Carter tried to refocus. Again, he turned his attention to the little tv. The monitor was small, and to get a better look, Carter leaned down low. That movement brought him even closer to Harlem’s face. So close that Carter could feel the heat from her body. Their cheeks were almost touching. For the briefest of moments, he was caught off guard by how the coconut scent of her hair made him feel. You’re watching the beginnings of life–one you helped to create. Of course, you’d be emotional. That must be the reason behind . . . Carter fought to put the right words to his emotions. Don’t lie to yourself. It’s attraction. Plain and simple.
His closeness caused Harlem to quietly suck in a breath.
Dr. Jones seemed to be oblivious as he continued to run the ultrasound wand across Harlem’s stomach. “He or she is playing a game of hide-n-seek with us.” He massaged Harlem’s belly for a second before returning the gadget back to her stomach.
Harlem turned slightly toward Carter to ask him something. She forgot he was so close and whatever she was going to say floated right out of her head. They were almost lip-to-lip. Harlem felt a slight quiver in her stomach, and it had absolutely nothing to do with the baby.
Her eyes met Carter’s and were imprisoned by the intensity of his. They spoke volumes without Carter having to utter a single word.
What is this? You know what this is. The room shrank to just the two of them, and Carter forgot that Dr. Jones was even in the room. It was hard to form words, but Carter managed as his eyes cut away from hers. He cleared his throat.
Harlem immediately missed the connection. She took a steadying breath, hoping to calm her accelerated heartbeat, and turned back to the monitor.
Dr. Jones pretended as if he didn’t feel the electricity flowing between the two of them. Their reaction was pretty normal between couples. However, this case was unique because Carter and Harlem weren’t a couple. Not as far as he knew. Carter was only technically the father. He wondered if maybe in the months since Damian’s death, they had become more. That part wasn’t really his business, so he steered clear and focused on his job. “Ah . . . there we go. It looks like you are having . . .” His words hung in the air.
“A what?” Harlem asked anxiously.
“We can’t be one hundred percent certain, but . . .” Dr. Jones was being coy.
“You’re killing me.” She said.
“In that case, I hope you like pink.”
“A girl?” Harlem asked. “I’m having a girl?!”
“It would appear so.”
Carter was too stunned to speak. What the hell was he going to do with a girl baby? The more he thought about it, what the hell was he going to do with a boy baby? Or any baby? He needed to hit up a few bookstores and grab some baby books.
Dr. Jones finished the ultrasound, then wiped Harlem’s belly before flipping on the light. “Do either of you have any questions?”
Carter had a million of them, but he was too out of it to form a coherent thought. Harlem was too. “Well, if something comes to mind, just give me a call. Otherwise, I’ll see you in another month.” He waited another moment, and when neither Carter nor Harlem spoke, he stood to leave.
Harlem was finally able to find her voice. “Thank you, Dr. Jones.”
Carter stood and leaned over Harlem to shake hands with him too. “Yes, thank you.”
“You’re both welcome. And again, Congratulations.” Dr. Jones walked out of the room.
Carter was in total shock. “You’re having a baby.” He said in awe.
“I am. A girl.” Harlem watched him process it all right before her eyes.
Carter had known that Harlem was pregnant, but there had been a small part of him that still felt as if it was Damian’s child . . . until today. The reality of their situation hit home. Harlem was not only having a baby. She was having his baby.
Out of nowhere, Carter leaned over and kissed her. Harlem was shocked initially, but then she gave in to the kiss, and her eyes fluttered closed.
After several long moments, slowly, Carter pulled back. What the fuck have I done? “Harlem, I . . .”
Harlem was breathless. “I-It’s fine.” What in the world? His kiss rocked her to the core and scared the shit out of her. “We’re both emotional.” Harlem’s explanation wasn’t just for Carter. “I should get dressed.”
Carter cleared his throat. “Yes. Of course.”
Quickly, Harlem slid off of the table and ran-walked into the bathroom to change.
Carter could kick himself. He was losing it. Did I really kiss her? There was no doubt about it. The better question was, why did he enjoy it so much?
Chapter 28
It was strange. Harlem was on such a high that she wanted to skip to the car. Simultaneously, she was freaked the hell out about the kiss she shared with Carter–and her dream.
He hadn’t said a word as they walked to the parking lot. Harlem kept stealing glances at his face to try to figure out what Carter was thinking. It was blank. She couldn’t read him. Maybe he wanted to forget it happened. It was probably best.
Carter opened her door, and she got inside. He walked around to the driver’s side, opened his door, and slid inside. He immediately turned the heat up to full blast. “Are you warm enough?”
“It’s like zero degrees outside. Literally. Blowing cold air is not helping.” Harlem laughed nervously. “It’s also February in Chicago. I’m freezing, but that’s okay. I’m sure the car will warm up soon enough.”
He turned the heat down. Carter wouldn’t glance her way. “I wasn’t thinking.” He was freaking the fuck out. “I should have hit the automatic start before we came out here.”
“It’s fine.”
“No. It’s not. You’re having a baby.”
“Well, yeah. We’ve kinda known that for a while.”
Carter finally looked over at her. “No. I mean, you’re actually having a baby.”
Harlem was about to burst out laughing from his months-long delayed reaction, but she refrained. “A girl. Can you believe it?”
“Harlem.”
“Yes?”
Carter watched her mouth move as she spoke. What he wouldn’t give to taste her lips again. He was losing it. “Never mind.” He pulled out of the parking lot.
“No. What? Tell me what you were thinking. This has to be incredibly strange for you.”
“Strange is one way to put it. This situation is a lot of things.” He said more to himself than her.
Harlem wanted to ask him so bad about the kiss, but that would open a door that neither of them was probably prepared to walk through. Still, Harlem would take her cues from Carter. If he wanted to pretend nothing happened, then so would she. “Hey, can we stop by Harold’s Chicken & Waffles? I have a craving.”
“You’re hungry?”
“I’m always hungry.”
“Then Harold’s it is.”
“Let me give you the address.”
“I know where Harold’s is.”
“Not the one on Wabash but the one on 87th.”
“That was the best one, but they closed it down. We’ll have to hit up the one over in Evergreen Park.”
“Every day, you surprise me.” Harlem was impressed. “You and Damian were such health nuts I can’t imagine you ever eating there.”
“It was a nice treat from time-to-time.” At the mention of Damian’s name, the mood in the car instantly changed to somber. Harlem could kick herself. After her foolish words, the car grew silent again as they drove to the restaurant, both lost in their own thoughts.
It was so quiet that it was easy to hear Carter’s phone blowing up. He kept declining the calls. Harlem figured it was Elaina. She didn’t like that woman and not just because Carter and Elaina were wrong for each other. The icky feeling of disdain had morphed into something else. Something that might resemble jealousy.
At the realization, Harlem slid down in her seat. What is wrong with me? Carter was Damian’s best friend. What kind of slutbucket wou
ld I be to even go there, regardless of Damian giving his blessing? Carter was off-limits. Period. She tried to distract herself by focusing on her phone while placing their food order. For now, it was the most immediate distraction. Harlem would figure something else out later.
Carter kept his eyes on the road. He was so damned confused. Elaina had called at least three times. He had zero desire to talk to her. All he could think about was Harlem. He was quickly coming to the realization that he wanted to be a father . . . and maybe even more. Being with Harlem was so easy. It didn’t feel like work. And Carter enjoyed her company and conversation. He wondered if she felt the same. He also wondered what she really thought about their kiss. She hadn’t pushed him away. She also hadn’t said a word about it. Then there was Damian. He was gone but not forgotten. His presence loomed large between them.
Carter glanced over at the woman who occupied the entirety of his thoughts only to see that she had fallen asleep.
After a twenty-minute drive, he pulled up into the parking lot of the plaza. Carter got out of the car. He was about to go into the restaurant when he stopped in front of a florist. He glanced over his shoulder at a sleeping Harlem and then back at the store. It was Valentine’s Day. Should I buy her flowers? He was so mixed up in the head.
Harlem was Damian’s girl.
Something within him pushed past that fact, and Carter walked into the florist anyway. After ten minutes, he emerged carrying one long-stemmed red rose with an order to deliver several dozen to his home within the hour. Friends could give each other flowers. He rationalized.
*****
Carter whispered into Harlem’s ear. “Hey. We’re here.”
She cracked open her eyes. “I fell asleep? I didn’t feel tired.”
“What did you tell me? ‘You’re incubating a whole human.’ I’m sure that requires a lot of energy.” Carter laughed.
“We’re at your house?”
“It was closer than driving all the way back downtown to your condo. I’ll take you back later.”
“I don’t care. I’m just ready to eat!”
“Yeah, you and your cravings got my car smelling like fried chicken.” He laughed as he got out. Carter came around to help Harlem out. He walked her to the door and opened it. “Oh. I forgot something. Go on in. I’ll be there in a second.” Carter jogged back to the car, reached into the backseat, and grabbed the single rose.
When he went back into his home, Harlem was in his kitchen, taking the food out of the bags. She looked very comfortable as if she belonged there. “Carter, your kitchen is beautiful.”
“You’ve never been in here?”
She shook her head. “I always sat in the car when we came over.” Harlem could tell that Carter was hiding something behind his back. Her eyes narrowed. “What you got there?”
“Nothing much. Just this.” He pulled out the red rose.
Harlem stood frozen and just stared at it.
“Did I overstep? I didn’t know . . .”
“N-no.” She stuttered as she reached for the rose. “Thank you.” She didn’t know what else to say. He was sending such mixed signals. Her own feelings were kind of all over the place too.
Carter had never been nervous around a woman before in his life. He always knew exactly what to say to get the desired result. It was different with Harlem. “I just figured, it’s Valentine’s Day.” He lifted a shoulder. “I know that’s important to women. I didn’t want the day to pass and not even acknowledge it.”
“That was very thoughtful. Again, thank you.” She put the rose to her nose and took in the scent as she looked up at him.
Her gaze was intoxicating. Carter didn’t know if Harlem was doing it on purpose or what. At some point, they were going to have to clear the air. He wasn’t sure if either of them were ready for that conversation, so for now, he dodged it. “Let’s take the food into the theater room.”
Harlem could see that Carter was trying to work something out in his mind. She would let him figure it out, and then they would talk about it, especially when she was doing the same. “Okay, sounds good.”
Carter picked up their plates, and Harlem followed him out of the kitchen. He helped her get situated on the couch and then found a movie before sitting next to her.
“Why in God’s name do you have such a big house when you’re the only one in it?”
Carter shrugged. “I liked it.” Of course, there was more to the story than that, but Carter didn’t want to bring down the easiness between them with the real reason he chose this house. Instead, he decided to keep it light as they ate.
“You liked it, huh? Men. I’ll never understand why everything has to always be so big.” Harlem ate a piece of chicken, and the moment it hit her pallet, her eyes rolled into the back of her head from pure ecstasy. “So good.”
Carter enjoyed watching the expressions on her face change. He wondered if she had the same look when making love? The wayward thought caused him to choke.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah. The chicken just went down wrong.” He picked up his drink and took a long sip. “I’m fine.”
They chatted about nothing for a while until Carter began to stare.
“What?” Harlem looked confused.
“You just have a little . . .” Carter reached over and wiped some bbq off the corner of her lips. As he pulled his hand back, their gazes locked and held.
“Thanks.” She said softly. “Carter, we should talk.” There goes following his cues.
He glanced away. “Talk about what?”
“What happened today.”
Shit. Okay. If she’s ready to have that conversation about the kiss, then I’ve got to knuckle up.
“I saw the look on your face as you watched the monitor.”
It wasn’t the conversation he thought she was about to bring up, but they needed to talk about that too. “I’ve had several come to Jesus moments today, and seeing the baby for the first time on the monitor was certainly one of them.” He paused.
Harlem touched his arm when it seemed as if he couldn’t find the words. “Talk to me.”
Carter drew in a breath and released it before speaking. “I don’t think I can watch this baby grow up like a spectator.”
“What does that mean?”
Slowly, Carter inhaled and exhaled. “My father was absent even when he was present. I was always afraid if I ever had kids, I’d be just like him. I never thought I had anything to offer to a child. But today, in the doctor’s office, I felt differently.”
“I always thought of Damian as the father.”
Carter was disappointed, but her response should have been expected. “I know.” He said quietly.
“I don’t anymore.”
He looked up into her eyes. “You don’t?”
“Not since we went to the gravesite.”
“I know you’re still angry, but when that wears off, do you think you might feel differently?”
“I’m pretty sure I won’t.” Harlem decided to come clean. “Damian and I both knew that something was wrong with our relationship long before I got pregnant. I think we hoped that this baby would fix it. I’m not sure either of us realized at the time what we were doing or why. I know for me, I hoped getting pregnant was a way to help us feel connected.”
Carter was genuinely surprised. “You never felt connected?”
Harlem glanced down at her hands. “No. Not in the way I should have. You can’t be all that surprised. You heard me at the gravesite.”
“I heard a woman who was rightfully hurt and angry.”
“I was very angry with him, but mostly with myself. Don’t get me wrong, Damian was my best friend. He had all the qualifications for my perfect guy. I should have been in love with him. I don’t understand why I wasn’t. I hoped with more time, eventually, I would be. I know now that it never would have worked out that way.”
“I don’t know, Harlem. Damian loved you very much.”
“
Damian loved the idea of me. We didn’t see eye-to-eye on so many things, but I know he desperately wanted a family. Something he never had growing up. I was an idealized fantasy come to life. He was my exact opposite. He would have been miserable if this relationship had continued, and so would I.”
Carter was finding it hard to digest her words. “I know one thing. He would have been a great dad.”
“No doubt about it.” She agreed.
“Damian and I share a lot of the same hang-ups.”
I know, which is why I have no idea why I feel more connected to you. “I guess it’s part of the thing that bonded you.”
“Harlem, I can do this. I want to do this.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means I don’t want this baby to know me as an uncle. I want to be her father.”
“It’s a big step and an even bigger commitment. Is that truly what you want?”
Carter reached for her hands and held them firmly in his. “It’s what I want.” And so are you, but you, I cannot have.
“Are you sure it’s not just the emotions from the day? I mean, you kissed me and then acted as if it never happened. You also gave me a rose–on Valentine’s Day. We’re just friends, right?”
“I don’t know if I should have done that. I guess I just got caught up. But, there is a part of me that hopes we can be more than friends.”
Harlem’s heart started to accelerate. “More?”
“Yes. I want us to be parents to this little miracle. I hope you give me the opportunity.”
Harlem hoped her face didn’t reveal her disappointment. She could also kick herself for wanting to explore anything romantic with Carter. Instead of voicing what was really going on in her head, Harlem smiled. His declaration was good news. “If that’s what you really want, I could never stand in the way.”
Carter exhaled in relief. That battle was over. He had a feeling the biggest battle was just getting started.
Chapter 29
Harlem was stuffed. She rested her head on the back of the sofa and patted her stomach. “God, I don’t think I can eat another bite.”
“Right.” He twisted his lips to the side. “I don’t believe that for a second. I know for a fact around eight o’clock you’re going to want some black-walnut ice-cream.”
Her Baby His Gift (The Slow Burn Duology Book 1) Page 15
