That’s what I thought anyway.
“They’re joining up!” Jane yelled in my ear, having somehow managed to sneak up from in front of me, “The group that the ICU are pushing are about to meet up with this one!”
Courtesy of all the gunfire, guttural roars, and music, it took my gun fizzling and disintegrating in my hands for me to fully understand what she was saying, “You think they’ll make a push soon!?”
“I think they’re pulling back to the cathedral,” Jane explained, quieting some as she followed me higher into the air and away from the battlefield, “according to Pash, they have anti-air there like along the bay, which means-”
“We’ll lose our aerial advantage…” I interjected as the two Hallowed Kings groups retreated into each other and continued leftwards down the intersection towards the cathedral, “Alright, you let Frostiey and her girls know, I’ll see what I can do about getting rid of those damn bubbles.”
“Just hit them with that disenchantment spell again.” Jane suggested, clearly confused as to why I hadn’t thought of that before.
“Last thing I want to do is pass out right now,” I replied before nodding down to the dozens of magic users near the front of our force, “besides, I don’t need to be knocking out half our army. Now hurry up, we’ll need those Gathlain for the final push.”
Without saying another word, Jane dove for the girls, her hair and jacket whipping around as she did.
“Think you can help?” I asked, hoping Dave would hear me as I looked for a place to land, “You know, with all that pent up energy you have?”
“I like stabbing people, not cinnamon-flavored bubbles,” Dave replied, “but I s’pose there are an awful lot of Elves behind that shimmering dome… Fuck it, let’s try.”
The fact that Dave wasn’t certain didn’t exactly fill me with confidence for my spur-of-the-moment thought, but neither did letting the halos do whatever they were planning.
And, you know, anti-air.
Not wanting to crush anyone, I got down as low as I could and found a spot to drop in about five rows back from the reinvigorated and larger bubble, shedding what was left of my jacket and shirt as I did.
“I’m done with shirts,” I grunted as I pushed my way through the crowd, “and maybe jackets, too.”
“And holsters?” Dave asked.
“Them too.” I chuckled after stepping over a fallen and trampled Elf, “Might just get myself a big scarf or something.”
“You gonna spike your hair up as well, you freakin’ weeaboo?” Dave mocked, “Regardless, you haven’t got the chest to go topless.”
“Eat a dick.” I replied jokingly as I finally reached the front of the pack and came face-to-bubble with a wide-eyed Elf, “So, what do you reckon? Just stab ‘em?”
“Sure,” Dave sighed tiredly after I’d pulled him out, ignoring the mass pushing me forward, “I mean, worst thing that could happen is you get a little, tiny bit zapped.”
“Of course…” I muttered before flipping him around into a more stab-friendly position and, with a cocky wink to the Elf, brought the blade down towards his head.
Turns out I should’ve probably paid more attention to my uncertainty.
“What the fuck, Dave?” I growled through my teeth as vibrations racked my body, making it near impossible to keep a steady pace.
“Getmeout, getmeout, get. Me! Out!” Dave screamed shrilly as I tried to rip him free without overdoing it and stabbing the poor sap behind me.
“Just let it go, Buck,” Frank murmured from my right, “it’s just a knife.”
“If you let me go I swear I’ll eat all your fucking souls!” Dave roared with unbridled fury, earning him a few looks from everyone on both sides of the bubble.
It was at that moment that, either because of the distraction or the opposite of divine intervention, something miraculous happened.
The Elf stumbled into Dave headfirst.
Poor bastard didn’t get killed though, in fact his skull added just enough pressure from the other side to help me wiggle and pull Dave free while his enchantment went to work.
“What’s wrong with him?” Pash asked as the Elf started to twitch and growl.
“Frostiey did a thing,” I replied, looking around for the Gathlain for a few moments before accepting they’d had to move back in our horde to land, “just watch and get ready for the bubble to fall.”
The halos were all too keen to quash my hopes of an easy victory though, and, upon seeing the necrosis spreading from his wound and his new bright red eyes, put him out of his misery with a brutal decapitation.
“Or not…” I trailed off, “How long until we hit the cathedral?”
“Shouldn’t be long,” Pash replied as a particularly eager Jake barreled his way to the front and started smashing the butt of his shotgun into the shield, “are we sure we want to let them get back there though? Seems like a bad idea to let them regroup.”
“Agreed,” Frank said with a fervent nod, “and I don’t know about everyone else, but I only brought two magazines and…”
“Why?” Pash groaned while I, for the sole reason of wanting to do something, started bashing Dave against the shield, sending sparks flying and temporary lightning-like cracks across the bubble, “Why would you only bring two?”
“I’m a Gnome,” Frank replied defensively, “I can’t even find a wallet to fit my pants, let alone an armory.”
As much as I enjoyed their banter, I was starting to miss Jane and Sam, especially seeing as my great battle was swiftly turning into a walking simulator that I was all but certain was going to end with my eyes being burned out of my skull.
“Should we just pull back?” Frank suggested after Jake started laughing maniacally between bashes, “I’m not trying to sound like a little bitch or anything, but unless we get someone to pop this bubble in the next few-”
“Too late,” Pash interjected as the bubble grew thicker and the Elves came to a jarring halt, “we’re here.”
44
I wasn’t sure how I hadn’t noticed the monolithic cathedral before the Hallowed Kings had stopped, and I was even more thrown by the fact that we hadn’t already squashed them.
“We still outnumber them,” I said as reassuringly as I could, my eyes boring into the soul of the nearest halo who went on smirking, “as long as we…”
“Is that…” Pash trailed off as a new song started emanating from the bubble, “Is that Pink Guy?”
“I… think it is…” I replied, half-hearing the ukulele riffs of ‘Help’ warbling through shimmering shield, “Seems kind of inappro-”
That’s when, right as the first clap sounded off, the bubble popped.
Well, ‘popped’ doesn’t really do it justice, more like ‘exploded with such force that I genuinely thought my organs were going to flop out of my mouth like something out of a Tarantino movie’, but ‘popped’ sticks with the whole ‘bubble’ thing.
The major takeaway is that me and everyone else in the first few rows of our force were knocked on our asses, leaving us totally vulnerable to attack and in too much pain to care.
“Buck,” Dave hissed while I tried to regain my breath along with the Orcs and strippers under me, “Buck, you need to get up. Like, right now.”
Even though I knew he was right, I was recovering from the worst belly flop in the universe and figured I deserved at least a few moments to make sure I wasn’t dead.
“Buck, get the fuck up!” Dave barked as quietly as he could after I tried and failed to find Pash and Frank in my peripheral vision, “They’re coming this way!”
“Give me a second…” I wheezed.
“You don’t have a second!” Dave snapped.
I went to disagree, but stopped when a formidable figure came to stand over me, a delighted grin painted across his smug, Angelic face.
“Acidum…” I instinctively muttered, filling my mouth with a sour, almost vomit-tasting liquid.
“Nice try, Demon,” the
halo scoffed, “guess you’ll have to try again nex-”
I felt kind of bad for interrupting him and, you know, squirting a surprising amount of acid directly into his eyes and partially opened mouth.
Not wanting to take any chances, I sprung myself up and forward with my wings and proceed to shank the absolute crap out of the still screaming Angel.
“Sorry, guys.” I muttered over my shoulder after realizing I’d airbagged everyone under me before turning my attention back to the mostly dead Angel, “Nice try, halo.”
And, with that, I twisted the blade and pushed the hulk, sending him into the pile and revealing myself to the rest of the Hallowed Kings, most of whom were mid-execution around thirty feet away, giving me some idea of just how far I’d been flung.
“Fumigant!” I bellowed, putting a thick cloud of black smoke between me and the bad touch, giving me a moment to snatch up the fallen Angel’s gun and start running right into the black, firing indiscriminately in the general direction of the halos and Elves.
Did I know where I was going? No.
But did I have a plan? Also no.
“You’re alive!” Sergei laughed as I passed him charging into the group and racking his AK, “Are we running or fighting?”
“What do you think?” I chuckled, ignoring the spots in my vision and joining him in dropping a particularly stubborn and choking Elf, “Mind using that big voice of yours?”
“Throw me a flesh patch and you have a deal.” Sergei replied after I’d emptied the meaty pistol and whipped it at someone’s head.
“You’re greedy for a commie, you know that?” I scoffed, dodging an Angel’s blind slash and stabbing him in what I hoped was his femoral artery, before tossing the Orc his ounce of flesh and watching him quickly slap it to his recently emptied AK.
“Get your asses in here!” the Russian roared, his massive lungs sending his words all the way to the bay.
“Pull back to the cathedral!” a terrified Angel cried out as the familiar sounds of Sam going full cat tore through the crowded smoke.
“Left.” Dave whispered excitedly after a few Orcs barreled past me, “Turn left.”
Unsurprisingly, Dave’s pseudo-psychic call was spot on, putting me face-to-face with a shotgun-wielding Elf who caught a thirsty Dave up through the chin and let me relinquish him of his weapon.
Not wanting to lose my relatively light body shield, I started walking forward, keeping the shotgun between our bodies and firing it to my right, testing my wrist’s considerable but not infinite strength.
“Is that you, Buck?” a blood-covered Mossmo asked from my left, apparently completely ignorant of the people rushing around and killing each other between us, “It is you!”
“Mmhm,” I replied confusedly, “want to maybe pay attention to all the Angels and shit?”
“What?” Mossmo scoffed cockily before getting vaporized into a fine pink mist.
“Jane!” I called out, spinning around with my body shield still in place, looking for whoever just popped Mossmo and waiting for them to get me, “Could use a hand!”
As if he knew I was in danger, the Elf crumbled away, nearly taking Dave with him as I struggled to stay in cover.
“Shit.” I cursed under my breath after pumping, tossing, and grabbing the shotgun with one hand.
Dangerous, yes, but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t give me a bit more confidence in my abilities.
Naturally, that confidence was immediately tested as the smoke finally started to die down and a lone halo a few feet ahead of me made for me like a train.
“Mother-!” I exclaimed after getting a shot off in his general direction, missing but panicking him as I lost the shotgun over my shoulder.
Worried that I was looking at the pink mist guy, I shrugged off my concern about his sword and pistol and charged him with Dave at the ready.
And then he got misted.
“You rang?” Jane asked as she sauntered over from my right, “Sorry about that ICU guy, I heard you and assumed-”
“Duck!”
Now, I’m not saying I’m upset that I saved her, but damn, it really would’ve been nice to not catch a bullet in the shoulder.
I didn’t go down though, giving me the opportunity to see Jane spin around and hit the attacker with an invisible blast that must’ve sent him to Connecticut.
“Are you alright?” Jane asked worriedly as I briefly inspected the wound while simultaneously looking around at the thinning Hallowed Kings.
“Through-n-through,” I replied with a nod, pretending I wasn’t in an immense amount of pain, “let’s finish this.”
“Not much left to finish,” Sam chuckled from behind me, “I mean, look at them.”
It took me a moment to turn around and find the group of Angels and Elves making their final stand on the steps of the cathedral, their swords drawn and an almost shamefully weak shield blocking the magical attacks and bullets being hurled their way.
“We did it,” I chuckled, my fist still balled around Dave, “we actually did it.”
“We really did,” Sam agreed, shaking off some bloody fur and what remained of her clothes, “what do you want to do?”
“I reckon I’ll give ‘em another chance,” I replied with a smirk as I started walking over, “you know, try and get some good guy points in. Hey, everyone! Back up!”
The Legion was understandably confused, but did as I said and let me take their place at the base of the stairs with Jane and Sam at my sides.
“Last chance,” I said, noting just how uncharacteristically twitchy the last of the Angels were, “get out of our way and we won’t have to rip you in half, mist you, or stab you.”
Honestly, I really think they would’ve taken the deal, I know I would’ve, but that was before the sky cracked.
I assumed we were about to get cratered by some more Heavenly lasers, that in some Hail Mary move an Angel had offered whatever it was their deity wanted and I was going to get turned into a pile of ash with eyeballs.
I was wrong.
Again.
“Ah, crap…” I murmured as I turned to face the three newly spawned players, “This is goin’ to suck…”
“Hello, Buck,” Carl said, his voice as stony as his expression, “care to explain yourself?”
45
“Well?” Carl asked expectantly as he and the boys stared at me, “Go on, tell us what the Hell you think you’re doing.”
“Winning.” I replied, spreading my arms out with my wings and taking a few purposeful steps towards my co-workers, “Did it look like something else?”
“Cheating comes to mind.” Kurt interjected sharply.
“Cheating?” I scoffed, “Last I checked there aren’t really any cheats in this, and I know after you torched the city that there aren’t any rules of engagement.”
“That was before you cursed the city,” Kurt snapped, “no one can get near the water now.”
“We managed it,” I chuckled, “all it cost was a couple APCs, and I’m sure y’all can muster up a few of them.”
“Stop it, both of you.” Carl barked over his shoulder, making Kurt shrink, before turning his attention back to me, “Let’s settle this. You and me, right now.”
“What?” I laughed, “I have an army her-”
“And you know full well what we’re capable of,” Carl interjected, “you’re not getting in that cathedral while we’re here. So, let’s do it. No guns, no knives, no magic.”
“Can we get a kiddie pool and fill it with jelly?” I mocked, noting the concerned looks on the faces of everyone behind the three heads of the Hallowed Kings.
Carl was scary to them, which I understood, but I was gunshot, had pulled all my muscles, and there had to be at least a little bit of internal bleeding.
“Can I at least get healed first?” I asked, earning me a smile from the crowd and Carl.
“Sure,” Carl replied with a shrug as he started taking off his armor and weapons, “if you think yo
u’ll need it.”
“Alright, fine.” I said, tossing Dave to Jane and folding my wings back, “Let’s make this as embarrassing for you as possible.”
Not going to lie, I was terrified as I crossed the distance between me and the giant Angel, but he’d gone for my pride and that’d kicked up the Marty McFly in me.
“I’m not going to take it easy on you, Buck,” Carl warned with a smile after I’d come to a stop a few feet from him, “you might want to tell those girls of yours to look away.”
“And miss out on ‘We can make you feel all better’ sex?” I chuckled, “Fat chance. What about yours? Surely she’s out here somewhere, or has she already given up on you?”
That got him, showcasing that for all the differences between Angel Carl and chef Carl, his blind haymakers weren’t one of them.
It was close though, he had the reach and the power to do some serious damage, but I managed to duck under his first punch and drive my left fist into his ribs with a satisfying crack followed by an electric shock that went from my wrist to my gunshot.
Seeing my hesitation and wince, Carl took the advantage and took another swing at my head, connecting but glancing off the back of my skull.
Dazed by the bash, I went to knee him in the crotch, distracting me from the fist going for my stomach, sending an uncomfortable ripping sound up my throat as I stumbled back.
I wanted to cheat, to spit acid in his face and smoke out his organs, but I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life with that guilt.
“Ready to give up?” Carl chuckled shakily, unintentionally letting me know my punch had done more damage than I’d thought.
“I’ve still got some fight left in me,” I lied past the blood filling my mouth, “how ‘bout you?”
“You kidding? I could do this all day.”
Have to say, I was surprised by how quickly we’d both managed to mess each other up.
I didn’t get to appreciate that for long before Carl made a run for me, his shoulders too broad for me to dodge in my weakened state, and tackled me to the ground.
Echo Online 2 Page 21
