Say You Need Me

by Van Mol, Stefanie

  “You’ll never guess who I ran into yesterday,” I start out before I spill the beans to her. I tell her everything, from the look he gave me to his hand on my arm to the business card with his number.

  Karen gives me a shocked look. “And you’ve waited until now to tell me? Jesus, Camille – I thought I was your best friend!”

  “You are, and you know it,” I calm her down. “I just needed a bit of time to process it all.”

  “How about the other band members?” she asks a bit too nonchalantly. “Was Mike there?”

  That hadn’t even occurred to me. When Full Moon left for their tour abroad, Mike went with them – without saying goodbye to Karen. She has hardly talked about it to me, because she can be closed off that way, but I know it really bothered her.

  “I didn’t see him last night but I suppose he was with them, yes.”

  “So are you gonna call Jonathan?”

  “Absolutely not,” I say resolutely.

  Karen gives me one of her who-are-you-kidding looks. “Now that he’s back in Belgium, you have to talk to him. He’s Maxim’s dad. He may not want to be, but that doesn’t mean he can just run away from all his responsibilities.”

  I put down the coffee pot with an irritated huff. “He’s had his chance. I called him and he was the one to decide not to call me back. It’s too late now. I no longer want him to be a part of Maxim’s life.”

  Karen puts her hand on mine and squeezes it lightly. “Hey. I’m on your side, remember? But being your best friend and all, I also think the truth needs to be said. I don’t want to see you get hurt all over again.”

  Tears well up in my eyes, my bottom lip begins to tremble and my throat constricts. It feels like my heart is crumbling in my chest. Jonathan will change his mind as soon as he sets eyes on his son, I’m sure of it. He’ll destroy the life I’ve worked so hard for to build up. His career is booming, so I can imagine he’s saved up a lot of money. There’s no way I can avoid an expensive lawyer if he decides he wants to see more of his son. I hide my face in my hands and start to cry. This is all going to end badly. I’ll lose everything.

  Karen hops off her bar stool, walks over to me behind the bar and pulls me along so we both disappear into the kitchen. As soon as we’re out of sight, she pulls me into a hug. “Hey, calm down. Everything will work out just fine. Vincent and I are always there for you, remember?”

  “I don’t know what to do,” I sob.

  “Ssh, don’t worry too much. Just talk to him. You have no way of knowing how he’s going to respond.”

  Karen pulls me close and lets me cry on her shoulder. We’re both so caught up in our own thoughts that we’ve forgotten for a moment that we’re still in the coffee bar. When the little bell above the door rings, we break apart. I wipe my tears away, quickly blow my nose and give Karen another grateful look before I make my way back to the bar.

  As soon as I see who’s come in, though, I freeze in my tracks. Karen slams into me from behind.

  “Hey, why are you stopping like that? I...” Her gaze drifts upward and she stops talking when she sees who it is. The man is still on the threshold, looking at Karen.

  “Mike?” Karen utters in surprise.

  “Karen.”

  Her inital surprise quickly dissolves into anger. She crosses her arms and glares at him. “What are you doing here?”

  Mike looks from Karen to me and back. “Can we talk somewhere in private?”

  Karen is about to snap an answer at him when I stop her by calmly putting a hand on her arm. We look at each other for just a moment, but she knows what I mean. This is why we’ve been good friends for such a long time – we don’t need words to convey the message. If she thinks I should hear Jonathan out, it only makes sense for her to extend the same courtesy to Mike and allow him to explain things to her.

  She gives me a small nod and a quick hug before walking over to Mike. “Okay, let’s go somewhere.”

  She leads the way and Mike turns to me before following her out the door. “Thanks.”

  “Don’t thank me.” I gesture at Karen, who is waiting outside. “Be sweet to her, okay?”

  He nods, then steps out the door.

  After all these years I still wonder what’s the deal exactly between Karen and Mike. Why did he leave without properly saying goodbye? I decide to grill Karen on the topic tomorrow. She’s been there for me all these years – I want to be there for her too if this is going to be a time of need for her.

  The only thing left to do is clean up the bar and lock up. At home, Vincent and Maxim are waiting for me. The thought still warms my heart, but I already know now that getting to sleep won’t be easy after tonight.

  Three years ago

  Vincent

  We’ve been in the waiting room for a while. When the hospital called, we came here straight away, but upon arrival there was no news yet about Camille’s father. We’re just going to have to wait for the doctor to show up.

  On our way here we dropped off Maxim at Karen’s place. We can’t bring a small child to the hospital under these circumstances. The poor kid had no idea what was going on. Camille is sitting next to me, as taciturn as she has been ever since the phone call. She’s shut out the outside world, but I can see the worry lines on her face. I hold her hand in mine and squeeze it reassuringly every now and then. It’s the only thing I can do for her – making it clear that I’m there for her.

  The door to the waiting room swings open and a doctor enters.

  “Miss Van Damme?”

  Camille jumps up immediately. “Any news about my father?” she asks anxiously.

  The doctor casts a quick glance through the room and notices it’s just the two of us. “I’m truly sorry, Miss Van Damme,” he then says. “We’ve done everything we could, but your father didn’t make it.”

  Camille breaks down in tears. I’m just in time to catch her when her knees buckle and her entire body shakes with big sobs. I pull her close and let her cry. There’s really nothing I can say to comfort her. I know how important her father was to her. After she lost her mother to cancer he was her only living relative. And even though Camille insisted on providing for herself, her dad was always there for her in dire straits. He came to visit us regularly and was so fond of his grandson.

  The doctor goes on by telling us that Camille’s father suffered a heart attack. He was behind the wheel when it happened. In all likelihood he was on his way to us, to celebrate Maxim’s birthday. The ambulance took him to the hospital and the paramedics were able to resuscitate him on the way, but when they got to the hospital he had another attack. Nothing more could be done.

  The doctor gives us his condolences and leaves the waiting room. It takes Camille a long time to calm down after the doctor has left. He said she’d be allowed to say goodbye if she wanted, so I tell her everything he told me as calmly as I can. She looks at me with blood-shot eyes.

  “Can you come with me?”

  “Of course,” I say without hesitation. “I will always be there for you.”

  So we say goodbye together. Camille has now lost both parents. When she showed up on my doorstep two years ago, I vowed to always take care of her.

  So this time I will be there for her too.

  Present day

  Jonathan

  The door of the common room swings open and I see Mike come in, followed by a familliar-looking blonde girl. It’s been a while since I saw her, but I recognize her immediately.

  The blonde girl is Karen, Camille’s best friend. Seeing her makes me want to ask her all the questions I have burning inside since yesterday. I’m sure she’d be able to fill me in. Camille still hasn’t called me. I know other women wouldn’t have thought twice about calling me, so I’m a bit surprised Camille is taking so long. Wasn’t I clear enough to her when I said I wouldn’t allow her to ignore me?

  Karen’s eyes scan the room and finally land on me. Is it anger or puzzlement I see in her eyes? I nod curtly and get up to wa
lk over and address her.

  “Karen,” I say.

  She gives me a once-over. “Jonathan.”

  Mike comes to stand next to her and takes her hand. They exchange a look and a small smile tugs at her lips. Mike pulls her in and kisses her forehead. Well, looks like he’s had more luck than me. Karen seems more willing to forgive him. Whatever happened between the two of them, they’ve talked things through yesterday. A pang of jealousy lances through me. Why is Karen so eager to hear Mike out when Camille obviously doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore?

  “Did you see Camille today, by any chance?”

  Karen looks at me. “Of course. Camille and I see each other daily.”

  “Well, did she mention me? Why hasn’t she called me yet?”

  Karen shrugs non-committally. “I’m sure she has her reasons. She’s probably too busy with Maxim.”

  As soon as the last word leaves her lips, she looks startled. As though she realizes she’s said too much. Her eyes dart to Mike when my expression changes. Who is this Maxim? Does Camille have a boyfriend? Or worse: a husband? Is she no longer together with my brother? I hate all these questions piling up without there being any answers. If only Camille would call me and allow me to talk to her, I wouldn’t have to worry about all these things. But no, she’s too stubborn for that. I lean forward and before I can stop myself, I grab Karen’s arm.

  “Who is Maxim?” I demand.

  Karen turns pale but she refuses to answer.

  I shake her by the arm. “Who is he? Is Maxim her boyfriend?”

  Mike pulls us apart and comes to stand between Karen and me. “Keep your hands off her!” he growls. “I don’t know what the fuck happened between you and Camille, but Karen has nothing to do with it. Leave her alone.”

  He walks Karen out of the room. Shit – this whole situation is fucked up. I have to get more intel, and quick. The more people I bump into, the more questions I get that I don’t have the answers to. For the first time in a long time, I really feel as though I don’t have everything under control. Let’s just say the sensation isn’t one I care for.

  This game of hide-and-seek has gone on long enough. If Camille really things she can keep dodging me, she’s wrong. I will find out what’s going on one way or another. I want to know why she played my feelings like that.

  I turn around and step outside, slamming the door shut so loudly that I hope no one will come out to follow me. I don’t feel like talking to anyone. I’m in a very unreasonable mood.

  Once I’m back in my hotel room, I sit down to ponder what to do next. Where to start? Camille probably doesn’t live with her dad anymore, and even if she did, I would never go there. My parents live right next door and I haven’t seen them in years. In my current mood it’s probably best not to run into them.

  The more I think about it, the more I come to the conclusion that once again, I have put my faith into her hands. Goddammit, I should have asked for her phone number that evening too, because I no longer have it. I don’t know where she lives and works. Which means all I can do is wait, and I’m not good at the waiting game.

  What might be best for me is a workout session on the beach. I put on my sweatpants, a loose T-shirt and my running shoes. Then I take my MP3 player from my nightstand and hope for the best: for me to be able to run off the anger a little bit.

  Three years ago

  Vincent

  The first couple of weeks after Camille’s dad’s funeral were very tough. Camille wouldn’t set foot out of the apartment except for work. She had a rhythm of just caring for Maxim, working at the bar and sleeping. Nothing else. And the day after it was rinse, repeat. After everything I had established between us, I was back at square one.

  I tried to help her as much as I could, but she wouldn’t let me. And now, no matter how hard I try, I can’t get through to her. Camille is shutting everything and everyone out. Even Karen has no luck in talking to her, and she usually shares everything with her best friend.

  It can’t go on like this.

  I asked Karen to babysit Maxim tonight so Camille and I have the house and the evening to ourselves. It’s the first time since her father’s death, and I purposely didn’t fill her in because knowing her, she’d do something to prevent it.

  As soon as she returns from the coffee bar, she heads straight for Maxim’s small room. When she finds it empty, she steps into the living room.

  “Where is Maxim?” she says, with a look of surprise.

  “Maxim is staying over at Karen’s tonight. You and I are going out for dinner tonight.”

  My answer startles her and I can already see the cogs in her head turning, looking for a way out.

  “Vincent,” she sighs. “I’m tired. It’s been a long day at work. I really don’t feel like it.”

  I cross my arms in front of my chest. “It’s been weeks, Camille. You can’t keep shutting out the world.”

  Tears well up in her eyes and I immediately regret my harsh words. I bridge the distance between us and reel her in.

  “I’m sorry, Camille, I shouldn’t have said that.”

  She cries into my chest for a very long time. It feels like she’s letting go for the first time, so I don’t stop her. Maybe this is what she needs. Camille thinks she has to stay strong for me and Maxim. That’s her – she always puts other people first.

  When she finally stops crying, she looks up at me with red-rimmed eyes. “You’re right, Vincent. I can’t go on like this.”

  She presses her lips to mine and I seize the opportunity. The past few weeks have been hell, and I will be frank: I‘m almost at my wits’ end. You can’t imagine how good it is to finally feel her lips on mine at last.

  I deepen the kiss, lift her up and she wraps her legs around me. With her in my arms I step into the bedroom.

  Screw those dinner plans, I have to have her now.

  I kick the door open with my foot and lumber on until I’m at the foot of the bed. Carefully, I lay her down and take a step backward. Camille looks up at me from the bed. Slowly, I unbutton my shirt and hold her gaze the entire time, somehow afraid that she’ll change her mind. Camille follows my movements with her eyes. When I am finally standing before her in all my naked glory, I crawl toward her.

  Her breath is ragged and I can see she’s just as turned on as I am. When I reach her feet, I take off her shoes and kiss my way up. She’s still wearing her cute uniform from the coffee bar. I untie her apron and toss it aside. Her skirt and panties follow shortly.

  I take my time unbuttoning her blouse and I kiss every bit of bare skin I reveal. Once all the buttons are undone, I take it off, taking her bra with it in the process.

  And then she is naked in front of me.

  “I love you,” I say softly.

  Her eyes widen and she looks at me speechless.

  “I know the timing isn’t perfect, but Camille, I have always loved you.”

  “I love you too.”

  It is indescribably good to hear her say those words. I can’t stop myself from kissing her softly. Her entire body relaxes beneath me. Camille spreads her legs to give me more space. I nestle between them and put my corona against her slit. Then I lift her head so I can look her in the eye as I enter her slowly. We moan simultaneously and we enjoy the moment when we become one.

  This may not be a fast and furious love-making session, but I enjoy making love to her slowly just as much. I move in and out of her and hold her gaze. Her soft moans make it obvious she isn’t going to last much longer.

  I lift myself up a bit with one arm, so there’s a little space between us. With my other hand I reach between her legs and rub circles around her clit.

  “Let go, Camille. I’ll catch you when you fall.”

  With those last words, she closes her eyes and tumbles over the edge. And I keep my promise – I catch her, like I have done all those times before.

  Camille opens her eyes and gives me an intense look. I crush her mouth with mine and k
iss her furiously as I increase my speed, looking for my own release. Her hands stroke my hair when she pulls me into her and that’s all I need. With a groan, I spill myself deep into her.

  For the longest time we just lie there. Camille is resting her head on my chest, tracing circles around my nipple with her index finger. After a while she sits up and I enjoy the view. Her hair is messy and her cheeks have a healthy glow. I tuck a lock of hair behind her ear and she shyly looks away.

  I lift her chin again and make sure she looks at me as I say the next few words. “I meant what I said, Camille. I love you. I’ll always be there for you.”

  “I love you too. Thank you for everything, I don’t know what I would do without you.”

  After that, I pull her on top of me again. We make love several times that night, and for the first time I feel like this is heading in the right direction.

  Present day

  Camille

  I‘m going shopping with Karen today. She practically forced me to spend the day with her. Vincent is looking after Maxim and I can use a girl’s day out. Karen has been restless in the past few days and I wonder what’s wrong. Something’s going on between her and Mike. When will she tell me what it is?Is that the reason she wanted to take me out today?

  After hitting the main shopping street we sit down for dinner somewhere. We pick a small table on the deck outside and choose something from the menu. Right after the waiter has taken our orders, Karen launches into a confession.

  “I made a mistake,” she says.

  I shoot her a questioning look.

  “I went to the music hall with Mike last night and Jonathan was there too. He asked me why you haven’t called him yet.”

  Immediately I sit up straighter. I don’t like where this conversation is going. “What did you tell him?”

  “Relax, I didn’t tell him much,” she reassures me. “It’s just... Maxim’s name slipped out.” Karen nervously chews on her bottom lip and the contrition is clearly visible in her eyes. “I couldn’t help it, I said before I could stop myself.”