by Karen Cole
Abby nods. She’s barely started, but there’s no point in telling Gina that. It’s always safest to tell Gina what she wants to hear.
‘Great. Well, you can introduce Tom to the staff now, if there’s anyone still around.’ She smiles at Tom. ‘Generally, you’ll find we’re a friendly bunch. Thank you so much, Abigail,’ she adds, picking up the phone, and Abby realizes they’ve been dismissed.
Great. Now Abby’s never going to get home.
‘I’m sorry if Gina gave you the impression that you’ll be here for a whole term,’ she says as they head for the staff room, ‘but it really will only be a month at the most.’
Tom smiles a charming smile. ‘Whatever. I’m flexible.’
‘But wouldn’t a longer post be better for you?’
‘Of course, but it’s hard to find in this area. Anyway, I don’t intend to stay supply teaching very long. Hopefully a permanent post will come up soon.’ Abby gives him a sidelong glance. He’s handsome and personable and she can’t help feeling threatened. What if he’s better at her job than her? What if the kids like him more than her?
The staff room is virtually empty. Only Chris and Danny and one of the Chemistry teachers are left. Danny is marking a stack of books and Chris is on the computer, writing reports. She makes Tom a cup of tea and introduces him to Danny.
‘So, you’re Abby’s replacement,’ Danny says. He shuffles up so that Tom can sit next to him. This week is his first week back at school since the attack and he still has a cast on his wrist. ‘Not that Abby could be replaced of course,’ he says hurriedly, catching Abby’s expression.
‘Yes, well it’s only going to be for a month,’ she says firmly. ‘My due date is the twenty-third and I’ll be back at school within a week.’
‘I wouldn’t rush back if I were you,’ says Danny. ‘I’d have thought you’d have jumped at the chance to have a break from this dump. Paid as well. I know I’ve enjoyed mine. Though it was a bit of a drastic way of getting time off.’ He waves his cast in the air.
Abby might have agreed with him not so long ago, but now that it comes down to it she realizes how much she values her job, how big a part of her identity it’s become. With this pregnancy, she feels trapped in a role she hasn’t asked for, the baby weighing her down, literally and figuratively.
‘What happened to your hand?’ Tom asks, looking at Danny’s cast.
‘Ah well, that’s a long story,’ says Danny.
‘Go on, tell me, I’m interested.’
So Danny launches into an involved and slightly exaggerated version of his ordeal while Tom listens with what looks like genuine interest.
‘Oh my God,’ he says suitably impressed, ‘And have they arrested anyone yet?’
‘Not yet.’ Danny frowns.
‘Oh, I thought they had?’ says Abby, taken aback. ‘I thought they arrested that man who threatened you in the pub.’
Danny shakes his head. ‘He was seen in the area and they brought him in for questioning. I’m pretty sure he did it, but apparently there’s not enough evidence to make anything stick.’
‘What?’ Abby shivers. She feels suddenly cold despite the bright sun streaming in through the large windows. What if she was right all along? If the man in the pub didn’t attack Danny, then it could have been him – it could have been her stalker.
‘Aren’t you scared?’ Tom asks Danny.
Danny smiles bravely, clearly revelling in the attention. ‘Well, yeah, I’m scared, of course, but what can you do? Anyway, I’ve signed up for self-defence classes – maybe you should come along with me, Abby. What do you think?’
‘What?’ Abby isn’t really listening. Her thoughts are spiralling, swarming like angry insects. She’s dimly aware that Danny and Tom have gone on to discuss self-defence tips they’ve seen on YouTube videos.
‘Do you know if someone tapes your hands you’re supposed to raise them above your head and bring them down very quickly, like this,’ Tom is saying. He lifts his arms above his head and mimes bringing them down sharply.
‘That is if you want to escape in the first place,’ says Danny, giving Tom an arch look. Tom laughs and pats Danny on the arm.
‘Well, I’d better go,’ he says, still grinning at Danny. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow, Abigail,’
‘Sure,’ she says, absent-mindedly. ‘See you later.’
*
‘Well, he seems nice,’ says Danny once Tom is out of earshot.
‘Uh-huh,’ Abby says. She’s not thinking about Tom. ‘I didn’t know they’d let that guy go without charge.’
Danny frowns and stacks his books awkwardly with his one good hand. ‘Really? I’m sure I told you.’
‘So, if it wasn’t him I could have been right. It could have been the man on the phone.’ The fear that is constantly below the surface these days is rising in her throat.
Danny sighs. ‘I don’t know, Abs. I didn’t say it wasn’t him, just that they couldn’t prove it.’
Abby shakes her head. ‘It must have been the same person. I’ve just got this feeling. I mean it’s too much of a coincidence, isn’t it?’
‘Well,’ Danny says. ‘You could be right. If you feel so sure, maybe we should tell the police.’
‘I want to be completely sure before I go to the police. You know I as good as accused Andrew Wilson of rape.’
‘Yes, Mark told me.’ Danny sips his coffee and gives her a look of concern. ‘So, you think that was a mistake?’
‘Yes . . . no. I don’t know.’ She doesn’t know what to believe anymore. ‘After the fireworks Mark said he saw me in his room, arguing with Hugo Langley. But Hugo couldn’t be the one who sent me those flowers and messages, not if he’s in Thailand.’
Danny presses his hand to his lips. ‘Ah, shit, didn’t I tell you? He’s back from Thailand. Sorry, Abby, I’ve been so preoccupied with the assault and my wrist and everything, I forgot to tell you.’
The hairs on the back of Abby’s neck stand on end. ‘How long has he been back?’
‘I’m not sure, a few weeks I think. I could arrange a meeting if you like.’
Abby thinks. Even if Hugo has been back for a few weeks it still would be impossible for him to have been sending her all the flowers and messages, but he’s the one person that was there that night that she hasn’t spoken to yet.
‘Okay. That’s a good idea, but I don’t want him to know why I want to speak to him.’
‘I could say you’re interested in moving to Thailand, that you want to pick his brains about what it’s like to live there.’
Abby considers this. She can’t think of a better plan.
‘Okay,’ she says standing up. ‘Thanks Danny.’
*
She’s still thinking about Hugo in the car as Rob drives her home.
‘You’re quiet, today,’ Rob observes, turning onto the dual carriageway.
‘I’m just tired, that’s all.’ Abby rests her head against the window and rubs her forehead. She really doesn’t want to discuss this with Rob.
‘Not too tired to go out this evening I hope?’
‘No. Why?’
‘Oh, didn’t Ellie tell you? We’re taking you out for a meal. Our treat. There’s something we’d like to talk about.’
Abby can guess what they want to discuss and she’s not looking forward to it at all, but there’s really no avoiding it any longer. ‘Okay, where are we going?’ She sighs.
‘I booked us a table at the Three Compasses.’
‘The Three Compasses, really?’ Great. That’s all she needs. It’s a Monday night and Alex will almost certainly be there. She hasn’t seen him since he came to her house and she as good as accused him of rape. She’s mortified now about the way she acted, and she doesn’t relish the idea of bumping into him again.
‘Why? Is there a problem?’ Rob asks, glancing
over at her curiously.
‘No, it’s fine.’ It’s a small town. She’s bound to see him sooner or later. It might as well be sooner.
*
She’s hoping the pub will be crowded but it’s a Monday night and of course, sod’s law, it’s virtually empty. There’s nowhere to hide. Alex is talking to an old man sitting at the bar and laughing. When he sees Abby, he stops laughing abruptly and starts wiping down the bar, his mouth forming a grim line.
She can’t very well ignore him, so after they’ve ordered their food, she tells Ellie and Rob she’ll catch up with them and heads to the bar to get some drinks.
‘What can I get you?’ Alex asks coldly, avoiding her eyes.
‘A pint and a glass of white wine, please. Oh, and a Diet Coke.’ She watches him as he pulls the pint. ‘How are you, Alex?’ she asks awkwardly as he slops the beer onto the bar.
‘I’m okay.’ He shrugs and frowns. ‘I’m surprised to see you in here though. After what you said the other day I shouldn’t have thought you’d want to see me ever again.’
Abby hoists herself up onto a bar stool. ‘I’m sorry about that. I was in a bad place that day. I don’t really believe all the things I said. Can we be friends?’
Alex frowns for a moment then his face relaxes into a smile. ‘Why not?’ He pours the wine and the Coke swiftly and expertly into glasses. ‘You probably did me a favour anyway. I’m back with Bethany. We’re going to give it another shot.’
‘Oh, that’s good,’ says Abby, swallowing an irrational twinge of jealousy. ‘But I thought you said she was seeing some other bloke.’
‘Didn’t work out.’ He takes her money and opens the till. ‘She realized what an arsehole he was.’ He rests his elbows on the bar. ‘Anyway, how about you? How are you? How’s Danny? I heard he was mugged or something?’
‘Yeah, he’s okay. He broke his wrist but otherwise he’s okay.’
‘Did they get the guy?’
‘Not yet.’ Again, there’s that uneasy curling in her stomach.
‘Well, give him my regards,’ Alex says, handing her the change.
It would never have worked long term with Alex, anyway, she reflects as she carries the drinks to the dining area. They really weren’t all that compatible. But she can’t help feeling sad that it’s over. In her mind it was more than just a fling. She isn’t just attracted to him, but has become genuinely fond of him as well, and it isn’t so easy to just switch off those feelings.
Oh well, she thinks. It just wasn’t meant to be.
*
Ellie and Rob are sitting at a corner table, deep in conversation. They stop abruptly when Abby comes back.
‘Who’s that you were talking to at the bar?’ Ellie asks, sipping her wine.
‘Alex,’ Abby says, sitting opposite Ellie and Rob, pushing back the chair so there’s room for her belly.
‘Oh, so that’s Alex.’ Ellie stares over. Her eyes widen, and she grins. ‘I see why you liked him. What happened between you two? I thought you were really into him.’
‘He got back together with his ex.’ Abby shrugs.
‘Well, I think you’re well shot of him. Looks like a bit of a loser to me,’ says Rob, tipping his chair back and grinning.
Abby looks at him sharply. ‘What makes you say that?’
‘Well, if he prefers another woman to you, he must be a loser, mustn’t he?’
Their food arrives, and they talk about other things: Ellie’s work, which has been manic lately because Dr Rowe is away on holiday and Dr Samuel has been off sick. They talk about the half-marathon that Rob has started training for, and they talk about Hector who cut his paw on some glass this morning. It isn’t until they’ve finished their first course and they are halfway through their second that Ellie finally broaches the subject they’ve brought her here to discuss.
‘So, I suppose you’ve guessed why we’re here.’ She pushes her plate away, the death-by-chocolate half finished.
Abby shakes her head. ‘You wanted to tell me something?’
Ellie and Rob are both staring at her intently. She feels the weight of their expectation and it’s making her uncomfortable.
‘Not tell, ask. We’ve been talking and . . .’ Ellie’s eyes are shining. She looks at Rob and he nods encouragingly. ‘We know you don’t feel ready to look after a baby. We know you’re looking for adoptive parents and . . .’ Tears well up in her eyes and her voice starts shaking. She flaps her hands in front of her face. ‘Sorry, don’t know why I’m getting so emotional about this.’
Rob steps in. ‘What Ellie’s trying to say is that we’d like to adopt your baby.’
Abby puts down her spoon. She knew this was coming but, now it has, she’s completely lost her appetite.
‘But I already found a couple who want to adopt.’ She fiddles in her bag, trying to find the details that Chrissie, the adoption counsellor has given her. ‘They’re called Joel and Maria.’
Ellie sighs. ‘Why would you give your baby away to strangers when you could give her to us, who you know would love and care for her? If we adopted your baby, you could always stay in contact, be a part of her life.’
But I don’t want to stay in contact. That’s the whole point, Abby thinks. She can’t believe that Ellie, who’s usually so sensitive, should be so oblivious to her feelings about this. How can Ellie not see that the baby will just be a constant reminder of her father – of the sick, perverted way she came into the world? But perhaps Ellie is so desperate to have this child it’s blinded her to everything else. And Abby knows Ellie doesn’t believe that she was really raped. If she did, she would never be asking her to do this.
Abby opens her mouth to tell them about the message he sent, the one that proves that she was raped. But she can’t speak. Those same feelings of shame and fear that she felt when she first got the note wash over her and the words won’t come. She stabs at the banoffee pie which suddenly looks like a pile of slime.
‘Just promise us you’ll think about it,’ says Ellie.
Abby sighs. There’s no way she is ever going to agree to them adopting this baby, but right now she really wants to drop the subject. ‘Okay, I’ll think about it.’
*
When they arrive home, Abby heads straight up to her room. She doesn’t want to talk. She’s needs to be by herself.
Opening the bedroom door, she’s met by a rush of cool air and she’s suddenly on her guard. The curtains twitch uneasily in the breeze. That’s weird. The window is wide open. She’s sure it was only a tiny bit ajar when she left.
She goes to the window and closes it. Then she looks around. Her skin is prickling. Something isn’t right. The bed is made, but the bedspread is slightly rumpled as if someone’s been sitting on it. And tucked under the covers its head just peeking out on the pillow, is a teddy bear.
What the . . . ?
She pulls back the covers rapidly as if the bear were a snake or a poisonous spider and scrabbles around checking for a note. But there’s nothing. Just the bear, staring at her with blank, black eyes. It’s brown with a red satin heart tucked under its arm. How the hell has it got there? Could he have put it there? She shivers at the thought. But maybe it’s just Ellie or Rob, buttering her up. Maybe they assumed she’d agree to the adoption and this is their thank-you present. Even though she doesn’t like the idea, it’s better than the alternative.
Downstairs in the kitchen Ellie is pouring herself another glass of wine and Rob is on his laptop with his headphones on.
‘You didn’t put this in my room, did you?’ Abby says.
Ellie stares at the bear in confusion. ‘No.’
‘Rob?’
Rob pulls the headphone off. ‘What?’
‘Did you give this to me?’
He looks at the bear and laughs. ‘You know we love you, Abs, but not that much.’
/>
Abby feels sick. She places the bear on the kitchen table and eyes it warily like it might make a sudden movement. ‘Someone’s been in my room,’ she says.
Her heart is hammering out of her chest. If she can’t feel safe in her own bedroom, then where can she?
‘What do you mean?’ asks Rob, closing his laptop.
‘Someone’s been in my room. The bed is messed up and someone put this on my pillow.’
‘No way, that’s crazy.’ Ellie gawps at her in disbelief. ‘All the doors were locked. I locked them myself before we went out.’
‘Well, where else has it come from? Tell me that. Look, I’ll show you.’
She runs back upstairs with Ellie following close behind and together they inspect the room.
‘He must have climbed in through the window,’ says Abby. ‘It was open when I came in just now and I didn’t leave it like that.’
Ellie examines the window ‘Are you sure?’
‘Yes. I left it just a tiny bit open. I left it like this and when I came in just now it was like this.’ Abby pulls the sash window up and down to show Ellie what she means.
Someone has been in here. She’s sure of it. Her nightshirt is still on the floor where she tossed it this morning and a stray sock has drifted under the bed. She picks up the sock and shoves it in the washing basket, then places her nightshirt under the pillow. There’s such a jumble of objects on her dresser that it’s hard to tell if anything’s been moved. But she has the strong feeling that something is missing. She does a quick mental inventory. Her make-up bag, make-up spilling out, her moisturizer, hairbrush, a used razor, a couple of postcards she bought ages ago at the Tate. Suddenly, she realizes what it is.
‘The photo of Mum,’ she says. ‘It’s gone.’ It’s the photo of her mother – the photo taken in Skye the year before she died. Abby’s most precious possession.
Bastard.
‘Are you sure it hasn’t just fallen behind?’ Ellie pulls out the dresser, but there’s nothing there but a lot of dust and an old comb with missing teeth.
He’s taken the photo. She feels certain it’s him – her stalker.
She looks out of the window. Her room is above the extension roof. With a ladder it would be quite easy to climb up and then in through the window. Abby has done it a few times herself when she’s forgotten her key.
