“Always, for you my child,” Aunt Isabelle said feeling emotional as Lady Hannah embraced her.
“Aren’t you going to ask for me to sit next to you, Duke Anthony Reece?” Lady Hannah asked Duke Anthony playfully after she was finished hugging her Aunt.
“Oh but of course! My beautiful beloved, would you do me the honor and pleasure of seating yourself next to me so I can be the closest I can be to your alluring aura?” Duke Anthony said playing out a bow in his seat and acting it out for Lady Hannah, knowing she would like it.
Aunt Isabelle and Lady Hannah giggled. Lady Hannah curtsied and sat herself next to him. She kissed him lightly on the cheek as she sat down.
“Now can we eat? I’m starving! All that counseling has made me hungrier!” Aunt Isabelle said clasping her stomach. The three of them laughed at her remark.
“Yes please, let’s eat! This piece of roasted meat has been staring at me, begging to be devoured and I have been controlling myself!” Duke Anthony said jokingly, laughing. They all laughed again in chorus and finally enjoyed their dinner together.
Lady Hannah smiled to herself, content that the man she wanted to marry, was him. He fit the mold she never knew existed. He was perfect. She couldn’t wait for the day he’d finally propose and they’d go back to her house to meet her parents and family. She started daydreaming about her fantasy wedding while Duke Anthony and Aunt Isabelle were debating over something political, sharing their views.
Duke Anthony weds Lady Hannah Quinn, it’s going to be perfect! We will be perfect forever.
Chapter 7
Things could not have been better for Lady Hannah. After the day of their very first quarrel, both her and Duke Anthony had done their utmost best to keep each other happy and loved, following Aunt Isabelle’s advice to them. He brought by flowers and sweets every day that he visited, and although, Lady Hannah knew better than to let herself indulge in his sweet little offerings, she couldn’t help but adore them. It seemed that the sun was shining brighter and that now she could see things around in her a more beautiful way than ever before. Her day to leave her Aunt’s was approaching much quicker than she would have liked. They hadn’t yet discussed what to do after she would leave. Today, she was going to ask him directly since there were only three days left before she headed home.
They sat on a bench outside in the garden close together, more tenderly now that they both were aware that Lady Hannah would be leaving.
“Anthony…” Lady Hannah began saying; she could call him by his name now. It had been strange at first but soon enough it caught on her tongue and she was calling him just by ‘Anthony’. Duke Anthony had insisted on it, and he loved hearing his name off her lips.
“What is it Hannah? You seem to be worried about something?” Duke Anthony said, as she was struggling to speak.
“It’s just that, I’ve been thinking… You know I’m leaving in three days and we haven’t even talked about what is in the future for us. Are you going to see my parents? Are you going to visit me back home? Is this the last I’m going to see you?” Lady Hannah asked, consumed by emotions, feeling the sadness rush into her from wherever it was hiding. She began to get teary eyed just at the thought of it.
Duke Anthony watched her face and put an arm around her, trying to console her.
“Hannah, please don’t cry. We’ll figure this out. I want to marry you, I do. And I will come and visit you at your house,” Duke Anthony said hesitantly, trying to hide the doubt so obvious in his voice, subtly.
“Really? Do you mean it? You’ll come to ask for my hand in marriage? Will you write me letters?” Lady Hannah asked, overjoyed as she wiped a tear that had run down from her eyes onto her cheek.
“Yes, I’ll write to you. If I can every day, I’ll write you one every day. Now please, don’t cry. No more tears. Let us enjoy the time we have together happily. I would hate for us to part with tears in your eyes,” Duke Anthony said tightening his arm around her.
Lady Hannah smiled, content now that he had addressed her biggest fear; to leave with only his memory. Duke Anthony changed the topic rather quickly and they went on as usual, looking into each other’s eyes and talking about the world around them.
That night when Lady Hannah lay in her bed thinking about their short discussion, she couldn’t help but feel excited for the days that were to come. Even though there was sadness in the fact that she would be leaving in three days, it was equally sitting beside happiness. She started imagining what it would be like when her family met him for the first time. They knew about him through her letters, but they hadn’t a clue of what he looked like or how much of a gentleman he really was. Lady Hannah had chosen to keep that a surprise.
She began drifting further into the future, dreaming about their lives together in a beautiful house, with lovely little children running around in the garden as she watched them from the window smiling and her husband, Duke Anthony, standing behind her with a gentle hand on her waist.
I never wanted a fairytale story, because I knew they didn’t exist but now that I’m living one, I have to believe in them. She fell asleep with a slight smile on her face. Nothing could be better than this.
The next day, the morning went on as usual. She was counting the hours to when Duke Anthony arrived, as she always did, impatiently waiting to see his face at the door. The afternoon came and she walked around in circles near the door, waiting for the knock. Any moment now! She waited and circled the area once, twice and then thrice. There was still no sign of him.
He’s probably just late. He’s a busy man, he’s got work. He’ll be here any minute now! He can’t not visit me today! That’s ridiculous! She laughed at the thought, nervously. But as time passed, her excuses grew weary and her worry came out in its true form. The sky was getting dark and he hadn’t arrived, it was unlike him to be not only late, but not show up at all. Taken by worry she rushed to her Aunt’s.
“Aunt Isabelle! Duke Anthony hasn’t come yet! It’s so late and he has never been late before! It’s growing dark! Maybe something bad happened to him?! Oh please, this can’t be happening! Please Aunt Isabelle, this can’t be happening!” Lady Hannah panicked as the thought of a possible accident hit her.
“Hannah! Hannah! Calm down. Okay, sit down and have a sip of water. Lillian, get Lady Hannah a glass of water please. And also a wet cloth for her forehead,” Aunt Isabelle instructed Lillian. Lillian nodded her head and rushed off to fetch her the water.
Lady Hannah was still in a state of panic and could not comprehend what was going on around her. Her mind was racing and phasing out; she could barely hear what Aunt Isabelle was saying.
“Hannah. Focus on me, listen to my words. He’s just late and maybe he couldn’t make it today. It happens all the time. There is no need to worry. Take a deep breath, dear. Look at what you’re doing to yourself,” Aunt Isabelle consoled her calmly. Even though watching her anxious niece was making her panic, too, Aunt Isabelle made sure she didn’t show the slightest hint of worry as it would make things much worse.
Lillian brought the water and Aunt Isabelle took the glass and forced her to sip the water, making her do so with her own hands. After she took a few sips, Aunt Isabelle rested the glass on a nearby table, and she could see that Lady Hannah was slowly coming back into her senses.
“Now tell me, do you feel better? Let us lay you down on the settee. You can’t let this happen to you on every minute thing Hannah, it isn’t good for you and it’s not healthy for the long-term,” Aunt Isabelle said helping Lady Hannah lie down on the settee. After a few minutes of lying down, Lady Hannah finally spoke.
“I feel better,” Lady Hannah said seeing her Aunt hovering over her and not wanting her to worry with her health.
“That’s better my dear. Now why would you do that Hannah? I can’t see you like this, you know that,” Aunt Isabelle said kissing her forehead.
“Aunt Isabelle, I’m sorry. I know I should control my anxiety but it isn’t what y
ou think. I think he’s left me…” Lady Hannah felt a shock of panic as she said it.
“Left you?! Why ever would he do that?! What’s wrong with you little lady? Why must you be so negative? He’s late or busy, and that’s it. No need to make up stories in your head,” Aunt Isabelle said sternly.
“Aunt Isabelle, yesterday I asked him about our future. And today, he didn’t show. Can’t you see what’s happening? This can’t be just coincidence. I have a feeling he’s run off. I don’t know what’s going on. Why would he do that to me?” Lady Hannah said trying her best to fight back her tears.
Aunt Isabelle knew that this couldn’t be the case, he loved her dearly, it was plain to see whenever he was visiting but somewhere in her heart a small speck of doubt started to grow and she started wondering dangerously, if what her niece was suggesting, could possibly be true. She tried to shake off the thought as best as she could, ignoring how her doubt was only growing bigger. There would be no point in indulging in these assumptions, what was much more important right now was comforting her niece, who clearly had already made up her mind about the situation, that he was gone.
“My dear, it may look like that but it isn’t necessarily that that be the case, now is it? You’re a smart girl, he’s come regularly for so many days, one day can’t hurt so much, now can it?” Aunt Isabelle said smiling, hiding her own tensed thoughts, hoping Hannah wouldn’t find the worry hidden on her face.
“You might be right, I know it’s silly to assume such a huge thing so hastily, but I can’t describe to you the feeling I have in my chest right now; it’s a bad feeling, a very bad feeling,” Lady Hannah said keeping a hand on her heart, feeling the fast rhythm on her palm.
When did I become like this? So frail for the love of a man I lived happily without before. Has he loved me or ruined me for me to become like this? Is this love or is it poison?
They sat quietly together and Aunt Isabelle made sure not to leave her side, although it was her who was sick, what Lady Hannah was going through all of a sudden was much more drastic. She kept her arm around Lady Hannah to make her feel protected and safe, whilst inside her heart she prayed and hoped that Duke Anthony would show, no matter the hour of the night, she hoped he would come and be here so that he could save Hannah.
Chapter 8
A week later, Lady Hannah stared out the window gloomily. Another day that would stretch out far too long for her; she was tired, tired of feeling this miserable. Why did he leave me? He lied to me, he never loved me. Why did he make me fall for him only to break my heart? Did he hurt his wife?
Her body was thinner than before and that glow she had was now more dull, fading with every time her heart ached in its shattered form. The puffiness in her eyes had become a prominent and consistent feature of her face, the tears and sadness had not been kind. They say crying helps, because it gives you some sort of relief after letting it all out, but all is a relative term and for Lady Hannah it had meant never-ending.
She thought hard about the time before the week she’d come home, it had been lovely until it was not. She knew; she knew that very day he would not come, that he had gone, any sort of confirmation was not needed. Aunt Isabelle’s consoling was futile as the next day, just as Lady Hannah had predicted, Duke Anthony did not show. There was no letter, no footman, no coachman, nobody that could prove his existence or that he was still somewhere close; he had vanished.
Lady Hannah had learnt in the time that she had been with him that he was not a man that would turn away from his word, and he had many promises to her, all which he had intended to keep faithfully. But now as she sat alone in her room, remembering and reliving the memories that were now unbearably painful, she wasn’t entirely certain if the man she had fallen in love with was a man she knew well. The doubts were the most sickening thoughts, whenever a doubt would arise in her mind, Lady Hannah would immediately feel nauseous, feeling the need to vomit; food had been hard to keep down lately.
Lady Claire knocked on the door and came in without an answer, knowing Lady Hannah would not respond.
“Hannah, my child, please come down for breakfast and eat with us. It’s been a while since we’ve had a family breakfast together,” Lady Claire asked of her nicely. Lady Hannah remained silent.
“Everyone is asking about you, they’re worried, I’m worried! Okay, what would you like to eat? I’ll get you exactly what you want,” Lady Claire tried negotiating with her daughter.
“Nothing, I’m not really hungry, Mother,” Lady Hannah replied in a soft inaudible voice.
“Hannah, is there anything you need? How can I make you feel better? It breaks my heart seeing you like this! That man should be punished for what he’s doing to you, even without him being here!” Lady Claire ended up saying in a frustrated tone rather than a calm one.
“It’s okay. I don’t need anything, thank you. I’m fine. Can you please close the door on your way out? I would like to be alone for a little while. I have to clear some things up in my head,” Lady Hannah said forcing a weak smile at her mother.
Lady Claire understood and knew that there was nothing she could do except give Lady Hannah her space. ‘Time heals all’ was her own motto and she was waiting for the healing to begin desperately as she could not stand seeing Lady Hannah in pain and suffering. She kissed her daughter on the forehead and ran a loving mother’s touch on her head and left the room closing the door behind her, just as Lady Hannah had asked.
Why am I still in love with him? He broke my heart. He left me, waiting… actually much worse, he left me waiting hopeful. I had so much hope in us, so much faith that we would be together and enjoy sharing our lives with each other, in each other’s arms. He had never been with another woman after his wife because he was clearly too afraid to be in a commitment, in a serious relationship again and so when he fell in love with me, he didn’t even try. He didn’t even try, for me.
The tears came streaming down her face on cue, almost as they had been waiting there, welling up on her lower lid for this very thought. She sobbed continuously for what felt like hours as her head and eyes felt heavy, which they did almost all the time now.
Time was supposed to heal everything but a week had gone by and she hadn’t felt better. She needed to know why, why he left her all of a sudden. Perhaps, if there was a good reason for his abandonment then she would be able to heal this open wound a little faster. The realization that maybe she wasn’t good enough or marrying her scared him off was killing her slowly.
She had left Aunt Isabelle’s in tears, not because she would miss her Aunt, which she would but because of how this place would now always remind her of what could have been and what never happened. Still she expected Duke Anthony to come running from somewhere calling her name and apologizing to her out of breath, begging for her forgiveness and coming with her to her parents to ask for her hand in marriage, and if none of that could happen then at least a letter, just one letter. It didn’t matter if it was only a few sentences long, at least she would know he was alive, and he thought of her, even one last time.
These thoughts circled her head until they made her dizzy and tired and she would fall asleep trying to numb herself. For this reason alone, she spent almost the entire day sleeping.
She couldn’t curse the man she loved, because even when you aren’t with someone you loved once before, you know that at some point in time you did love them, they did mean the absolute world to you and it could not be so easily forgotten. Healing was her main concern but so was dwelling in the past and in those days that they had spent together. She had to choose one, which was why she was always stuck in the middle.
What the future had in store for her she seemed the least bit interested, her focus was how to live now, what to do with her life now and to remember to breathe, in order to make it through this. She doubted that she ever would but she needed to at least try.
Chapter 9
Lady Hannah had begun to feel better; she had slowly and pain
stakingly progressed from leaving her room, to attending dinners, lunches and breakfasts with the family and going out for walks in the garden, alone. Nobody in her house spoke of the matter or took his name like it was the plague, they didn’t want to awaken the feelings she had put to bed with great difficulty.
The fresh air helped clear her head and revitalize her lungs and she felt more alive than before. Yes, it hadn’t been easy getting over him, but she was beginning to, it had been two months that she hadn’t heard from him or seen him and now she was making peace of his absence. Her sister, Lady Beatrice, would often come around to cheer her up and make her laugh, and she would be successful in doing so. Even Lord Thomas, who usually enjoyed teasing and poking fun at her much more, would occasionally check on her to see if she was okay and had stopped the teasing and playfulness for when she would feel better and hopefully regain her old self. Though that was easier said than done, after going through heartbreak and heartache, she knew she would never be the same again. She may learn how to cope and end up more mature than before, but never would she be who she was before the tragedy. That’s not how it worked. It took something from her. She had searched for love long and hard and thought she had found the perfect fit but then it was gone as quickly as it had happened.
Lady Claire and Lord Henry had been watching her carefully to see if she was getting well. They were eagerly and patiently waiting for her, too, as they had good news that needed to be shared.
“Hannah?” Lady Claire called peering through the study room door with Lord Henry standing close behind her.
“Yes, Mother?” Lady Hannah said looking up from the book she was engrossed in.
“Your Father and I would like to speak with you about something very important, if that’s okay?” Lady Claire asked her daughter very carefully.
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