was a huge group coming through the gate and my new acquaintances looked at them intently, trying to spot their friend. I told them I’d be right back and walked toward the porch. The place was getting crowded, and as I walked up the steps I noticed three incredible looking girls standing together in a tight group. Scott was doing the sound check over the rap music. It consisted of him saying ‘peaches’, and ‘beaches’, and making some squawks on his guitar. I walked over to Don, who was messing with his amp off to the side.
“This ain’t a bad party, you dick. You just didn’t want me here ‘cause you wanted all the rich pussy for yourself.” I said.
“She-it… I didn’t know it was going to be like this. I thought it was gonna be some glorified frat party.” He said.
“I already met some heads who wanna smoke a coco-puff with me.”
“What the fuck is that?” He asked, plucking a deep note on his bass.
“That’s when you mix some coke in with the joint.” I said as if I’d known it my whole life.
“Ooh, shit. Could you save me some?” He asked. “We’re about to play as soon as Rob gets out here. I guess he told the DJ not to introduce us ‘till he makes his grand entrance.”
“Yeah man, I’ll save you the roach… Hey there’s a lot of motherfuckers here, aren’t you nervous?” I asked.
“Nah, I don’t get nervous. Scott’s nervous though, look at him. He takes a sip of water every two seconds, watch… See? There he goes. Now he’s gonna set it down and pretend to adjust something on his gear. There, this time it’s the pedal. Now, he’ll take another sip… There he goes, now he’ll set it down and look at the crowd. See? He’s been doing that since we got here.”
I watched Scott go through the whole routine again. “Hey, have you seen that girl? The one whose brother tried to kill her?” I asked.
“Anna. No, I haven’t seen her.” He said. He looked down and thumped out a simple bass line. “Hey, that’s probably Rob right there.” He nodded toward a guy with slicked back blonde hair and a short sleeve button-up shirt who was opening the sliding glass door of the house. He had a dog on a choker leash and it was straining so hard that it’s front legs were off the ground. It had a round mean face. Rob was wearing an expensive looking watch and a silver necklace on the outside of his shirt. He went over to the DJ and they gripped hands and talked for a minute. He walked to where the band was set up and the dog sniffed and strained and looked around excitedly. He shook hands with Scott and said something to him I couldn’t hear. He glanced over to where we were standing and gave a sharp nod. “You ready to fuck it up?” He called out.
“Sure.” Don said.
He nodded again and walked down the steps into the party where he was swarmed.
“He’s real popular.” I said.
“If you threw keggers and sold weed you’d be popular too.” Don said.
“I guess you’re gonna play pretty soon, so I’m gonna go do this joint.” I said. “Have a good show. I’ll start the pit right there.”
“Don’t be disruptive.” Don said.
I made my way through the smoky, beer-soaked crowd. The rap music came to an abrupt stop and the DJ’s voice came over the system. “Direct from Altadena, The greatest band no one’s ever heard of… Give it up for Eat Feet!”
No one clapped. Kid Karl slowly banged out four hard beats before they launched into a ear-splitting skreech-fest. Everyone in the crowd was looking at them, a few people were nodding their heads but more were making sour faces. The girls instinctively moved away from the porch. I hadn’t heard the song before, but it was definitely one of their better ones. Scott was alternating between screaming in agony and doing his incomprehensible motor-mouth thing.
My trio was looking bored as ever and there was no sign of Jen. “Eat Feet’s real good.” Aloni deadpanned. “Oh look Jake, people are slam dancing. Are you going in the moshpit?”
“I might.” He said. “It wouldn’t be my first one you know… Hey fuck this, I’m not waiting for Jen anymore. Nick, gimme that joint and I’ll go re-roll it in the bathroom.”
I pulled the joint out of my cigarette pack and handed it to him. It was as big as my index finger. He held the joint up to Lazlo. “This is a lot of weed. Should I just roll up the whole packet?” He asked.
“Yeah why not? It’ll have to get four people off, so you might as well.” He said. Jake walked away, toward the pool house.
I watched him walk away with my joint. “Is this some kind of scam?” I asked Lazlo. “I mean I don’t really care about that weed, so if this is some kind of scam, you didn’t have to go to all the trouble.”
“What? What kind of scam?” He asked. “You think I burned you?”
“I don’t know.”
“If I just burned you why am I standing here?”
Aloni snorted.
“It just reminds me of something I heard once.” I said.
“You need to relax Nick…” He put a hand on my shoulder. “You gotta learn to trust people. He’s coming right back with it, and we’ll spark that motherfucker up right here.” He seemed offended.
“I didn’t mean anything by it.” I said.
“So this singer, you really think I should tell him about shrimping?” Aloni asked with a crooked smile.
“Oh yeah, he loves anything that has to do with sexual perversion. He sings about rim-jobs, feltching -all kinds of sick stuff. He even has a song about the Peruvian yucca plow.” I said. “This song he’s singing now, it’s about bestiality.”
“Yeah, I thought I heard him say goat.” Lazlo said.
“That’s real nice.” Aloni said. “You boys need a hobby other than your dicks.”
“That sounds just like one of his lyrics!” I said. I went into a barking imitation of Scott’s singing. “I NEED A HOBBY… OTHER THAN MY DIIIIIIIIICK…” Aloni smiled again and took out her Virginia Slims.
I watched the band play. They were on their third song when I noticed Fly Rob standing with his dog, surrounded by his friends and their girlfriends. He looked like he was trying to flex every muscle in his body. Now and then the dog would start barking, or lunge at someone, pulling it’s choker tight. You could see that Rob loved that. He would yell at it and tell it to heel. He reminded me of a roman soldier or a Nazi. There was a lively moshpit flailing and stomping in front of the band. Jake finally came back and held out a pregnant joint. “It’s not as pretty as the one you rolled, but now it’s got a little something extra.” He said.
Lazlo pulled out his lighter and handed it to Jake, who put the joint between his lips and lit it. He stopped for a second to blow out the flame that had jumped to the end of the joint before taking a deep hit. He passed it to Aloni who took a couple of shallow puffs. “Careful, it’s running.” She said as she passed it to me.
I licked my finger and touched it to the end of the run to keep it burning evenly. I took a deep hit. The end of the joint sizzled a little. The thickness of the smoke filled my lungs but it wasn’t harsh at all, it was like inhaling a cold winter cloud. I passed it to Lazlo, still holding my breath. I thought I must’ve taken a small hit because I couldn’t feel it, but when I exhaled I saw that I’d sucked down a massive amount of smoke.
By the time it came around again my heart was racing. I took a smaller hit this time and passed it on. People were looking at us with envy, but we kept our circle tight. It went around two more times. I was feeling detached from my body. My lips were dry and my jaw was tense. Jake was saying something, but I wasn’t comprehending him. I nodded and licked my lips. “See?” Lazlo said, slapping me on the back. “I told you it was nice.”
Jake put out what was left of the joint by licking his fingers and pinching the cherry. I pulled out my cigarettes and lit one. It’s smoke felt harsh in my throat after the softness of the cocaine hits. I watched the movement of the crowd with curiosity. “Everyone here looks so exaggerated.” I said to Lazlo.
“I know what you mean!” He said. “Like everything they’
re doing is way too big. Hey, here comes the dude I was telling you about. Here comes Fly Rob.”
He was walking toward us with his dog leading him, and people were getting out of the way and giving him props as he went by. When he approached us he yelled for the dog to heel and it walked close to him and sat down when he stopped. “Yo Rob, nice party man.” Jake said, walking over and slapping hands with him. Lazlo did the same.
“Yeah,” Lazlo said, “this is even better than the party at Rachel’s last year.”
“Cool, cool. I’m glad you’re havin’ fun.” He said, nodding. He turned his attention to me. “Who’re you?” He asked.
“Nick.” I said.
“This dude came with the band.” Lazlo said. “He’s friends with those guys.”
“Oh right. If you need anything I got dub sacks. I’ll be up by the DJ.” He said. He gave the dog a tug and as he was leaving he glanced over at Aloni. “What’s up?” He asked without stopping.
“Hey Rob, hang on a minute.” She called out. He stopped and looked at her. “I just wanted to ask you… What’s your dog’s name?”
“Teef.” He said. He turned and continued his stroll, walking slowly all the way around the pool, stopping now and then to talk to people. He was making sure everyone at the party saw him, soliciting weed sales was just his excuse.
“He’s such a prick.” Aloni said to no one in particular.
“I think he’s an alright guy.” Jake said. “You just
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