by Komal Kapoor
Because I am tired of loving someone
more than they love me.
The more I learn of you
the less I love you.
In the end, they were right
all I needed was time.
Even with eyes burning
I remind myself
this sting won’t last.
As the smoke clears,
thoughts of you
will be long gone.
There is no shore, no safe house
unless I seek them.
If I only focus on the water
I will continue to drown.
I didn’t see what you really were
till you had taken all my light,
forever collapsing within yourself
still hungry for more.
I have no words of love left for you,
keep that heart you ripped out of me
you must need it more;
I am growing another.
It took me years to unlearn
love is a weakness
I will not allow you
to be that lesson again.
The last few times I saw you,
I hadn’t been able to look into your eyes.
They pulled me in,
pulled out the emotion in me
And I would drown in the feeling,
knowing you didn’t love me.
knowing I still loved you.
Now, I look into your eyes;
were they always this dark?
I swear I remember
speckles of gold and green
a glimmer, a sheen
or maybe it was a dream.
I look at them now,
uninterrupted by emotions
and my heart settles
into quiet indifference.
This, I realize, is moving on.
There was a time
I couldn’t tell me
from you.
Now, I am glad
I am with me
while you are with you.
How does it feel
to no longer be
my favorite notification?
I burrow deeper within
digging out big hurts and small
hands raw, fingers bleeding
ears ringing from broken love.
I burrow deeper within
hauling out carcasses
devouring demons whole
mouth full of tales untold.
I burrow deeper within
to unseen tunnels for solemn healing
creating a path to new hope
making myself a home.
Alone, I feel clean
without you, I am back to me.
There is a rumble
of change
within me
I sit in it
drown in it
then, transform.
The electricity of new synapses
courses through my brain
bending shooting stars my way.
I wish on each of them,
step over their dust trails
jump into wishing wells
drown out hate
swim in gratitude
luck vibrating
in every atom.
I cannot wait
to emerge anew.
Watching “our shows” without you,
that is moving on.
I no longer wonder
what it would be like
to build a life with you.
I can unfollow you now.
About the Author
Komal Kapoor is a Los Angeles-based writer, business consultant, and motivational coach. Originally from Punjab, India, she moved to the United States when she was 10 years old. Her passions include painting, travelling, studying behavioral science, helping people be more themselves, and spreading smiles. She explores the messy business of feelings via Instagram—you can follow her journey @komalesque.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
My darling family: thank you for allowing me to soar far and close.
Kirsty, Patty, and Susan: thank you for believing in my vision.
Aparna, Drew, Kevin, Lindsay, Nisha, Nyasha, and all other dear friends: thank you for being my confidantes and keeping me sane throughout the years.
My lovely Instagram readers: I have you to thank the most. I started sharing my writing online at a difficult time in my life, and your love was beyond anything I could have ever imagined. Your comments, messages, encouragement, and support made this book happen, and I am forever grateful. Much love, always.
UNFOLLOWING YOU
copyright © 2019 by Komal Kapoor. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of reprints in the context of reviews.
Andrews McMeel Publishing
a division of Andrews McMeel Universal
1130 Walnut Street, Kansas City, Missouri 64106
www.andrewsmcmeel.com
ISBN: 978-1-5248-5208-5
Library of Congress Control Number: 2018962796
Editor: Patty Rice
Designer/Art Director: Diane Marsh
Production Editor: Margaret Daniels
Production Manager: Cliff Koehler
Digital Production: Kristen Minter
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