the only girl for me. When you push me away it makes me cranky. For like, half a decade.”
Rebound Roommate Page 22
