“He gave me the day off. He wanted to take Mama out for a walk.”
Miriam laughed. “I told them we’d go for a walk instead.” She lowered her voice so only Angel could hear. “One of the disadvantages to having a one room cabin is the lack of privacy.” She leaned her head against the trunk. “When I get married, my husband and I are going to build a loft for the children, and we’re going to have a nice cozy bedroom next to the kitchen.”
“There’s Michael!” Ruthie pointed. The children shouted and whistled until he turned and looked up the hill. He strode toward them. When he reached the tree, he looked up, fists planted on his hips. “What’s this?” He saw Angel aloft and laughed. “You, too?”
“They tricked me,” she said with great dignity.
Miriam winked at her and called down to him. “You’re going to have to get her down. She’s stuck!”
Angel laughed when she saw Michael pull his boots off and start up. When he was just beneath her, he slid his hand up her calf. “Shall I tie Ruthie’s rope around you and lower you away?” he asked, knowing perfectly well she could make it down on her own.
“This would make a great swing tree,” Leah said, climbing down next to him. “See that big fat branch? You could tie the rope right there.”
“Hmmm, good idea,” Michael said. He lowered Ruthie and sent Andrew to the tack room in the barn for rope. Climbing back up, he tied both ends around a sturdy branch and let the loop hang for a swing. “I’ll fix a seat for it later,” he said, dropping down.
The children squabbled excitedly over who would get the first turn, but Michael caught Angel and set her in it. “Hang on,” he told her before she could stop him, and he sent her flying. The exhilarating rush made her laugh. Michael gave her another push and then headed back to the field and his work.
When everyone, including Miriam, had had a turn on the swing, Angel took the children down to the cabin and fixed them something to eat. The boys went out to watch Michael, and Leah and Ruthie went to pick flowers on the hill.
Miriam leaned against the doorjamb and looked out at her brothers perched on top of the corral fence, watching Michael working with the horse. “Michael knows how to enjoy life. He doesn’t sit about brooding all the time.”
Angel came to stand with her. It disturbed her the way Miriam was watching Michael. An uncomfortable feeling twisted in her stomach.
Miriam smiled. “I was thinking how wonderful it must be to love someone and have them love you back. I’ll bet when Michael wants you, he does something about it.” Blushing, she straightened from the doorjamb. “Mama would faint dead away if she heard me talking like this.”
Angel looked out at Michael; and the pang of jealousy died down, and a tender concern filled her. She gave Miriam a thoughtful look. She loved the girl like a sister. “You want to get married, don’t you?”
“Yes, but I don’t want to marry just anyone,” Miriam said. “I want someone wonderful. I want a man to love me the way Michael loves you. I want a man willing to fight for me. I want a man who won’t let me walk away from him.”
Seeing tears in Miriam’s eyes, Angel took her hand. “You love Michael?”
“Of course I love him. How could I not? He’s one of a kind, isn’t he?” Miriam put her head back against the jamb and closed her eyes. “Others should be more like him, but they’re not.” She smiled. “I’ll never forget the night Mama and I sang ‘Amazing Grace’ and talked about David. Michael had tears in his eyes, and he wasn’t embarrassed about it. He didn’t care who saw how much he cared.” She wiped tears from her cheeks. “Michael’s the only man I’ve ever met who isn’t afraid to feel things. He doesn’t bury himself alive.”
Angel looked out at him. “It’s too bad I met him first.”
Miriam laughed. “Well, if you find the mold, would you make another like him?” She hugged Angel. “I love you both so much.” She drew back. “And now I’ve embarrassed you.” She bit her lip and looked uncertain. “Mama thinks I should keep my feelings to myself instead of blurting them out all the time, but I can’t. It’s just the way I am.” She kissed Angel’s cheek. “I’d better gather the wild Indians and go.” She went out into the sunshine and called for her brothers and sisters.
Hugging herself, Angel leaned against the doorjamb where Miriam had been and watched them go. She worried about it all afternoon and tried to talk things over with Michael that night. “Do you think we could find a man for Miriam?”
“Miriam? She’s a little young, isn’t she?”
“Old enough to be in love. Could we go back to Sacramento and find someone?”
“Who?” he said, playing with her hair.
“Someone for Miriam.”
“How about Paul?”
“Paul!” Aghast, Angel moved away. “Miriam doesn’t belong with someone like him. She belongs with someone like you.”
“I’m already taken. Remember?” He pulled her close. “Leave it to the Lord.”
“‘Leave it to the Lord,’” she muttered. “You always want to leave things to the Lord.”
He could see she wasn’t going to let go of it. “The Lord already has someone in mind for Miriam. I’m sure of it. Now, put it out of your head.”
She almost told him that Miriam was in love with him, but thought better of it. There was nothing more tantalizing to a man than a young girl in love with him. “I just want to see her happy and settled.”
Michael soothed her. “She will be, Tirzah. A girl like Miriam doesn’t go without a husband for long.”
A girl like Miriam. “If you hadn’t found me, would you—”
“But I did, didn’t I?”
“Yes, you did.” She reached up and touched his face. “Have you ever been sorry?”
“A few times,” he said solemnly, knowing she would expect the truth. He took her hand and turned the wedding ring, looking down at her. “You’ve given me some dark moments.” His smile was tender. “But that’s in the past.” He kissed her hand and laid it against his cheek. “Tirzah, I know what I’m about, and I know who has control of my life. You and I are not an accident.”
Angel pulled his head down and kissed him, loving his response, loving the way she felt when he took over. “I don’t think I’ll ever get enough of you, Michael Hosea. Never, as long as I live.”
“Nor I of you.”
The Altmans held a gathering to celebrate spring planting. When Angel and Michael arrived, the children ran to greet them. Elizabeth waved from the open doorway.
“Come see our new well,” Leah said, tugging on Michael’s hand.
Miriam was bringing up a bucket of water. She set it down. “Marvelous, isn’t it?” she said proudly. “Paul helped us dig it a few weeks ago. I’ve missed having a well to sing into. Listen.” She bent over and sang down into the depths. The melodious sound broadened and rose. “Rock of Ages.”
Angel rested her forearms on the stone and listened. Smiling at her, Michael bent over the side and joined Miriam, his deep voice harmonizing. Angel had never heard anything more beautiful than the way Miriam’s and Michael’s voices blended.
“Oh, doesn’t it sound wonderful!” Miriam laughed. “Let’s do another. If you put your head down far enough, the sound is all around you. Sing with us this time, Amanda, and it’ll be even better.” She wouldn’t accept no for an answer. “Don’t tell me you can’t. You can. If you don’t know the words, just open your mouth and go ahhhhh. ‘Rock of Ages’ again. You’ve heard it enough to know a few words.”
Angel joined in hesitantly. Before they were finished, the rest of the children were hanging over the well and singing down into it. Had Michael not caught hold of her dress, Ruth would have fallen in head first. “Oh, Suzanna,’ this time,” Andrew said. From that they went to more road songs with funny verses. Laughing, they straightened.
Miriam’s expression changed markedly, and her hand gripped Angel’s. “Paul’s coming.” Heart sinking, Angel raised her head and saw him walking acros
s the open field toward them. “He was so stiff when I invited him, I didn’t think he would come,” Miriam said. Angel had never seen a more grim-looking man. “I’d better go greet him, or he’ll leave before he’s arrived,” Miriam said.
Paul watched Miriam come toward him and steeled himself. She was wearing the yellow dress again. When she smiled, a muscle jerked in his cheek. “I’m so glad you came, Paul.” She smiled and fanned herself with her hand. “It’s hot, isn’t it? Come have some cider.”
Too disturbed by what he felt when he looked at Miriam, Paul glanced around. Angel was looking at him. He gave her a sardonic smile, expecting her to smile back just as derisively. She didn’t. He hated her so much he could taste it.
“When did you finish your planting?” Miriam asked, forcing his attention back to her.
“Yesterday afternoon.” They reached the others. Michael greeted him with a handshake. His grip was firm, speaking of continued affection. He put his arm around Angel and drew her close against his side, waiting.
Angel’s blue eyes flickered as she looked up at him. “Hello, Paul,” she said.
Paul wanted to ignore her but knew he couldn’t without offending Michael. “Amanda,” he said and nodded. Her face showed no emotion whatsoever. It didn’t surprise him. What would she know about feelings?
Miriam had come back with a tin cup and was watching the exchange closely. She handed him the cider and took Angel’s hand. “Mandy, would you help me hide the clues to the treasure hunt?” Paul watched them go off together, hand in hand.
“Miriam’s pretty, isn’t she?” Michael said, smiling slightly. “Those dark eyes.”
Paul drank his cider in taut silence. He hadn’t expected Michael to notice so soon.
When the children ran off to find Miriam’s clues to the treasure—a basket of berry tarts—Elizabeth, Miriam, and Angel set up the plank table in the yard. Angel had brought a Dutch oven full of venison, baked beans, and candied carrots. Elizabeth had roasted two fat pheasants that were stuffed with seasoned bread.
Miriam brought out two winter apple pies.
Angel was too aware of the undercurrent of hatred aimed at her from Paul to join in the jubilance. She was successful in avoiding him throughout the afternoon, but now she was seated opposite him at the table. John said grace, and when she raised her head, she encountered Paul’s look. She understood all too clearly the message in his eyes: You? Praying? What a laugh!
She was a hypocrite. She bowed her head as all the others did, pretending to pray even while she held no part of it. Nor did she want to. She did it because it would hurt Michael for her to sit beside him, back rigid and head held high while grace was said. And it would embarrass the Altmans. Ruthie would ask questions. She held Paul’s cold gaze.
Can’t you understand?
If anything, he looked even more contemptuous. Resigned that he never would understand her—probably would never even try—she took a slice of pheasant and passed the platter.
“Do you want me to talk to Paul?” Michael asked her later when John was fiddling and he was dancing with her.
“No,” she said, afraid she would be the cause of an even wider gulf between the two men. She had done enough damage already.
“He’s a decent man, Amanda. He’s stood by me through some hard times. He’s confused right now.”
She knew Paul wasn’t confused. He was full of righteous rage and animosity. Because of her. He was hurting. Because of her. Why hadn’t she thought past her own revenge that day? Couldn’t she have ignored his insults? She had known he was jealous. She had known that he thought she wasn’t good enough to be Michael’s wife. She had known a lot of things about Paul on first sight.
“Be patient with him,” Michael said.
As Michael had been patient with her. She would swallow her pride if need be. For Michael’s sake, she would take whatever Paul had to throw at her.
Michael danced with Miriam, and Angel went to pour herself a cup of cider. Paul came to stand next to her, his dark eyes glinting. He nodded toward Michael whirling Miriam around. They were both laughing. “They look good together, don’t they?”
Angel watched Miriam and felt the pang inside her. They did. “They like each other a great deal,” she said and poured a second cup of cider. She held it out to him.
Smiling mockingly down at her, he took it. He watched Michael and Miriam again. “She should have come a few months earlier. Things would’ve been a lot different.”
“Michael said it wouldn’t have.”
“Of course, he’d say that.”
The sword thrust went deep. Angel didn’t say anything.
Paul’s mouth curved sardonically. “I heard you were working in a general mercantile. What were you selling?”
“A little of everything.”
“Just like always, hmmm?”
Angel concealed her pain and spoke quietly. “I’ve no intention of hurting Michael again, Paul. I swear to you.”
“But you will, won’t you? It’s in your nature. You’ll suck him dry and then throw the empty husk away. Oh, you’ll stay around for a while, just for appearances. And when the going gets rough, you’ll pack up your bags and be on your merry way again.”
Angel blinked and looked away. She couldn’t breathe past the constriction in her chest. “I won’t.”
“No? Then why were you in such a hurry to get back to Pair-a-Dice? Why did you run off to Sacramento?”
“I’m sticking this time.”
“For a year or two. Until you’re bored with being a farmer’s wife.” He drank his cider and set the cup down. He watched Michael and Miriam with a frown. “You know, Angel, I haven’t seen Michael smile like that in a long, long time.” He walked away and stood with John.
Angel held her cup of cider clasped between her two hands. Raising her head, she watched the two people she loved most in the world dancing together and wondered if Paul wasn’t right about everything.
And after the earthquake a fire;
but the Lord was not in the fire,
and after the fire
a still small voice.
1 KINGS 19 : 12
Paul sought to erode Angel’s confidence every time they met, while Angel set herself to endure whatever he threw at her. She told herself each time he made a cutting remark or insulting prophesy about where she would be in ten years that she would make no retaliation. To fight back would only hurt Michael. And it wouldn’t change how Paul felt about her. Whatever tomorrow brought, today she had Michael.
Angel refused to defend herself against Paul. What was the point? She was polite. She was silent. She stood firm even when she wanted to run away and hide in a dark place where she could curl into a tight ball.
I’m not a harlot anymore. I’m not!
But the way Paul looked at her made her remember and feel she still was, no matter what she did. One year did not erase ten, and Paul brought back the dark years with Duke, the years of fear and loneliness and survival. And because of it, Paul’s abuse drove her further into Michael’s arms. The harder Paul tried to drive her away, the tighter she held to what she had. Michael told her not to be anxious about tomorrow, and she concentrated upon wringing the life out of each moment with him. He told her not to be afraid, and she wasn’t, as long as he was with her.
Michael loved her now, and that was all that mattered to her. He made her life meaningful and filled it with new and wondrous things. Though life was hard work from dawn to dusk, he somehow made it exciting. He opened her mind to things she hadn’t noticed before. And a quiet voice in her head said over and over, Come forth, beloved.
Come forth from what?
She couldn’t get enough of Michael. He filled her mind and heart. He was her life. He awakened her before dawn with kisses, and they lay in the quiet darkness, listening to the symphony of crickets and bullfrogs and the wind chimes. Her body trembled at his touch and sang at his possession. Every moment of every day with him was precious to h
er.
Spring brought a wildness of color. Bright splashes of golden poppies and purple lupines stained the green hillsides and unplowed meadowlands. Michael talked about King Solomon and how, even with all his riches, he could not clothe himself as God clothed the hillsides with simple wildflowers. “I’m not going to plow that section,” Michael told her. “I’m going to leave it the way it is.” Michael saw God in everything. He saw him in the wind and the rain and the earth. He saw him in the crops that were growing. He saw God in the nature of the animals that inhabited their land. He saw him in the flames of their evening fire.
Angel only saw Michael and worshiped him.
When he read aloud in the evenings before the fire, she lost herself in the deep resonance of his voice. The words washed over her like a warm, heavy wave and swept back into a distant sea. Jonathan scaling a cliff to route the Philistines. David, a shepherd boy, killing a nine-foot giant named Goliath. Jesus raising the dead. Lazarus, come forth! Come forth!
Michael made nonsense sound like poetry.
She took the Bible and put it back on the mantel. “Love me,” she said, taking his hand. And Michael could do nothing else.
Elizabeth came with the children. “Paul told us about a town not ten miles from here. It’s not very big and has little to offer, but they’ve driven in to get supplies.”
Angel noticed the small bulge of Elizabeth’s abdomen. She offered coffee and biscuits and then sat down to visit. Ruthie wanted to sit in her lap, and she lifted her up. “When are you going to have a baby?” Ruthie asked, bringing stinging color into Angel’s cheeks and a soft, mortified gasp from Elizabeth.
“Ruth Anne Altman, you are never to ask things like that,” her mother said, taking her from Angel’s lap and setting her firmly on her feet.
“Why not?” Ruth was not the least discomforted and clearly not comprehending why her mother and Angel were.
“Because it’s very personal business, young lady.”
Ruth looked up at Angel, her eyes wide and surprised. “You mean you don’t want to have a baby?”
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