by K. M. Raya
“You're going to think yourself into a coma, little bird.” Holden runs a hand over my sweaty hair, and I cringe a little. He places a small, feather light kiss on the tip of my nose. I smile softly beneath his chin. He’s so tall that my head barely reaches his shoulders.
Looking up, I meet his haunting chocolate gaze, languishing in the feel of his attention on me—feeling the affection he has for me in every caress of his sure fingers. “Let’s get home, Carter’s probably wearing a hole in the floor by now.”
He rolls his eyes before slinging an arm over my shoulders and steering me towards the doors. I nod to Donny over in the corner of the room by the punching bags. Donny owns this little gym and hired me within two weeks of moving to the city. After proving myself worthy, he deemed me fit to teach self-defense lessons three days a week.
It’s not my own gym like I planned, but for now this place is what keeps me going.
✽✽✽
“I really needed this,” I breathe, as we stare out at the water. I’d wanted to go straight home and shower, but Holden had other ideas. I guess he knew I wasn’t completely ready to settle in for the night. I have too much adrenaline still thrumming through my veins. Holden’s intuitive like that… sometimes to a fault.
He nudges my shoulder after taking a sip of the hot coffee in his hand. “You stress yourself out too much. You’re gonna give yourself grey hairs in no time.”
Shaking my head, I lean my shoulder into his warmth, and he slings an arm around me, nestling me into the perfect shape of his chest as we let our feet dangle off the fishing dock that overlooks the bay. A black beanie covers his long brown hair, and he looks like a different person with it on. I’m so used to a perfectly dressed Holden Kingsley—in his usual slacks and button downs, not this relaxed, casual vibe he has going on these days. It seems like ever since leaving Seaside, the guys have been able to come into themselves, rather than forcing themselves to be molded into their father’s perfect little drones.
My eyes must still look lost because he chuckles. “See what I mean, you’re still stressing, aren't you? What’s going on in there?” he asks—tapping my forehead, his voice is worried. “You still thinking about Hannah, or is it something else?”
Sighing, I turn to him and study his warm brown eyes. “Do you think we’ll stay here?” I sound conflicted for some reason, as if I might be afraid of his answer, and in some ways I might be.
He lets out a long breath. “What kind of a question is that?” He hates when I get like this.
We look out on water that surrounds Vancouver city like a ring of crystal glass. Boats sail by in the whipping wind, and as the sun starts to set, the buildings around us twinkle like the spires of glass castles. I thought I’d never find another place to love as much as I loved Seaside’s beaches, but I was wrong. There’s a rightness here that just might have everything to do with the four men that make it a home.
“I’m serious, is this the place, or is it just one of many?”
He squeezes me a little tighter before touching his warm fingers to my chin. I meet his lips softly, opening up and letting his tongue explore my mouth. He takes his time, tasting like mocha and compassion. Who knew he had it in him? I did. I knew all along...
“You’re awfully negative today,” he whispers against my lips and I chuckle. “Is this why you won’t open your own place? Because if it is, you know I can’t really make you any promises, but if you hold yourself back because you’re scared then it’ll never happen. I know you like working for Donny, but—”
I cut him off with a kiss, trying to distract him from his own logical train of thought. I bite down on his lip, making him grumble and wrap his arms even tighter around me. I feel so fucking safe in this man’s arms. I feel the safest I’ve ever been, regardless of the horrors of our past. There’s been a lot to cope with these past months—a lot of hurdles to leap as far as relationships are concerned. For a while, I was basically a recluse. The guys moved us to Canada and stole me away to keep me safe, but I still didn’t trust them. We went weeks without speaking—them tiptoeing around me and me pretending I wasn’t thinking about escaping in the night.
I can’t even count how many times I actually packed a bag to go. But I could never bring myself to cross that threshold. The home they made for us was too enticing. The protection they offered me was too delicious to pass up—not that I need any real protecting. They know that well enough, but the five of us together could do anything—be anything now. We keep each other safe.
“Are you really going make me ask you twice?” he teases, refusing to let me distract him with my lips.
Sighing, I weave my fingers with his larger ones. “I’ll do it eventually.”
He scoffs, glaring past me out to the water. “I hate hearing you talk like this. Do you want be stuck working for Donny forever?”
“You know I don't,” I admonish—getting irritated now. “I’m just not ready.” I turn around in his arms and face the boats as they glide along the freezing cold water. “Besides, we’ve only been here for six months. Give me a break…”
“This is about Sal, isn’t it…” I can feel his frown behind me, and I shudder at the name. I don’t answer—unable to put words to how fragile the thought of that man makes me feel. Though it’s been months since he tried to sell me for profit, I can still hear that deep timbre in my ear, telling me to be a good little girl and make my Papa proud. His presence haunts me.
Getting to my feet abruptly, I pretend to dust myself off, purposely not looking at Holden. He stands, frowning in that way of his that makes me feel like he sees too much. He’s been trying for months to get me to talk about Papa, to open up to him about my past. What he never seems to realize—what none of them ever seem to realize is that I don’t want to open that wound back up again. Moving here was supposed to be a fresh start. We’re supposed to be new people, and the more I talk about that monster, the more I let him inside to poison and infect all the progress I’ve made.
Holden’s fingers twine with mine and squeeze, reassuring me that he’s still here and that he’s not going anywhere without me, despite my sullen attitude. Looking up, I meet his sad eyes as he smiles softly. “Let’s go home, little bird.”
Home… I never get tired of hearing that.
Angel
Hands snake around my middle as I stand beneath the hot spray of the shower. My stomach dips, hoping those hands travel lower—and soon.
As if reading my mind, fingers trail over my center, teasing me playfully, succeeding in making me squirm and press my body backwards. Hot skin meets mine and a low growl rumbles in my ear. I can feel a thick cock hardening against my back, and when I lean further in, the telling scratch of metal piercings hitting my shoulder blades tells me it’s Ellis who decided to interrupt my shower time. I tip my head backwards, opening my eyes to meet his steely grey ones that never fail to make me weak in the knees.
“I thought you might need a little assistance,” he whispers before pressing on my clit ever so slightly. The whimper that leaves my lips should embarrass me, but I need more.
“All talk and no play makes Angel a bored girl,” I tease and he just chuckles before running his other hand up and over my exposed neck, holding my head in place as he lowers his lips to mine upside down.
I drink him in, his taste mixing with the steamy water that falls over our slick skin. He rubs me in tight circles that have me trying to ride his fingers desperately. But he slows his torment, pressing the heel of his hand against me. I bite down on his lip ring, hard enough to make him groan in both pleasure and pain.
“Fuck, baby—”
I groan. “I’m trying to—”
He laughs, but takes that moment to release my neck, running both of his hands over my ass and down to my thighs. I brace my hands against the shower wall, letting the spray rain down between us. With zero effort, Ellis lifts me by the thighs as I hold my body up with the wall and he places me over his cock, letting me slide
down easily until I’m seated. He stretches me and the burn of it travels through all of my limbs and makes my toes curl.
After I’m able to adjust to his size, he moves beneath me—thrusting up in short, shallow bursts that have me whimpering. I want more than anything to reach down and rub myself, but my hands and his pelvis are the only things holding me aloft.
“Harder!” I beg him and to my relief he picks up the pace. His thrusts go deeper, hitting me in all the right places. The feel of his powerful body beneath me makes me feel like a queen. The sounds he makes spur me on, driving me closer and closer to the edge. “Oh, shit—”
Soon, his pounding turns erratic and hurried. He’s breathing hard now—grunting the word fuck every few seconds. “Holy shit, baby—” he groans as his fingers dig into my skin. The frantic slap of our skin reverberates through the steamy room and I have no doubt that the other guys can hear it all. I don’t care though. I needed this right now. I need Ellis’ roughness. I crave to be taken and fucked like a wild thing. I’m not a woman to be handled delicately. There’s always a time and a place for romance and softness, but more often than not, I need to be manhandled.
One thrust hits at a particular spot that has my voice reaching volumes that our neighbors might not appreciate. This sets off fireworks under my skin and has both of us tumbling over the edge. With one, two and three more powerful thrusts, Ellis comes hard, wrapping my wet hair in his fist as he pulls back my head and moans. I come around him, pulsing and vibrating—screaming out my release until both of us are warm, loose and sated.
The water begins to cool, but it feels good on my overheated skin. The room is filled with jasmine scented steam, relaxing my muscles and calming the anxiety that’s been building in my chest today. Ellis sets me back down on my feet—my body sliding against his muscles the whole way. Goosebumps rush over my skin, regardless of the fact that I’ve already fucked him. Every touch, every caress and every kiss still feels like the first time.
Turning around, I raise my lips to his and suck in on his lip ring. He rumbles and tightens his tattooed arms around my middle, kneading at my wet skin while my head falls to his still heaving chest. Rough palms slide up my back, over my shoulders and neck until his fingers are threading through my long azure hair.
“I could fuck you all day and still never be satisfied,” he murmurs into my hair.
I hum quietly. “We can test that theory, if you want.”
His chest rumbles and his shoulders shake. “As awesome as that sounds, any second now Carter’s gonna bust the door down and drag you out by your hair.”
I scoff. “He’s a caveman.”
Ellis’ eyes glint wickedly. His black hair is dripping onto his lips and cascading down his tanned pecks. “You love it,” he teases knowingly. He’s right. I do love it.
There’s no real jealousy between the five of us, though. As much as we tease and joke about their possessiveness, the guys revolve around me quite evenly. They take… turns, so to speak. We’re a unit—a team. Since the night when everything went down… when they killed their own fathers to protect me and avenge Ellis’ mother, Charlotte, we’ve been inseparable, watching each other’s backs and basically living an all for one lifestyle. For the most part, life’s been good.
We wash our bodies and hair quickly as the water starts to turn icy. After Ellis leaves the room, I take my time brushing out my long, dark blue hair that now reaches my middle back. I changed it shortly after we moved—knowing Papa would never think I’d stoop as low as dying my hair like a teenage heathen. Growing up, I was forced to look like a proper, posh little lady at all times, so blue hair would definitely throw him off if he was looking for me. Which he most likely is.
I hear music in the distance and smile at my own reflection. My guys are all home and it brings a warm, comfy feeling to my stomach. These past six months have been like something from a dream. Knowing that these big, badass men are all mine makes me want to run outside and shout it from the rooftops. They don’t know it yet, but I’m pretty sure I’m head over heels in love with all four of them. I’ve come close to spilling the beans multiple times in the midst of multiple orgasms, but I’ve always caught myself. Holden’s words still ring in my ears. Though that night is still fuzzy given the fact that I’d been dosed with chloroform, I remember how it felt when he told me they were beginning to fall for me. They—as in all of them.
Dressed in a long t-shirt and nothing else, I walk into the kitchen where Captain stands over the stove, stirring something in a large pot while Holden sifts through the refrigerator. They’re both wearing nothing but soft looking sweatpants but bare torsos, making me lick my lips almost absently. Pleasure rolls through me, knowing these men are all mine. Carter is posted up next to the minibar—not surprisingly, and Ellis lounges at the dining room table with half a glass of dark red wine in front of him. Leaning against the doorframe, I watch my guys going about their evening as if our situation were the most natural thing in the world… and I guess for us, it pretty much is.
“You going to stand there all night, babe?” Carter drawls and my eyes flick to him as he stares me down with heat in his navy eyes. His long blonde hair is up in one of those man-buns tonight, showing off his high cheekbones and suntanned skin. Even in a place like Vancouver Canada, he still manages to look like a golden surf god. “Honestly, I’m surprised you can even stand, kinda disappointing actually.”
“Fuck off—” Ellis snaps at Carter, but the grin on his face gives him away. He knows Car’s only messing with him, and that he secretly wishes he’d been the one in the shower instead.
I just roll my eyes and make my way to my big blonde broody man. “Jealous?” Tilting my head to the side I let my long, wet hair fall into my face. His eyes dip to my toes and leisurely travel up my bare legs.
Setting his glass down, Carter moves in closer, wrapping his strong arms around my waist and pulling my body flush with his. Our hips line up and I can feel his hardness against my stomach. His lips whisper over mine, “Fuck yeah I am.” His breath is sweet, like the amber liquid he’d been drinking. I taste it on his plump lip as I suck in the bottom one and take it between my teeth lightly, eliciting a growl from somewhere deep down. “But I’m sure we can take care of that later tonight.” His promise makes me tingle in anticipation.
Freeing his lips, I pull away despite his grumbles. I make my way into the kitchen, placing a kiss on Cap’s cheek and slapping Holden’s ass playfully. Both my guys laugh but keep on cooking. Something smells amazing in here—like spiced meat and sauces. Little had I known, but Holden and Cap are incredible cooks. Thank the gods they are because otherwise I fear we’d all be eating nothing but takeout.
In the end I settle myself on Ellis’ lap, snaking my arm around his broad shoulders and picking up his glass of wine for a sip. The bitter, yet sweet liquid hits my tongue, and all seems right in the world. His tatted arms tighten around me and flashes of our earlier activities play through my mind, heating my cheeks. Carter joins us, sitting a little further down the table with a relaxed smile on his face. Even after all this time it still dazzles me to see any kind of joy in his expression. Back in Seaside, Carter was known as the soulless one—the guy who smiled very little and laughed even less, but since moving to Vancouver and away from the legacy they left behind, a new side of him has shown face.
We don’t talk about last year much, and the guys seem to have noticed the way I tend to clam up whenever they try and talk about my Papa. It’s Holden who does it more often than the others, and sometimes it gets on my nerves. But I know it’s coming from a good place in his heart. I just can’t bring myself to talk about my life back on the East Coast. Just thinking about it in the privacy of my own head has anxiety clawing at my chest. I hate worrying about what’s still waiting for me there, or what could be looking for me here. Every time I step out of our apartment, the fear that Papa might be waiting for me on the other side is more and more potent every day. I know the guys see it
on my face. I know they worry about me, but at least three of them are smart enough to leave it alone and let me deal with my inner demons in my own way. Eventually Holden might catch on and figure out that kisses and nice gestures will only get him so far. The darkness that lurks in my heart and in my memories is too strong, and I’m fighting every second to run from it.
Working at the gym has helped a lot. It’s a welcome distraction from my unwanted worries and fears. Whenever I’m in the zone, sparring with one of the teen runaways, or one of the other trainers, it’s like I can become a different person. I’ve always wanted to own my own gym. Holden’s not wrong on that account. It's been my dream ever since Papa ordered me to learn how to fight. When I picked it up naturally and figured out I was good at it, I knew it was something I was destined to do. But not only that. It’s not just the fighting that gets my blood pumping. It's the idea of teaching other women how to protect themselves in a man’s world. All my life I’ve been told what to do, how to act and who to be… I’ve been under a madman's thumb since before I can remember, and I’ll do anything to make sure no other little girl has to suffer the same. It’s why I frustrate myself with Hannah so much. I know her situation is vastly different than my own, but in her eyes, I see a little piece of myself sometimes. I want to help people like her but wanting and doing are two incredibly different things. I’m not sure I’m ready to go the distance yet. I’m so afraid I’ll get settled somewhere only to have it ripped out from under me when Papa inevitably discovers where we’ve been hiding all this time. But I can’t talk about this with the guys, they’ll just tell me I’m being paranoid. They just don’t understand Salvatore Valentino the way I do...
