by Lauren Runow
Of all the times to be far from home with a car that doesn’t run on fucking gas, tonight has to be the time. I ditch my car in a parking lot off US-101 and try to get a taxi to take me back to San Francisco. The taxi says it is too far and to try Uber. Since I have a driver, I’ve never even thought about downloading the Uber app. Why I chose the Golden Gate Bridge instead of the Bay Bridge so that I could just hop on Bay Area Rapid Transit frustrates the hell out of me.
Of course, the only reliable person in all of San Francisco Bay area shows up.
Brantley pulls up to the lot forty-five minutes after I called him; it is lightning fast, considering the distance. He doesn’t ask any questions. With no one on the road, we fly back into the city.
Not only was Austin in a race, but he also had Jalynn in the seat beside him. I knew there was something going on between them, but I didn’t think it was serious enough for him to allow her to ride with him. He only rides with his good-luck charm.
Thank God Jalynn wasn’t hurt as well. She’s the one who drove him to the hospital. I made sure she brought him to UCSF Medical Center. It still burns me that Missy received that honor, thanks to the sizable donations we’ve made to the hospital, dating back to when my mother was alive. The last investment must have been extraordinary to have her moniker on the wall of the children’s waiting room. The staff will be discreet with his injuries. Last thing we need is an audience.
I also placed calls to Austin’s friends who have contacts with the police department and to my attorney. My brother’s injury is priority number one. Protecting his ass is number two. Keeping others involved in the fallout out of harm’s way is number three.
Despite my not being able to get to the hospital, I’ve been updated. Austin has a concussion and lacerated ribs. He’s been rushed to surgery to work on a brain bleed. The thought has my stomach rolling and adrenaline pumping.
I pull a jacket out of my bag and slide it on. The book I brought from the house, Pride & Prejudice, is sitting on the seat next to me. I put it in my pocket and pray I’ll get a chance to give it to my brother.
Brantley pulls up to the hospital, I grab my bag and jump out and stare at the entrance. The last time I was here, my mother was in a car accident, driving her car off a cliff. I heard my father say he thought she did it on purpose. Anyone who knew her said it was an accident. I know it was the latter.
I came here that night but not because she was here. Her body was in the ocean, being extracted by divers. I came here because Tanner had had a breakdown. He’d stopped breathing, and he was rushed to the hospital. He was only fourteen. Too young to lose a parent. Austin and I stayed with him all night. We held hands, cried, and prayed. That was the moment I knew my brothers were my life.
They’re still my life.
I turn back to the SUV and open the back door. I keep a pack of cigarettes under the seat. Tonight warrants a few.
Brantley doesn’t say a word about it. I take the pack and walk to the side of the building, behind a row of bushes where there’s a path that leads to a small park-like area, which is closer to the emergency room side of the building. I take a seat on a bench. I inhale the nicotine and smoke my lungs away as I worry about my brother.
People rush in and out of the building in hurried steps. Ambulances come cruising in as doctors wait on standby. I can only imagine this was the scene when Jalynn brought Austin in after crashing a car into a guardrail. When we spoke, she said he was slumped over and unresponsive as his friends hauled him into a pickup truck, and I told her to get him out of there.
I might not give Austin credit, but one thing’s for sure; the guy has loyal friends.
I call Tanner to give him the news.
“Fuck,” he says, snapping out of his grumbly voice. It’s the middle of the night in New York, and I’ve woken him up. “I’ll try to get on a plane, but I probably won’t be able to get out until late morning.”
“Text me your itinerary. I’ll have Brantley pick you up.”
“Yeah. Definitely,” he says and is followed by the sound of a woman’s voice.
“Who’s that?” I ask, sounding more like a prying father than an interested brother.
“My muse,” he says.
I take a drag, wishing I had mine by my side at this moment. “Send her home and get your ass to the airport.”
Tanner sounds offended. “It’s not like that, man. This one is special. I’m bringing her with me.”
“You’re too young to know what special is.” I know I sound like a dick, but that’s the way I feel right now.
Instead of being offended, Tanner sounds concerned. “Bryce, it’s gonna be okay. Austin’s gonna be okay.”
“We don’t know that.”
“Yes, you do. It’s the Sexton brothers’ way. We always come out on top.”
“Yeah? Says who?”
“Austin,” he says, assured. “He said, no matter what happens, we have an angel on our shoulder at all times. And, if that doesn’t work, we have Bryce.”
I rub my brow and then take another drag. “When did he say that?”
“Always and often. He’s been especially sentimental since he fell in love.”
“He’s in love?” I glance back toward the hospital where I know Jalynn is waiting inside.
Based on her call earlier, she was devastated with worry and fear of losing him.
Tanner laughs lightly. “Yeah, he’s in love. He won’t admit it yet. Hey, did you give him that book I told you to give him?”
I shake my head. “No. But I have it with me. In my bag.”
“Good. Call me when you have an update.”
“Will do, brother. I love you.” I hang up with Tanner and put out my cigarette.
As I round the corner, going back toward the entrance of the main hospital, I see there’s someone else lurking in the shadow of the side of the building.
I stop abruptly when I see my father on his knees. At first, I think he’s hurt. When I see his hands, palms tight up to his lips, I realize he’s praying. I don’t want to disturb him, so I back up into the alcove of the building and wait while he speaks.
“Merciful Lord in heaven, save my son.” While I’ve heard his voice almost every day since the moment I was born, I’ve never heard my father pray before. “You saved him before. You can do it again.”
He stands up and hits the wall before tugging on his hair in agony. His shirt isn’t pristine like it is every day, and he looks like he dressed in the dark. He’s pacing the small area, muttering to himself.
If I were to tell anyone that my father was hiding behind a hospital, praying for his son, they wouldn’t believe me, especially Austin. He has been dismissive to us, and I’ve tried everything to get the man he once was to reemerge. When Austin was hurt in the Marines, Dad and Missy came to the hospital but seemed more bothered than concerned.
“I’ve sinned,” he breathes. “You’re punishing my boy for my sins.”
His confession is enlightening yet confusing. My father has sinned many times. Which sin he’s atoning for is what I question.
“If I knew how to take it all back, I would. I am in this mess, and I can’t get out. She has my life in her hands.” His head is low as aggravation pours with each breath.
The headlights of a town car briefly light up the space as it pulls up to the entrance. My father walks out from the side of the building and into the bright lights in the front.
I follow but stay behind the wall, in the shadows, and watch as Missy gets out of the backseat and approaches my father.
Missy looks perturbed as she walks up to him. “You just leave in the middle of the night without telling me that your son was in an accident?”
He points a finger and then drops it. “I didn’t want to wake you.”
“My assistant called me. He got a tip from one of his racing contacts that there was a crash. Nice I had to call the hospital to find out it was Austin and didn’t find out from my husband.”
; “I was going to tell you as soon as I found out what had happened.”
She looks at him with annoyance. “Don’t play the concerned father role, Edward. It’s not flattering on you.”
“You’re a feisty little bitch.”
“I was when you took me to bed when I was nineteen years old. As I recall, you used to love this feisty little bitch.”
“I created a monster,” he says.
She rolls her eyes. “Let’s go upstairs and get this over with.”
If they were any other couple, I’d let my presence be known. I won’t though. Missy’s right. My father hasn’t cared about our family for years, and her words are an admission that they were in a relationship long before my mother passed away. He deserves this life he’s carved out for himself. One where he’s tethered to a woman who is as vicious as he is.
“Let’s see if he’s alive first.” He takes her hand and walks through the automatic doors.
I shouldn’t be surprised. One minute, he’s worried about Austin, and the next, he only cares about taking Austin’s shares away. My father’s priorities are fucked.
Knowing he’s inside, I smoke another cigarette and wait. I wait for what feels like forever. The sky lightens lightly, as dawn is on the horizon. My phone rings, and it’s the hospital.
Austin is out of surgery.
He’s gonna be okay.
I take a walk. I walk around the building; I walk through the emergency waiting room. I watch people sit in worry; I watch others cry in anguish. I see people leave, fixed and bandaged; I see mothers kissing babies and couples helping each other out the door.
There’s a soft hum in the air as the day breaks. It almost feels like all the bad stuff that happened yesterday is ready to evaporate.
Ready to stop lurking in the outskirts of the hospital, I walk inside and head to my brother’s room.
When I enter, he’s sitting up in his hospital bed with a bandage wrapped around his head and face cut to all high hell. Seeing him like this brings back way too many memories of the last time he was injured. Closing my eyes and fighting back tears, I take a few steps, trying not to wake him.
As soon as I make it to his bed, his eyes slowly open and meet with mine. I see the hurt, the pain, and the happiness that I’m here, all in that one glance.
“Back from Tahoe so soon?” he says with a smirk. “Please tell me you got some before you came rushing back here.”
“You wake up from brain surgery, and that’s the first thing out of your mouth?” I ask.
He tries to laugh but coughs instead, leading to a grimace of pain crossing his face.
“That’s what you get for talking shit about my sex life,” I joke. “Good to see you haven’t lost your sense of humor.”
“Still as charming as ever.” He tries to smile though the pain.
I drop my head to my chest and push my hands deep into my pockets. “You had me worried there.” I sigh, looking up to the ceiling to fight the tears threatening to appear again.
“I know you can’t live without me, but no need to cry, big bro.”
I chuckle to myself while shaking my head. I run my hands through my hair and then lean my elbows on the bed. “You have to stop scaring the shit out of me. I’ve had to come see you in the hospital two too many times now.”
He purses his lips at the realization. “I guess I have given you my fair share of scares. Though, in my defense, the first one was a bomb. I had nothing to do with that shit.”
“No more daredevil shit, you hear me? Tanner and I need a brother.” I pause. “That reminds me.” I reach into my coat pocket and pull out the book. “Tanner asked me to give you this.”
“Looks like someone’s been reading this?” he says, eyeing up the creases on the spine.
“It was Mom’s.”
“You are just like her, willing to read everything and anything.”
I change the subject, not wanting to talk about Mom. “Tanner had me reading The Great Gatsby. When he moves back home, he’ll have to cool it with the life lessons through literature.”
“He can’t get here soon enough, right?”
“It will be great to have both my brothers working alongside me.” If I hadn’t been staring, I’d have missed the look of pride that formed on his face. “He can’t get a flight out of New York until tomorrow.”
“Tell him to stay home. I’m fine. He graduates soon enough and will be home full-time. He needs to enjoy his final months before the real world kicks in.”
“Yeah, I don’t have to worry about him joining the military and leaving us like you did.”
“But you do have to worry about him painting peace murals on the sides of buildings.”
I run my hand down my face. “Missy’s going to eat him alive.”
“He’s a good guy. He knows whose side to be on.”
“He was so young when Mom died. I don’t even know if he remembers her anymore.”
“Tanner knows us. He knows we’re brothers, and that tops everything.”
“Sexton brothers. The war with Missy isn’t over, so stop getting yourself hurt, okay?” I give him a stern expression.
“Fine, Dad. I’ll play safely from now on.”
“Jalynn needs you, too,” I say knowingly.
“She says I need to stop being so hard on you.”
I laugh to myself. “Funny. She says the same thing to me about you. What the hell does she see in you?”
He smirks. “Have you seen this face? I could be the next Superman.”
Sorry, bro, that’s my new role, not yours.
“Not with the black eyes you’re sporting. You’d make a better Rocky.”
“Nice,” he drawls. “When we get out of here, we’re telling everyone I got into a bar brawl. You have to use the typical punch line—”
“You should see the other guy,” I finish his joke. “We’ll work on your alibi. I’m thinking you should take a few weeks off and recuperate.”
“And not go into the office? Bryce, you’ve been harping on me for eighteen months about not working hard enough, and now, you’re kicking me out?”
“About that.” I raise an eyebrow. “I’ve been looking over your financials and productivity reports and”—I pause—“you’re doing a really great job.”
“Wow. A compliment from the great and powerful Bryce Sexton? I never thought I’d see the day.”
I try to laugh, but after the day I’ve had, there’s not much laugh left in me.
“So, um, in all seriousness … are you gonna tell me about the girl?” he asks tentatively.
I take a deep breath in and shake my head.
“Didn’t go so well?”
I furrow my brows and stare into his bedsheets. “I fucked it up.”
It’s silent for a moment, but I keep my gaze locked on the white cotton, not sure what to say or do.
“Do you love her?” he asks.
I quickly look up, knowing very well that I do but not sure if I can say it out loud yet.
“Run to her, bro. If there’s a girl out there who is worthy of making you want to change your life for the good, then go to her. Get her back. Stand outside her door for days until she answers. Fall to your knees and beg for forgiveness. Life’s too short to let love pass you by. Don’t let your fears hold you back from having it all. That’s not what Mom would have wanted for you.”
I open my mouth, trying to say something, anything, but nothing comes to mind, except, “It’s complicated.”
“So is running a billion-dollar business.”
I laugh and sit back in my chair. Austin’s eyes are starting to look heavy, and I can tell the morphine drip just released his next dose.
“You mind if I sit here with you for a while?” I ask.
“Of course. Just make sure, when I open my eyes again, it’s to a hot female. Preferably of the hazel-eyed, peach-smelling variety.”
The smile on my face grows as his eyes slowly close. I pull my hands up behind my hea
d, crossing my fingers and leaning into them. After the stressful day I’ve just had, all I want to do right now is sit with my brother.
The book is still in his hands. I slide it out from beneath his fingers and look at the creased spine and worn pages.
I open it and flip through, looking at the faint markings as the words pass by. A piece of white paper tucked between the pages gets my attention. I flip back to where I saw it and pull out the loose-leaf paper, which has been folded in quarters. I open it and recognize my mother’s handwriting.
Bryce, Austin, and Tanner,
Tomorrow, you start The Harker School. Up until now, you’ve been in public school, so this is a big step for us as a family. Most importantly, it’s a giant leap for your futures. This afternoon, we went to an orientation with your new teachers, and the parents there were all talking about their aspirations for their children. They wished for future lawyers, doctors, engineers, and astronauts. One woman said her son would be the President of the United States. While I wish only the best for you, I do want to share with you my wishes for who you become as men.
I want you to be competitive but to better yourself and not for the sake of knocking others down.
I want you to make others laugh, except at the expense of others.
I want you to dance even if you’re bad at it.
I want you to make a woman feel beautiful, even when she’s not.
I want you to be able to tell a good joke, especially the dirty kind.
I want you to cook a good meal and appreciate a good bottle of wine.
I want you to pick someone up when they’re feeling down.
I want you to place women, especially the right woman, up on a pedestal.
I want you to love with your whole heart and never be afraid.
I want you to be able to move on from great loss.
I want you to be kind.
I want you to be happy.
I want you to be you.
And, for that, I will always be proud.
With all my love … to the moon and back,
Mom
Fucking Tanner. I don’t know if he knew this note was in here or if he even intended for me to read it. Of course, of all the times in my life when I needed to hear from my mom, now is the time.
