by Molly Jebber
Maryann met his gaze and then wrenched her gaze from his. “I was convinced you and I understood each other about having clear communication. I had no idea you would keep anything from me. It hurts. If you’d have told me about Gabe and Gerald’s acquaintance and what happened, I’d have been surprised but thankful to Gabe. Your bruder’s return is a joyous occasion. We should be celebrating together instead of having this conversation. This is what secrets do. They tear couples apart.”
Andrew nodded and clutched his hat to his chest. His eyes were filled with regret. “You’re right. What can I say or do?”
“I was secure with you. I was convinced you and I had a unique bond. It’s no longer true. I want to forgive you and let it go, but I can’t. This sick feeling inside won’t subside. It’s finding out you withheld significant information from me that I can’t get past.” Tears dampened her cheeks.
“Do you have other important information you’ve neglected to mention?” She didn’t know if her heart could handle it if he did. More than anything, she wanted to get past her endless trust issues. This was Andrew, not Gerald. Her past with Gerald was hurting her ability to move on with her life and her relationship with Andrew.
“No, and moving forward, I’ll not keep things from you. Please believe me.”
“I forgive you, but I need time. I don’t know how to get over this.” She fought the sob in her throat and swallowed. No matter how much she loved him, she wasn’t sure she wouldn’t always wonder if he was holding things back from her. She sighed. Would her future always be ruled by her past with Gerald? What if they ran into financial or other problems? Would he rationalize not telling her things that might upset her?
“What can I do to convince you I’m sincere?” His pleading eyes gazed into hers.
“I want to fix this, but I’m not sure how to get past it.” She swallowed the bile rising in her throat.
Andrew covered her hand. “I’m truly sorry. We must overcome this. I love you.”
“I have no doubt your apology is sincere. I’m miserable letting you go. But I vowed not to marry another man who didn’t treat me as a partner. You should’ve trusted me enough to know telling me Gabe’s story wouldn’t have mattered.”
“I do trust you. You are my partner. Can you admit you love me?” Andrew pleaded. “At least give me that much hope.”
“Yes. I love you. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be upset. Love isn’t enough. I learned this lesson when I married Gerald. You had me convinced we’d built a firm foundation for a marriage and future, until this. Please give me time.”
“I’ll leave, but I urge you to reconsider your decision. We grew a friendship, which blossomed into a long-lasting love and respect for each other. I promise you we can have the future you desire.” He walked to the door and glanced over his shoulder. “I love you, Maryann. I always will.”
* * *
Andrew willed his knees not to buckle as he left. Maryann had been through her share of heartache, and he had been a fool to assume she’d pardon him after one conversation. She might never agree to marry him, and he’d never forgive himself for making such a bad decision.
He got in his buggy and headed for his home in Charm. He should check on Toby. He stared at the road ahead. He’d do anything to earn back Maryann’s trust. He’d never keep anything from her again. He wasn’t sure he’d get the chance to show her this. He drove down the lane and waved to Toby kumming out the front door.
Toby and a black-and-white fluffy dog met him in front of the barn.
He pulled the buggy next to them and jumped out. “Toby, you have a new friend.”
“Andrew! Great to have you in Charm. Greetings.” Toby slapped him on the shoulder. “Meet Patches.”
Andrew petted the dog. “Where’s Pepper?”
Toby frowned. “A coyote attacked and killed him.”
“Oh no! I’m sorry to hear this.”
“Danki. Magdelena’s dog had a litter, and she gave one to our family. Patches reminds me of Pepper with his sweet disposition. Easy to train, he’s a good pup. Patches took to my parents and Rachael right away.”
“I’m glad Magdelena gave you Patches.”
Toby cocked his head. “You must be happy to have Gabe home.”
“I’m thrilled, and so are Aunt Dora and Uncle Luke.”
“Why didn’t you tell any of us you had a bruder?”
Andrew ached at the sincerity and disappointment in Toby’s eyes. He’d never considered the negative impact his keeping this inside would have on Gabe, Toby, Maryann, and his friends. He was sick he’d disappointed all of them. What a hard lesson to learn. “Let’s go inside, and I’ll explain. It’s chilly.” Andrew crossed the yard and went inside the haus to the warm kitchen.
“I’ve got coffee on the stove.” Toby removed two mugs from a stand on the counter and poured coffee in them. He passed one to Andrew and sat across from him at the table.
Patches settled at Toby’s feet.
“I doubted Gabe would return to Amish life. He’s adventuresome. He makes friends easily, and he’s responsible and hardworking. He could make a living and survive in the outside world. I worried he’d be drawn to the greed, conveniences, and unacceptable things we Amish avoid. He stopped sending letters before I moved to Charm, and I’d given up on ever seeing him again. I didn’t want to explain about him.”
“I’m your friend. You couldn’t tell me?”
“I apologize, Toby. You’re right. I regret not telling you, Maryann, and her family. You’re my close friend. Please don’t hold this against me. I used bad judgment. Gabe sharing a gambling table with Gerald has nothing to do with me. It wasn’t a subject I cared to address with Maryann, since I thought she’d put the past behind her. I didn’t omit my having a bruder to deceive anyone. I just wanted a fresh start.”
“A bruder is important information to keep to yourself.” Toby frowned.
“I realize this was wrong of me and to keep it from Maryann was wrong. Not talking about Gabe has gotten me into more trouble than I could’ve imagined. I thought I was doing the right thing, following Amish tradition in not speaking about those who have left our community to live in the outside world. But not telling those I love and care about is another matter.”
Toby scratched Patches behind his ears. “I can respect your position.”
Andrew sipped his coffee and held his mug. “Danki. Your friendship means a lot to me.”
“I would assume you went straight to the bakery when you got to town. Did you and Maryann have a chance to talk? The bakery might not have been the best place.” Toby winced.
“I did go straight to the bakery. We had some privacy, and I explained the best I could about why I chose not to mention Gabe and his connection to Gerald, and I apologized. She is upset I kept an important fact like this from her. She doubts me. She wants a partner who will be upfront and honest. I would never withhold anything like this again from her, and this is all I have withheld from her. I pleaded with her to forgive me and to give me another chance.”
Toby leaned forward. “What did she say?”
Andrew slumped in his seat. “She needs time. She isn’t sure she can’t let this go. I’m sick about it. There’s nothing more I can say or do. I’ve ruined any chance of a future with her. I’d give anything to fix it.” He would take a long time to heal from this heartbreak, and he was sure this would always be his biggest regret.
“You must give Maryann time. You withheld information about someone near and dear to you. It’s a big part of your life you didn’t share with her. She assumed she was the most important person in your life. Trust and communication make for a happy and healthy marriage. My parents have it. I want it when I marry.” Toby gave him a sympathetic smile. “She’ll want to forgive you. Will she in the end? I’m not sure. Pray about it. God will intervene if it’s His will you and she should wed.” Toby gave him a sympathetic nod.
“For not having time to consider a woman, you are a wise man.
Sounds like your parents set a good example for you. My parents did for Gabe and me, and I didn’t follow it. The cost of this mistake is immeasurable. I pray I don’t lose her for good.” Andrew rubbed the ache in his neck. He couldn’t get her utter disappointment in him out of his mind. It shattered his soul.
“I, Maryann, her family, and our friends care about you. It hurt you didn’t tell me, but I accept why. For Maryann, it’s a much harder decision. She isn’t going to overlook this overnight.”
“Should I go to Shem and ask for his help? Should I apologize to him?” Andrew didn’t want Shem upset with him. He’d admit his mistake and make it clear he didn’t mean any harm.
“Maybe you should talk to him. Go there before Maryann is off work.” Toby heaved a big sigh. “I’m sorry you’re going through this. I wish there was something I could do to help you.”
“Your understanding and advice are much appreciated.” He scanned the room. “Have you had any offers on the haus?” He’d liked the layout, and before his uncle had contacted him, he’d envisioned his life with Maryann and kinner in the future filling the house with laughter, love, and overcoming struggles together. He’d hoped to have a new life in Millersburg with her and Betsy in a similar haus. She didn’t leave him with any hope for this.
“No. I’ll let you know right away when I do get an offer.”
Andrew rose and pushed his seat back. “Danki for your understanding and for your help with this place. I’m glad you and Gabe had a chance to meet. He had nothing but good things to say about you. I should head over to Shem’s and then travel back to Millersburg.”
Toby slapped him on the back. “Gabe seems like an upstanding man. I enjoyed having some time with him.” He smiled. “I’ll pray for you, my friend, and travel safe.”
Andrew reached in a satchel on the chair and removed an envelope. He passed it to Toby. “This is for you. Again, danki for everything.”
Toby nodded. “You’re wilkom. Let me know if there’s anything I can do, and danki for this.” He flashed an encouraging smile and squeezed Andrew’s shoulder.
Andrew left and drove his buggy to Shem’s. He knocked on the door.
Shem widened his eyes. “Andrew! Kumme in.”
“Shem, happy to see you.” Andrew sat on the settee. “A lot has happened while I’ve been away, and I owe you an explanation.” Andrew took off his hat and enjoyed the warmth kumming from the wood burning in the fireplace.
“I met Gabe. He’s a delightful fellow. I’m baffled why you wouldn’t tell us about him.” Shem tilted his head. “Have you talked to Maryann? She’s owed the explanation from you.” Shem settled back in the chair and crossed his legs.
Andrew fidgeted with his hat. “Yes, I’ve told her. I made an error in judgment. She said we should share everything. I didn’t. She’s having a hard time forgiving me.”
“We all make mistakes. She loves you. Be patient.” Shem folded his hands on his lap.
“Will you talk to her on my behalf? She respects you.”
Shem scratched the back of his neck. “You’ve opened up an old wound from her past. Gerald kept important information from her and left her out of decisions. She longed for a partnership like she was sure she had with you.” He rubbed his palms together. “I believe you’re truly remorseful for this. I’ll talk to her. I can’t promise you anything.”
Andrew shook his hand. “Understood. Danki. Again, I apologize for the upheaval I’ve caused. I love your dochder.”
“I can tell, and I pray I’ll be attending your wedding in May.” Shem patted his arm.
Andrew’s heart sank as he left Charm and began the drive to Millersburg. He wondered what Ellie and Joel and her friends would say. He worried some might encourage her to cancel their wedding plans. He’d compromised his integrity. One bad decision had caused serious damage.
Almost three hours later, he arrived and shivered against the cold from the still wintery weather they were having in March. He took his horse to the livery and paid the livery owner to give his horse food and water. Then he went to the furniture store and walked inside. Gabe was engaged in conversation with a couple. James accepted payment for two nightstands from an older gentleman.
Andrew smiled. “I’ll help you out with these.”
The gray-haired man twisted his mustache. “Thank you, kind sir.”
James picked up the other piece. “I’ll carry this one.” He nodded to Andrew. “Good to have you back.”
“Danki.” Andrew carried the furniture to the patron’s wagon and lifted it into the back. He assisted James in adding the second one. They spread an old tattered quilt over the pieces and used rope to tie them in place.
The man waved his hand. “Thank you again.”
They watched the man leave.
James opened the door for him. “I didn’t expect you to return. You left early and in a hurry. Is everything all right?”
He shook his head. “I’m in huge trouble with Maryann.” He told him about his not mentioning Gabe, and her reaction to his apology and explanation.
“I’m sorry, Andrew. I’ll remember you and Maryann in my prayers.”
“I appreciate it.”
Gabe bid farewell to his customers and approached Andrew and James. “You didn’t have to rush back. Your droopy eyes and shoulders tell me things didn’t go well.”
Matt met them in front of the counter. “You’re back. What didn’t go well?”
Andrew explained what happened in Charm.
“I’m sorry.” Gabe shook his head.
“She’s disappointed and hurt, and I understand why. I must accept the consequences of my poor decision. If Maryann severs ties with me for good, I don’t imagine I’ll get over her. She’s the one for me, and she has been since the day I met her. I pray she forgives me and gives me another chance.” Andrew pressed his palms together.
“Don’t be hard on yourself, and don’t speculate. Maryann may kumme around.” Matt gave him an encouraging nod.
James pointed to the oak wall clock. “Andrew needs some rest. It’s past time to lock up and go home, gentlemen.”
Andrew yawned and stretched his arms. “I’ve traveled six hours today. I’m exhausted.”
Gabe grabbed his coat and shrugged it on. “I’ll pray for you and Maryann. Get a good night’s sleep.”
Andrew walked out with Gabe and his friends, locked the door, and went to his buggy. He bid Matt and James farewell, followed Gabe home, went inside, and told his aunt and uncle what had taken place when he confessed the truth to Maryann and begged for her forgiveness.
Uncle Luke sat in his chair. His favorite tattered quilt covered and overpowered his small body. “Have faith. You never expected Gabe to show up. Miracles happen. I couldn’t be happier having the two of you here and working in the store.”
Aunt Dora put her hands to her cheeks. “Listen to your uncle Luke. Don’t give up. God always has a plan, but we may not know what it is. Have faith.” She squeezed Andrew’s hand. “I wish it wasn’t so complicated for you and Maryann. Your uncle and I are here for you, and we’re thrilled you’re both with us. We never imagined we’d be so blessed. I’ve got supper ready. Let’s go to the table.”
Aunt Dora served them chicken pot pie, biscuits, and apple butter.
Andrew and his family bowed their heads, thanked God for providing them with food to eat, and turned to Gabe. “How do you like working at the store?”
“I love it. Matt and James are pleasant fellows, and I enjoy their company.” Gabe snapped his suspenders. “Danki for the clothes. They fit.”
“I thought I recognized those clothes. They look good on you.” Andrew snatched a biscuit.
Aunt Dora dipped her biscuit in the apple butter on her plate. “I hope you don’t mind. I had washed those, and instead of putting them in your clothespress, I passed them to Gabe.”
“I don’t mind. Help yourself to any of my clothes.” Andrew smiled.
“I’ll make more clothes for yo
u over the next couple of days.” Aunt Dora put another biscuit on Andrew’s plate.
Andrew enjoyed having his family together. He struggled not to let his mind wander to Maryann and what she might be thinking. Would Shem encourage her to give him a chance, or wait? He forked a bite of his serving of chicken pot pie. His impatience and worry consumed him.
Gabe polished off half of his pot pie. “I lived in Lexington, Kentucky, for a couple of months. I met Sally Butterfield. We went on picnics and buggy rides each day for two weeks. I fell in love with her after our first day together. She has golden blond hair and the bluest eyes.” He sighed.
“What happened?” Aunt Dora held her biscuit in midair.
“She broke my heart.” He heaved another big sigh.
“How?” Uncle Luke’s hand quivered as he lifted his fork to his mouth.
“I went to pick her up for a dance in town, and she wasn’t there. I’d had a friend teach me a few steps, and I had practiced at home to impress her. Her daed said she was already at the dance with another chap. I walked into the hall, and she ignored me. When the music ended, I approached her and the man. I asked if we could have a word in private.”
“What did she say?” Aunt Dora’s eyes widened.
“She motioned to the side of the room. She told her beau she’d be back in a couple of minutes. She explained they had been engaged but he had left town. He had returned and begged her forgiveness. He’d proposed again, and she’d accepted. She said his family owned a big horse farm and he had a lot more financial security to offer. She said she loved me, but not as much as she loved him and his money. I left town the next day and went to Massillon.”
“What a story!” Dora reared back and gasped. “Did you meet another girl while you were gone?”
“No. Sally caused me to question my judgment about Englisch women. Her greed was an unwilkom revelation. Later, I started to consider returning to Amish life. I would’ve closed that door if I’d married an Englischer. I avoided women showing me attention. I didn’t want to put my heart out there, but I’m ready now if the right one kummes along. I’m hoping I meet a sweet Amish girl like Maryann. I want a woman to take my breath away and make me forget all about Sally.” He gave a weak grin to Andrew. “I’m not a stranger to heartbreak. I can empathize with you.”
