“I don’t know, bro. That sounds a lot like marriage to me.”
“Exactly! I am committed. It took some time for her to trust that, but once she realized it, all the superficial talk of weddings stopped.”
“Interesting.” Carter didn’t believe Harlem was over the wedding thing. He figured she just accepted Damian’s terms for the relationship.
Damian ran a tired hand across his face. He checked his watch, then pulled Carter’s investment portfolio out of his bag and passed it over to him. “We better get to it since this is the reason we are here. I’ve got another appointment, and I don’t want to be late.”
“How can you be late? You’re the boss.”
Damian lowered his voice. “I uh . . . have a follow-up appointment with a specialist this morning.”
Carter was surprised. “Follow-up? Is everything okay?”
“I saw him the day after the negative test result. He . . . um . . . said there might be an issue. I’m going today to get the results.”
Carter raised a brow. Concerned, he asked. “What’s the bottom line?”
A pained expression appeared on Damian’s face. “I might be dealing with a worst-case scenario.”
“That means exactly what?”
“Harlem’s body is working fine. There is no reason why she can’t get pregnant. The problem seems to rest squarely on my shoulders.”
Carter took a sip of his coffee. “Is Harlem going with you?”
Damian looked guilty. “Not this time.”
Carter slowly lowered his cup. “In other words, she doesn’t know.”
“I don’t want her to worry.”
“I don’t know much about relationships, but isn’t this one of those things you’re supposed to tackle together?”
Damian said a little more forcefully. “I’ve got this.”
Carter ignored him. “I’m sure you do, but I also know that Harlem would want to be there.”
“When did you become her cheerleader?”
He wasn’t. “I just call it like I see it.”
“Let me repeat it more clearly. I don’t want to worry Harlem.”
Carter sat up, placed his elbows on the table, and laced his fingers together. “I’ve known you a long time, since freshman year of college, and you gave my ass a kidney a few years ago, so I consider us practically blood related.”
“You said all of that to say what?” Damian asked.
“It doesn’t make you less of man if you need help conceiving. It also isn’t anything to be embarrassed about. Hell, even adoption should be on the table.”
“I’m not embarrassed. It’s just . . .”
“Just what?” Carter was genuinely confused.
“Truth?”
“Nothing but.”
Damian rubbed the side of his face. “Adoption is out.”
“Why?”
“There is nothing wrong with Harlem. Why shouldn’t she have a child of her own? The issue is with me.”
Carter could understand that. “What about a donor then?”
“It’s crossed my mind. I just can’t imagine it–unless. . .” His voice trailed off.
“Unless what?”
“Unless you were the donor.”
Carter started choking. “What?” He couldn’t have possibly heard him correctly.
“I don’t trust the IVF system. I’ve read too many horror stories about that shit. It would make perfect sense for you to do it.” Damian continued to explain.
“Perfectly, crazy! I don’t know what you were smoking before you showed up this morning, but it must have been the really good stuff. It has you believing the impossible is possible.”
“How so?”
“How so?! We’re friends! We hang out at least once a week. Have you not considered how strange it would be to show up at your place, and my biological kid answered the door? I’m willing to do almost anything to help, but that shit? No way. Out of the question.”
“I gave you a kidney. You’d be dead without it.” Damian countered.
Damn. That was true. “C’mon, man, you’re not thinking straight. You’re in shock.”
“Maybe,” Damian said as if his request wasn’t batshit crazy. “Still, the fact remains, I don’t want to go to a sperm bank. It may not even be necessary. But, I’m sort of asking you to do this if it turns out that I can’t father a kid.”
Stunned, Carter didn’t know what to say or think, but he was able to form one coherent thought. How the hell do I get out of this shit?
Chapter 18
It was late when Damian arrived home. Harlem was already in bed. He climbed in beside her, and she immediately turned into him and nestled into the crook of his arm.
Harlem caressed his chest. “I missed you today.” If she were honest, there had been even more of a distance between them ever since the night they took the test, and she hated it.
“I missed you too.” He sighed contentedly, “It doesn’t get much better than this.” He had to tell her. Damian pinched the bridge of his nose. “Look, I didn’t want to tell you this tonight, but I went to go see a specialist today.”
“What kind of specialist?”
“A fertility physician.”
She was surprised. “Why didn’t you say anything? I would have gone with you.”
“Harlem, you already have enough on your plate.”
“Dame. We are partners. I know that you are hurting and disappointed.”
“So are you.” He countered
Guilt hit her. “I want to be there for you the same way you are for me.” She waited for him to respond, and when he didn’t, Harlem nudged Damian on. Her voice softened. “What did the doctor say?”
His words were slow to come. He wasn’t sure he could say them. Damian attempted to swallow the lump in his throat before speaking. “I . . . I’m the problem.” It killed him to say it out loud to her.
“W-what?”
“I won’t be able to give you children.”
The silence was deafening.
It took a minute for Harlem’s brain to catch up with her mouth. “Is he sure?” She couldn’t believe it. Harlem may have been hesitant about not being ready to have children now, but never? “We should get another opinion.”
Damian shook his head. “He’s sure. He sent my lab results to another specialist to confirm. That doctor came back with the same conclusion.”
Harlem swallowed hard. Her mind was racing. “Okay. At least we know what we’re up against. So, we won’t be able to conceive the traditional way.”
Damian removed his arm from around her and sat up. “Harlem . . .”
She whispered into the darkness. “Yes?”
“I talked to Carter about being a possible sperm donor for us.”
“Carter! Are you serious?!”
He nodded.
“Nuh-un. Nope. That’s crazy.”
Damian’s mind was spinning. He didn’t know how to handle this situation.
Harlem’s chest tightened. This was a nightmare. She knew Damian had reservations about alternative methods to becoming parents, but Carter Owens? He must have fallen and bumped his head if he thought that was a possibility.
“Listen, I know him, and more importantly, he’s not a psycho. I won’t have to worry.”
“Who says he’s not a psycho?”
“C’mon, Harlem.”
“Damian, I can’t stand Carter. I can’t imagine knowing he was the donor. I prefer not knowing. All we have to do is a little bit of research. A clinic that specializes in in-vitro is much better equipped to handle this kind of thing.”
Damian was digging in. “I wouldn’t have to worry about anything if it was Carter.”
She opened her mouth to ask him if he’d lost his mind, then closed it to rephrase the question. “That would be crazy. Carter would be around a child that is biologically his. You would be okay with that?”
“Of course not! I’d hate it. But I can’t imagine doing something like th
is any other way. The more I think about it, the more I think it’s something I could live with.” Damian clasped her hand in his as his eyes pleaded with hers. “If we want to continue down the path of parenthood, I don’t know how to go about it any other way.”
Harlem didn’t want to think about a future without Damian. But she also couldn’t imagine Carter being the biological father of their child. “I need some time to think about this. I can’t . . .”
Damian leaned in and touched his forehead to hers. “I understand, and I’ll live with whatever you decide.”
“Whatever we decide,” Harlem stressed. They would both have to live with this decision.
Chapter 19
Harlem made the three-hour drive to her parent’s home in two. She needed to put some distance between her and Damian so she could think clearly.
Home. It was always a place of warmth, love, and refuge—a place where she could press pause, or even reset, on her life.
She pulled her car into the driveway of her parent’s home. Her car stood out like a sore thumb next to her dad’s 1992 black Ford pick-up truck. The thing was old as dirt, but Elijah Thomas was a proud man. No way would he allow his daughter to buy him a new one.
“Elijah! She’s here.” Her mom squealed as she opened the screened door and came running outside to greet her only child.
Quickly, Harlem got out of the car and ran into her mother’s arms. She hugged her tight, and they did that thing where they rocked from side to side. Harlem buried her face inside the soft curve of her mom’s neck. “Hi.”
“Stop smothering the girl, Elaine!” Her dad said as he laughed that hearty laugh that was so distinctly him.
Her mom pulled away, but something in her keen gaze instinctively knew there was a problem. Her eyes softened as if to say, whatever it is will be okay.
“There’s my baby, girl!” Elijah lifted Harlem off her feet and wrapped her up into a bear hug.
“Hey, daddy.” Harlem held on tight. There was a time his hugs could fix anything. She wished this was one of those times.
“The second you called to say you were on your way, I started cooking.” Her mom said as they began to make their way towards the house. “I made your favorites. I fried some fish, made some spaghetti, coleslaw, and hot water cornbread. For dessert, the banana pudding is chilling, and I just need to frost the German chocolate cake.”
“That sounds so good. I’m only here for a couple of days, and you’re going to have me put on at least ten pounds.”
Her mom wrapped her arm around Harlem’s waist as they walked back to the house arm-in-arm. “You can stand to put on a few pounds. You’re too skinny.”
“Leave the girl alone, Elaine. She looks just like you at that age, and you weren’t too skinny to me. You had curves in all the places that I liked.” Elijah swatted his wife on the bottom as she walked up the stairs.
Elaine giggled like a schoolgirl.
Harlem watched in awe at her parents, who had been married for almost fifty years still being flirty with each other. She wanted the same with Damian and wondered if she would ever have it.
*****
Harlem changed out of her black slacks, jacket, and heels into a pair of sweat pants and her University of Illinois-Champaign t-shirt.
She sat on the edge of her bed and took a moment to look around her childhood bedroom. It still looked the same as it did when she left for college. The walls were full of her hopes, dreams, and aspirations. Harlem smiled as she studied her high school graduation photo with her friends and the Bruno Mars and Kanye West posters. Ugh. What was I thinking? Harlem got up, walked over to the wall, and took Kanye down.
She caressed all of her award-winning drawings. She’d always had a love of architecture and had worked hard to make that dream a reality. Slowly, she moved over toward her other vision boards. She stopped in front of the one marked dream wedding.
Her mother quietly entered the room, carrying a cup of tea. “I always liked that dress.”
Harlem quickly averted her eyes and pretended as if she were looking at something else. “Oh, mom. It’s just a dress.”
“Really? So, why is it still there after all of these years?” Elaine said as she handed Harlem one of the cups.
“It’s like a private diary of memories.”
“Mmhmm . . . so why is Kanye West on your bed? You managed to take him down. You just knew you were going to marry that man.” Her mom laughed. “I’m so glad Kim got him and not you.”
Harlem laughed. “Me too. I can’t imagine.”
“In all seriousness, you shouldn’t have to give up your dreams for a man, Harlem.”
“Mom. I haven’t given up my dreams.”
“You haven’t? It took you years to put that board together. You were so meticulous.”
“Mom, I don’t want to have this argument again. Please.” Harlem pleaded as she pressed her fingers to her forehead and sat back down on the bed.
“Okay.” Elaine sat down next to her. “What’s wrong? What’s going on?”
Harlem shrugged. “Why does something have to be wrong?”
“Because you and Damian are tied at the hip. You’re here, and he’s not. Plus, I’m your mama. I can sense it.”
Harlem reached over and grabbed a very old and worn teddy bear from her bed. Snuggles had seen her through some really tough times. “Mom, I really need you to not be judgmental.”
“Okay.” I can do that.
Harlem smirked. She wasn’t so sure, but she needed to talk to someone she trusted, not in her circle of friends. “You know that Damian and I have been trying to have a baby.”
Elaine wanted to scream, girl, are you crazy? But kept her response neutral. “Mmmhmm. Yes, I remember. I always wondered whose last name the baby would carry since y’all ain’t married.”
“Mom. C’mon. You said no judgment.”
“It’s not judgment,” Elaine said innocently as she took a sip of her tea. “Just an observation.”
“It’s almost like we are married. He’s committed. He’s loving. He’s supportive. I couldn’t ask for a better life partner, and he’s going to be a great father.”
Life partner? My daughter has been watching too much Red Table Talk. Lord. Almost being married ain’t the same thing. Elaine kept her mouth shut. “Damian is a good guy. I’ll grant you that. But I’m not following. Why do you look so sad?”
“We’re having a problem conceiving.”
“Everything happens in God’s timing. It’ll happen when it’s supposed to.” She said.
“I’m devastated.”
“Are you?” Her mom wasn’t so sure.
“What? Of course!”
“If I remember correctly, you had your doubts about getting pregnant when Damian first brought it up.”
“That was a long time ago.”
“A year is not that long ago.”
“I plan to spend the rest of my life with him, and we decided to start a family sooner rather than later.”
“Mmm,” Elaine said as she took another sip of her tea.
“Anyway, there’s a difference between timing and never having the opportunity to be a mother.”
“You’re being dramatic, Harlem.”
“No, I’m not. See . . . this is why I didn’t want to talk to you.” Harlem responded.
“Why? Because I see the truth behind the lies.” Gently, Elaine turned Harlem’s face toward hers. “In relationships, there is always give and take. You have to compromise, but it can’t be one-sided. All I see is you making the sacrifices and doing all of the compromising.”
“That’s not true.” Harlem glanced down at Snuggles. She whispered. “We both compromise.”
“Your father and I just want you to be happy. If Damian is the one who can put that special sparkle in your eyes, then I’m all for it. But I won’t pretend that I haven’t watched as you’ve passed up promotional opportunities because it wasn’t a good time for you and him. You’ve given up on the
life you planned for yourself to make your relationship work.”
Harlem mumbled. “You talk as if I’m not successful. I have a great job, and I make good money. Yes, I sacrifice, but Damian sacrifices too.”
“I am very proud of your accomplishments, Harlem. But I can’t ignore all the times you’ve said you couldn’t do this or that because it wasn’t the right time in your relationship. I’m not sure I’ve ever heard the reverse. What has Damian sacrificed?”
“He’s infertile.” Harlem blurted out.
That surprised Elaine. She was genuinely shocked. Lovingly, she placed her hand on top of Harlem’s. “I’m truly sorry. When did you find out?”
“A couple of days ago. Initially, Damian was dead set against adoption or in vitro. But, he has since agreed to in vitro treatments.”
“I see.” Elaine knew there was more to the story but would wait for Harlem to tell it. “So, what’s the problem?”
“I just have a lot to process. That’s all.” Harlem conceded. She laid her head on her mom’s shoulder. “That’s why I came home.”
“This has to be tough. I can’t imagine, but honey . . .” Elaine took Harlem’s hand in hers and squeezed it. She spoke softly as she pulled Harlem into a loving embrace. “I know that Damian checks all of your boxes and plans for your life. He’s a handsome and successful black man. In your mind, you have the perfect guy, and now you want the 2.5 children, the dog, and the house with the white picket fence. But, let me tell you, life is not perfect. Sometimes things don’t always go the way we plan. It can sometimes be messy, and one must adjust. My prayer is that you figure out whatever has you hung-up and you make the best decision that is not only good for your relationship, but for you.”
Her Baby His Gift (The Slow Burn Duology Book 1) Page 9
