by Sarah Olson
I swallowed hard, and my hands began to tremble.
He took my hands in his to still them. "There’s no need to be so nervous around me," he whispered.
"I have every reason to be," I said. "You make me feel unpredictable."
"Good." He leaned down and gave me a gentle kiss that I had craved since slipping into my room last night.
"Norah!" Bruhier called from the dining hall. "Come here!"
"I have to go," I whispered, hoping I was not terribly red.
"Can you get a break after lunch?" he asked, as he backed up a step.
"I think so," I replied.
"Good," he said. "I’ll come back after and get you."
"I’d like that very much."
Preparation for the next meal and lunch itself seemed to move exceptionally slowly. Bruhier agreed to let me have a break after, and my veins thrummed with the anticipation of spending it with Roy.
"Can I take my break now?" I asked Bruhier, once lunch was finally over and I’d washed all the dishes.
He looked up and pointed to a large sack of crackers in the corner. "Take that down to the storage room below, and then you may go."
"We don’t need them?"
"Not right now since we just stocked up on food in Fraedelle. It’s taking up too much space."
I heaved the sack up and flung it over my shoulder. "I’ll be back in time to help with dinner."
Bruhier grunted in response.
I rolled my eyes and headed out the galley and into the hall. I walked as quickly as I could to the staircase that would take me below, thankful that the trap door was already opened. I grabbed a lantern hanging on the wall and climbed down into the dark.
I wrinkled my nose at the sour smell the stagnant and humid air filled the room with and hung the lantern. I hated coming down here. I sidestepped a barrel and made my way to the crates of food. As I set the sack down, I heard footsteps on the narrow staircase and turned just in time to see Hashim close the trapdoor behind him.
I froze, and my heart picked up speed.
He glanced over at me. "Norah, I didn’t see you there." The light was dim making it difficult to see his face.
"I was just putting something down here for Bruhier," I said, trying not to sound as terrified as I felt. "But I must be going now." I walked around him to get to the stairs as fast as I could without seeming desperate.
"Where do you think you’re going?" he asked, yanking me back, his grip tight on my arm.
"I have to get back," I said, trying to pull away from him.
"To your dear Roy?" His tone was mocking.
"I don’t know what you mean."
He laughed. "Seems I got a pretty good view of that little show last night. You never know what you’ll see when people forget you’re watching."
I wrenched my arm from his grasp and stepped back. "You had the night shift in the crow’s nest."
He grinned, and the lantern caught the evil glint in his dark eyes.
"What do you want?" I asked, my voice trembling.
"Well," he said taking a step toward me, "I think if Roy can fool around with you, all of us should."
The blood drained from my face.
"It’s only fair, right? After all, that’s the only reason a woman should ever be aboard a ship." His eyes raked over me with a hunger that made me feel like I was going to vomit.
"You will stay away from me," I said through clenched teeth.
"No, I don’t think so."
My heart was beating so loud, I heard its pounding in my ears. He kept moving closer, backing me into the corner of the room. I bumped into a stack of crates—my hands fumbling blindly for anything I could use as a weapon. My hand sunk into an open sack of dried beans just as he came within a couple of feet of me—an ugly sneer across his face. I took a handful and flung them at his face as hard as I could.
Hashim swore and covered his eyes, giving me just enough time to slip around him and run to the stairs. I stumbled up them as quickly as I could when a hand clamped around my ankle and yanked me down. My head slammed into the steps with an unforgiving crack, and I tumbled to the floor. Something hot and wet seeped down my face just as Hashim loomed over me.
He laughed as I struggled to my feet—my head spinning from the fall.
"Where do you think you’re going?" he teased. "I’m not done yet."
"Get away from me, you disgusting creature!" I screeched.
His face contorted in anger and his hand connected with my face.
The force of the blow spun me around, and I fell onto a stack of crates, sending them crashing to the floor. Hard hands grabbed me from behind and threw me to the floor. I struggled as he flipped me onto my back and straddled me.
"Please, stop!" I begged, tears mingling with the blood on my face.
He hit me again, and the room spun. I was losing consciousness. No, no—not like this. Not like this.
Hashim leaned over me. "No one’s going to hear you scream," he whispered in my ear.
I tasted bile as he brushed his lips along my jawline.
"Roy will kill you for this," I said, the words just a whisper. I wished I didn’t sound so weak.
Hashim gave another mocking laugh and roughly pinned my arms above my head. "No, he won’t," he almost purred. He kept my arms pinned with one hand and gripped the skirt of my dress the other. "Because you’re just going to tell him you slipped on the stairs and bumped your head."
I wriggled against his grip as I felt my skirt slide up. "Why the hell would I do that?" I growled, throwing every bit of anger into my words. I tried not to think of his touch, his body pinning mine to the ground. I had to fight. I had to escape.
He brought his face down to mine, his fingers trailing up my leg. "Because I will make sure he doesn’t make it off this ship alive if you don’t." His free hand left my leg, and he began to unlace his trousers.
I turned my head, desperate to find a way to fight him off.
"They always look away," Hashim mused to himself.
A long thick piece of wood lay just within my grasp. I let myself go limp, making him think I had accepted the inevitable, but I still had a chance. I could still fight. My father always said I was strong and never gave up. This time would be no different.
Hashim’s hold on me relaxed, and I wrenched my leg from under him catching him by surprise and rammed my knee into his crotch. He howled in pain, and his hand loosened around my wrists just enough for me to get an arm free and reach for the piece of wood. My fingers closed around it, but I didn’t have time to feel any relief as I swung it with all my might and smashed it into Hashim’s head.
He tumbled off me, and I used what remaining strength I had to push myself up from the ground and run for the staircase.
"You bitch!" Hashim yelled. "I’ll kill you!"
I screamed for help as I stumbled up the stairs and shoved the trapdoor open. I wiped the blood out of my eyes and hauled myself up into the hallway screaming. I heard Hashim start climbing the staircase just as Roy burst out of the dining room closely followed by Bruhier. His eyes widened as I barreled into him, clinging to him like life itself.
"Norah!" he exclaimed, grabbing on to me.
"Ha—Hashim," I stammered just as my attacker climbed through the trapdoor.
Roy leaned me against the wall and ran at Hashim as he charged him with a knife. He spun out of the way and grabbed Hashim’s arm, twisting it behind him before he had a chance to blink. The knife dropped to the floor just as Roy sent Hashim tumbling into the wall.
Roy snatched the knife up. "You son of a bitch!" Roy yelled grabbing Hashim again and pressing the knife against his throat.
"Roy, stop!" Bruhier shouted.
"No, he’s going to pay for this," Roy growled.
I slid to the floor, my head pounding painfully.
"Think about this Roy," Bruhier said, holding his hands out. "You don’t want his blood on your hands."
Roy was breathing hard, the rage on
his face unlike anything I had ever seen. His nostrils flared, and there was a terrifying fire in his eyes.
The door to the hall opened, and Seif and Tarique strolled in, their conversation coming to a halt.
Seif glanced down at me and then over at Roy and Hashim. "What the hell?"
He ran over to Roy as Tarique knelt beside me. "Norah," he said, his brown eyes concerned and warm. He reached out to put his hand on my shoulder, but I backed away. Any adrenaline I had was gone and replaced with sheer terror and weariness.
He put his hands up. "I’m not going to hurt you," he said gently. "I just want to help you. Can you walk? Let’s get you out of here."
I blinked rapidly as my vision blurred. My head throbbed as blood continued to drip down my face.
"Norah, do you hear me?" Tarique asked.
The room seemed so unsteady all of a sudden and black dots formed before my eyes. I felt my body fall to the side just as my world went dark.
Chapter 20
W HEN I CAME TO, I was staring at the ceiling of my room. There was a murmur of voices, and my head was still throbbing. I had narrowly escaped the unthinkable, and I was safe. But the thought of how close Hashim had been, rocked me to the core.
"Ethelyn," I said, my voice hoarse.
There was a sigh of relief, and Ethelyn’s face appeared over me.
"Norah, you’re safe now," she said quietly. "I’m so sorry I wasn't there." Her eyes were full of regret—regret that she had become lax in her duties to me and now I was suffering the consequences.
I shook my head and grimaced as pain shot through my neck. "It’s not your fault—it’s mine."
"Like hell it is!" Roy appeared beside her, and I saw a flicker of annoyance pass across Ethelyn’s face. "Hashim is the only one to blame here." He spat the name; his eyes lit with hatred and anger.
"I should’ve been more careful," I muttered. After all, it was my fault Ethelyn was not watching me every second of the day because I wouldn’t let her. "It was foolish of me to come on this voyage in the first place. I should’ve never left Asteria." As I said the words, I believed them. If I had stayed home and faced my problems, I wouldn’t be lying in this bed now, having come within a hair’s breadth of being violated—of having my honor stolen from me. I began trembling at the thought and rolled over so I couldn’t see them anymore.
"Norah—" Roy began.
"Leave her be," Ethelyn interrupted. "I’ll watch over her, so you can go."
Roy began to protest but stopped, for I was sure Ethelyn had shot him one of her deadly looks.
"You can come by later and perhaps she will see you then."
I almost asked Ethelyn to let him stay, but part of me wanted to be alone.
Roy left the room without another word, and Ethelyn sat on the edge of the bed.
"Milady," she spoke softly. "Did he . . . " She trailed off as if the rest of her question would poison the room.
"No," I whispered.
I could feel the heaviness lift from the air.
"I bandaged your head," Ethelyn said, relief evident in her voice. "You probably passed out because you lost quite a bit of blood."
"Thank you."
She was silent for a moment and then asked if I wanted to talk about it.
"No," I replied. "I want to rest."
"Of course. If you need anything, I will be right here."
I pulled the blankets tighter around me, ignoring the aches in my body, and closed my eyes, willing myself to forget.
I passed on dinner but drank some tea Ethelyn almost forced down my throat. I wondered if I could ever walk around the Enigma again and feel at ease. Surely, everyone knew what had happened by now, and the thought of facing any of the sailors terrified me.
As I finished the soothing tea, there was a knock on the door, and Ethelyn grudgingly opened it.
"I said to leave her be," Ethelyn said to Roy as he stood in the doorway.
Worry creased his face, and there was obvious tension in his shoulders.
"I need to see her," he pleaded.
I met his eyes and gave him a slight nod. "Ethelyn, it’s all right."
She gave a sigh of annoyance and stepped aside to let him through.
"And will you give us a moment alone?" I asked.
Ethelyn pursed her lips, and I knew she understood I was not asking. "Five minutes," she said and left the room.
Roy rushed to my side. "Norah," he said, reaching for my arm.
I jerked away from him instinctively, and he took a step back—hurt in his eyes. I didn’t want to hurt him, but I couldn’t fathom the thought of being touched in any way right now. I felt unclean, like the only way to ever get the feel of Hashim’s hands off me was to tear out of my skin.
"I’m sorry," he said.
"It’s not you," I whispered, knowing I had to explain. "I just—I don’t want to be touched right now."
Understanding, followed by sadness and then anger flickered across his face.
I looked away, afraid I would begin to cry. Not even the memory of the happiness Roy had brought me these last couple of days could make the horror disappear.
"Where is he now?" I asked.
"In the brig," Roy answered, hatred dripping from his voice. "I was going to kill him, and if I ever get my hands on him again, I will."
I pulled the blanket around me, feeling a chill run through me at the thought of my attacker still so close.
"The captain will turn him over to the authorities in Lemhla when we arrive tomorrow. He doesn’t want him on this ship any longer than he has to be."
I nodded.
Roy scratched his head and averted his eyes as if considering his next words carefully. "Hashim said he . . . " He took a breath and looked out the window. "When he was sent to the brig . . . he mocked me and told me what he did to you . . . and I . . ."
"With what he did?" I said, anger rising at the thought of whatever claims the bastard was making.
Roy looked uncomfortable. "I don’t want to ask, but I need to know—"
I almost laughed. It was a harsh sound. "If he raped me? Why, because that answer would change the way you feel about me? Because if I were ruined you wouldn’t want me anymore?"
I had heard of it before—a woman abandoned by her family or betrothed when something like this happened. It never mattered whose fault it was, but when a woman was ruined and everyone knew it, that was the end of her reputation. Reputation was everything in this world, and especially to those of high status. My mother had been one of the few to get above it despite having me, and she had found love. She had gained the respect of her people, and that was all that mattered to the kingdom.
He knelt beside the bed, hurt etched across his face. "Norah, I only asked so I can help you get through this so that we can get through this together. I see you the same way I have since the day we met."
He was so genuine, his words full of truth.
I shook my head. "He lied," I said quietly.
Roy leaned back slightly, the rigidity in his posture easing up just a bit. He looked at me with a small smile. "I could always tell you were a fighter," he said. "You wear your strength on your sleeve."
"I’m not a fighter," I whispered.
He shook his head. "I’m not referring to the strength in your arms, but the strength in your heart. Your bravery that keeps you from backing down—well, bravery mixed with a lot of stubbornness."
I forced a smile. "Thank you."
Roy nodded and stood. "I brought you something." He pulled a sheathed dagger from his waistline and held it out to me, its golden hilt gleaming in the light of the lantern. "I want you to have this."
I reached out hesitantly and took it from him. It had been a long time since I held a dagger, but its familiar feel was comforting.
"Promise me you will keep it on you."
"I will," I replied, placing it on the bed. When I looked back up at him, I could see the longing in his eyes to reach out and comfort me. "I thi
nk your five minutes are up," I said, quietly.
"Of course," he said.
I took a breath and held my hand out to him.
Roy looked at it for a moment and then took it in his own. I shoved away my discomfort and let myself think of only the warmth he offered. I gave his hand a squeeze because it was the only way to let him know that when I got through this, we would explore the unexpected and thrilling connection we shared.
☐☐☐☐
The days passed painfully slowly; we could not arrive at Asteria fast enough. When we reached Lemhla, I refused to go to shore. I hadn’t left my room since the attack because facing the sailors filled me with fear. The captain hadn’t argued when I asked to stay aboard and asked Ethelyn and Stephen to remain with me while Roy went to Lemhla to see to it personally that Hashim was locked up.
Perhaps this was how I coped—hiding in my room from the world. I had done so after Thomas, though it didn't help. I was plagued with nightmares and terrifying thoughts that all I wanted to do was go home. I wanted to rush into the arms of my parents and beg their forgiveness—tell them I had made a mistake in leaving and that I should have just let them help me. I missed them terribly.
The ship rocked unsteadily, pulling me from my sleep. I pulled the blankets tighter around me just as the room seemed to tremble.
My eyes flickered open, and all I saw was darkness. Everything suddenly tilted, and I nearly rolled out of bed. Light flashed through the window followed by a rumble of thunder louder than I had ever thought possible.
A storm.
Ethelyn had told me the captain warned her of possible rough seas ahead. There appeared to be a mass of clouds to the east, and the captain was trying to steer clear of it even if it took us a couple of extra days to reach Asteria—days I was not sure I could bear.
The ship tipped to the other side, and my heart began pounding wildly in my chest.
"Ethelyn," I called into the darkness.
Lightning flashed again, revealing the empty room.
My stomach lurched as the Enigma dipped sickeningly. I jumped to my feet and threw my robe on, trying to keep my balance. I had to find Ethelyn. I had to find out what was happening.
