The emperor shrugged and glared down at Naman. “So, your death shall be without honor.”
They would throw him to the lions, have another game in their arena.
I watched the other guards drag Naman away with equal horror and satisfaction.
Erys shook his head. “But why did he want to use the knife on Ari?”
This was it, my final chance. I grabbed the knife from the ground, cleaning it of Naman’s blood and testing my own. Just because it had been Naman’s plan didn’t make it a bad one.
The blade glowed.
Erys looked at me. I smiled and made the sign, a line across my chest and down my side, like the corner of a square. I was a princess, just like I always told him.
I relished the understanding forming in his eyes. In everyone’s eyes. “She . . . she said she was the daughter of Miranda. She said she was a princess.”
I watched the whispers of the men around me. “If she is the heir of Miranda, then her claim would come before Helene’s.”
I smiled. Even Helene had come into the hall to witness her own downfall.
The emperor called for the senators and his magi. “We need to discuss this. What does this mean for our treaty with Cypari?”
I already knew what it meant. I was a princess in love with the prince, and I was going to be his queen.
21
I followed Erys to the hallway and out to the balcony over the sea.
The waves rose and fell hundreds of feet below us. He didn’t turn when I reached him, but he started to speak. “My grandfather came to rule because my great uncle—Naman’s father—died before he married Princess Miranda. That makes Naman my cousin. In Cypari, they don’t make any distinction, but in Solis, a bastard child isn’t the same as a legal heir. He never could have claimed the empire. It must have driven him mad.”
Did Erys really feel sorry for Naman? Was that why he left?
I reached out to touch him, but he moved away and finally turned around. “Ari, why did you use that dagger after Naman was taken away? Why was being seen as a princess so important to you? You know you are already like a sister to me.”
A sister? The word took on another meaning than when he teased me with it before. He wasn’t calling me a nun, he was calling me family in a far different way than I had intended.
Was that good or bad? I loved my sisters . . . some of the time.
“If Naman wanted to test your blood, it was likely an act of revenge,” Erys said. “He wanted to destroy the family and empire who rejected him. It still might work. Father might feel some responsibility to tell Cypari of your claim, but with the war and Miranda’s disappearance the last time we tried for a marriage alliance, they’ll expect something to go wrong. They will see any other claim as a rejection of their current sovereigns—that we wish to conquer instead of merge our two cultures. The war will continue. Perhaps Naman hoped to continue in secret and take power in the chaos. Is this also what you wanted?”
Of course it wasn’t. I didn’t care about Cypari or Solis. I just wanted him. Didn’t he want me too? He must. And though I still couldn’t speak, I could find a way to show him.
I pushed against his shoulders and brushed my lips against his, offering all I had and more.
But he still didn’t understand. He put his hands out. “What are you doing?”
I made the sign for love—a fist to the heart.
A dagger to my soul when he turned away.
“You . . .” He was surprised. How could he be surprised? “I-I care about you, Ari. You know I do. But . . . you have to understand. When I was born, my mother died. I’ve heard rumors of other women and other children paid off and hidden away since then, but true or not, my father still claims his heart belongs to my mother. He swore he would rather the empire be torn apart by his generals than claim another heir besides me. I suppose he sees an honor in that. Before him, before the new god, affairs like that weren’t even hidden. The emperor was a god and no one questioned his right to take what he wanted. The men of my family created men like Naman. I cannot be the same way. When I marry, I want it to be for the right reasons and to have no secrets.”
It was what I wanted too. I knew now what my heart had already decided long ago. I would never betray him for my family. They could keep my voice. I could sign, and I could love my prince without it.
He shook his head. “I do love you, Ari, but love isn’t the only thing at stake here. I made a promise to marry Helene. I promised to bring peace to both our nations, to stop the wars and start to repair the long history of blood you saw echoed in the colosseum. If I break any of those vows to be with you, I will not be caring for either of you. You understand?”
I didn’t. But I knew what it meant when he reached for me, stopping his hand inches from my arm. He turned and walked away.
I gripped the banister, but I still couldn’t seem to hold the weight crashing down on me.
I couldn’t bear the doubting, cynical thoughts in my head telling me I should have seen this coming. That I should have known the prince would never give up everything he had to be with me. That I should have seen he could never love some scrawny, ignorant girl from the sea no matter what blood I held.
The imp uncoiled herself from my neck to add my voice to my inner refrain. “I told you this would happen. Everyone told you. You should have listened.”
Did she think that would be comforting? I didn’t want or need her in my head right now.
I took off the necklace and threw it out into the waves far below.
“Idiot girl. Now you won’t have your voice until I retrieve it.” She flew down toward the water, grumbling to herself about my ungrateful recklessness.
She didn’t understand. I didn’t want my voice. I didn’t want the sea.
I just wanted Erys, and he had picked Helene.
22
Sunlight streamed through the window and burned my eyes. I rubbed my face, but it didn’t help—not with my head pounding and tracks of dried tears smeared across my cheeks.
“Oh. Did you have trouble sleeping?” The senior handmaiden smirked.
She had done something.
I looked down on my mat. Sand covered the whole thing. I wasn’t ignorant enough not to know that whoever put it there had ill-intent, but I couldn’t say I had noticed. I was more used to sleeping in sand than sleeping on a floor mat and with everything else going on in my head—she was the least of my concerns.
It really was too bad women weren’t more like men. If we were, the girl could challenge me directly, and in blood and sweat we would decide our rank. It seemed blissfully simple.
She pressed on with her nose still in the air. Her voice was sickeningly sweet. “I’m sorry. We thought you were up and already finished at the baths. You better get changed quick if you don’t want to look a fright for the wedding.”
Automatically, I looked to the princess. Now that the other girl had spoken their ill-intent aloud, I expected Helene to hurry to my rescue whether I actually needed it or not.
A dark line crossed her forehead—a small crease on her perfectly powdered face. “I suppose you have to come, don’t you? Erys will expect it.”
I frowned until the words settled. The other handmaidens I had come to expect, but this was the first time I had heard a hint of a harsh word from the princess.
She didn’t want me to come? Of course she didn’t. I had called myself a princess to make a public play for the prince’s hand. There was no way for her to not know my intentions and no reason for her to like me at all.
And there was no reason for me to go either. I certainly didn’t want to see it.
Erys would marry her and there would be no place for me here.
“Anne!” It had been a long time since anyone had called me Anne, but I still turned at once to acknowledge Sister Leah. I would recognize her dark habit and the creases of her smile anywhere. Was she here for the wedding too? There were so many people filling up the palace’s court
yard. I would have already found some quiet place to be alone, but I was so much in my own head that I hadn’t even noticed them until Leah had called for my attention.
She pulled me into a hug, but I couldn’t even bring myself to return her smile. “Shouldn’t you be with the princess?”
I shrugged. I could sign all the words of the last few weeks, but there were so many, and Leah wouldn’t understand them anyway.
“Was she cruel to you?” Leah asked. “Must be nerves. It is her wedding day.”
Maybe. Or maybe she had finally realized that her betrothed loved me.
“Have you figured out the palace is not as pretty as it should be?”
Yes. I wasn’t going to marry a prince, and I couldn’t rejoin my family after my failure. Perhaps I should become Sister Anne again and swear them all off forever.
She squeezed my shoulder again in a partial hug before turning away. “We’ll talk about it afterward. I have to get on the ship with the priests, even if you don’t.”
A ship? Erys and Helene were going to get married on a ship?
My breath caught like I was already drowning. That was so dangerous. Didn’t Erys know? And my sisters, my mother . . . Lure them out, Serena had said; they would think I did it on purpose. They would be eager to help.
That boy was so stupid. And I would have to save him.
23
Only a light rain fell as I stood with Sister Leah on the ship with the rest of the wedding party. For the first hour, it seemed I had put myself in misery for nothing.
Laughter spread through the ship's deck. Harps played. Helene sang to start the ceremony, and I had to admit, it was beautiful. Hauntingly, irritatingly beautiful. She glided down the aisle with a serene, winning smile. Erys wore his military garb in front of the priest.
Jonas stood near them as well, but I didn’t want to look at him. He was sure to try to make me laugh again with some new theory of how I lost my voice or other foolishness, and I was determined not to give in to him this time. I had every right to be miserable, today of all days.
I turned my head, but that just brought more of Leah's attention. “Have you seen a Solian wedding before?” Leah explained the rings, the veil, and a complex knot tied around Helene's waist that the groom was supposed to undo as part of the ceremony.
I didn't want to see Erys untying any of Helene's knots! I didn't even want to hear of it!
Leah shook her head. “I know this must be hard to see with your little crush.”
Little crush? How could she say that was all it was? I loved him! I loved and hated him so much it seemed my chest would burst.
I had no way to explain that to Leah, but my emotions paraded themselves all over my face.
“Oh, dear. How on Earth did you let your heart get so set on him, child? Didn't you know? An honorable prince always marries for the good of his nation.” She put an arm around me.
Part of me wanted to push her away, and another part of me longed to go limp in her arms and cry and cry until I drowned the whole ship. If someone could lose their voice by crying in the rain, I would have done it more times than I could count today.
“Oh, to be so young again,” Leah said. “A heartbreak like this feels like the end of the world, but it really isn't. It's part of growing up. Our Lord must allow some trials to see what sort of soul we will have at the end of it.”
The last thing I wanted was to hear of another bloody god, but I had no voice to protest.
She continued. “Our god is not like the others. He does not take the blood of our enemies or any blood at all. To pay tribute to Him, we must sacrifice a part of ourselves and bear some pain as honorably as He did. Then He will raise us to be counted with his elect. You put your chin up, and show what kind of soul you have.”
I didn't know what sort of soul I had! I was the daughter of a siren, powerful women rejected by Leah’s One God, and I had failed even them. If I had a soul at all, it must be pitiful and small. I hadn't killed the man my family wanted, and now I couldn't even stand upright.
But then, I slowly noticed others could barely stand as well.
The rain fell harder. The ship rocked, waves crashing higher onto the ship’s hull. Even if I cared what vows Erys was promising to Helene, I couldn't hear them.
It was coming. A mere whisper on the breeze, different than the harps that had gone silent long ago. A stronger whistle as the wind picked up. Singing much more beautiful than Helene’s aria.
My sisters.
I knew they were coming and I knew I had no real plan. I had to do something, but what? I had my knife back from Naman and belted to my back, but to even attempt to fight would be a betrayal to my family.
To not fight would be a betrayal to everyone else.
I pulled myself from Leah, but the priest had already stopped mid-word.
A wave came over the hull, soaking a run of feet. My first thought was to shield Leah, but it was only water. She wouldn't be in any direct danger from my sisters in any case. They might even save her and the rest of the women themselves if they were feeling generous.
The men would be the targets. The generals. The emperor. And the prince.
I had to stop it. To warn them at least. I ran to the front of the wedding party, but none of the men were moving toward their death. They didn't even seem to notice my silent attempt to get their attention as they pulled for their spears with the same practiced grace I had seen in the arena.
Even a larger spear mounted on the side of the ship.
They brought a harpoon? I didn't have to know about Solian weddings to know that monstrosity did not belong on a pleasure cruise. This wasn't the panicked response to the attack that had downed the prince's homecoming vessel. Some of the wedding party might be panicking, but the guards were gathering them below deck as quickly as their feet could carry them.
All the guards wore the wax in their ears, I realized. They were moving around the ship, steadying it by signaling each other with the signs Jonas must have taught them.
The harpoon went off. The large spear struck the water, and I heard the shriek of my twin sisters as they scattered in its wake.
The wind lost some of its force in their absence.
Could the men really hold my family off this way? Some of the guards seemed to think so. They cheered as the ship began to settle, like they only thought I had two sisters. And while the twins might be easily startled, the rest of my family would never give up that easily.
I looked to the other side of the ship just as the tattooed figure of another one of my sisters appeared, riding the waves. Behind the prince and behind Jonas. Vi was going to kill them both—with her fangs or her knife if her voice wouldn't penetrate. Vi would even kill a man without her fins, taking on her human form if they rained spears down on the water.
There wasn't time. Maybe there would have been some room to negotiate with or distract any of my other sisters, but not Vi. She never played, never hesitated. She fed, and she killed, never seeming to care if her men were smiling or screaming their heads off.
But even if I had my voice, a shout wouldn't work. Jonas wasn't looking in my direction and his ears were covered. Part of me still felt torn, unable to choose between the men and my sister, unable to fight, but this was Jonas. My Jonas. My hand found my knife and my mouth opened in reflex. Fear and uncertainty raged in my breast.
I threw the knife. A wild throw that didn’t hit anything, but drew Jonas’s gaze.
Thunder rolled and lightning flashed behind Vi.
Jonas turned just as she reached for the prince. I had watched Jonas spare the man in the arena. I had watched him spare Naman. Somehow, I had come to regard him as a gentle giant, one incapable of any real violence. But I watched him stab my sister through the chest, knowing the blood she craved, and I was glad.
She fell back into the sea. The waves died down.
The blood in the water slowly brought the peace that the first strike of the harpoon had not.
&nb
sp; Jonas looked at me, his spear bloody in his hand, but this time I didn't hesitate. I ran into his arms like I should have at the arena and with Naman. He lifted me onto his shoulder, and I felt his joy and the roar of the crowd as the storm died down. I responded with my own breath of relief.
But two faces in the crowd stopped my heart in one sudden blow. Helene had been screaming and crying when Erys found her. At first, his arms brought her to his chest and he kissed her on the head, comforting her in the same way he might try to comfort me.
But then his lips traveled downward.
Jonas fumbled as my weight shifted and he put me down before I fell.
Erys was kissing Helene.
24
I saw all the images again and again. The girl was stupid. The girl was weak. Her own wedding had been attacked, and all she had done was scream. I did everything for Erys, betrayed my own family, and he went to her and never looked for me once. Kissing her like he had done it before.
He wasn't just doing it for honor or country. He had actually grown to care for that stupid, useless girl without my notice. Maybe more than he cared about me.
Why couldn't he have told me that? Would it have made any difference? Made it hurt less?
I couldn't imagine it hurting more.
I sat on the shore outside the city. Serena and the twins watched me cry for a long time. The twins didn’t try to make any jokes and all Serena said was, “I was right, wasn't I?”
I stared out into the sea. I didn't have the imp to use my voice and I couldn't sign to Serena, but of course she had been right. Chasing after a man had hurt me far more than I could possibly imagine. And there was nothing I could do to change it.
It didn't matter that my sisters had ruined their first opportunity. It didn't matter if their wedding happened on a ship or locked up safe in a church.
Erys would marry Helene and I would be all alone.
Serena took my hand, kneeling across from me with her human legs. “Mother put too much pressure on you. Forcing you into the human lands. Making you leap for their pleasure. Just take his heart and join us. Come home.”
Kingdom of Salt and Sirens Page 90
