by Sarah Olson
"Does this window open at all?" I gasped, looking over my shoulder at Bruhier.
He was working dutifully over what would be the sailors' dinner. "It is open."
I glanced back at the window. "No, it’s not."
Bruhier huffed in annoyance. "Then open it." He waved a dripping ladle at me without looking up.
"That’s what I am trying to do." A droplet of sweat ran down my back. "It’s suffocating in here!"
He slammed the ladle down and stalked over to the window. With one hard shove, the window creaked open, and a glorious breeze rushed into the stifling galley.
"There, it’s open. Anything else you are incapable of doing that you need my help with?" Bruhier asked.
"No," I replied, restraining the impulse to reprimand him for speaking to a royal in such a manner. On this ship, I was a scullery maid—I was no one. "Is there anything else you need me to do?"
"Are the dishes washed?" he asked, looking back down into the stew.
"Yes," I replied.
Bruhier looked at the washbasin and the plates and cutlery drying beside it. "Take a break," he said gruffly. "Be back in a half hour."
I almost forgot to thank him as I rushed out the galley, nearly toppling over a crate of onions. Bruhier rarely gave me a break, and I would enjoy every moment. I ran up to the main deck and gulped down the fresh, salty air. Sailors milled around, some playing dice while others continued working on their duties.
They paid me no heed as I made my way to the bow of the ship. Roy was standing there, leaning on the railing. I almost turned around, but he heard me coming and glanced over his shoulder.
He smiled, a smile that reached his blue-green eyes. "Bruhier let you out?" he asked playfully.
I shrugged. "I think he’s tired of me."
"That’s to be expected. He may be happy for the help, but at the end of the day, it’s his kitchen."
I laughed. "Most likely."
Roy smiled again and turned his eyes back to the expanse of ocean around us.
"What are you doing?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. "Does the quartermaster not have work to do?"
"Whale watching," he replied, not bothering to give an excuse. "Have you ever seen one?"
"A whale? No."
"Come here," he said, waving me over to the railing. "Look right there." He pointed out into the distance.
I squinted my eyes. "I don’t see anything."
"No, not there, over there," he pointed to the same spot I’d been watching. "See?"
I shook my head. The water all looked the same; dark waves rolling across the expanse.
Roy sighed and stood behind me. He took my face in his hands and moved my head so I was looking in the exact direction he wanted me to. I tried to ignore the warmth of his fingers and his closeness. His chest felt hard against my back—harder than Thomas’. I felt his breath tickle the hairs on my neck as he said, "Right there."
I blinked the thoughts away and focused on the waves. Something dark rose from them and a burst of water shot up into the air.
"I see it!" I exclaimed.
The front of the whale sunk back below the waves followed by its enormous tail that rose up, then slid back into the ocean.
"It’s incredible," I breathed. I’d seen dolphins from the cliffs of Asteria but never a whale.
Roy let my face go but didn’t move back to the railing. For a moment, I’d forgotten how close he was standing to me. If anyone had seen us, what would they have thought? What was Roy thinking, putting his hands on me without asking? I slid to the side to put some space between us, all the while telling myself that it meant nothing. He merely wanted to help me see the whale.
He stepped back up to the railing and looked out, following the puff of water the creature left behind each time it rose to the surface.
"Impressive isn’t it? Perhaps it will jump for you—then you can really see how big it is."
I had a horrible thought. "Do they ever try to capsize a ship?"
He turned to meet my gaze. "Sometimes," he said mischievously. He must have seen the horror in my eyes—the horror of a watery death with nothing but the wreckage of a ship to cling to—because he gave me a reassuring smile. "That’s why we have someone high above in the crow’s nest watching for anything that could hinder us from getting to our destination."
"That’s reassuring," I said, gazing back out at the mammoth creature that glided through the water.
We stood there in silence for a while watching the whale until it was just a speck on the horizon.
"Do you like it here?" I said.
"On the Enigma?" he asked.
"The Enigma, the ocean . . . "
"I like it," Roy replied. "It’s been an experience and an adventure. I’ve seen and learned so many things that I would never have if I had stayed in Surmania."
"Why did you leave?"
Roy turned to me with a sly grin. "For someone who is so secretive about herself, you sure ask a lot of questions."
I glanced down into the water to hide the blush on my cheeks. I wouldn’t ask any more if it meant leading him to pry.
"Norah! Roy!" Stephen called.
I turned to see him and Ethelyn approaching us and sighed in relief. Ethelyn was eyeing Roy suspiciously, but he didn’t seem to notice.
"What are you two up to?" Stephen asked, a broad smile stretched across his face.
"Whale watching," Roy replied as I said, "I came up for some air."
Stephen raised an eyebrow and Ethelyn glanced at me. I could tell she was making certain I hadn’t been hurt in any way.
"I was whale watching, and Norah came up from the galley for a break," Roy said.
"I had never seen one before," I said quickly. "It was enormous!"
"We usually see quite a few in these parts," Stephen said. "You should see the ones further north, though, they are black and white and much smaller, but they travel in groups. Beautiful creatures."
"Is the whale still out there?" Ethelyn asked. I saw she was done assessing the situation and could now join the conversation.
"No," Roy replied, "but I will be sure to find you the next time I see one."
"Thank you," she said with a smile. "I saw a painting of one once but never thought I would have the opportunity to see a real one."
"It was incredible," I said. "Well, I should probably head back to the galley before Bruhier comes to get me. Thank you for showing me that whale, Mr. Halding."
He laughed. "You can call me Roy, no need to be so proper on a ship."
"Very well, Roy," I said with a quick nod, "Thank you." I walked away as fast as I could without seeming too desperate to escape.
That night, after washing myself with a wet rag and some soap, I sat on my bed and gazed out the window. I wondered how many other creatures swam in the depths of the sea—creatures I never imagined existed. I’d seen a couple of sharks near the surface now and then, but those were common. A whale, on the other hand, was fantastic.
The door opened, and Ethelyn entered. "I apologize if I’m interrupting."
"Not at all," I said with a smile. I glanced over at her and saw a redness on her cheeks. "Are you blushing?"
"No," she said quickly, kneeling down to get her chemise from the trunk. She kept her face low so I couldn’t see it.
"I believe you are!" I exclaimed. "Tell me why."
"It’s nothing, Milady."
"Don’t call me Milady, Ethelyn, and tell me."
She looked up at me, face red, but not with embarrassment since a smile was tugging at the serious line she was trying to keep on her lips.
I raised an eyebrow.
She looked down into her hands. "He kissed me," she muttered.
"Stephen?"
"Shh! Not so loud," she whispered harshly.
I laughed but lowered my voice, "When?"
"Just now, before we left the room below deck where he keeps his boatswain tools." She looked up at me. "I’d never been kissed before."
"I won’t let it happen again," she said before I could say more.
"But why? He fancies you; you fancy him—give him a try. After all, anyone is better than Thomas." I made a show of pointing at my mouth and gagging.
She laughed, and some of the tension left the room. "I do fancy him, but as I said, my job is to protect you. Maybe later, after all of this is over and you are safe in Asteria, I can see what this is."
I knelt next to her and took her hand. "If you want to keep playing that card, I command you follow your feelings with Stephen. You can do both. After all, we are all on the same vessel in the middle of the ocean."
Ethelyn opened her mouth to object, but I raised an eyebrow and said, "You would not disobey a direct order from your princess, would you?"
She let out an irritated sigh but smiled. "Very well then, but if you are forcing me to be open about my feelings, I want to know what you think of Roy?"
Her question caught me off guard, and I nearly fell backwards.
"Of course, I cannot command my princess to tell me anything," she added.
"Why would you ask that?" I said, confusion flooding my mind.
She watched me for a moment then answered, "Because I don’t like him." Before I could respond, she went back to rummaging through the trunk.
"What’s wrong with him?" I asked, now thoroughly baffled and annoyed.
"I don’t like the way he looks at you," she replied, without looking up. "There is something . . . " she stopped as if she was looking for the right word, " . . . off about him."
"Ethelyn, you don’t know him," I snapped, my defenses up. "And if that’s how you feel, let me put you at ease by informing you that I think nothing of him. He is the quartermaster of this ship, nothing more. I didn’t come on this voyage to search for someone to help erase Thomas from my life. I came so I could have a chance to experience something new and move on." I felt my blood boil. Ethelyn had never angered me in such a way before. "But I should warn you, don’t put your judgments on how I should feel about anyone. You are my handmaiden, not my mother. Keep your opinions to yourself unless I ask for them." I stood and grabbed my cloak from near the door.
"Where are you going?" Ethelyn asked, looking both hurt and alarmed.
"Out," I said. "Do not follow me."
"I’m sorry," she said, standing. "I didn’t mean to upset you; I just want to protect you."
"Well, you can’t—just like you couldn’t protect me from Thomas." I left the room quickly, hugging my cloak around me.
Ethelyn didn’t pursue me as I made my way to the main deck. Most of the sailors had retired for the night, but a couple of them were sitting around a lantern laughing.
"Norah!" Seif called out to me. "Come join us if you aren’t going to sleep."
"Perhaps another time," I said, desperate to be alone.
He shrugged just as one of the sailors passed him a flask from which he took a swig.
I stepped over to the railing and gazed out at the ocean. The full moon reflected off the dark waters that rocked the ship. For a moment, I wondered what it would feel like to walk on solid ground again. As I stared out, my thoughts went to my words with Ethelyn. I shouldn’t have been so upset over her question. It wasn’t even the fact that she asked about Roy, but more that she felt she could give opinions like that. I was so utterly tired of people and their opinions. Everyone had one, and everyone felt the need to press them into my life. I couldn’t escape them as princess, and for that matter, as a woman.
I thought back to my tutors. Some never let me forget the king wasn’t my father—though I never told my parents. They insisted I work harder to become the perfect princess because that was the only way I would ever be accepted. Lords and ladies always asked when I would marry and to whom. Before my courtship with Thomas, they all had their ideas—wanted to set me up with a son or nephew. It was ridiculous because that pressure never came from my parents. But I kept my mouth shut and would just smile and nod. That is what the tutors said to do. Be agreeable even if you do not agree. I doubted Juliette and Gabriel received the same treatment. No one would dare speak to Gabriel in such a way as he was the future king, and Juliette; she was born to be a princess. So kind and refined. I doubted she ever needed a tutor for etiquette but had one just to show she knew the importance.
"You’re far away," a voice said beside me.
I jumped to find Roy leaning on the railing, watching me. I hadn’t even heard him approach.
"I didn’t mean to frighten you. Are you all right?" he asked, concern etched across his brow.
I nodded and glanced away quickly, hoping my face was unreadable.
"You want to talk about it?"
"It’s nothing, really," I said, finding my voice was just above a whisper.
"Doesn’t look like it’s nothing," he said quietly. "Are you regretting this voyage?"
"No, nothing like that," I replied. "I was just thinking about a few things; that’s all."
He stayed quiet for a long moment, and I felt him watching me until he turned toward the railing. "Would you mind if I just thought about some things beside you?" he finally asked.
I forced a smile and nodded. Despite my wanting to be alone, his presence was strangely comforting.
We stood there in silence for a long time. My mind spinning through the past year and everything that threatened to tear me apart.
"I was engaged before I left Asteria," I whispered into the wind. I didn’t know why the words had slipped out, but the cool air and the waves rocking the ship seemed to coax them.
Roy said nothing, but I could tell he was listening.
"He had been courting me for two years. Two years. I loved him—at least I think I did. In all that time, I imagined our future together. He was sweet and charming." Tears stung my eyes as the thoughts drifted through all the fond memories I had with Thomas. The flowers he would surprise me with. The long walks we took in the castle gardens. Sitting under a large tree in his arms during the picnics he always insisted we had. The first time he stole a kiss when no one was watching—I shut the memory down as fast as it rose.
"I loved him," I whispered. "I thought he loved me. He swore he did—but—how can someone you love cause so much pain?" An ocean breeze brushed against my face, drying the tears that had begun to roll down my cheeks.
"What did he do?" Roy asked. There was an intensity underlying his voice—almost anger but tinged with sorrow.
I’d almost forgotten he was the one standing beside me. Part of me wanted to keep the rest to myself, but another part—the broken part—wanted me to speak the words. To say them aloud because then maybe I would actually accept them.
I brought my eyes up from the water and into the night sky. "My honor was not important to him," I said so quietly that I thought perhaps Roy couldn’t hear. But when I felt him tense beside me, I knew he could. "I refused him so he went and found another until I would." The words left my tongue full of spite. I took a breath and looked down at my hands gripping the railing. "I called the wedding off, and when his family insisted I reconsider, they put the blame on me."
"Bastard," Roy growled.
"You wanted to know why I’m here," I said, looking over at him. His eyes met mine, the ocean breeze ruffling his dark hair. "I needed to get away."
He nodded his understanding and slid a hand over the railing so it was on top of mine. His palm was warm against my skin as he gave it a slight squeeze.
"When we land in Asteria, give me his name, and I’ll retrieve your honor." He said it so matter-of-factly, I had to laugh despite my sorrow. Roy smiled. "I’m very serious."
"There’s no need," I said. "But I do appreciate the offer."
The warmth of his hand was comforting, and I almost protested when he pulled it away.
<
br /> "I should go back inside," I said, knowing Ethelyn would eventually come looking for me. "It’s getting late."
Roy nodded. "Good night."
I turned to go but stopped to look back at him. "Thank you."
"For what?"
"For listening and not judging me."
His brow creased. "Why would I judge you?"
I pulled the cloak tighter against me. "Because almost everyone else has."
"I would never judge you, Norah," Roy said. "And what you have shared with me today will not leave my lips."
I gave him a small smile. "Good night, Roy."
"Good night," he said, as I walked away.
Chapter 16
W HEN I AWOKE the next morning, I was horrified. Now that I was levelheaded and not emotional, I realized what I’d done. I opened myself up to Roy, and I didn’t know him—at least not in a way that I should’ve been sharing something so private. I had felt comfortable last night, but now I didn’t want to leave my room. I was beyond embarrassed.
I spent the entire day avoiding Roy as much as I could. When he came into the dining hall, I returned to the galley for a while before Bruhier shooed me out, saying that I needed to help with picking up after the sailors. I sighed in relief when I saw that Roy had eaten quickly and returned to his duties but knew I couldn’t avoid him forever.
When it came time to have dinner in the captain’s cabin, I told Ethelyn to tell them I had a headache and wanted to rest. She eyed me suspiciously but passed the word on and stayed with me to make sure I started feeling better.
I hadn’t spoken much to Ethelyn either. In addition to wanting to avoid her questions, I was still annoyed with her. There was no doubt that she wanted to know where I’d gone last night and why I didn’t want to go to dinner. But before she could ask any, I feigned sleepiness and went to bed early.
The following day, there was a growing excitement among the men. We would be arriving at the Boreal Islands within the next day. Lunch was louder than usual in the dining room as the sailors discussed their plans for their time on the islands. I heard much talk of visiting lovers and which taverns they preferred.
