I actually wanted to laugh. Hadn’t done much of that this week, but this situation really brought it out of me.
“Jaz,” Jacob called out, “just get in the damned car. Hope you don’t mind if I run this fucker over on our way out?”
Okay, that was it. I couldn’t hold it in anymore.
I laughed.
Both Dante and Jacob stared at me as if I’d grown a third eye, but I didn’t care. The annoyance seeping through the air, the animosity between them—I kind of loved it. The bickering was a nice distraction.
And…and it felt good to laugh again.
Jacob frowned, while Dante grinned at my laugh. Jacob spoke gruffly, “I don’t know what the fuck is so funny about any of this.” He shot daggers at Dante. “If you’d rather spend your time with the thug, that’s fine. I can leave you two alone—”
To Dante, I spoke, once my laughter died down, “You better go, before Mr. Grumps leaves.” I ran a hand through my hair. “He’s teaching me some self-defense.” As if I had to explain to Dante why I was spending time with Jacob. I didn’t, but…I just couldn’t lie to him.
“Fine,” Dante said, pushing off Jacob’s car. “He can teach you…” He stepped toward me, a bit too close, given my week, and murmured, “If you ever want to learn how to hold a knife, you better come to me.” His words were laced with danger, and even though I shouldn’t let him affect me, a shiver crept down my spine.
But I’d blame that on the wind.
He gave me a wink before stepping away, hopping on his bike and starting her up. I inched closer to Jacob’s car, watching as he drove off. I still didn’t know exactly why Dante was here, if he was sent by my father or someone else, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t grateful for his presence, especially this week. It was nice to have him and Vaughn on my side, even if I couldn’t trust them farther than I could throw them.
Which was, uh, not very far at all.
“Well?” Jacob’s voice cut into my wandering mind. “You getting in, or what?”
I nodded, hurrying to the passenger side and hopping in, giving him a smile. Just being around him made me feel better than I had all week. It was true, I wanted Jacob to teach me some of what he knew, but I also missed being in the same room as him, talking to him. Firing him had basically meant that he was no longer in my life, and I just couldn’t have that.
Jacob hit the button to roll up his window before driving off, and I watched him all the while, forgetting to put my seatbelt on. At this point, I didn’t give a shit who saw me get into his car. Everyone else at this school could suck a dick for all I cared.
As he turned us onto the road, he glanced at me, scowling. “What?”
“I missed you,” I murmured, leaning on the center console, resisting my urge to touch his arm. Touching him should be the last thing on my mind, as I hadn’t even thought of anything like that since before the incident on Monday…but it was hard to be near Jacob and not want to touch him. He put my hormones into overdrive, probably because I knew I could trust him, not like Vaughn or Dante.
And I refused to think about that other one right now. Fucking Archer and his stupid girlfriend.
Jacob let out an earth-shattering sigh, his expression softening somewhat. “You…what am I going to do with you?”
“Teach me some moves, hopefully,” I said. “Like how to take someone down who’s bigger than me. Where to hit them where it hurts—obviously the nuts, but beyond that, I don’t know.” Of course, he could also do a few other things with me, but it was probably best to put a hold on those things. For now, at least.
His hands were tight on the steering wheel as he drove us to his place. No radio filled the silence of the car, and he was quiet for a long time until he questioned, “Are you going to tell me what happened?”
Did I want to tell Jacob the reason why I called him in a panic on Monday after school? Not particularly. I didn’t want to tell him the truth of what happened, because…because why? Because I thought he’d judge me? Because I was afraid of what he’d say? That was stupid. If I trusted this man like I claimed to, I shouldn’t be nervous or anxious at what he’d tell me when he knew the truth.
“When we get to your place, I’ll tell you,” I muttered, wrestling with myself all throughout the drive. It’s not like it was something I was proud of—and the only reason I’d gotten away from it was because of Archer.
He didn’t prod me further, not until we were safe in his apartment, half a dozen locks blocking out the outside world. I dropped my bag on the coffee table, shedding my hoodie, aware that he watched me with a frown on his face.
Such a handsome frown, too. No one could wear a frown or a scowl better than Jacob Hall.
“Well?” he asked, six feet away from me, standing near the kitchen while I stood in the living area. “What happened?”
“A group of guys cornered me in the locker room after school let out,” I spoke, slowly turning to face him, meeting those hazel eyes and finding that he was not shocked. Did he already suspect? “They were going to…” God, why was it so hard to say the word? Women faced that reality every day of their lives. It was much easier to think than say aloud, that’s for sure. Eventually, I found my tongue, finishing, “They were going to rape me. They said they didn’t get to have any fun at the party, so…”
I jerked when Jacob slammed a hand on the counter beside him, the loud sound echoing in the otherwise silent apartment. “Those fuckers,” he muttered. He looked like, if given the chance, he’d tear them limb from limb—kind of like how Vaughn and Dante had reacted.
For some reason, these guys were awfully protective of me, weren’t they? I didn’t know if I should be freaked out or flattered by the almost instant devotion. Though, I reminded myself, with Jacob, things had always been more complicated.
“The only reason I wasn’t is…actually because of Archer,” I muttered, folding my arms across my chest. “The guy I went to that party with, the one I used to think liked me.” My eyes closed, and I let out a bitter chuckle. “I really do hate it here.”
Jacob shook his head. “At least he stepped in when you were in trouble…this time.” He pushed away from the counter, taking a few measured steps toward me, eyeing me up as if he didn’t trust himself to get any closer. After what happened last time, I guess I couldn’t exactly blame him. “Who were they? Do you know their names? If you give them to me, I’m sure I can dig up some dirt on their families.”
An offer to help me, or an offer for me to pay him to help me?
Either way, I wasn’t sure I wanted to bite. I only wanted him to teach me some self-defense. I really just…wanted to spend time with him, forget about what happened in Midpark High, let the others slip from my mind as I breathed in his musky scent.
Was that so wrong?
“No,” I finally spoke, pursing my lips as I denied him their names. “I don’t want that.” I was sure with both Dante and Vaughn by my side, I’d be getting enough dirt for all of them without the need for Jacob to involve himself.
“Then what do you want?” He almost sounded pleading, as if he was begging me to say something else. Not that I wanted him to teach me self-defense, but that I wanted him. That I wanted those arms around me once again, his rough lips devouring mine and shattering every calm thought I had in my head.
Or maybe that was just me, wishing that was what he wanted me to say.
“I told you before, I want you to teach me some moves.” I managed a smile, even though smiling was the last thing I wanted to do. “Even if I never use them, it’ll make me feel better, at least.”
Jacob let out the loudest sigh I’d ever heard, shaking his head softly, like he wanted to argue with me. He didn’t, though; he simply motioned for me to follow him, and I did.
We headed down the hallway, going to what would be a second bedroom in any other apartment here. In Jacob’s place, it was a workout room, full of weight-lifting machines, a treadmill, and a huge, worn-out punching bag. The room
smelled of sweat, the blinds on the windows closed.
“I assume you want to learn some takedown maneuvers,” Jacob muttered, folding his arms across his chest as he studied me, “in case you ever need to use them.” The way he spoke, it was like I was making him think of the worst possible thing, me needing to take down someone bigger than me.
I nodded.
“You already know where to hit to cripple a man momentarily, but if you have enough power behind your hit, you can also go for the windpipe,” Jacob said, demonstrating a slow-motion karate chop to his throat. “If you bruise it, your attacker won’t be able to breathe for a few moments, which’ll make him weak. You can also go for the eyes; a blind opponent is much easier to outrun than one that can track you.”
The look on my face must’ve told him what I was thinking: and if I didn’t want to run? If I wanted to stay and beat the shit out of him for what he tried doing? It would be self-defense, wouldn’t it?
Not that I was saying I wanted to kill. I wasn’t. I just…when I thought of what had nearly happened to me, I wanted to inflict pain on them, not just cripple them enough that I could run away.
“You will run,” Jacob told me, stepping closer to me. His musky scent filled my nose, and I fought to resist the urge I had to lean into him. His arms were crossed, anyway. It wasn’t a good position for me to lean against. “You will not stay and fight. If something like that ever happens again to you, and you’re alone with no one to come and save you, you bring them down and you run. You don’t stay.”
I felt almost like a child, wanting to argue with him. “Fine,” I muttered, staring hard at the floor, as if I couldn’t truly promise it while looking into those knowing hazel eyes.
“You better not be lying to me,” he growled out, arms dropping to his side.
I told him I wasn’t, but I didn’t think he believed me. Probably for good measure, as I didn’t think I was that earnest when declaring I would run.
We spent the next hour in the workout room. Jacob focused on teaching me how to get out of a grip should someone be grabbing me by my shoulders or my shirt. You basically had to weave your arm up and down through theirs and then use your other hand to hit their arms. Combining the strength of your hand with your arm up, under, and between both of theirs was enough to get them to let you go—as long as they weren’t expecting that move from you.
It was the simplest move Jacob could teach me. He demonstrated on me, multiple times, and then he took on the role of the attacker. We’d focus on this one, first. It’d be all we’d do today, since I had to get home. He said he’d teach me another move next week, that we could meet a few times every week after school, and I…I agreed.
I agreed partially because I wanted to learn more self-defense, and also because I missed seeing him. I really, truly did.
It was hard to act like I had to get out of his grasp. When his hands found my shirt, when he held onto me like he didn’t want to let go, it was difficult for me to want to escape him. Even after what happened on Monday, a part of me still wanted to dare Jacob to toss me over his shoulder and take me into the other room of the apartment, the room with the bed.
Yeah, that was kind of inappropriate, but what could I say? I trusted him. I trusted him even if he’d kept the fact that he knew Oliver Fitzpatrick from me in the beginning. How could I blame him for wanting to keep his past to himself?
It was after maybe a dozen or so tries when I simply stood there, staring at the muscles on his arms and making no moves to try to escape his hold like I’d been doing.
“Jaz,” Jacob muttered my name, a scowl on his face, “come on. Even if you’re tired, fight through it. Your attacker won’t care if you’re sore or exhausted after a long day—”
“I know,” I whispered, shutting my eyes. His fingers were curled in my shirt, but I could still feel the heat seeping through them, warming my body. Those hands…I could really use them someplace else. “I just wish…I wish everything was different, you know?”
He sighed, slowly releasing me. “Great, so it’s time to talk again.”
Yeah, yeah, Jacob hated having heart-to-hearts, we all knew that by now. His comment still earned him a glare from me. I watched as he left the room, and I trailed after him, following him to the kitchen. He got out two water bottles from the refrigerator, tossing me one—which I actually managed to catch.
Huh. Kind of proud of myself, there, for not looking like an idiot.
He opened his, drinking nearly half of it as he went to the couch in the living room, propped his feet up on the coffee table, and stared at me. “Well?” he asked. “Aren’t you going to follow me in here and tell me what’s on your mind?” He didn’t sound happy about it, but then again, Jacob hardly ever sounded happy, so there was that.
I inched toward the couch, sitting beside him. I kept some distance between us; half a cushion. Surely that would be enough to stop myself from thinking of things I shouldn’t. “You know,” I said, opening my bottle and taking a small sip, “normal people talk about their feelings.”
Jacob scoffed at that. “That’s why, if you haven’t already noticed, I don’t do friends.”
He didn’t do friends, as in he didn’t have them. It didn’t surprise me, because it seemed like he was always working or taking care of me, at least lately. I had no idea what his life was like before I stepped foot in it.
Probably better.
“Family?” I asked, kicking off my shoes and tucking my feet under my legs as I turned toward him on the couch. Now that I was thinking about it, there were no pictures of anyone in his apartment. No old photographs of his life when he was younger or any momentous occasions he’d like to remember.
I noticed a muscle twitch in his jaw before he muttered, “Everyone who’s important is dead.” He finished off his water bottle, holding it in his lap, squeezing it a bit too hard.
Maybe I should’ve told him I was sorry, but I didn’t. I said, “So…you’re alone?”
He nodded, glancing at me. “I’m alone. I’ve been that way for years—and I was doing just fine, too.” Jacob frowned, turning his face away. He leaned forward, setting his empty bottle on the coffee table after moving his legs off. He stayed hunched like that as he whispered, “Until…”
“Until what?” I really should’ve known, or at least expected, what his answer would be, but still, when he said what he said next, I found myself a little shocked.
“Until you.” Jacob, his shoulders and back hunched forward, turned his head so he could glare at me. Glare, as if he was upset at me for barging into his life and upending it. “I was fine. I was getting ready to leave this God-forsaken fucking place, and then you stumbled into my life and threw it all to hell.”
Threw it all to hell? Oh, come on. I wasn’t that bad, was I?
“You made me care about things again, and to be frank, I fucking hate it.”
At this point, I didn’t know if I should be insulted or not with what he was saying. “If it makes you feel any better, I never meant to make you care—” That had, honestly, been an accident. I didn’t even know how it happened.
Jacob leaned back on the couch, though his wide, muscular body leaned more toward me than away. “I don’t believe you,” he murmured, hazel eyes narrowed at me. “I don’t believe you for a second when you say you never meant to.”
I blinked. “What? Why not?” It was a good thing I had a water bottle to hold onto, otherwise I might hold onto him instead.
“You’re pushy, you’re cocky, and regardless of how wrong it is, you’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. You know the power you have over idiots like me,” Jacob whispered. He did not seem happy at all to admit this to me. “You don’t need me to tell you that.”
Something inside of me twisted. I was the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen? Did Jacob just say that, or did I imagine it? Those words…I never thought I’d hear those words ever leave his mouth, and I didn’t know how to respond. For as pushy as I could be,
when faced with a compliment like that, I had no idea what to do.
Guys had called me pretty before, but the most beautiful, ever? Uh, this was a first.
“Uh.” That was all I could say for a while, which made me want to smack myself. “I’m sorry?” Hmm. Maybe I should’ve gone with something like you’re not an idiot.
“You’re not,” Jacob said. “You’re never sorry. You wrap us all around your fingers with a smile, knowing you’ll never let us go.” He let out a chuckle, and it was anything but a happy sound. Before he said anything else, he snatched the water bottle from my hands and drank from it.
Jeez. This man could chug water like no one’s business, huh?
When he was finished, he threw the bottle aside. It landed on the carpet on the other side of the room, near the TV stand. “Maybe you don’t understand—I want to fucking kill those kids for what they almost did to you. I shouldn’t be this involved in your life, but I am, and now I can’t imagine not being so involved.” He ran his hands through his hair, sticking some of its brown lengths straight up. “I fucking hate this.” After groaning, he got up.
I watched him disappear down the hall, wondering if I should go after him.
I probably should.
As I stood and slowly made my way out of the living room, following him yet again, I couldn’t help but wonder if I should apologize again for all of this. Yes, he’d started out as an investigator for me, but somewhere along the way he’d become more. More to me than just someone I’d hired to figure out the mysteries of this place, more to me than I could ever explain.
Hell, even after firing him, I still wanted to see him. Jacob had been one of my first thoughts after what happened on Monday.
I found him in his bedroom, leaning on his dresser, his head bent down. My feet stopped when I stood in the doorway, and I knew I shouldn’t step foot in this man’s bedroom…not unless I was willing to accept whatever might happen. We were hot and cold, sometimes. Okay, most of the time—but that was generally because of Jacob, not me.
Defiant: A High School Bully Romance (Midpark High Book 2) Page 20
