“After you disappeared on me, I wasn’t able to get you out of my mind. You’d moved in and taken up permanent residence. I want another chance.”
“I wish I was in a situation to give you one.”
“There’s always a way.”
“Not for me there isn’t.”
“Why? Why isn’t there? Why won’t you let me in? Tell me what’s going on.”
“Kaden, please, you shouldn’t have followed me here. We’re over. We never should’ve started. I can’t see you anymore.”
“There’s someone else. You’re married, aren’t you?”
I opened my mouth to deny his accusation, then shut it. He’d be gone forever with one lie. I knew that much about him. I squared my shoulders and stood straighter, staring him directly in the eyes.
“Yes, there’s someone else. Someone I can’t leave.”
The anguish on his face wouldn’t have been any more horrific if I’d driven a dagger into his heart and twisted it.
“But I love you.”
Oh, God, why did he have to say those words? Things would’ve been so much easier without this pain caused by his admission for both of us. “I love you, too, Kaden, but we can’t always get what we want.”
“Are you sure? There’s always a way.”
“Not in this case.” I shook my head, tears rolling down my face. “I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you.”
“But you did.”
“I know. I’m sorry. You have to let me go and don’t look back.”
“Is that what you’re trying to do?”
“Yes. Promise me you’ll let us go. Walk away for your own good. I’m not what you need. Believe me on this.”
I saw the moment he’d made his decision. His jaw hardened. His blue eyes turned to icy slits. He nodded tersely, turned on his heel, and didn’t look back.
I waited until he’d walked out of sight, then sank to the ground, moist from a morning mist, and I cried like I’d never cried before. I cried until there were no more tears. I cried until my heart and soul were drained and had nothing left to give.
I cried until I was empty inside.
Then I struggled to my feet and walked back to the inn.
Chapter Seven
Bad Company
~~Kaden~~
* * *
I ran and ran and ran. I ran until my lungs screamed for mercy, my heart slammed like an out-of-control piston, and my head pounded like I’d put it inside a base drum during a hard rock concert.
I staggered to a halt and leaned down with my hands on my thighs, gasping for breath, my body finally numb to the emotional pain her words had inflicted on me.
Promise you’ll let us go.
There’s someone else. Someone I can’t leave.
All of my friends had warned me. They’d told me this relationship was doomed from the beginning, speculated she was married, and watched me as I sunk deeper and deeper to the point of no return. I’d jeopardized my career for her. My buddies had been right all along. I’d been played the fool. Me, the ultimate player and party boy. The guy who didn’t get involved had picked the wrong woman to be involved with.
Lanie didn’t want anything to do with me. She did have someone else, maybe a husband. For all I knew, she was wealthy soccer mom tired of living the suburban life with her perfect but boring husband and two perfect children. She probably even had a perfect little cocker spaniel who never peed on the floor or nipped on strangers’ legs.
She really did have someone else, and I’d been living in denial all these months as my friends begged me to listen to their warnings.
I’d never known losing someone could physically hurt like this. Up until now, I’d been consumed with finding her, certain I’d convince her to give us another shot. Now my hopes had been slammed to the ice and stomped on with wickedly sharp skates, and she was using my battered and bruised body to smooth out the ice.
I was an idiot. All the signs had been there. In my arrogance, I’d ignored every damn one of them. Women didn’t leave me. I left them.
Yeah, well, another fact about myself blown all to shit.
When my body had halfway returned to normal and the fear of having a massive heart attack subsided, I jogged home with my tail between my legs, beaten and defeated.
I shoved open the cottage door, ignoring the bang as it slammed into the opposite wall. I did the one thing that calmed me the most when things got bad—I headed for the kitchen, throwing around pots and pans, retrieving ingredients from the pantry, and stirring the shit out of the concoction I was creating.
Steele looked up from his ever-present computer. I swear the guy was addicted to porn or dating sites or something. I didn’t know, but he sure as fuck couldn’t leave that laptop alone. Whenever I approached, he slammed the laptop shut.
Steele narrowed his eyes and studied me. “Meet me on the deck.”
I was too tired to argue and merely nodded.
A few minutes later, Steele appeared with two tumblers filled with ice and a gold liquid. Hell yeah, I needed a drink.
“Whiskey?” I asked hopefully.
“Yup.” He handed my glass to me and took a seat across from me.
We raised our glasses and clinked them together. I took several long, hard gulps, glad for the distraction of the whiskey burning its way down my throat and warming my stomach. I finished off the whiskey in record time, and Steele fetched another for me. He was still on his first barely touched glass. The guy never drank much, but when he did, he did it up well.
We drank in silence for several minutes, each lost in our private thoughts. Water lapped peacefully on the shoreline several feet away and had a calming effect on me. I was beginning to see why so many of my teammates visited here often and a few had bought or were buying vacation homes here. The team’s former party boy, Rush, had met his girlfriend here. They often talked about the place. Once I was a veteran with a big-money contract, I might look into a condo on the water or something.
For now, I grappled with my damaged soul and overwhelming emptiness inside. I’d been lucky to have my parents, grandparents, and siblings close to me the majority of my life. I hadn’t dealt with the pain of loss of someone close to me before, but I guess I’d be getting a crash course in mourning the loss of a relationship. I’d had girlfriends before, but beyond being exclusive and only having sex with her, I didn’t get emotionally tangled up in a woman. I hadn’t been afraid to fall in love, but I’d been focused on my career and having fun.
But I wasn’t going to explain my motivations to Steele or to anyone. They stayed inside me.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Steele asked, ripping me back to the here and now and effectively reading my mind once again. How the fuck did he do that?
“About what?” My surly tone didn’t put him off in the least. Steele just shrugged off my attitude.
“Her. You know, the one.”
I opened my mouth to dispute what he’d said and thought better of it. I’d already admitted Lanie was the love of my life.
Steele watched me until I was squirming under the intensity of his gaze. Whenever he did that, usually I broke first. I hated scrutiny worse than I hated being honest about my emotions.
“She’s still here,” I croaked, unable to say more without embarrassing myself.
“On this island?” My buddy was incredulous. He glanced left and right as if expecting her to appear any second.
“Yeah, on this island. I ran into her, literally, while jogging. She essentially told me to go to hell.”
“Well, shit, man, that sucks.”
“She has someone else. You were right. You were all right.”
Steele nodded but for once didn’t gloat about being right. “I get no joy from being right. I’m sorry.
“Yeah, me, too.”
“Maybe it’s time to leave the island.”
I snapped my head in his direction, suddenly stubborn and defiant, despite what might be best for me. “We�
��d planned on staying for a few more weeks. I’m not letting her drive me away. This island’s big enough for the two of us.”
“Are you sure?” Steele cocked a brow at me and stood.
“Positive.” I glared at him, and he had the audacity to smirk. “Can we drop this?”
“Works for me. When’s dinner, asshole? I’m fucking starving.” No more sympathy, Steele had reverted to a hockey player’s brand of tough love.
“I’ll get on that right away, dickhead,” I said sarcastically. I walked into the kitchen and began banging pots and pans together, reveling in the noise. Tonight, I’d dirty every fucking one of them, and Steele would do the dishes. Taking my frustration and anger out on Steele was a dickhead move, but I didn’t give a fuck. He’d get even by bitching every second while cleaning up my mess. Ultimately, I’d pay as much as he did.
Steele stood in the doorway, staying clear of the flying pots and pans clattering around in the kitchen.
“I’ll be back in an hour.” He nodded and strolled out the door like he was on a fucking vacation or something, and I was his servant.
He disappeared down the lane on foot. The bastard had deserted me instead of giving me the perverse satisfaction of taking my irritation out on him. He’d left me to wallow in self-pity and recrimination, which I couldn’t blame him for.
I didn’t enjoy my own company right now.
Chapter Eight
Ruthless to a Fault
~~Kaden~~
* * *
Now that my love affair with Lanie was over, I put the full force of my efforts into getting ready for next season, hoping the distraction would heal my broken heart, if anything would ever heal it.
Steele and I ran for miles all over the island, along winding country roads and up and down hills. Being competitive, we drove each other harder and harder. Steele was as exacting in his workout regimen as he was in most other aspects of his life, while I tended to do whatever I felt like doing. In this case, Steele was a good influence on me.
I succumbed to Steele’s over planning and followed his regimen even though getting up at six a.m. wasn’t my idea of fun. We worked out at the one gym on the island first thing in the morning. No one bothered us after their initial curiosity. Considering the number of Seattle football and hockey players who regularly visited, they barely batted an eye.
It’d been a week since I’d seen Lanie. I suspected she’d left on the next ferry. Maybe she’d gone back to her husband. I avoided going near the inn because I didn’t want to know.
After the first few days, I quit looking for her everywhere I went. I settled down somewhat. The excruciating pain of loss had diminished slightly to a throbbing ache of longing and regret.
I wasn’t sure what I regretted most. Losing her without ever really knowing her? Or finally finding the right woman but at the wrong time? Or had my ego been damaged beyond repair? I shook my head. This wasn’t about ego; I’d gladly swallow my pride and grovel if that would’ve kept her by my side. I’d grown up thinking if I tried hard enough, things always worked out. Not this time.
I wanted our lives to be different, but she’d made it clear. I had to move on, slowly, reluctantly, and without great enthusiasm, but I had to do it.
The pain was still fresh, and I struggled to come to terms with a love lost. As a result, I worked out harder, which was good because I was cooking more, too. Not just meals, but I was baking all kinds of shit. Steele gladly helped me out in the eating department.
I’m ashamed to admit, I also drank more, but I stayed home and out of trouble. The drinking dulled the pain, but when I sobered up, it came back full force.
I was cleaning up after a brunch of farmer’s omelets, fresh fruit, and blueberry waffles when I heard car doors slamming, kids screeching, and the barking of a dog.
What the fuck?
Steele and I exchanged twin glances of horror.
Kids? Dogs? Here?
Had Ethan Parker’s assistant, Mina, accidentally double-booked this cottage? If so, it’d be a first. The woman was more exacting and precise than Steele.
Before we had the time to react to the invasion of our privacy, we heard the sound of little feet pounding up the steps, followed by a rapping on the door so loud it shook on its hinges.
Warily, Steele rose to his feet and opened the door. Two little kids burst inside. One launched himself at Steele; the other launched herself at me. Bounding in the door behind the kids was their huge Newfie dog, Mona. She went straight to me and planted a large swath of drool on my thigh.
I was stunned but recovered more quickly than Steele. This wriggling mass of hell-child was my buddy Easton’s daughter, Hailey, and the one currently molesting a speechless Steele was his son, Heath.
I finally managed to extract Hailey from my torso and set her gently on the floor.
“Uncle Steele, Uncle Kaden, we came to visit you! Aren’t you happy? We’ll have so much fun. Mommy says we can see whales and deer and stuff. Will you take me to see them now?”
Before I had a chance to answer, something caught her eye outside. She grabbed her brother, yanked him free of Steele, and pulled him onto the deck. Her mouth was running a million miles a second, as usual. Mona tagged along, tail wagging and taking a vase with it on the way out the door. Thank God it was plastic and didn’t break.
Steele and I exchanged twin glances of relief, but our relief was short-lived. A few seconds later, the proud parents of the two hoodlums, Easton and Caro, walked in the door. Geneva and Axel brought up the rear. Us guys were partners in crime on occasion, though less now than when we were all single.
My heart squeezed as I reminded myself I was once again back on the market, like it or not.
“Hey, dudes, what’s up? Miss us?” Easton grinned and gave us each a one-arm bro hug. Caro, on the other hand, smothered us with a big hug, and so did Geneva. Axel slapped me on the back, hard enough to cause permanent damage to my shoulder—just a hockey player’s way of spreading around some brotherly love. What didn’t kill us made us stronger.
Everyone was talking at once. I gave up trying to follow the multiple convos. Instead, I sat back and let the waves of words wash over me. Eventually, Geneva and Caro wandered out onto the deck to exclaim over the view while my teammates hung back.
“Appears you missed us since you’re here,” I said with a smirk, knowing that’d get under their skin.
“Hell no,” Axel said, “but Ziggy moved himself into your room, and if I have to be around him much longer, I’ll be on death row for premeditated murder. Of course, Cave is there all the time, too. The place is a fucking pigsty.”
A horrified expression crossed Steele’s face. I could only imagine the scene he was picturing in his mind—beer bottles littering the hardwood floors, kitchen counters littered with empty frozen-food containers, and clothes thrown all over.
Steele turned to Axel. “What’s your problem? You’re never there. I’m the one that’ll have to clean up the mess.” Last I heard, Axel spent all of his time at Geneva’s house she shared with her brother and his kids.
“Ah, then things are going well with Geneva?” Dumb question, but I’d asked it, so I’d own it.
“Yeah. Really well.” Axel’s expression softened as he angled his head to get a better view of Geneva, who was currently leaning over the deck railing.
“Where’s our room?” Easton asked. “The kids can sleep on the floor. We brought sleeping bags.”
Steele and I exchanged twin expressions of even more horror. This two-bedroom, one-bathroom cottage was not going to fit six adults and two kids.
“I, uh, I—” I turned to Steele, hoping he’d figure out a way to rescue me.
Steele opened his mouth, shut it, opened it again, reminding me of a fish looking through the glass of the fishbowl.
Axel and Easton erupted into raucous laughter, leaving Steele and me to scowl ferociously at these two jerks.
“There’re only two bedrooms,” Steele pointed o
ut seriously.
More fucking laughter from the peanut gallery of two. I didn’t find this situation funny in the least, more like fucking annoying.
“And one bathroom.”
“We’ll take the bedrooms unless you two are voyeurs. You guys can sleep on the deck.”
My eyes grew bigger as I contemplated how my peaceful time in the San Juans had been turned into a flipping nightmare of epic proportions. Don’t get me wrong. They were some of my favorite people, not that I’d ever let them know that, but that didn’t mean I wanted to live in close quarters without any private spaces.
“I thought this place was bigger,” Easton remarked innocently as he swept his gaze around the cozy space that comprised the living, dining, and kitchen areas.
The idiots laughed even harder. I failed to see the humor in this situation. Axel grabbed a beer from the fridge and tossed one to Easton, who caught it in one hand.
They were both grinning as if they were proud of themselves. Steele’s frown was deeper than the channel beyond the bay outside and just as turbulent. I suspected my expression mirrored his.
Only then did I catch a conniving glance between Axel and Easton.
“Wait a minute. You assholes aren’t staying here, are you?”
“Nope, just jerking your chain,” Easton chuckled.
“You should’ve seen the stricken looks on your faces. Priceless.”
“We should’ve gotten a video,” Axel agreed with a smug grin.
Steele rolled his eyes and snagged his own beer, but he didn’t toss one to me. Instead he deserted us and joined the women on the deck, now bathed in sunlight in the afternoon sun.
A couple hours later, we were all hanging out on the deck, drinking beer, and trying to talk over each other. I’d missed these guys and hadn’t even realized it.
During a lull in the conversation, I got everyone’s attention. Except for the kids gathering rocks on the shore and Mona’s snoring, all was quiet as they directed their attention to me. The bantering faded away when they noted my serious expression.
Playmaker Page 6
