Chapter Twenty-Four
Darkness surrounded me. The sensation of rain splattering on my skin was faint, like silk brushing up against my arm. All I could see in front of me was an infinite blackness. I was the only thing visible in the abyss. The sound of silence was suffocating. It was as if sound didn’t exist in this dimension. I couldn’t hear my heartbeat but I could feel it racing at an alarming rate. Even the unsteady breaths that parted from my lips were silent.
I closed my eyes.
This was a dream, a dream I wanted to be heard in.
My ears popped. I could suddenly hear the thump of my erratic heartbeat. I could hear the soothing sound of rain echo in the stillness. There were no water droplets on my skin but I could feel them soak me to the very bone.
“That sense of abandonment you feel is false. I am always watching over you from the shadows,” Cyrus said, stepping out of the darkness.
Cyrus approached me in an elegant stride. His shirt hugged his chest, outlining his muscles with ease. His golden hair was braided to one side, leaving the arrogant curve of his handsome face exposed. Those Arctic eyes melted in the presence of a slow spreading rage.
“It was never my intention to make you feel like you were alone, that I was always leaving you behind. You know the position I’m in. The agency can’t have me. Little do you know the truth behind Dane’s eagerness to capture me. He prattles on about wanting me dead but that’s to hide his true intentions. Dream Shufflers are capable of bypassing every magical ward known. The creator of our kind is protected by wards. If he uses me to find her, then we all perish. This is the reason why I distanced myself from you.”
“Why haven’t you told me this before?” I demanded.
“Because I wasn’t going to lose you until now,” Cyrus said, holding my face in his hands. “I know about Lorenzo. He will put you on the wrong path. That light you feel when you’re with him is eradicating the darkness you need to achieve your dream. You need that darkness to fuel your bloodlust. Lorenzo will undo everything I made you to be. He will make you soft and being soft will get you killed.”
I pried my face out of Cyrus’s hands and took a step back. “You don’t know a damn thing about me.”
“On the contrary. I know you better than you know yourself. I made you. I built you up from nothing. I know what makes you tick, what you fear most, what makes you hesitate, what makes you angry. I could carry on but we’d be here all night if I listed everything,” Cyrus said, closing in the gap.
I tried taking another step back but it was a solid wall.
“If you let Lorenzo into your heart, he will make you question everything you’ve worked towards. That doubt he’ll make you feel will unravel everything. You cannot be happy and content until you finish what you’ve started. There is no life with him.”
I slapped Cyrus hard on the face. He caught my wrist before I had the chance to pull my hand back. He left it suspended in the air, my stinging fingers close to his face.
“You have no right to dictate what I can and can’t do. It’s my life. I’ll live it the way I want to,” I declared sternly, ripping my hand free from his grasp. “We are done. Whatever we had is finished. I want you to leave me the hell alone if you know what’s good for you. I don’t need you to watch over me any longer because I can take care of myself. And don’t pretend that you ever cared for me. I was only a precious tool in your eyes, a means to an end.”
“That’s not true.”
“Then prove it, Cyrus!” I screamed, pushing him back. “Prove that what we shared meant something to you, that I wasn’t just a lethal weapon you built from scratch! Prove to me that there’s more to life than killing people because that seems to be the only thing you commit yourself to! Prove to me that I’m worth the risk. Step outside this realm you call a second reality and meet me face to face.”
“You know I can’t do that.”
“Then you are a liar and a coward.”
“I am neither. You’re just unwilling to accept the truth. There’s a difference.”
“Stay the hell away from me and if you ever set foot inside my dreams again, you will suffer for it.”
“What did I tell you about making idle threats, Joan?”
“It’s not an idle threat,” I said, driving a knife through his heart that materialised in my hand after I spoke.
The dream shattered. I bolted upright in bed. My heart raced out of control. My singlet stuck to me due to the sweat dribbling out from my pores. I wiped my forehead with the back of my hand. My hair was plastered to my face so I slicked it back after several attempts. My face was wet with a mixture of sweat and tears.
Killing Cyrus in a dream didn’t kill him in reality. He felt the searing pain of the fatal wounds that broke the connection to the person’s mind he was in. I hope it hurt like hell. He deserved it and so much more.
I jumped when my alarm started blaring. I turned it off and let out a handful of steady breaths to slow down my heart rate. I buried my face in my hands, trying my best to hold myself together. This was not going to be a good day.
I climbed out of bed when I finally found the energy to get up.
It was a little over the top stabbing Cyrus. It had been the only way to wake up and break his hold over me. The only regret I had was not stabbing him sooner. I should have finished that dream earlier. The words he spoke about Lorenzo kept replaying in my mind. I tried my best to ignore it. I couldn’t drown out Cyrus’s voice. It was as if he was still in my head, whispering those awful things.
I hummed soothing tunes as I searched for clothes to wear. The humming helped but it didn’t stop my mind from thinking the worst, that Cyrus was right. I wouldn’t know for sure until I gave Lorenzo a chance. I was willing to take that risk. If it didn’t work out, at least I could say I tried.
I had a relatively long shower to wash away the aftermath of my encounter with Cyrus. I stayed in that comforting warmth until I felt clean enough to leave. I was too on edge. It would take more than a relaxing shower to heal my current state of mind. Maybe I needed therapy, a lot of therapy. I doubt a psychiatrist would be able to fix me. I was broken on the inside and had been for a very long time.
I dried off, got changed, did my makeup, and blow-dried my hair.
I didn’t feel like going on a run this morning so I left my gym bag under my bed. I didn’t bother packing lunch either. I didn’t have breakfast. I wasn’t hungry. My stomach was too busy doing backflips and making gurgling sounds. If I ate, I would probably be sick.
I grabbed my wallet, keys, cell phone, and locked up my apartment. I needed to get another gun. The one I had on me when I was captured was probably long gone. If Dane hadn’t raided my apartment and taken every weapon I owned, this wouldn’t be a problem. Was I going to tell him that to his face? Absolutely not.
Theo was waiting for me in the lobby, leaning up against the wall across from the elevators. I was positive that the only thing he had in his wardrobe were white dress shirts, black vests and black pants. He never wore anything else. He gave off the butler vibe. The scar on his face was the only thing that warned others that he was more than what he appeared to be: dangerous.
“You haven’t eaten anything,” Theo observed as we made our way out of the lobby.
“Do you have X-ray vision in your bad eye?” I retorted in a snappy fashion.
“No. I can hear your stomach growling,” he replied, voice soft.
Theo opened the passenger side door of his car. He waited for me to slip inside the vehicle before closing the door. I gave up a long time ago arguing with him about being able to open a door by myself. He was just too civilised and wouldn’t budge until I got into the car. It was totally the butler vibe.
“I didn’t eat anything because I feel like crap,” I said when Theo started the car.
“Toast would have helped.”
“You’re Dane’s spy, not my nutritional expert.”
“Someone’s in a bad mood.”
> “You would be too if you knew what I was dealing with right now.”
“Boy troubles?”
I looked at him blankly and blinked a few times, not able to believe he saw through me that easily. He worked it out with minimal information. I hadn’t even said a word. What the hell? Was I honestly that transparent? I didn’t think I was, considering I was a fantastic liar. Dane had his suspicions but I was still alive for a reason: I wasn’t transparent.
“As a general rule, and from personal experience, girls are upset due to boy troubles, friends being bitches, or time of mon–”
“You don’t need to finish that last one,” I cut across him. “And I am not talking to you about boys.”
“That bad, huh?”
“Shut up.”
“You probably don’t want my advice but I’m going to offer some anyway,” he said, ignoring the dirty look I gave him. “This line of work you’ve committed yourself to requires someone who understands why you take lives for a living. To give you an idea of what could happen if you choose the wrong someone... and you keep this to yourself. Winters is divorced with two beautiful daughters he’s not allowed anywhere near. His ex-wife doesn’t want her children within the vicinity of a killer, even after he told her he would quit. Quitting wouldn’t erase the deaths he was responsible for. She didn’t give him a chance and now his children will grow up without their father.”
I let that sink in before I broke my silence. “How old are his girls?”
“Five. They’re twins.”
“That’s not fair on him or his daughters.”
“The moral of the story is, Joan, be with someone who accepts your light and darkness. Your relationship will end before it begins if they don’t accept who you truly are.”
“They know who I am and what I’ve done.”
“And he cares for you, regardless?”
“Yes.”
“Then stop hesitating. Life is too short, especially with this job. Death will come for us all, Joan. It is inevitable. Make your life worth something and share it with someone who makes you happy. That is the most important thing.”
“I didn’t peg you to be a romantic.”
“I didn’t peg you to be a ninja psycho killer,” he countered, flashing me an innocent smile when I smacked him. “And I meant what I said about Winters. Keep that information to yourself.”
“I won’t say a word if you keep this conversation between us.”
“That won’t be a problem. I don’t want this whole building coming to me for dating advice.”
I laughed. “Like that would happen.”
“You know how fast rumours spread here. It’s like wildfire,” he said, parking his car next to Dane’s; he had a great point.
“I don’t see the team readying up for their morning run,” I mentioned before getting out of the car.
“Winters has cancelled until he’s up for it,” Theo explained, locking the doors. “Currently, he’s cranky. He’s stuck doing paperwork from the cases the team has closed. It would be best to keep your banter with him to a minimum or else you might rupture his spleen.”
“I’ll leave him be.”
“Oh, and before I forget,” Theo said, reaching behind his back. He handed me a gun. “This is yours.”
“Do you happen to have the rest of my weapon stash that Dane confiscated in that fancy suit of yours?” I asked, slipping the gun into my hip holster.
Theo shook his head and made a tsk sound. “This was the company registered gun you lost. It wasn’t from the illegal weapon haul.”
“Pity. I miss my stash.”
“This is why I called you a ninja psycho killer.”
I gave him my best innocent smile. “Serious question. Is my stash in evidence holding or has it been destroyed?”
“You’ll get in serious trouble for trying to get to it. I’d leave it be,” Theo said, swiping his card to access the building levels. He tapped our floor when the elevator panel opened.
“So evidence holding?”
Theo stared me down with his good eye. “Serious trouble,” he repeated, voice stern. “Not worth the strife it will cause you. You’re in enough trouble as it is with the Cyrus scenario from the other day.”
“How was I supposed to know he was going to show up and kill everyone? I was in the dark just as much as you guys were.”
“I never said you weren’t. I’m not the one you need to convince.”
“It’s hard to convince Dane of anything considering you’re still shadowing me and I’ve been working here for months.”
“Dane doesn’t trust anyone as a general rule. In your case, he’s waiting for the other shoe to drop,” Theo admitted, scratching his beard. “Cyrus is on Dane’s personal most wanted list. Dane is a patient man, which you should be thankful for. He could have used other means to make you talk.”
“Mhmm,” I replied uneasily. My mind wandered back to the electrocution. I shuddered and rubbed my arms. “It takes a lot to make me talk.”
“You did well to last as long as you did the other day. A lot of people would have given into their torturer’s demands. Then again, you are incredibly stubborn.”
“It’s one of my finer qualities,” I mumbled, stepping out of the elevator when we reached our floor. “I’d rather not talk about what happened. I’m trying to forget.”
“Understandable. I apologise for bringing it up.”
“It’s cool,” I assured him as we made our way towards the team’s hangout room.
Winters and Ruby were the only ones in there. They were crossing off names and removing photos from the board, targets who had been eliminated. Winters was sitting down and reading the names out to Ruby, who took the photos down and placed them on the table face up. Winters would take the photo, add it to the appropriate file, and write on the inside cover who had completed the job.
There was toast with a selection of spreads in the centre of the table. I helped myself and was glad that the toast was still warm. Cold toast was gross.
“Theo, can I ask a favour?” Winters said, placing the clipboard with the names on his lap. “Ruby has a mission to do but everyone else is already on one. I don’t want her going out on her own after the incident we had. I know Joan is your assignment but I’m quite capable of watching over her. I don’t want her going out on missions until she recovers from her trauma.”
I had no objections. Lorenzo did say to ease myself back into missions and not to rush anything.
“I don’t think that’s a wise idea, considering your condition,” Theo replied.
“I’m sore, not blind,” Winters snapped.
I snickered and ate my toast to keep out of trouble when Winters shot me a dirty look. If my mouth was preoccupied by food, I would be less likely to say something sassy. I had promised to behave myself and I was trying to keep my word.
“We’re going to be in the building all day. Once we finish up the list, these will need to be filed in the archives,” Winters said, gesturing to the files on the table; that peaked my interest. “Last I checked, paper cuts don’t kill you. Joan’s not going to go anywhere she’s not supposed to because she’ll be accompanied by me. Be Ruby’s partner for today. I’m in no shape to go out in the field. I don’t want anyone to be alone, especially after our last mission.”
“You’re growing soft in your old age,” Ruby said. “I don’t need backup. I’ll be fin–”
“It’s not up for negotiation,” Winters cut across her, voice slick. “You either go as a pair or don’t go at all. No exceptions.”
“Sheesh. Take a chill pill, Winters,” Ruby muttered. “Theo, we all know that Joan means well. Be reasonable. She’s deserves to be trusted and I really don’t want to do this paperwork. That’s what the office workers are for. It’s bad enough that we have to write up reports and file them. The only reason why Winters is here is because he’s crippled and is a workaholic.”
Ruby ducked when Winters threw the clipboard at her. He
swore and winced. The sudden movement had hurt his ribs.
“Shut up, Ruby,” Winters wheezed.
“Hey, I’m just being honest,” she replied, handing the clipboard back to him. “And don’t throw this across the room again. The only person you’ll hurt is yourself.”
“I’d usually have to run something like this by Dane but he trusts my judgement. I’ll be Ruby’s backup. Perhaps arrange someone from Marco’s team to pair up with people who are on solo rotations. I’ll accompany Ruby today, but you’ll need someone for Ryan tomorrow. I can’t make this a habit,” Theo said. “Alex would jump at the opportunity.”
“That’s because Alex is an idiot,” Ruby said.
“I’ll run it by Marco when he’s back from his mission. Thank you for agreeing to this, Theo. But that’s a good idea. I’m sure Marco won’t have any objections.” Winters adjusted the way he was sitting. “Off you go, Ruby. I know you’re dying to get out of here.”
“You know how much I hate paperwork. I’m basically allergic to it. Don’t have too much fun while we’re gone,” Ruby teased, gently patting Winters on the shoulder when she walked past him. “Take it easy and don’t overexert yourself.”
“Watch yourself out there,” Winters requested.
“Always do. Let’s go, Theo,” Ruby said before slipping out the door.
“Remember what I said, Joan,” Theo reminded me.
“Yeah, yeah,” I said, finishing off the toast. “I’ll be on my best behaviour.”
“I highly doubt that,” Theo and Winters replied in unison. They caught each other’s eye and exchanged a smile. I think Winters’s ribs were too sore to laugh.
Theo left without another word. It was going to be strange without him here. I was so used to having him as a shadow while I was at work. Even with him gone, I had to be mindful that I wasn’t on my own. Winters was watching me like a hawk. I had seen that same look in Dane’s face when he first met me. Winters had never given me that look before, not until now.
“Spit it out, Winters. A death stare isn’t going to make me magically start talking,” I said, taking the clipboard off him so I could make a start on removing photos off the board.
I wanted to get to the archives as soon as possible. I had waited long enough. I needed to know what team was there the night my parents were killed. I needed to know so I could punish those who stood by while a child became an orphan and was nearly murdered for what she was. I would have to be careful on how I went about dealing justice. I would have to be subtle and bring no attention to myself. I would remember their names and hunt them down when I was no longer being watched. That was the only option.
“What really happened the other day, Joan? I’d like to hear your side of the story.” Winters finally broke his silence.
I had my back to Winters as I crossed names off the clipboard and removed photos from the board. My hands were trembling. I ignored them but couldn’t stop the shakes.
“I was tortured for information about our criminal target list, I didn’t give them anything, and my mentor wiped out the entire building. That’s all there is to it. I didn’t know he’d be there. I didn’t know that the mercenaries who captured us and tortured me were Cyrus’s targets. If you don’t believe me, then that’s your opinion, but I’m telling the truth.”
“Why didn’t Cyrus kill us? The agency is his enemy.”
“Killing you doesn’t earn him money.”
A good lie always had some truth to it. Cyrus didn’t kill any of my team members because he knew how much I cared about them. It would have looked suspicious if he killed everyone and I was the only one left alive.
It was never my intention to grow attached to my team but they were nice people. The only negative thing about them was that they killed my kind for a living. They were all brainwashed, believing that Tainted Beings were the enemy, when in actual fact it was humans that started the war. All immortals had ever wanted was to live in peace, not be hunted down like animals. It was unfair and cruel.
“Why is it that you always have a good answer to every question you’re given?” Winters asked me, suspicion visible in his tone.
“Because they’re not rhetorical questions. Would you rather I reply with unintelligent and dishonest answers?”
“You are such a smart ass.”
“One of my redeeming qualities,” I told him, glancing back at him so he would see my smile. “Did most of this list get done yesterday?”
“Yeah. The files are in the boxes stacked in the corner. You’ll have to carry them to the archives. I’m not allowed to do any heavy lifting.”
“Why? Worried you’ll break a nail?”
“Don’t make me laugh. It hurts like a son of a bitch. Don’t think the subject change will be your saving grace. There are still a lot of things that don’t add up.”
“That’s because you’re looking for things that aren’t there. I’m not sure what else you want me to tell you when I’ve already told you everything,” I said, crossing the last name off the list and taking down the photo. There were still a lot of targets left and new ones got added every day. It’s like two more popped up after killing one. It was a never-ending cycle.
“What is your relationship with Cyrus?”
I almost threw the clipboard at Winters. I placed it calmly down on the table and flexed my fingers. “That’s none of your damn business.”
“It is if it compromises my team’s safety and your loyalty.”
“I’m well aware what position Cyrus puts me in which is why I ceased all contact with him. I wanted a fresh start. When he saved me, it was the first time I had seen him in person for months. I was just as surprised as you were.”
“Alright. If you say so,” Winters said, sounding unconvinced.
“Enough with the twenty questions. What I went through was traumatic and everyone is too busy accusing me of something I had no knowledge of to even consider stopping and taking the time to ask me if I’m ok. So excuse me for being snappy and abrupt but that’s just how it is. If you have a problem with my attitude, you know where the door is.”
There was a touch of silence after my rant.
“Are you ok?” he asked, tone sincere.
“You know damn well that I’m not which is why you’ve benched me from missions. Let’s make a start on filing these in the archives. This room is making me claustrophobic.”
“Go grab a box then,” he said, slowly edging his way off his seat. He was trying his best not to move too much.
“Why are you even here? You should be resting,” I told him when I retrieved a box from the corner. Man, it was heavy.
“You heard Ruby, I’m a workaholic. There’s nothing else to do when all you have to go home to is an empty house,” he said, the sorrow subtle yet heartbreaking. “Are you only going to carry one box?”
“They’re heavy. Quit making fun of me when you can’t even carry anything.”
“Would you like some cracked ribs and then try to lift something?”
“I’ll pass, thanks.”
“That’s what I thought. I’ll grab a flat trolley. Stack the boxes outside, by the door. I’ll be back in a second,” he said, holding his ribs as he walked out the door.
What an idiot. It didn’t matter how many times I told him that he shouldn’t be at work, he wouldn’t listen. I understood where he was coming from about going home to an empty house but that was no excuse to be working in his condition. At the end of the day, it was his decision. It was a stupid one.
I stacked the boxes outside, by the door, as requested. It was amazing how heavy paper could be if there was a lot of it. We lived in a digital age. All of these files could be saved in the computer system but Dane was old school. The files were secured and protected from hackers. Hackers couldn’t access files on paper. I knew there was an electronic algorithm that picked out potential immortals pretending to be human. Renée and Cyrus wanted access to that algorithm to protect people who deserved to be saved. I
had to find an access point to plant the bug without being spotted. Who knew how long it would be until I could finally wander the building on my own. I just had to be patient.
“Found a trolley. Start stacking,” Winters said, pushing the trolley by the box stack.
“Yeah, yeah,” I muttered, making a start on moving the boxes to the trolley. “You’re gonna help file these, right?”
“No, Joan. I’m gonna sit down and paint my nails,” he replied with a snap.
“Are you being sarcastic?”
“Of course I’m being sarcastic!” he exclaimed, wheezing after raising his voice. “I’m going to help you file them. I’m not completely useless. And if you say that’s debatable, my boot will be up your ass before you get the chance to say it.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “Would I say such a thing?”
“I’ve been around you long enough to keep up with your sass antics.”
“I know my sass brightens up your day and keeps you entertained.”
“In small dosages, perhaps. I honestly don’t know how Theo puts up with you every day.”
“I don’t know how anyone puts up with me.”
Winters laughed and regretted it instantly. “Damn it, Joan. I told you not to make me laugh.”
“Sorry, sorry,” I said, stacking the last box. “Lead the way.”
I knew I would have to push the trolley because it would be too much of a struggle for Winters. I didn’t mind. I was quite happy to help, especially since we were going to the archives. I had been waiting a long time to learn the truth about who was there the night my parents were killed.
I wheeled the trolley into the elevator after Winters went in first.
“Archives,” Winters said when the robotic voice asked where we wanted to go. “Why do you look so happy about filing paperwork?”
“Because I’m a little bit of a control freak and have OCD.”
“That explains a lot.”
“Shut up. I’d usually smack you for saying something like that but I don’t want to rupture your spleen.”
“How considerate of you,” Winters commented, the sarcasm visible in his tone. “When we get there, we’ll do a box at a time. Since these aren’t in alphabetical order, wheel the trolley into the centre of the room and we’ll go from there.”
“Alright. You doing ok?”
“I’ve been better. At least there was no internal bleeding. I got lucky.”
“We all did.”
“I have to hand it to Cyrus. I’ve never seen someone clear a building without raising an alarm. I’m not surprised that Dane is having a tough time trying to capture him. He’s really good.”
“Mmhm,” I replied, wheeling the trolley out when we reached our floor.
I didn’t want to give Cyrus any compliments. His ego was big enough as it was and I was too mad to say good things about him behind his back. He was an arrogant jerk and would always be one. I had nothing nice to say about him.
The archives were different from what I had expected. I imagined the room to be nothing but grey filing cabinets all crammed together, or cabinets occupied by boxes. It was a massive library. The shelves were tall and touched the roof. Instead of books, there were files. There were thousands filed away in bookshelves, all clearly labelled. The sections were divided in alphabetical order. Bold white letters jutted out of the cases so at a quick glance it was easy to see which letter the shelf was dedicated to. Blue tinted lights lit up the archives, giving the illusion of a clear sky above us. There was a slight dusty smell in the air. Ladders were scattered about the room.
“I’ll leave the ladder climbing to you,” Winters said.
“Is everything in here closed cases?” I asked, parking the trolley in the middle of the room.
“Yup.”
“There’s like a million files in here. How far does it date back?”
“Since the beginning. Stop gawking and start filing,” Winters ordered, flicking off the lid to one of the boxes. He grabbed a handful of files. “You’re letting your inner nerd show.”
“I’m going to kick your ass when your ribs have healed up,” I muttered.
I picked up a pile of files. I flicked through them to find an H so I had an excuse to look for my parents’ file. My surname before I was given a new identity was Harris. I was in luck. I found one.
“There’s no getting out of here without using the elevator so don’t even think about sneaking off,” Winters called out as I made my way towards the H case.
“Wouldn’t dream of it,” I called back.
I put down the folders I didn’t need on the floor. I kept the H surname folder and tucked it under my arm. I moved the ladder slightly to the left before I climbed up the steps.
I skimmed my finger across the name list. Not only was I looking for Harris, since there were a few, I had to find my parents’ initials also. I couldn’t be caught pulling out multiple files. I only had one opportunity and I couldn’t mess it up, not when I was desperate to know the truth.
My heart skipped a beat when I found the file I was looking for. I glanced back to make sure Winters couldn’t see me before pulling out the file. I was incredibly nervous. Adrenaline sped through me at a hundred miles per hour, to the point where I could feel my own pulse thudding in my neck. I licked my dry lips and held my breath when I opened the folder.
Dread washed over me when I read the names of those who were there that night. I almost dropped the folder from shock. I shoved it back where it belonged, along with the other folder in my hand, and quickly climbed down the ladder before I fell off.
The entire team I had been spending the last few months with, getting to know and growing close to, were the ones who were assigned to murder my parents. Nobody’s name was missing from that list; they were all there. The only comfort I had was that none of them pulled the trigger. Maria killed my mother but I never knew who killed my father. For all I knew, it was one of my new friends that took my father’s life. Knowing it was my team, I decided it would be best to remain ignorant about my father’s killer, even though I was struggling to come to terms with new developments.
How could I pretend that everything was ok when it wasn’t? I didn’t have a choice. I had to pretend I wasn’t broken, even though I could feel the pieces crumble in my hands.
Everlasting Flame Page 24
