“I did, but not like that.” My voice shook. How could I stare into the face of a monster, a killer, and still want to make out with it? How could my heart want to both run for the hills and tell on him while simultaneously give itself to him?
It didn’t make sense. None of this made sense.
“Well, don’t you worry, when you don’t know what you want, I’ll be here to help make up your mind.” Dante glanced to Vaughn, adding, “Plus, Vaughn wanted them taken care of, too. I helped you both out.”
“You didn’t help me out,” Vaughn muttered. “I told you to get rid of them.”
“Right, Boss,” Dante corrected himself.
I moved away from Dante, away from them both. My brain was having a rough time trying to piece together what I’d just heard. “Excuse me, but what?” I looked between the two, wondering if they’d been in cahoots this whole time.
If Vaughn told him that, did that make Vaughn complacent in their murder? Because that’s what it was. Murder. Murder was wrong, no matter who it was who died…right? Fuck. I hated all of these ethical questions. Why couldn’t things just be more straight-fucking-forward?
Vaughn sighed. “I wasn’t going to sit back and let them live their lives, not after doing what they nearly did to you. I wanted them gone, and Dante was more than willing to help.”
“With a bit of cash exchange, technically,” Dante spoke with a shrug.
I could hardly say it. “You hired him to kill them? What the fuck is wrong with you two? I don’t…how—” My hands went to my head, and I rubbed my temples, desperately trying to gather my sanity.
These two thought the murder of Ryan’s friends was okay. What did that say about them? What did it say about me, having feelings for them?
“You’re overthinking it,” Vaughn said, suddenly before me, taking my wrists into his hands and forcing my hands away from my head. His dark, soulless black eyes stared down at me, causing all of my thoughts to halt. Just like that. “Let us do what is best for you. Let us protect you.” He released one of my wrists, but it was not free for long.
Dante grabbed it, and suddenly I was caught between the two of them, each of them holding onto a wrist as possessively as they possibly could. “You know I’d never hurt you,” he whispered, the smirk falling off his face as he gazed at me with an intensity that made my stomach burn. “Unless you wanted me to.” Just like that, the smirk was back.
My lungs felt like they were about to burst. Or maybe that was just me feeling oddly at ease between the two of them. Both of their hands seeped warmth into my skin, and I could not stop the racing heart inside me.
This was too complicated. Too messy.
The two guys were sluggish in releasing me, and when they did, I remained where I was, rooted firmly between them. “What happens when Ryan wakes up?”
“Don’t worry about that,” Vaughn stated, looking to Dante. “I’ll handle him.”
I wasn’t sure if that was a relief or not. Not at this rate. At this rate…I didn’t know what I should feel, what was right and what was wrong. Not anymore.
These two…they’d be the death of me, I think.
The end of the day came in a rush. I’d texted my mom and told her I was going over to Bobbi’s house after school, to which she was more than happy about. She really liked Bobbi, and she was thrilled to see me making a friend here.
I wasn’t going over Bobbi’s, though. I needed someone else after this crazy day. I needed to sweat—and I meant that in the workout sense, not the bend me over and fuck me from behind sense.
As I shoved shit into my backpack, I heard the clicking of heels in the hall. I couldn’t help but pause and throw a look over my shoulder, finding that it was indeed the one girl I didn’t want to see. Not today, not ever.
Brittany.
She looked just as pretty as ever, her blonde hair cascading over her shoulders, her amber eyes narrowed at me. She must’ve been on her way to her own locker, for she still carried a few notebooks. Her head was cocked at me, and she sized me up with a pout of her full lips. “Touché,” she whispered.
My eyebrows came together. “What?”
“It’s impressive, what you did.” Brittany took a step toward me, whispering, “Just know that any misstep you or your tattooed friends make will be your last. I’m not the only one watching you now.” She straightened her back, gave me a smile, and turned on her heels and walked away.
I watched her leave, frowning to myself. That bitch…she thought I told Dante to hurt Ryan and his crew. I didn’t, but the more I thought about it, the more I was okay with it.
Did that make me a bad person? Did it make me a monster? I was no good at wrestling with this shit. Morals, ethics…all mumbo-jumbo to me.
Hell, maybe we were all wrong here. Maybe none of us had halos and we were all destined to go to hell, none of our hearts or souls clean. I never thought myself a bad person, the worst I’d done was sneak around behind my mom’s back and see a few boys here and there, but that’s it. I’d never openly wished anyone harm.
But Ryan and his friends? The more I thought about it, the more I knew Dante was right. The world would not miss Ryan or his friends. They’d probably done more to girls at local parties, too. No, they deserved what they got, even if what they got was death at the hands of a switchblade-wielding psycho.
And technically Ryan wasn’t dead. He was still alive, but that glint in Vaughn’s eyes had told me he didn’t have much time left. Maybe he’d use his money, or his family connections. Maybe his family could pay off a doctor to make a mistake and accidentally kill him while he was out in that coma.
All I knew was I didn’t want to think about it.
I slammed my locker closed, tossing my bag over my shoulders as I hurried out of the school, past the whispering crowds. My destination was the car parked beside Dante’s bike, and thank God, Dante wasn’t out of the school yet, so he wasn’t standing there bugging Jacob like he had before.
Dante knew I was close to Jacob, but he had no idea how close that was. Jacob also had no idea how much time I’d been spending with Dante, either. He and I got together every few days to practice some self-defense, but I kept Dante to myself, not wanting to answer a thousand and a half questions. Jacob already knew about Vaughn; Dante just felt like too much.
Like I was somehow trying to juggle all these dicks, when in reality, that wasn’t how it was.
I mean, yes, I might have feelings for these guys. Both a physical connection and a deeper one. That much I could never deny; my body gave in to these guys so easily, it was like I couldn’t fight it, couldn’t fight them. Even with all the shit going on in my life, I found myself thinking about them more often than not.
Was it normal to like more than one guy at a time? Was it normal to want to keep every single one of them close?
Multiple boyfriends. I was basically talking about having multiple boyfriends.
I got in Jacob’s car without saying a word, meeting his hazel stare with a forced smile. Smiling was the last thing I wanted to do, and yet I had to put on a good front, otherwise he’d know something was wrong immediately. Hell, he was smart; maybe he already knew something was wrong. He’d undoubtedly heard about what happened in the park. Crime like that didn’t take place often in Midpark, and when it did, it shook the whole community.
After all, these rich, snobby folks were supposed to be a cut above the rest. They weren’t supposed to get into trouble, weren’t supposed to get into fights or meet up with strangers in the park to buy drugs. Everything in Midpark was supposed to be squeaky clean, and yet it wasn’t. It was the opposite of what it should be.
Bobbi had been right when she’d told me this place had a black underbelly. Midpark was not as shiny and nice as everyone pretended it was.
Even though I tried to pretend nothing was wrong, Jacob noticed instantly. He didn’t start the car or drive off straight away, instead studying me with a knowing expression. “What’s wrong?” he asked, his
rough, scratchy voice low. One hand sat on the steering wheel, the other on the center console. It was as if he was trying desperately not to touch me, not while we were in public.
I shook my head. “Let’s just go.”
The muscles in his jaw clenched, but he said nothing else as he started his car and drove us away from Midpark High. He said nothing else, sticking to silence as he took me to his place. It was becoming a familiar location, the more I was there.
Hell, at this point I didn’t even want to learn any new moves or practice any old ones. I just wanted to get in that apartment, have him flick every single one of his locks, and have him hold me. Was that so wrong?
I dropped my backpack on the floor once we arrived in his apartment, squirming out of my hoodie and letting it fall on top of the bag while Jacob worked on re-locking his multiple locks.
His wide, strong chest let out a rumble as he finally turned to me, shrugging off his coat and hanging it on the rack near the door. “You want to tell me what the fuck is wrong, or should I start guessing?” When I looked at him, when I gave him an unimpressed look, he added, “And don’t try to say nothing’s wrong. I can tell just by looking at you something happened.”
I rubbed my arms, averting my gaze to the floor. “Did you hear about what happened over the weekend in the park?”
Jacob stepped closer to me, blocking out most everything with his body. A slightly-wrinkled button-up shirt, paired with dark pants that hugged his legs a little too well, no belt necessary. His normally stubble-ridden jaw was freshly shaved, which I thought odd. The man was not well-known for his self-care.
Even half-put-together as he was, he looked good. It really wasn’t a wonder why I’d fallen for him, in between the grouchiness and the swearwords.
“I heard about the kids that were attacked, yeah,” Jacob said, nodding. His light eyes held my stare, refusing to release his hold on me. “What about them? Did you know them?”
“They were the ones who tried to rape me in the locker room,” I muttered, feeling cold. So cold. Talking about those guys while knowing they were dead—and one was still currently fighting for his life in the hospital—made me feel so conflicted. It was wrong to be okay with their deaths, even more wrong to wish it upon Ryan in the hospital, and yet it was like, now that I knew the truth, now that I knew Dante had done it and that Vaughn was in on it, I couldn’t stop myself.
I was glad they were gone. I was happy I didn’t have to worry about them anymore, didn’t have to try to come up with something to get back at them. Really, what was there to do, how could you get back at someone for an attempted rape?
Rape was one of the worst crimes there was, anyway. It involved forcing yourself upon another, not caring what the outcome would be. Pregnancy, mental scarring, PTSD, the list went on and on and the attacker would go on living their life without a care in the world while the victim would be forever changed.
Was I trying to make it okay in my head? Was I trying to explain away Dante’s psychotic behavior and Vaughn’s purposeful deceit? Maybe.
Jacob’s hard expression softened after I told him who they were, and he closed the distance between us, wrapping those strong, steady arms around me and pulling me into his chest. He held me there for a long while, saying nothing, resting his cheek on my head as he simply breathed.
I closed my eyes, surrendering myself to his warmth and the way his chest rose and fell against my face.
“I don’t know if I should tell you I’m sorry or that those fuckers got what was coming to them,” Jacob whispered. “I don’t believe in karma, but sometimes the world does get back at those who fuck others over.”
He was not too good at comfort, but I didn’t care. The important thing was I felt safe here, in his arms, even if it was a little wrong. Even if Jacob and I never should’ve met, never should’ve gotten together.
Jacob was sluggish in letting me go, holding me at arm’s length as he asked, “What do you want to do? Do you want me to drive you home? I can see about ordering some dinner, if you want—” He stopped when I shook my head.
I reached for one of his hands, turning and pulling him along, saying nothing as I led him to the hallway, to the first door on the left. His bedroom. His fingers tightened around mine, and I tossed him a look. “I want to forget about everything, just for a little while.” Still holding his hand, I pulled us toward the bed.
He spun me, holding onto my hips, the back of my legs feeling the side of his mattress. His sheets were undone, as they always were. He was never trying to impress me, never trying to be more than who he was. Maybe that’s why I’d practically fallen head over heels for the man—he was real. He was so much more real than the majority of people in this God-forsaken town.
“I can do that,” he whispered, his nose brushing against mine mere moments before his lips came crashing down. Fighting what was between us was pointless now; we both knew it. Why fight when giving in felt so right? So good?
My mind shut off as Jacob pushed me back onto the bed. The only reason his mouth released its hold on mine was so he could help me out of my clothes and my boots. I returned the favor, unbuttoning his shirt button by button, every so often meeting his eyes, seeing the fire resting there. He was hungry for me; he wanted me as badly as I wanted him. No more trying to be better than who we were.
He went to his dresser, retrieving a condom to slip on over his thick, hard length. Within moments his naked body blocked out everything else, his muscles pinning me down as his knees knocked mine apart to spread them. I saw nothing else but his rugged, handsome face as he pushed into me, knew nothing other than the feeling of his cock filling me up in ways nothing else could.
Make me forget. Make me feel alive. Make me feel all of the things Midpark was trying to suffocate.
My eyelids closed as my back arched, my body rocking along with every thrust of his hips, my chest heaving with panted breaths as he did just that. My nails found his back, and I dragged them down, digging the tips into his flesh and causing him to shudder above me. Such a big, strong man. Such a rough, wild man who came undone for me.
Jacob’s hips jerked, his cock filling me up over and over. My heart raced in my chest, my skin growing hot instantly. It was like the flick of a switch; I wanted more. I wanted everything and then some. I was insatiable, never full, always greedy and grasping.
“Harder,” I begged.
And the man obliged.
He rocked into me so hard I swore the air was forcibly pushed from my lungs. The thrusts of his cock made me see stars. My hands now gripped the sides of his lower back, feeling the trembling muscles there, and I knew with every grunt of the wide chest above me, he was inching closer to his peak.
“More,” I cried out, digging my nails into his skin.
Jacob fucked me like a soldier, though he did growl out, “You make me want to lose it when you beg.” His strong, muscular arms blocked out the world around my head, the only thing propping his torso up as he pumped into me with a gusto that no one else could ever hope to match. He fucked me like a man who had finally gotten what was his, like a man who’d been bereft of all physical pleasure for years and was at last rediscovering what it felt like to lose himself in the passion of the moment.
I could feel the pressure growing inside, the liquid heat searing in my core. My inner walls clenched around his length, and I let out a low moan when the pleasure became too much. An orgasm ripped through me like a violent tide, causing my toes to clench and my hands to tighten on his back. I wasn’t quiet about it; I let the sound out, unhindered. I floated on cloud-nine, lost in a sea of bliss.
The man on top of me practically roared when he came, his thick body trembling as his thrusting grew quick and successive, as his cum filled the condom instead of me. He was a sight to behold through half-open eyes, all muscles and sweat.
Jacob did not pull out; instead he leaned his sweaty forehead against mine as he whispered, “You drive me crazy, Jaz.”
I m
anaged a smile. This time, it was a real one. “Tell me something I don’t know,” I muttered, smacking his ass before releasing my hold on him.
His lips met with mine for one fast, hard kiss, and then he pulled out. After cleaning himself up, he crawled back on the bed, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me close. He held me against his naked chest, his skin still flushed from our quickie, and I let him hold me, let him trace circles on my lower back.
Once my heart rate slowed down, once I was able to focus on my breathing and relax, I actually fell asleep in his arms.
If only I didn’t have to go home. If only I could lay here with him forever, I would. I would forget all of my other responsibilities and simply exist here in Jacob’s arms. That was the dream, the wish.
In Midpark, everything comes with a price. I’d soon find out that my price was not the deaths of Ryan’s friends. No, my price came the day before the dance.
Chapter Twenty-Three – Jaz
My nerves were getting to me. Mostly because everything was just crazy around here. I had nothing to worry about today; today was Friday, so all that was left to do was go through classes, and let Bobbi’s friend in the office take care of the ballot for king and queen. As far as I knew, Ryan was still in the hospital, still in a coma, though I knew it wouldn’t be long until something happened to him.
No, I wasn’t going to think about Ryan or his friends today. The police had left Dante alone, because they had no evidence, no witnesses. Yet another reason why Ryan had to be taken care of soon, before he could tell the cops what his attacker looked like, but I would not let myself go wandering down that dark path. As long as Dante was fine, I would be fine.
Me, wanting to protect a killer. Go fucking figure.
Silly me thought the day would go on fine, but that was before I got to homeroom and saw that Archer wasn’t in his seat. Odd, because the boy was always there before me, every single day, without fail. I stared at his empty seat as I sat down, wondering if he was busy in the halls, maybe talking to his bitch of a girlfriend.
Defiant: A High School Bully Romance (Midpark High Book 2) Page 27
