"Tomorrow," I promised, hoping it was a promise I could keep. "For now, why don't you go take a seat with Miss Layla?"
Layla was an aide from the group home Tobias visited from.
"Aw, dang it!" he muttered, even as he obeyed, shuffling off towards the bleachers, where Miss Layla was watching with a worried frown.
"Hey, you know how women are. She needs to know you are okay, just like we did," I reminded him.
"Yeah, right. Like she even cares." It was spoken softly, not meant for my ears, but I heard it, just the same. It was a punch in the heart. I remembered all too well what that felt like.
With Toby safe, I ran off in search of Merry. She had left the barn when she hadn't thought I was looking, but I had a pretty good idea where she had gone, and why.
With a nod at Blake, I left the arena, crossed around the barn, and took the straight shot to the back of the house. The woodshed. That was where she would be. Sighing, I pushed the door open and sneezed as the dust assaulted my nostrils. Nobody had been out here in a long time.
I found her on the bench in the back, just where I had expected her to be, huddled into a knee hugging ball, right below a dusty row of implements that hung from tack hooks on the wall.
Sighing, I sat beside her and wrapped my arms around her as she sobbed. "Why did Blake make me do this? I told him I'd be no good at it! He basically forced me into it, and I just ruined everything!"
"You're being too hard on yourself, little one. You did nothing wrong."
"I yelled at those kids! They don't need that! They come here to heal from the people like that in their lives, not to be screamed at by a crazy woman they just met."
"You were worried about Tobias."
"That's no excuse!" she pounded her little fists into my chest, then stopped abruptly and looked up at me. "Is Tobias okay?"
I threw back my head and laughed. "Tobias is just fine, other than being a little butt hurt because I made him sit the rest of the day out on the bleachers."
"I should never have pushed him into jumping. I just thought that if he could do something the other kids couldn't, then maybe they would stop picking on him so much."
"It was a sound theory. Probably would have worked, too."
"He wasn't ready. The horse wasn't ready. I pushed them both into it, and look what happened!"
I shook my head, quickly refuting the lies she was telling herself. "We don't know what happened. I'm going to check the horse out, soon. But, honestly, I would have made the same call, if I had thought of it. Tobias is a strong rider. He pays attention, and he learns quickly, and he knows his horse. He was as ready as he could be, Merry. It was a good call."
Her eyes welled with hope, and her lower lip quivered. "Really? You're not disappointed in me?"
She was breaking my heart. I grabbed her, pulling her close, and kissed the top of her head. "Not at all, little one. I'm only disappointed that you're so hard on yourself."
Her face fell again. "You hate when I do that. But I just don't feel like I'm being hard on myself. I was too hard on those kids, though, and you're being too soft on me," she pouted.
"I assure you that I'm not. You know what? I'm glad you yelled at those kids. I think Blake and I try too hard not to upset them, knowing their pasts, and we've been letting them get away with bullying. And you're right, it's not okay."
She rolled her eyes at me, clearly not believing a word I said.
"Would Nan have let any of us get away with the crap they've been pulling?" I asked gently, gripping her chin with the crook of my finger and forcing her to look at me. "Answer honestly," I reminded her with a quirk of my brow.
"No, Nan would never have let us get away with that. But you know what, Slade? She never would have yelled at us and threw a tantrum and ran off, the way I did, either."
"Nan didn't need to yell," I reminded her. "Nan let her switch and her paddle do her yelling for her. We don't have that authority with these kids. It's only natural that we lose our temper, from time to time. They aren't easy kids. That's the whole point."
Merry puffed out her cheeks and exhaled, blowing a puff of air straight in front of her. "I could still have done better."
"Maybe, but I don't think so. Now, why don't you tell me what's really bothering you, little one?"
She shook her head. "Where's Blake?"
"Oh, I'm sure he'll be here soon."
"Well, I'm not saying anything else until he gets here. He's the one who promised not to let me be too hard on the kids. He promised. All you do is try to make me feel better, because you want me to stay here and work more."
Closing my eyes, I leaned my head against the wall and groaned inwardly. I couldn't even deny it anymore, at this point. I didn't want her to leave, and I did want her to work more. I thought it was good for her—for her and for the kids both. But because both of those things were true, she was never going to see it and wouldn't believe that it wasn't the reason I wasn't being hard on her.
But, she might listen to Blake. Hurry up, Blake.
Blake
The simple fact that Merry was in the woodshed told me exactly where her mind was. And exactly how she wanted this day to end.
Well, I have news for you, baby girl. You are not the one in charge here. I pushed open the door and stormed my way to the bench in the back, where I knew she would be.
"Those little shits put a burr under the saddle," I exclaimed, fishing it out of my shirt pocket and holding it up in front of me. "That's why Leon went crazy. It's a small enough one that, if they positioned it just right, he might not have felt it until Tobias leaned in to make the jump."
Merry and Slade jumped up, gaping at me. "Are you sure they did it?"
I leveled Slade with a look. "I check all the tack, myself, every morning. You know that. But if you're asking if I at least gave them the benefit of the doubt, yes, I asked them. They admitted it."
Slade shook his head. "Times like this, I sure wish we could take a switch to them, the way Nan would have if we had pulled a stunt like that."
"Agreed. Nan would have worn us out."
Merry stayed silent, pouting. I had to chuckle at the cute little way her lip jutted out and at her sad eyes. "What's up, baby girl?" I asked, even though I knew exactly what was up.
Merry just shook her head. "I don't know what the point is, if we can't make a difference, if we can't do anything about kids like that behaving that way."
"First of all, baby girl," I said, sitting and pulling her onto my lap. "We aren't here to help those kids. I mean, we are here to help them all, sure, but the ones we are really here for are the Saras and Tobiases of the world. Furthermore, you don't always know when you are making a difference in someone's life or the way they think. Sometimes, you don't know until much later, if at all, the impact you have. So, all we can do is do our best."
Merry looked up at me, her eyes wide and sad. "I didn't do my best."
"I think you did. I think you should go yell at them some more," Slade interjected. I silenced him with a look and a quick shake of my head.
"They deserved to be yelled at, I'm sure—laughing like that and making fun of Tobias when he fell. He could have been seriously hurt. And you knew that, so I understand why you were upset. What do you think you could have done better?"
"Not screamed at them and ran off. I could have handled myself a lot better. I acted like a kid, throwing a tantrum."
I chuckled at her description. I couldn't disagree. "Maybe a little."
"And you think you should be punished for it, don't you, baby girl? That's why you ran out here, isn't it?"
Merry nodded.
Slade was watching quietly, but his eyes were filled with a silent fury. I could see both sides.
"Well, now, I can see why you think that. It is the agreement that you and I made, and I can see that you have a lot of guilt building up over it, don't you?"
She nodded, her eyes flitting around the small space, looking everywhere but at me.
"But here's the thing, baby girl. I think you are missing the big picture. And part of the big picture is that your Daddy and I are the ones in charge. We are the ones who decide when you deserve a punishment and how you are to be punished, aren't we?"
She looked at me, then frowning deeply as she nodded. "Yes, Sir."
"And I feel like there is a lot more going on behind your blow up over those mean kids making fun of Tobias, isn't there?"
Stubbornly, Merry shrugged, but she wasn't fooling me. The truth was in her eyes.
"I think you do need to be punished, baby girl. I think that is the agreement we made, and your terms for coming to work here, and I agreed to hold you to that. I can see that the guilt will eat you alive, if you don't find some relief for it. So, you will be punished, later. But, it will be on my terms. The how, why, what, when and where are up to Slade and me, and I promise you, baby girl, it will not be what you are expecting. Do you understand me?"
Merry
Not what I was expecting? I didn't like the sound of that. Like, at all. But Slade and Blake were both watching me intently, waiting for me to answer. What else could I do? My stubbornness and my guilty gut had gotten me into this mess, and apparently, the only way out of it was on Blake's terms. I nodded.
"Words, little one," Slade admonished sharply.
"Yes, Sir," I responded, turning back to Blake. My foot scuffed the dirt floor beneath me, willing my mouth to stay shut and not pester him with questions.
"Go up to the house. Take the rest of the day off. Take a shower, clean up. Get ready for us. Dress nice, but casual. Slade and I will be off in a few hours, and we will do the same. You are not to leave your room until we come for you. Disobeying any of my instructions will result in a hard paddling atop and aside from what you already have coming. Are we clear?"
We weren't clear. At all. His instructions confused me and had my heart in my stomach and my stomach in my toes, but I nodded my acceptance, anyway. "Yes, Sir. Crystal clear."
"Good, then. Give me and Daddy a hug and then march your butt up to the house."
I shuffled on legs that felt like Jello, over to each one of them, and allowed them to pull me in for a hug, basking in their warm embrace. When they hugged me, I knew that, no matter what came, I was safe and loved and would be better for it. It helped to ease the nerves, if only for a moment.
Chapter 15
Merry
Being confined to my room was boring. Following Blake's instructions hadn't taken more than thirty minutes, which left me plenty of time to agonize over their plans for the evening and wonder exactly what I had gotten myself into.
My mind had come up with all sort of deliciously horrifying possibilities, but I knew that nothing I came up with would compare to the reality. After all, I was naive and inexperienced. Some days, it felt like they saw that as a challenge.
Lying on my bed, in a pair of worn Levis and a soft black sweater, I tried my hardest to pass the time, cycling my legs in the air, counting backwards from a thousand, trying to remember the names of all the horses on the ranch, anything to keep my mind off what was coming.
It was a few minutes after six, when Blake knocked on my door. I knew it was Blake because he always knocked exactly three times, at exactly the same strength. My stomach growled, and I wondered if he was coming to get me for dinner. Food hadn't crossed my mind until this moment, and I couldn't stomach the idea of an agonizing family meal, at the moment.
Annoyed, I pulled open the door and glared at the two men standing there. "I'm not hungry, and I'm not going down for dinner," I informed them stubbornly, crossing my arms over my chest.
Slade's eyes narrowed, and Blake's features darkened into a formidable scowl. Blake stepped forward, until we were toe to toe, and I could feel his hot breath on my face as he stared me down. "You do what we say you do, baby girl," he warned. In that exact moment, I knew he was right, and that my next move would be one of obedience. "Downstairs and in the truck. Now."
I did a double take at the unexpected order. The truck? I swallowed deeply and looked down at my stocking feet. "You didn't say we were going anywhere," I stammered.
"Last time I checked, I'm not required to make you privy to our plans. Get your boots on."
With them both glaring at me in a way that all but dared me to disobey, I scurried to do the opposite. I had never put boots on quite that fast, and when I reached the doorway, they stepped to the side, motioning for me to walk in front of them. I could feel their eyes on my every move as I made the long walk down the hallway and descended the stairs. I said not a word to Nan as I passed her where she sat in her recliner, covered with that god awful pink shawl I had made her, peering intently at a book of large print crossword puzzles.
I pulled open the front door and paused, only for a moment, waiting for instruction. Slade's truck or Blake's? They hadn't said, and I wasn't about to ask.
Slade took my elbow and gently pulled me across the driveway, stopping at Blake's truck and opening the passenger side door. At his silent instruction, I scooted into the middle space and waited for him to take the passenger seat and Blake the driver's seat.
Neither uttered a word, as Blake started the truck and slowly backed out of the driveway, turning onto the long back road that led from the ranch to the main highway. Where were we going? None of the scenarios that had played out in my head had involved leaving the ranch, or heck, even leaving my room.
My throat felt like I had swallowed a cactus, and I began to sweat nervously.
Slade, who was always in tune to my feelings, pulled me against him and began softly stroking my arm to comfort me. It did help, but only a little.
I watched as the back road turned into highway and as we followed it all the way to town. I was starting to feel like a character in a horror novel, and if I wasn't with Slade and Blake, I'd be in a full on panic, right about now.
I watched as we passed the grocery, the library, the courthouse, and the pub. I stared longingly at the ice cream parlor. My throat had never felt so parched. We followed Main Street to its end, and just when I started to worry, Blake pulled into the parking lot of a cute little Mexican restaurant that I didn't recognize.
I waited for them to say that something was wrong, to start a conversation, something, but they didn't. They both just smiled at my confusion and hopped out of the truck, with Slade holding open the door for me and taking my hand. When Blake joined us, he took my other hand, and they guided me into the restaurant.
We were greeted by a hostess, and Slade quickly asked for a table in the back. When we were seated, Slade, with me, on one side, and Blake across from us, I finally spoke.
"Dinner? I thought I was going to be punished?"
"And you are, little one. Later," Slade's deep voice rumbled in my ear.
"Tonight, is about the big picture," Blake added from across the table.
"I don't know what this big picture you keep going on about is," I grumbled, grabbing a tortilla chip from a bowl in the center of the table and crunching on it while I glared at them.
"The big picture, little one, is this. The three of us. Christmas is eight days away. After that, you are free to go back to Arizona. Slade and I want to lay all our cards on the table."
I nodded slowly. The idea of leaving—or being free to leave—had my stomach in knots, even though I had never planned to stay.
"Little girl," Slade began. "I think you know that we don't want you to leave, that we want nothing more than for you to be here working with us on the ranch, day in and day out, and sharing our bed at night."
I nodded. I did know that. They had made it abundantly clear, from day one.
"But, baby girl, it's plain as day to us, that you are simply not ready for that."
Blake's words shocked me. "I'm not?" My hands began to shake. Were they dumping me? Here, at dinner?
"You aren't going to be ready to embrace all that we and the ranch have to offer, baby girl, until you learn a few thing
s."
"What things?"
"Trust. Love. Acceptance. Forgiveness. Your strengths will always be your strengths, and your weaknesses will always be your weaknesses. But self-awareness and knowing what those are and accepting certain things in yourself is how you grow."
I shook my head slowly, from side to side, and frowned. "My weaknesses will always be my weaknesses? And you want me to just learn to accept them and not try to be better? Not improve myself?"
"Oh, no, baby girl. As long as Slade and I are around, you will always work on improving yourself. And you will always be expected to try to push past your weaknesses."
"Always," Slade agreed, nodding sagely.
"Then, I don't get what you're trying to say." I shrugged defiantly, my lips pursing into an angry pout.
Slade squeezed my hand under the table. "What we are saying, little one, is that while we want you to stay, and it would be terribly easy to tell you what to do and continue to enable you in certain ways and behaviors, it's just not the right thing to do."
I began to get that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach and fought off a wave of nausea. They were dumping me, weren't they? That's exactly what it felt like.
Before I could yell, or pitch a fit, or even question, the waitress showed up, and Blake ordered for the three of us. Three specials, two house margaritas, and an ice water for himself, because he was driving.
I waited for her to jot down our order and leave. As soon as she was out of earshot, I quietly exploded. "I can't believe you brought me here to dump me!" I fumed. "I thought you were different. I thought you had some class. I trusted you. I seriously cannot believe I am sitting here listening to you go off on me about needing to trust, right now, after you both used me!"
My fists were clenched on the table, having yanked my hand from Slade's grasp. Blake grabbed my wrist and held it tight. "Now hold it, right there, baby girl, before you find yourself in a world of hurt," he warned.
His threats affected me, still, even though I didn't want them to. Instinctively, I stilled and listened.
Winterland Daddies (Second Chance Ranch Book 1) Page 13
