by Raquel Belle
That’s why she was such a drug to me. She gave me just enough of herself and I always wanted more. I kissed Naomi’s thigh when I felt her legs shake. Her back arched and she ground against my fingers and tongue. She cried out again as her orgasm ran its course. I kissed her belly button and she shivered underneath me as I withdrew my fingers. Naomi’s eyes opened just barely and she grinned at me. I kissed her collar bone and then guided the tip of my cock to her entrance. Her cunt was hot and wet. I pushed into her and Naomi bit her lip.
She held on to my arms and lifted her hips so that I could thrust deeper into her. She felt like she always did, tight, slick, and cushiony. I was pretty sure that I wouldn’t ever get tired of being inside her. By then, I knew what angles she liked and we found our rhythm easily. Naomi’s gasps and soft moans filled my ears and I had to focus on not finishing too soon. Her cries grew louder the closer she came to climax. My own muscles were tensed and my cock was hard as a rock, ready to release at any moment.
I buried my face in her hair and she held me close. I couldn’t hold back anymore. Naomi came in a rush. Her body shook under mine and her sex clenched and squeezed around mine. I didn’t have a hope. My cock jerked and spasmed as I found my own release.
When we both caught our breath, I propped myself up on one arm and kissed her neck and chin. By the time I looked at her face, her eyes were closed and she was snoozing. I figured our talk would have to wait until morning. In the meantime. I cleaned us up with a damp towel and carried Naomi to bed. She fell asleep again as soon as her head hit the pillow.
Chapter Fifteen
Naomi
I never thought I would use a perk that came with sleeping with my professor, but before I left his house the night before, I asked Josh if we were doing anything important in class. He told me no, so I decided to skip. It wasn’t for nothing though, I was pacing my apartment, still trying to hype myself up enough to storm to my parents’ house. Or my mom’s house or whoever owned it since they started the whole divorce thing.
“Fuck it.” I petted Jerry, grabbed my car keys and wallet off of the breakfast bar, then strode out of my apartment. I couldn’t let myself think about what was going to happen too much, if I did then I’d definitely lose my nerve and turn around. When I got into my car and pulled out of the parking lot, I felt the anger that had been simmering on the backburner rise to my chest. If Mom and Dad were going to continue acting as if I didn’t matter, I was going to make them face me.
I drove to my parents’ community and was quickly let through the gate, surprisingly. I pulled into the driveway and saw a moving truck out front. My mom’s car was parked in the drive and my dad’s was parked on the curb. I turned off my engine and got out of the car. The front door was wide open and I heard my parents’ raised voices from the foyer.
“Mom, Dad,” I called. I followed their arguing to the living room. They both paused when I stepped into the room. They looked at me with blank expressions.
“Naomi, oh…” Mom said. She walked to me and gave me a tight hug. “Hon, we’ve been so crazy that we didn’t get the chance to have a sit down with you,” she said.
“Plus you’ve been avoiding our calls,” Dad said.
“For something like this, Dad, you guys should have tried harder. It wasn’t so difficult for Jess and Casey to get to me. You guys know where I live,” I said. Roth pushed his hair back and straightened the collar of his polo shirt.
“So they told you,” he glanced down at the floor as if he were guilty. I couldn’t imagine him feeling guilty about anything when it came to me.
“Yeah and then I didn’t hear anything from either of you for days,” I said. Mom took a deep breath and then sat me down on the couch. They both stood in front of me as if they were about to explain that Santa wasn’t real. “Why didn’t you tell me? Why don’t you guys ever tell me anything?”
“Naomi, what’s been going on between your father and I has been happening for a long, long time. We were hiding our unhappiness from all of you,” Mom said. She looked sorry and she sat down next to me to take my hand. I wanted to pull away from her, I wanted to deny her comfort but something small inside of me really needed it then.
“I wanted to hold off on telling you because I know that you just started school again and the notion is hard for you,” she said. “I didn’t want to compound your stress and then goodness forbid you do poorly.” I blinked at her in surprise. I didn’t think she cared about how I did in school anymore. But there was no condescension in her eyes. She searched my face anxiously, waiting for me to respond.
“And we haven’t exactly been supportive of you either—”
“We?” Mom said.
Dad’s shoulders tensed and his face started to turn red again. “What do you want me to say, Julie? Were you not at your birthday brunch? She’s angry with the both of us, not just me,” he said heatedly.
“It’s mostly you, Roth. You never say the right things and you treat Casey as if he’s your favorite. Meanwhile our girls are invisible to you,” Mom said.
“Guys, guys, this isn’t about you!” I said. I stood up, shaking my head in disbelief that everything had suddenly flipped. “Just tell me what happened! Why are you divorcing?” I demanded.
“It’s what you see now, Naomi. Your mother finds something to complain about and we argue, we argue, we argue. That’s the end of it. Now it’s a fight to get my furniture out of the house,” Dad said. “I’m done arguing and I’m sure your mother is done having to tolerate me anymore.” He turned sharply on his heel and strode towards the foyer.
“Why didn’t you call me when you told Casey and Jess, Mom?” I asked again. She took a deep breath and then let it out slowly through her nose.
“Because I wanted to…tell you differently from the way we told them,” she said. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, Naomi. I never do.” Mom kissed me on the cheek and then let go of my hand. She left the room and I sat staring at the cream colored rug feeling oddly hollow inside. After three minutes, I got up and left without seeing either of my parents on the way out.
When I got to the car, I called V, then headed towards campus. “Hey, sistah,” she answered.
“Hey,” I said dully.
“What happened, who died?” she asked.
“My parents’ marriage. I…went to the house to confront them and my dad was in the process of moving his shit out. It was an argument, like usual.” I shook my head, wondering when the shift happened—when he became such an asshole. I told V everything that happened and by the end of it, she sighed just as heavily as my mom had. I pulled into the parking garage on campus and idled.
“Don’t ignore what your mom said. It seems like she really wanted to tell you separately and in a more controlled way than what just happened,” she said.
“Yeah, it didn’t feel like she was lying or anything,” I agreed.
“They’re human, you know. Everyone needs time to go through this. I wouldn’t take Roth’s anger too harshly,” she added. “I mean, you did just roll up on them unannounced. That didn’t have a great chance of panning out well.”
I rolled my eyes, not wanting to agree with her. But of course, V was right. “Yeah,” I mumbled.
“Give them time,” she said. We ended the call soon after that and I had to jog to my next class before I missed it. Just as I skidded to the class room and found an empty seat, Josh texted me: Everything ok?
I texted back: Yeah, can I come over l8r? He sent back two thumbs up and a heart. I chuckled. Josh was weird, I still hadn’t figured him out. I liked him, a lot, that much was true. But I was scared that our weird relationship would fracture apart at any second.
#
I knocked on Josh’s door and waited. The weather was particularly blistering and for some reason, I’d decided to leave my hair down. I picked it up off of my shoulders and back and fanned my neck. Josh opened the door and the breeze of cool air conditioning felt nearly orgasmic.
I stepped inside
before even acknowledging Josh, “Oh my god, it feels so good in here,” I said.
Josh chuckled, “It’s hot as balls outside, I know,” he said. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me against his chest. He kissed me softly, as if I were breakable and then he pulled away, snagging my hand to lead me to the kitchen. On the breakfast table was a stack of assignments to be graded. On top of that was his laptop, which was open to Facebook and a picture of a happy looking family was open.
“Procrastinating much?” I asked. Josh snorted and walked to the table to exit out of Facebook and close his laptop.
“Actually, I just finished,” he said.
I leaned against the kitchen counter closest to the table and nodded towards the laptop. “Who was that family?” I asked.
Josh waved his hand dismissively. “My ex,” he said dully. I quirked my brow at him, meanwhile my chest grew hot and my mind started to race. Why was he looking at his ex’s happy family pictures? Didn’t that hurt him? Was he pining for her or for what she had and he didn’t? “It was nothing. Just scrolling through Facebook, as you do,” he said.
“As you do…and you clicked on your ex-wife’s picture?” I asked slowly.
Josh tried to laugh it off. “You sound like my sister,” he said. I wanted to ask him why he had to click on the picture and why he had been studying it but I knew. I knew he still wanted a family and a baby and a wife. It made no sense why he was wasting time with me and it was only a matter of time until he realized that. I didn’t want to put a wall up between us. But it was hard when at every turn, Josh insisted that we were more than just fuck buddies.
“This might seem like a crazy question but…do you ever think about having a family?” Josh asked suddenly. He had the stack of papers under one arm and his laptop in his hand to put away.
“Um…” I paused and a vivid picture of Josh and I together with a mini-him or me running around flashed in my mind. I imagined feeling a million times more relaxed as his wife and the mother of his kid. No stupid school policy or outside judgement weighed on us. It was a nice picture and it surprised me at how easily my mind conjured it up. It was also scary because at the other end of marriage was divorce and he’d already been through one, my parents were going through one and the hurt was palpable.
“I…I don’t know. Do you ever get scared of getting divorced again?” I asked. Josh shrugged.
“I plan on getting married to someone I see as my soulmate. Someone who won’t leave when things get hard but work it out with me,” he said.
“Aren’t you scared that you might never find that person?”
Josh’s brows wrinkled together and he looked confused for a moment. “Who’s to say I haven’t already?” Josh held my gaze as he walked towards his office. I didn’t know how to respond through the shock. What would make him say that? He disappeared into the room and I took a silent breath. Did he have feelings for me? The question spread an unexpected warmth through me and I couldn’t help my frown. The warmth felt wrong because to me, our relationship was terminal. There was no rosy colored future for us. It would only be a matter of time until he finally realized that and then what? By then my heart would be broken and I didn’t want that.
“Josh,” I said and sighed.
“Yeah, I’m comin’,” he said.
Chapter Sixteen
Josh
I finished collecting all of the takeout menus littered around my office and walked to the kitchen. Naomi sat at the table with her hands loosely folded in front of her.
“What’s up?” I asked. Her expression was serious, I looked at her in confusion. Was she still thinking about the picture I had of my ex? Why would she take that to heart so much?
“N-nothing…” she murmured, then rubbed at her temples and sighed. “It’s not nothing,” she said.
“If you’re still thinking about that picture of my ex, then it is nothing,” I assured her.
“No it’s not nothing, Josh. You want—”
“I don’t want her, if that’s what you’re getting at. It was just a stupid picture on my timeline. I told you about her already, she and I are over with—”
Naomi shook her head quickly and held her hand up to stop me. “You want what she has,” she said. I blinked at her, honestly at a loss for words because it wasn’t like she was wrong. I sat down at the table with her and put my arm over the back of my chair.
“I thought we talked about that too. Of course I do, eventually. But now, I’m here with you and we don’t have to think about anything else,” I said.
Naomi gestured to the air between us and inclined her head as if I’d caught on, “That’s the problem, Josh. This doesn’t make sense—what we’re doing—if you want a wife and kids. We can’t even go out on a real date without thinking people will see us and it’s not like we can tell our families about each other.”
“No, Naomi, you’re digging too deep. We don’t have to stop seeing each other. Once the class is over we can do whatever the hell we want,” I said. “And, I—for one—want you. So, come on, tell me what this is really about because I’m not ready to give this up.”
“That is what this is about. This is why I’ve always been cautious. Josh, you should be with someone who can give you the future you want, someone you don’t have to sneak around and pretend not to be with,” she said. I took a deep breath and waited for her to get on with it. Obviously she didn’t want to be with me if she could ignore what I just said. I bit my lip and looked down at the table, my heart felt low in my chest with disappointment. A big part of me didn’t want to let her go.
“I don’t—Josh I don’t think we should keep doing this,” she said.
“Don’t I have a say in this?” I asked. “I think we should keep seeing each other. I want you…don’t you want me?” I asked.
Naomi looked at me with wide eyes. She ran her fingers through her hair and shrugged to herself. “It doesn’t matter. There’s a lot going on in my life right now and…if I’m being honest, I can’t dedicate as much of myself to this anymore.”
I blinked at her, honestly perplexed. “So it doesn’t matter that we still want each other and can be together. You’re willing to walk away for…what? Fear that I might leave you to start a family with someone?”
“I’m willing to walk away for what I just explained, Josh,” she said.
“I don’t get this, I really don’t get this,” I said. “I’m not going to hold you hostage, though. If this is what you want, this is what you want.” I stood up and Naomi did too. Her lips were pressed together and she walked to the counter to take her bag. I walked her to the front door without a word. She put her hand on the doorknob before I could and I was catapulted into the memory of my ex leaving.
“When did it end for you?” I asked. Melissa paused with one hand on the door knob. I could see the silhouette of her lover on the other side of the frosted glass.
“Honestly, Josh…a long, long time ago,” she said. She turned around, her blonde curls bounced around her shoulders as if happy and relieved to be rid of me.
“What if you’re leaving too soon? What if you’re leaving and there’s a chance we can make things work?” I asked. It was an impulsive question. I only half meant it.
“Josh, it’s done, it’s over.” Melissa opened the door and left. She didn’t open it wide enough for me to see him or make eye contact with him. I would’ve charged outside and punched him in the face if that had happened.
“Bye, Josh,” Naomi said, “see you in class.” She left then and closed the door behind her. I didn’t watch her go, I didn’t stay outside to make sure she pulled away safely. I just let her go. My chest and my gut felt as if it were filled with liquid cement. I trudged to the couch and laid down. I wanted to speak to Amy and some part of me thought it was a good idea, so I called her.
“What’s up big dumb idiot?” she answered.
My laugh was dry, “That hurts right now,” I said.
“What’s the m
atter?” she asked. I told her everything, the whole truth and it took about twenty minutes to get through. At the end of my story, she sighed deeply and was quiet for a while.
“Maybe she’s all turned around because of her parents’ divorce and the fact that you had one and can’t stop going through your ex-wife’s Facebook pictures,” Amy finally said. I was fully prepared for her to gloat, for her to say, “I told you so,” but she didn’t.
“I never thought about that,” I said. “You think she sees me as like…her dad or something?”
“Not exactly but divorce affects kids—be they young or adult—in different ways. Commitment is a big hot button issue for her right now,” Amy said. “I get it, she most likely and honestly can’t handle things with you right now,” she said. “Especially as weird as your relationship was,” she said.
“I…I didn’t know that her parents’ divorce got to her so much. She talked about not getting along with her family as a whole and not caring for them that much,” I said.
“Yeah but they’re the only family she has,” Amy said.
“Maybe I should just give her space until the semester is over…?” Amy sighed on the other end of the line and I heard the disapproval there.
“Honestly, Josh. If you feel that strongly for her, then yes. Otherwise…I’d advise against it,” she said. I looked down at my fingers and tried to imagine a reality in which I wouldn’t try to fix things with Naomi and my mind kept coming up blank.
“I’m gonna have to go against your advice here,” I said.
Amy laughed, “Of course you are,” she said.
Chapter Seventeen
Naomi
The feeling of lava churning in my stomach woke me up. I lurched out of bed and skidded to the bathroom and lifted the toilet lid just in time to puke. I groaned into the toilet bowl as my stomach continued to do backflips. I didn’t move for what felt like a long time until my stomach was still again. I took a shower and brushed my teeth, my mind was unusually blank. I was trying not to think about Josh. But of course, me thinking about not thinking about him, made me think about him.
