by Jane Hinchey
“We shall,” he smiled back. “Where are we going?”
“To find coffee. Then we can compare notes on the case. Eva was right. With two of us working it, we should be done in no time.”
5
After comparing notes with Jax over coffee in the kitchen, I came to an unsettling realization. He was way too distracting to work with! I’d never find the killer if I kept fantasizing over him.
“They can’t all have been involved, agreed?” Jax flicked through his notebook. When I didn’t answer, he glanced up, eyes flashing as he smiled. “Earth to Midnight,” he teased.
I blinked and shook my head. “Sorry.”
“Thinking about the case?”
Absolutely not. “Yes,” I lied.
“And?” he prompted, waiting for me to elaborate. But the truth was, I had nothing. I told him so. “I’ve got nothing,” I sighed, downing the remainder of my coffee. It did not have the desired effect. My synapses failed to fire, which meant my mind was a foggy mess. Menopause sucked balls.
“Clarence made an interesting comment.” Jax returned to his notes. “Apparently, he lost his balls.”
I choked on my own spit. “He what now?” I coughed, clearing my throat.
“Turns out he meant wallet,” Jax deadpanned.
“Right. So, balls is code for wallet?”
“I don’t know about code per se.”
“Is this pertinent to the case? Clarence’s missing wallet, I mean?”
“There’s no doubt some of the residents have dementia. It’s entirely possible one of them is a kleptomaniac.”
“That doesn’t automatically make them a killer.” Plus, I’d seen no evidence that the Bewildered Retirement Home was housing a kleptomaniac either. Clarence could have simply misplaced his wallet. I narrowed my eyes and studied Jax. “Let’s go search Clarence’s room, see if we can turn up his wallet.”
It was his turn to blink in shock. “Seriously? I was kinda joking.”
“No stone left unturned and all that.”
Clarence’s room was… a revelation. Standing shoulder to shoulder with Jax in the doorway, I eyed the cauldron at the end of Clarence’s bed with suspicion.
“Is that…” Jax asked.
“Yes.”
“But I thought Clarence was a Wombat Shifter. Why does he have a cauldron?”
I took a cautious step into the room. “Excellent question, Watson.”
Jax snorted. “So, I’m Watson, and you’re Holmes?”
“Naturally.” I leaned over and peered into the cauldron. Something purple bubbled inside, and a green mist was rolling up and over the rim.
“What is it?” Jax hadn’t ventured any farther into the room, remaining steadfast in the doorway.
“No idea. Maybe Clarence’s balls are inside.”
“Why don’t you reach in and check?”
I shot Jax a look. “Why don’t you?” I countered, daring him with my eyes.
“Nuh-uh. I’ll wait here.”
“Chicken.” Cocking my head, I surveyed the cauldron. Aside from the purple goop and green mist, it didn’t appear to be doing much of anything. “Keep an eye on it, will you?” I skirted around the cauldron and searched through Clarence’s nightstand. No balls, aka wallet. I checked under his pillow, rifled through his drawers, and was on my hands and knees peering under his bed when it happened.
“Uh, Midnight?” Jax called with a note of concern in his voice.
“Hang on. I think I found something.” In the shadows under the bed, there was a small, rectangular shape. A wallet-sized shape. Stretching my arm and wriggling my fingers, I managed to snag its edge and drag it toward me. I jumped to my feet with the wallet firmly in my hand and held it up in the air triumphantly. “I’ve found Clarence’s balls!” And that’s when the cauldron erupted in an explosion of purple slime.
I could feel it sliding down my face, dripping from my nose, creeping under the neckline of my T-shirt and down into my cleavage, clammy against my skin. Tossing the wallet onto the bed, I wiped the goop from my eyes and cautiously blinked them open. The room was covered in the stuff. As for Jax, he’d escaped the calamity by retreating into the hallway. He stared at me with a combination of horror and mirth. If he laughed, so much as sniggered, I’d kill him. His lips twitched, but he didn’t utter a sound.
Before I could say anything, Dot arrived with her sparkly walking frame. “There it is! I’ve been looking for this all day.”
Spitting the purple crap out of my mouth, I eyeballed her. “Oh?”
“What did you do to my cauldron?” she demanded, heading toward me in what can only be described as a threatening manner. If you could call the little peanut of a woman threatening.
“I didn’t do anything to your cauldron,” I snapped, wiping at the slime and flinging it to the floor. I pointed to her walker. “You’re getting slime on your wheels.”
“What?” She glanced down. “Oh, cheese and whiskers,” she cursed, “now you’ve done it.”
“I didn’t do anything,” I protested. “It went off by itself.”
“How did you get it in here anyway? This isn’t your room!” Dot demanded.
“It’s not your room either,” I pointed out. “I could ask you why your cauldron is in here.”
Her eyes narrowed, and she pointed a gnarled finger at me. “You did this.”
“I’ve already told you, I didn’t take it. I haven’t touched it. I have nothing to do with this.”
“Oh, yeah? Then why are you standing there painted purple?”
“I was in here searching for Clarence’s ba—wallet—” I corrected myself before she got the wrong idea and thought I was hitting Clarence up for a bit of storytime.
“You’re stealing from our Clarence?” she asked in outrage, then began shouting at the top of her lungs, “Help! Thief!”
Shoulders slumping, I stared up at the ceiling in disbelief. Was this really my life? Jax attempted to coax Dot the Slayer out of Clarence’s room, but she wasn’t having a bar of it. Instead, she whipped out her wand—Goddess knows where she’d stashed it—and waved it at me, but her spells fell short in a sparkle of confused magic, scattering across the floor to mix with the gloop.
“What on earth is going on?”
In the doorway stood a male nurse and a carer. At least I assumed they were. I’d worked out the nurses were kitted out in cute veterinary scrubs, and the carers wore checkered chef pants and white shirts. Again, Goddess only knows why but I was fast discovering the Bewildered Retirement Home in Hexville, Kentucky, was a law unto itself.
“Seems Dot’s cauldron has had an explosion.” I pointed rather unnecessarily at the now empty cauldron sitting unambiguously at the end of Clarence’s bed.
“Are you okay?” The nurse gingerly picked his way across the floor, attempting to find dry spots of carpet to place his feet.
“Providing that goop does not contain anything flesh-eating, then yeah, I’m a hundred percent.” Sarcasm dripped from every word.
“Oh, dear.” The carer turned to Dot. “How many times have we told you, Dot? No magic outside the Dungeon.”
That caught Jax’s attention. “You have a dungeon?”
“Not really,” the carer whispered out of the corner of her mouth. “It’s just a room that’s been warded so the residents can continue to dabble in magic, but it won’t escape the room. It’s nicknamed the Dungeon.”
Jax whipped out his notebook. “Good to know. Can I get your name?”
“Sure, I’m Hettie Bloodworth, and that’s Troy Pickering.” She pointed to the nurse, who’d reached me and was now pressing his fingers to the side of my neck, presumably to check my pulse.
“I’m fine.” I waved away his concern, then chanted a quick cleansing spell. From one breath to the next, the goop that had been dripping from the ceiling and walls was gone, and I was clean once more.
“So, you can confirm that this cauldron is, in fact, Dot’s?” I asked Hettie. Troy, af
ter ascertaining that no one needed medical attention, hastily departed.
“Yes, it’s Dot’s.” She sighed. I got the feeling this had happened before. Probably on more than one occasion.
“Any idea why it’s in Clarence’s room?”
“Dot?” Hettie asked Dot.
“Hey! Don’t be jealous of my body!” Dot declared, cupping her boobs with both hands and hefting them up her chest before releasing them where they immediately sagged back toward her waist. Grabbing her walker, she shuffled out the door and on her way.
I watched her go in silence.
“What just happened?” Jax asked, clearly confused.
“Dot has a little trouble with her memory on occasion,” Hettie explained. “Plus, she’s quite a… flamboyant character.”
Jax’s brows pulled down low. He pointed to the cauldron. “Does she plant her exploding cauldron in other residents’ rooms frequently?”
Hettie shook her head. “Actually, no. This is a first. I’ll see that it’s returned to the Dungeon.” She bustled out of the room, shaking her head. Jax, who still hadn’t set a foot inside, eyeballed me from the hallway, one brow arched.
“Here.” I picked up Clarence’s wallet and tossed it at him. “Return this to Clarence, will you?”
Catching the wallet in one hand, he asked, “What are you going to do?”
“I’m going to spend some time in the garden. I need to clear my head.”
He pursed his lips. “Are you okay?”
Flattered more than I should be at his concern, I smiled briefly before nodding. “I’m fine.” I didn’t say what I was thinking… that this case was baffling, and I still wasn’t sure why Bounty was involved. Unless some rogue fugitive was hiding out at the Bewildered Retirement Home, there was no reason for us to be here. SIA could easily cover the deaths, which in my opinion, were rapidly looking like spell casting gone horribly wrong but likely accidental.
“I’m just going to grab some fresh air, then I think I’ll check out this so-called Dungeon. Clearly, the wards aren’t working if Dot managed to teleport her cauldron into Clarence’s room.”
He nodded. “I’d like a look at the Dungeon too. Then I’m going to interview the rest of the staff.” He glanced at his notepad. “I checked the roster when I arrived. Aside from the executive director Eva Argent, there are two caregivers on duty. Hettie Bloodworth, who we just met, and Arabella Crane. Troy Pickering, Miriam Smith, and Ella Francis are the nursing staff on duty today. They have an Activities Director, Gorgrut Merryblade, who goes by the name Gar, and the groundskeeper, Carbonne. Although I’m not sure if he works every day.”
“I’ll speak with Carbonne.” I offered. “Since I’ll be outside anyway.”
“Good idea. Let’s meet up again in an hour and see where we’re at.”
It was weird partnering with him like this, but I nodded and said, “Sure.”
He spun on his heel and walked away while I quietly closed Clarence’s door, watching him leave.
“There you are!” Banks came trotting down the hallway from the opposite direction, tail in the air. “I’ve been looking for you.”
“Why’s that? Has anything happened?” I bent down and scooped him into my arms, cradling him against my chest as I backtracked toward the lobby to find the doors to the garden. I swear The Bewildered Retirement Home kept rearranging itself and changing the route.
“Not to me, but I hear you sprung one of Dot’s traps.”
I frowned. “The exploding cauldron was a trap?”
“Who knows? Dot has her own end game playing in her head. Anything is possible.”
“What strikes me as odd is that Dot was able to rig the cauldron in the first place—in Clarence’s room, I mean. That would take precise magic, and considering this place is meant to be warded and magic suppressed… well, that’s clearly not working.”
Banks’ tail flicked. “You think someone’s broken the wards?”
“Either that, or maybe they haven’t been maintained? Dot was able to set her cauldron booby trap. I was able to use my magic to negate the damage after it exploded.”
“You’re thinking that’s how the others died? Magic?”
“You’d have to agree that none of the residents are physically strong enough to dig deep holes, then heft the bodies into them.” I ran my hand over his fur as I spoke. “Which leads me to believe that, yeah, magic was involved.” Plus, when we’d examined the bodies earlier, there had been no signs of foul play.
“And that’s why Bounty was called in.” Banks nodded, and I stopped stroking him. “Hey!” he protested, head bumping my chin in encouragement for me to continue.
“Honestly, Banks, do you think this case is worth calling Bounty?” I asked, resuming my petting. We’d reached the doors to the garden, and I turned around, using my butt to push them open.
“Not their usual level of magic and intrigue,” Banks admitted. “Maybe it’s a test.”
I froze. “You think they’re testing me?”
“Not you. Jax. He’s fresh from NOPD and new to Bounty. That would explain why they have you both on the job — they want someone to keep an eye on Jax and make sure he doesn’t screw up.”
“Hmmm. You could be right.” A loud crack of thunder had Banks vaulting from my arms and darting back inside before the door had swung shut behind us. I stood beneath the eaves and watched as rain poured down in heavy sheets. The temperature had dropped, and I shivered, rubbing my hands up and down my arms.
That was when I saw him. Across the lawn, a large figure darted from one side of the garden to the other. His movements could only be described as furtive as he plowed through the rain, head bent beneath the hood of his bright yellow raincoat.
6
“Hey, you!” I shouted, stepping from beneath the protection of the eve and into the downpour. Within seconds, I was soaked. Ignoring the discomfort, I charged across the lawn in pursuit.
He was huge, whoever he was. He had to be well over six feet, closer to seven, and his shoulders were incredibly broad. Due to his size, he looked somewhat comical, decked out in a yellow raincoat with red galoshes. The raincoat’s hood hid his face, and he apparently didn’t hear me approach over the rumble of thunder and unrelenting rain. So, when I tapped him on the shoulder, I was totally unprepared when he swung around and beamed me in the side of the head with his shovel. I fell backward, landing on my rear on the soggy lawn.
“Ow!” I complained, holding a hand to my ringing ear and peering through the rain at the figure standing over me wielding the shovel.
“Oh, my gosh, I’m so sorry! You startled me… what are you doing out here in this weather?” He dropped the shovel and held out a hand to help me up.
“I could ask the same of you.” I grunted, accepting his hand. A big bushy beard hid most of his face, droplets of water caught amongst the hair, and hazel eyes twinkled as if he were trying not to laugh. “Carbonne, I presume?”
He nodded, rain dripping from the brim of the raincoat’s hood.
“Who are you?” He raised his voice to be heard over the storm.
“Midnight, Magic Bounty Hunter.”
“Ah.” He nodded. “You’re here about Claude, Irving, and Janet. Such a terrible thing.”
“You’re aware that this is a crime scene?” I pointed to the taped-off garden bed where the bodies had been found. The same garden bed he was standing in front of with a shovel.
“Of course. That’s why I’m here. With this rain, any evidence could be washed away. I was digging a trench to direct the water elsewhere, and I brought a tarp to cover the area.” He pointed to a blue tarp laying on the lawn that I hadn’t noticed earlier.
“Right. Um… good.”
“Look,” he bent down and picked up the shovel, eyeing me up and down, “let me finish up here, and then how about we take this inside?”
Carbonne resumed digging the trench, and I helped him string the tarp over the garden stakes he’d already hammered into
the ground. Satisfied he’d preserved the scene as best he could, he nodded in satisfaction, then jerked his head, indicating I should follow him. Keeping my head bowed and ignoring the torrent of rain pounding down on me, I hurried after him, almost running into his back when he stopped at a small wooden structure.
Opening the door, he beckoned me inside. Shivering and dripping, I looked around the gardener’s hut. It was as cute as a button. Bigger on the inside, one corner was set up with a small kitchenette with an oversized plaid armchair next to a wooden table. Along one wall was a workbench, several plants sat beneath lights, and tools, buckets, and bags of fertilizer were stacked at the far end.
With a wave of magic, I dried myself and moved over to look at the plants on the workbench. “Black Magic viola, Queen of the Night tulip, Black Calla Lilly, Black Magic hollyhock, I’m sensing a theme here,” I said, admiring them.
“You know your plants,” he said. “I’m keeping them in here until I get the rest, then I’ll move them to the garden.” I heard him shrug out of his raincoat.
“I’m a florist.”
“Really? I thought you said you were Bounty?”
“I’m both.” I didn’t want to go into the whole story of my menopausal magic landing my ass in the pokey and Baba Yaga offering me a lifeline… providing I join Bounty and become a Magic Bounty Hunter and leave my florist shop in the loving hands of Aunt Tilly.
“The rest?” I pointed at the plants I’d been admiring, diverting his attention back to the topic at hand.
“Black Baccara rose, Dark Star coleus, Chocolate cosmos, Black Coral elephant ear, Black Satin dahlia, and Before the Storm iris.” I heard the note of pride in his voice. “I’ve got the seeds, just waiting for them to germinate.”
“Whose idea is this delightfully dark garden?” I asked, for all the plants he’d listed had dark flowers and foliage. My mind could picture wonderfully dark and moody bouquets for Aunt Tilly.
