Fuck. At this point…unless she told me to, I didn’t think I could.
“Weak” was all I could get out before my lips found hers, my body taking over.
She should stop me. She should push me away. After all, she was only here because she’d been attacked. How was this appropriate at all, age difference aside? She came here to learn some moves, not for me to corner her in my bedroom and finally know what she felt like under me.
Damn it.
Jaz didn’t stop me. She made no moves to, her lips molding against mine as I took whatever I could from her mouth. Her whimpers, her sounds, the breath right out of her lungs. I kissed her like I’d never kissed anyone else, like no one else in my life had ever mattered before her. Heat exploded within me, the blood in my body rushing between my legs, making me hard. Making me crave this girl in ways I shouldn’t.
God, she tasted amazing. Just as good as I remembered her being, her lips ridiculously soft and supple, the perfect mouth to kiss. I never wanted to stop, never wanted this moment to end.
I tore my lips from hers, already breathing hard. My hands dropped from her face, and I glanced to the bed behind her. The sheets were rumpled, unmade. I never made my bed; didn’t see the point, seeing as how I was always going to crawl back under them the next night. I would feel embarrassed, but I didn’t think Jaz cared about the state of my bed…she only cared that it was there.
With eyes half-lidded, Jaz grabbed my hands, stepping backward and pulling me with her. She crawled onto the bed, eventually resting her head on my pillow, her thick black hair the opposite of a halo. She was no innocent; she never pretended to be, and as I crawled over her, as my body leaned down upon hers, I knew why.
Jaz was not born an angel. She was born a devil, a demon, a temptress. I’d known she was bad news from the get-go, and yet I still found myself in her web.
My dick was rock hard now, practically throbbing in my pants as I found her wrists, moving to hold them to the sides of her head. I brought my mouth to her ear, whispering, “Tell me to stop. Tell me you don’t want this.” Basically, one last-ditch effort to do what was right and keep myself from her.
This…this was the point of no return, and we were about to pass it without looking back.
Jaz breathed out, “Don’t ask me to lie.” Her words were as telling as they could possibly be, and I felt myself lose what little restraint I still had.
My mouth found hers again, and without words I told her how badly I wanted her. How conflicted she made me feel. How my whole body was on fire feeling hers under mine. I’d never wanted someone so badly before, never yearned to feel another’s skin on mine quite like this. This was urgent, desperate, needy in every way.
Fate had always laughed at me. I’d thought I’d finally started a new chapter in my life, done something good with it, and then I lost everything I worked so hard for. My job, my respectable position in Midpark. Now I was nothing…but in her hands, with her, I felt like I could be anything once more.
Hope.
She gave me hope where I had none. I prayed my newfound hope, my heart, wouldn’t get shattered by a girl who thought this meant nothing.
This, it truly did mean everything. I did not do what I was about to do lightly, not ever. Jaz was about to see the truth of what I was, though she had no idea what it would mean.
I released her wrists, kneeling over her as I reached for the bottom of my shirt, hoisting it up and over my head, tossing it to the floor. The giant scar on my torso was plainly visible now, the white, puckered skin telling a story I never did. It wrapped around my abdomen to my back; a good portion of my body scarred with it.
It was ugly. It was my truth, my lie, my shame. It was everything I never wanted anyone to know, the reason why I shut everyone out.
My eyes sat on the floor, where my shirt was, for a few moments. For whatever reason, I did not want to look at her right away. Maybe I didn’t want to see the disgust in her eyes. Maybe I didn’t want to see the questions that would linger there—after all, a scar like this, a scar that took up this much of a body, didn’t just appear out of nowhere. Scars like this had a story, and it was one I had never told a soul before.
The Fitzpatrick twins…somehow they’d known I was hiding something, but they’d been the only ones to ever suspect something was wrong with me.
Something warm on my stomach caused me to snap my eyes to Jaz, come back to reality. She’d sat up, reached for me. Her hand laid flat on my stomach, touching the scar. Beneath it, my body was muscled and strong, but when it came down to it, the scar was all anyone could see.
At least, I’d thought so, until I met Jaz’s dark eyes. Her stare held no judgment, no pity. She did not look at me with questions in her eyes; only hunger.
“My turn,” she spoke, a smile curling on her lips. She wriggled out of her shirt, throwing it to the floor near mine. Her chest was still restricted by a black bra, but soon enough she took that off and flung it aside, too.
I’d helped her out of that spoiled dress before, but this…this was nothing like that. This was not something I could’ve ever imagined doing that night. Not much time had passed, and yet it felt like I’d known her my whole life, like, somehow, she’d wormed her way into my closed-off heart and found herself a home there.
“Well?” Jaz asked, leaning back, laying back down. She ran a hand along her flat stomach, her palm grazing her own breast as she added, “Who looks better without a shirt? Me or you?”
My gaze ate her up. “You,” I growled out. “Definitely you.” I leaned down, running my hands all over her, feeling her in a way I never had before. Her breasts were round and soft, big enough to hold comfortably in one hand, her nipples hardened pebbles, tempting me.
I brought my mouth to her neck, kissing the crook of it, relishing in the sounds she made as I slowly worked my way down, stopping only when I took one of those beautiful nipples into my mouth, flicking it with my tongue and causing her to moan and writhe beneath me.
I gave the other nipple equal attention, my cock aching to be free. That’s when I wondered if I had anything here. Might not. It wasn’t like taking women home had been on my priority list. Fuck it all to hell—what would I do if I didn’t have any protection here? I doubted if I was inside her, I’d be able to pull out in time. I just had the feeling once I was buried in her, I’d lose it.
Rolling away from her, I left her half-naked body gasping and needy. I got up, moving to my dresser. If I had some, they’d be in my sock drawer. Stupid place, I knew, but it’s where I always kept them. Don’t ask me why.
I was so focused on digging through that drawer I neglected to hear the sounds of clothes being taken off behind me. In the far back corner, there sat a few unused condoms—and after checking the date to make sure we were all good, I turned around with the rubber in my hand. I nearly dropped that fucker when I saw Jaz laying on my bed, completely naked. I did what anyone would do when seeing Jaz naked for the first time: I froze.
She was…she was beyond beautiful. More than gorgeous. Seeing her, lying there, nearly stole the breath out of my lungs, and damned well stopped me from breathing in another. To say Jaz was perfect would still somehow be an understatement. With her tan skin, those big, brown eyes…with the curves on her body and her slender figure, not to mention the wildness of her long, black hair—she was a cut above the rest. Better than any of us could ever hope to be.
I must’ve stared at her for too long, for she grinned, leaning half her face against my pillow. “What? Is Mr. Grumps changing his mind? Talk about awkward—”
A frown grew on my face, and I flicked the condom at her. It hit her stomach, and she didn’t even blink. I stormed over to her, my frown deepening as I said, “I told you—” Whatever else I was going to say died in the back of my throat when she leaped up, threw her arms around me, and pulled me back down onto the bed.
“I know,” she purred out, arching her back beneath me and looking as tempting as another human being
could possibly be. “Now put your attitude where your dick is.”
My eyes narrowed at that. I didn’t think that was a saying.
Jaz ran a finger along my jaw, biting her bottom lip as she murmured, “Fuck me, Jacob. That means fuck me.” She then gave me a smile that was far too innocent after what she’d just said.
Well, how the fuck was a man supposed to resist that?
Within a moment, the rest of my clothes were on the floor in a heap with the others, and I was leaning my body against hers, my cock hard as steel as I gazed down upon her. Her dark eyes ate me up, raking over my body, not lingering on the scar, on my shame, instead focusing on the cock that would be inside her soon enough. She licked her lips, and my mind went tumbling down the rabbit hole.
I could think of a lot of things to do with that mouth.
My hand turned clumsy as I grabbed the wrapper, tearing it open and pulling out the rubber. I rolled it on, her legs already spread beneath me. I didn’t stop myself, didn’t hesitate, didn’t linger; I pushed inside of her with one thrust of my hips, filling her up to her core and causing her to sharply inhale.
My eyelids slammed shut when I filled her. The feeling of my cock in her pussy was unlike anything I’d ever felt, better than I imagined. My hand truly was no comparison to the warm tightness wrapped around my cock.
“Fuck,” I breathed out, “you feel so good.” My fingers tightened in the sheets, and as I withdrew myself from her, I turned my gaze toward her, watching her reaction as I filled her up again.
Maybe she only felt this good because I knew I shouldn’t be doing this. Maybe it was only like heaven incarnate because of the taboo-ness. Or…maybe she was just made for me, regardless of all of that.
Her skin flushed, her mouth hanging open. Jaz was already panting, and she brought her hands to my neck, bringing my mouth down to hers, kissing me with a fire that spread throughout my body and ignited the urgent need to fuck her harder.
Our mouths broke apart as my hips began to thrust in a steadier rhythm, my length dragging in and out of her. No matter how I moved, her body took it. Moans escaped her throat each time I pounded into her harder, her breasts heaving with each thrust of my hips.
God, I could just sit here and watch her reactions to being fucked. Her expression, her sounds, everything about her in this moment…I craved more. Being the one fucking her was just a bonus.
I lost myself to the act, for once not in my own head and allowing my instincts to take over and take charge. My hips worked hard, sweat forming on my lower back as I pumped in and out of her. Jaz arched her back beneath me, allowing me a better angle to push in, as deep as I could go. Being buried inside her, feeling her take in every inch of my length, it was literally the best feeling in the world.
Enough to make me forget about my past, about what I did. It was enough to make me believe that, for her, I could be the good man she thought I was.
My balls tightened, a feeling of pressure building deep within me—a feeling I could not push off, something I could not fight. Her pussy felt too good, her body too perfect under mine. When it became too much, I let it happen.
The orgasm took hold of me, pleasure causing my thrusting to become hard and erratic. A sensation of bliss surged through me as my cock emptied itself inside her, caught by the rubber. Yeah, thank God for that. There was no way I could’ve pulled out of her in time. I didn’t want to. I wanted to mark this girl as mine, wanted to know, even after I took her home and she was safe and sound in her own bed, that she’d be thinking of me, of this moment, my dick inside of her.
Me. Not that Archer kid. Not the fucking Scott. And certainly not that freak Dante.
Once the orgasm had faded, I leaned down, my cock still inside her, breathing hard. Jaz didn’t push me off, didn’t force me to pull out; she breathed as hard as I did, as lost in what we just did as I was.
This…there truly would be no coming back from this. Somehow, I knew I would have my hands full with her even more now.
Eventually I pulled myself out of her, the condom slick with her juices and heavy with my cum. I pulled it off as I lay beside her, dropping it to the floor, away from the clothes. For a moment, I simply lay there, staring at the ceiling, wondering what the hell I got myself into by giving in, by having her.
Jaz rolled onto her side, turning toward me. She nuzzled against my chest, cuddling against me as she draped an arm over my stomach and a leg over mine. “Well,” she whispered, still a bit out of breath, “that was…not what I was expecting.”
I turned my head to glance at her, giving her a look. She felt good, leaning against me.
“I really did just want some self-defense lessons,” she went on, sighing into my chest. “Then you had to go and be all cute and grouchy and…” She sighed.
Me? Cute and grouchy? What kind of drugs was this girl on?
“Yeah,” I muttered, frowning—because if I didn’t frown, I’d probably smile, “and you had to go and be all obstinate and annoying, so…”
“So, we naturally fucked,” she spoke, smiling against me. “Totally makes sense when you put it like that.”
Oh, God. This girl…
What was I going to do with this girl?
She startled me by kissing my chest, getting up and hopping off the bed. I watched her ass as she bent over to pick up her clothes, slipping on her underwear, first. “As much as I’d like to stay, I need to get home,” she said, tossing me a look, a glimmer in those dark eyes that made my dick twitch in remembrance.
I could go for another round…but she was right. I should get her home.
As I heaved myself up, I wanted to laugh at myself. So much for keeping her at arm’s length. So much for keeping myself impartial to her. Jaz had come into my life like a tornado and fucked everything up, left everything where it didn’t belong, and yet here I was, welcoming her to destroy me more.
If anyone was going to destroy what little was left of me, she would.
Chapter Nineteen – Jaz
I sat in Bobbi’s car, staring out the window. It was still a bit too cold out to have the windows rolled down. Bobbi must be a freeze baby, because she had the heat on full blast, too. Wore a big, puffy coat even though I was fine in a hoodie. I wore my favorite torn-up jeans, along with my ankle-high boots. It was an outfit I would’ve worn with my faux leather jacket, but that piece of clothing was still shoved in my closet.
Not that I thought about it much.
Right now, in fact, it was hard for me to focus on what Bobbi was saying. Something about the plan, what would happen at the winter formal. Kind of felt stupid calling it that, since the dance was held at the end of February, but I guess February was still technically winter in America. Depending on where you were, you could still get plenty of snow.
Thankfully, here in Midpark, it rarely snowed, or even stayed cold enough to let the clouds leak that fluffy white shit.
No, it was hard to focus on the matter at hand, because my mind was still busy replaying what happened yesterday after school. I know, I know, you’d think, after a full night’s sleep and a morning where I had nothing but time to think about it, I would’ve thought about it enough.
But apparently not. Apparently, this brain of mine could not get over the fact that I’d slept with Jacob Hall.
If there was one person I would’ve guessed that I never would’ve liked, let alone liked enough to sleep with, based on first impressions, it would’ve been Jacob. He dismissed me outright at first, but he’d grown on me—and I’d grown on him, if what he’d told me last night was the truth.
Man, I could go for seeing him again. He was a nice distraction. When I was with him, I didn’t have to think about the others, about how complicated everything was. Things could be simple when I was with Jacob.
Plus, I meant it when I said I loved his grouchiness. Couldn’t say why, but I did.
“They’ll vote on king and queen the Friday before, in homeroom,” Bobbi was busy saying as she drove us t
o the mall. I had my wallet on my lap—no purse, because I hated purses—the money I’d taken back from my mom ready to be blown on a stupid dress I’d only wear once.
It was fine, though. Mom’s van had been fixed, and she and Ollie had gone to pick it up while I was with Jacob. Things were actually starting to look up, near rape aside.
“My friend has ninth period study hall, so she works in the office. She’ll be the one tallying up the votes and printing out the ballot Principal Wash will be reading from at the dance.” Bobbi paused, shooting me a look. Her highlighted hair was pulled in a ponytail, makeup expertly done around her eyes and face, beautiful contouring I would never be able to do myself.
Her light eyes were alive with hope and ideas; Bobbi was honestly just as excited about all of this as me. It was clear she didn’t like Brittany…no one else had ever wanted to get back at her so badly, before me. Everyone else cared too much about the possible repercussions of going against her, so they swallowed her bullying. Me? No fucking way I could do that, not after everything she did.
I didn’t tell Bobbi about what happened on Monday. Since Archer had intervened, Ryan and his friends kept their mouths shut. Bobbi also didn’t know about me being drugged at the party, either. She thought I was just humiliated—and I was. I was absolutely humiliated.
She didn’t need to know. It wasn’t like I was proud of being drugged because I’d fallen for Archer’s act or that Ryan and his friends had nearly succeeded in raping me in that locker room. No, I’d keep those secrets to myself.
“She’ll switch the names out,” Bobbi said, shrugging. “The office staff love her, so I doubt she’ll get in trouble. Besides, she wants to see Brittany freak out as much as I do.” She grinned, shooting me a look. “I really can’t wait. That’s why we need to get you the perfect dress. I already got mine—most girls in Midpark get theirs months before, from hand-tailored shops so no one shows up in the same dress.”
Defiant: A High School Bully Romance (Midpark High Book 2) Page 22
