by Fiona Faris
“Mother,” Siusan whispered softly, shaking her mother awake. “Mother, it is time,” she said.
Shona raised her head and looked at those around her and nodded, as if still in disbelief that all of this was happening. Siusan understood her mother, understood the disbelief and the inability to understand. It was all far too much to handle.
Angus and Uilleam grasped James’s body, with Angus at the top and Uilleam holding his feet, and lowered him into the hole.
“The time has come,” Angus sighed. “The time has come that a faither must say farewell to his lad. This is truly the worst of things.”
The others remained quiet, but it was clear that Angus Mor was not finished. The look on his face told them all that he had more to say, and more than he was able to contain.
“James and I had not got on of late. We were vastly different. He was a young man of ambition, and he wanted the sort of power he saw in his friends. He wanted to be more than a chieftain. He wanted to be recognized. He wanted to be known and respected.
“I could not blame him for craving respect. What lad doesn’t want that? But we disagreed about the cost of it. We saw respect coming from two very different places, and James was convinced that it came from joining and conquering. Indeed, we felt very different about the concept. But I cannot blame him. He was just a lad.”
Angus inhaled, swiping at his eyes in case some small sentiment had escaped. He was still a man of authority and could not reveal his emotions so freely.
“I wish that I had handled those differences better. Instead of telling James he was wrong, I wish that I’d had the wisdom to teach him right. I wish I’d had the sensibility to tell him why I reasoned differently and then maybe he would have as well. Maybe he, too, would have understood the world as I do.
“But I failed to do so. I scolded him without explanation. I embarrassed him even, allowing him to think that I cared not for his reputation. I shamed him when I thought he spoke out of turn. And for that, I will always live with regret. He deserved better than that, truly,” Angus added, nodding to himself.
Uilleam wrapped his arms around Siusan, feeling her body against his and thinking of the fact that life in the highlands was always at a great risk, that they would not have forever, that a time would come when they would be no more.
“I suppose my greatest regret,” Angus continued, “is the fact that I so neglected him as a lad. As he was growing, I failed to bring him close, failed to treat him as I ought to have. No wonder he grew to be so bitter and seek the approval of another clan! I did not give him the sort of father that a lad deserves. I failed him in so many ways.
“James, I am sorry. You uttered your apologies, your sister did the same to you, but I never did. I never told you just how I wish I’d been a better faither to you. How I wish that I’d raised you to know that I wanted to see you take my place when I was gone and that you would have been the greatest lad for the duty.
“And now, here it is, too late to tell you. But, alas, I’ll tell you anyway. I am proud of you. I am damn proud of my son who died a warrior. Who fought to defend his sister and his clan. You were a lad that spent your final hours rescuing the ones you loved the most, ensuring that they made it to the end. Yes, lad, you were a warrior.
“And for the rest of the days of our clan, it will be my priority to tell the whole of the highlands that James Gunn was a far better lad than any of the Campbell’s offspring. James Gunn was worth all of them, and he was a better man, better warrior, and better clansman than our enemy could ever hope to be.
“Shona, love, come,” Angus instructed.
Shona made her way to her husband, and he grasped her hand tightly.
“I honor you for raising our son as you did. I honor you for caring for him, and I thank you for being what I could not be,” Angus said, kissing his wife on her forehead.
Siusan recognized how much had changed in her family in such a short time. She saw how they had come to this place of grief and anguish when it had been the least expected. She didn’t quite know how they would come through to the other side, but she trusted that it would happen.
Shona looked into Angus’ eyes, and Uilleam saw the love and affection within them. He saw that Angus Mor had long ago learned something that he was just now coming to see. He had learned that he could love his wife for more than her thighs and hips, for more than her ample bosom.
And Uilleam knew how he had come to love Siusan. He turned to her and gave her an echoed kiss on the forehead and saw the tears in Siusan’s eyes.
“Lass, I’m sorry for the loss you’ve faced. But your brother will always live on in tales and in the fact that he kept all of us safe,” Uilleam reminded her.
Siusan nodded, needing to hear those words.
“Ay, he will. He was a good brother. For all his faults and all our failures, he was a good brother,” Siusan sniffed.
Uilleam knew that she was trying to remember the lad as better than he had really been, but he couldn’t bring himself to ruin the memory. The Gunn family was grieving, they were in pain, and now, now that they had lain the body in the ground, they would have to cover it as their final goodbye to a man who had been deeply flawed, but full of hope.
“Why don’t you all go ahead and let me handle this,” he said, encouraging the family to get home and rest while he finished the burial.
Angus looked up at him with tempted eyes. He glanced at his wife and daughter, apparently thinking it would be best for them to be far from all of this. But Uilleam also saw that he could not bear to leave his son to the work of a MacGregor.
“Thank you, Uilleam. But he’s my lad. I’ve got to be here, and I’ve got to finish it all,” Angus declared.
Soon the men got to work once more, this time covering the hole. Shona and Siusan eventually joined them, getting dirt on their dresses and barely minding in the knowledge of the fact that the first was another way in which they were saying goodbye to James.
In the end, they were all exhausted further and realized that they had best make their way back to the castle. They had little other choice and by this point, no matter how humble, having a castle to return to was an exquisite blessing.
They arrived and were greeted by faces of wondering. Uilleam handled the task of telling the others what had happened to James so the family could have a bit of privacy and peace, something they were not likely to get much more of. He watched as Siusan made her way to her room and it was not long after that he joined her.
“You’re still awake?” he asked.
“Ay,” she replied, looking up at him from beneath the woolen blankets.
“I thought you’d have fallen asleep by now,” he said, wishing that she had so that he could know that she was at peace and was getting some relief from the agony she felt.
“I wish I had. But I can’t seem to get my mind off the fact that he’s really gone. My brother. Dead,” Siusan said, a visible numbness creeping over her face. Uilleam was relieved for that numbness.
It was part shock and part from being so tired. But once Siusan had slept, once she had rested, the numbness would be overwhelmed by the grief. The shock would wear off, and there would only be the remembrance that James was truly dead.
“Siusan, he died a good man. He died protecting you,” Uilleam reminded her, hoping that it would at least be of some small comfort.
“Aye, but no matter how they call him a hero, fer me, he was merely a brother, an’ that is whit I will ne’er hae o’ him again,” she replied with a whimper in her voice.
Uilleam moved in beside Siusan and scooped her into his arms, pulling her close and allowing her head to rest against his chest. He felt the softness of her body and sensed his own awakening. He could not ask for this now. No matter how he desired Siusan, he could not push her to give herself to him in the midst of such grief.
But Siusan surprised him in that he didn’t have to ask for anything. She pressed her body into his, and her lips were on Uilleam’s i
n force. He felt all the passion of what she had lost and all of the need she had for life now.
Their bodies sensed one another and moved in unison while Uilleam’s lips traveled down Siusan’s neck, and his hands gripped all of his favorite parts of her.
“I love ye,” Siusan said with a gasp.
Uilleam echoed in a moaned reply, “I love ye, lass.”
And when they had both reached the height of satisfaction, when their love for one another was cemented by their fulfillment, Siusan nestled back into Uilleam’s arms where she finally drifted into a restful sleep.
He watched her face as the lines on her forehead smoothed with peace and her arms around him became limp and weighted. There was nothing quite like this feeling. There was nothing quite like being able to make the woman he loved feel at peace, feel whole, even in the midst of so much pain and loss.
Uilleam considered his own pain and the loss of his father. He knew he would have to return to his home soon, would have to see the remnants. But more than that, he would have to find those who had scattered, who had fled during the attack. They were out there somewhere.
Leaderless, alone, possibly hungry and exposed, Uilleam would have to bring them back together and lead them as their Chief. Or, if not that, he would at least have to help them rebuild until they could be the clan that they had once been. All the lives lost in battle would be honored, and none would be forgotten. They were the Clan MacGregor, and none would stand in their way.
Still, there was an important matter to deal with.
And that was Cailean Campbell.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Glen Orchy
A week later
In Glenn Orchy, Siusan and Uilleam tried to settle for a short time. They knew that eventually, Uilleam would have to bring his clan back together, but they decided to take their time regaining their own bearings after all that had taken place.
Siusan needed time to mourn with her parents and the clan over the passing of James and Uilleam as well gave her that time.
“Are you certain that you don’t mind?” she asked him one morning, feeling that perhaps they were drawing out their time in Clyth Castle beyond what Uilleam had intended.
“Lass, it’s been a week. Don’t worry. I know you need time to recover from your brother’s death,” he said cautiously.
“Ay, that I do. But I also understand that the MacGregors must be reunited. And soon. I imagine you have some grand plan for bringing them all back together?” Siusan asked, hoping that Uilleam would have something up his sleeve to bring about a much-needed victory. She knew that when he had grand plans, he was more likely to be ready for anything.
“Very little, actually,” Uilleam admitted. “I think I will ride out to some of the villages and spread the word of where we are heading. I can only hope that they will hear and come together to find us.”
Siusan nodded. There really wasn’t much more that could be done. With land belonging to the MacGregors up north from times past, it was the best course of action they had. Whatever Uilleam had planned to bring the clan back to its ancestral lands, Siusan was certain that all would come together in the end.
“So, whit do ye wish tae do today? I will spend time with my parents. Ye may join us, or ye may do as ye please,” Siusan told him.
Uilleam thought for a moment, but it was clear he had only one intention. Of their eight days in Glen Orchy, Uilleam had spent six of them in the training yard, and Siusan saw that this would mark another day.
As she went off to spend the time with her parents, Uilleam made his way to the fencing post where he used one of the practice claymores to fight with one of the guards of Glen Orchy.
“Come now, lad, you have to work harder than that! You’re a defender of your clan!” he shouted at the young guard when the man failed to properly block him.
Now that Uilleam had seen what a failed guard could do, how even a powerful clan could lose its will when they found themselves leaderless and incapable, Uilleam was significantly firmer in his judgments.
“Like this!” he ordered, showing the man some moves.
Uilleam knew that Siusan deemed his exploits in the training yard to be a result of his own anger and need to release the fire within him, but in reality, he wanted to ensure that the guard of the Clan Gunn was prepared. They had to be ready for anything that was to come.
For now, there was no guarantee that they would not be attacked. Angus had gone and spoken with Neil under an agreement of peace during their talks, but Neil had yet to decide if he would accept Angus’s arrangement of unity or if he would seek revenge for the death of his son.
An arrangement was made to meet again, once more with a promise of peace, to discuss what would come next and whether or not the Clan Gunn would be joined to the Campbells for protection and allegiance in return.
Uilleam had hated the idea. The very fact that Angus had been forced to try and forge peace between the two clans was nonsense and foolishness of the very worst kind.
In his mind, the Campbells were the worst of men, and there was nothing now that could convince the MacGregors to cater to them. They had lost so many at the hand of the Campbells, would they now swear allegiance in hopes of not losing more?
That would never come to pass, Uilleam swore it on his own name and on the names of all the men who were lost during the battle at Meggernie.
So Uilleam continued to fight the guards at Clyth in hopes that if the proposed allegiance were not accepted, they would be ready to defend their castle better than his own had at Meggernie.
He had still not seen his home but had every intention to once he and Siusan left Glen Orchy. In the meantime, he would give Siusan time to heal from the loss of her brother.
Uilleam worried about her still. He worried that she would not heal quickly and that her pain would only grow. He didn’t want to see her become hard and bitter as he saw with so many men who went through these things. She was Siusan, and he wanted her only in her soft, feminine, often bratty way, to be the same woman he had fallen in love with.
And he knew that she wanted him to be the same gruff, manner-less man that she had fallen in love with. With that in mind, Uilleam unleashed on the little guard and allowed the man to fear and tremble in the fight until he finally raised himself to start in defense.
“Good. Move your feet faster,” Uilleam instructed, now that the guard was trying harder and working for his defense. Uilleam went from fighting lazily to giving his full force so the guard could prepare against him.
“Just like that,” he continued. The guard moved his feet quicker and got out of the way just in time for Uilleam to strike what could have been a fatal blow had he been fighting for real.
The guard was learning.
“That’s my man,” Uilleam said, stepping back and lowering his sword. “You have improved much. Think you can help train some of the others?”
Uilleam had been working with a different guard each day in the hopes that one would pass the skills along to the next. Over time, the whole of the soldiers at Glen Orchy would be able to fight.
Siusan and her mother gathered flowers from the garden. They had done this every day, each choosing only the best blooms. Once they each had a handful, they would make their way to James’s grave and place the flowers over the dirt.
From the previous week, the grave was now covered. But Siusan knew she could only engage in this tradition for another day or two. She had to indulge her mother while she could as she would soon be gone and her poor mother would be left to do all of it alone.
“I love them,” Siusan said when her mother showed her the bouquet she had formed that morning. It wouldn’t have mattered if the flowers had been wilted and ugly. The fact was, Shona needed comfort and encouragement.
Siusan knew her parents were waiting for the day when she and Uilleam would tell them they were moving on, that they were heading to his ancestral lands. But in the meantime, she had to be there for them, to comf
ort them and bring them the remembrance that they still had a daughter even though they had lost their son.
Once Uilleam and Siusan left, her parents would be without children in their home, and that was something they had not anticipated. Oh, for certain they knew that Siusan would eventually marry and go to live with her husband, but even then, before all the deals had been struck, there had been no reason to think she wouldn’t marry close by.
And even once Siusan married, they would always have their son with them, waiting to take his place as clan chieftain.
But now, they would be without both. And for that, Siusan had to spend as much time as she was able reminding them how deeply she loved them and the fact that they were not alone here in Glen Orchy.
