flashlights. Don picked up the other one and climbed into the tunnel with Jeremy following. I was behind both of them, in the dark.
Skating with those guys was fun because we all sucked more or less equally. Jeremy had been much better than Don and me a few years before, but over time we got a little better and Jeremy started drinking and working and not skating as much. He could still do a few tricks that he’d had dialed in for years, things that I could never do, but he wasn’t competitive. We just cruised around for fun, I think we’d all given up the dream of becoming incredible skaters. Maybe none of us ever really had that dream. I used to try a trick over and over for days, weeks, and months, and still make the same mistake as the first time I tried it. It took me a year to learn how to do an ollie. I read Thrasher magazine hoping that some skill might rub off on me. They had a section that was supposed to show you how to pull off new tricks. It was illustrated with step by step pictures of a pro skater and each picture had a caption. Step 1: Approach the wall with great speed, placing your feet in an L near the tail. Step 2: Do an end around kickflip while planting one hand on the ground. Step 3: Catch the skate between the wall and your feet, while placing the other hand perpendicular to the first. Step 4: Push off the wall into a handstand, balancing the board on your feet. Step 5: Land smoothly. I thought I couldn’t do it right because I was a goofy-foot. I was probably the last kid who read Thrasher to figure out that it was a cruel joke.
My momentum felt strange that night. We were at the upper playground of Lafyette Elementary School on Washington. I thought my movements were part of an elaborate ritual that I was performing instinctively, and that I was casting a spell. The underground hotbox had twisted my head. The blacktop was gripping my wheels in a friendly way. I tried the impossible and fell, which just confirmed my belief that the ground was friendly because it practically hugged me down. It felt softer than landing on thick grass. I laughed.
The desire to smoke a cigarette finally got me out of bed. I put a T-shirt on and took my smokes and my lighter out the back door in the kitchen. I sat on the steps and lit up. There were a few puffy clouds in the sky and the air was unusually clear. I saw that it must have rained that morning because the dirt in Kate’s garden was dark and there was a wet spot in the driveway in the shape of a skateboard wheel. I watched my poison smoke floating into the air. I concentrated on it, to see that it was traveling through time.
I took a leisurely shower and spent the rest of the day drawing. I did a wolf, a tractor pulling dead hippo, and an ashtray with a cigar in it. Kate got home around five thirty. Normally I would try to be out of the house before she got in, but I wanted to talk to her. I had a hundred and fifty dollars to give her for rent. When she got home I asked her how she was doing.
“Not too great. My boss is driving everyone crazy.”
“You mean that old woman, Mrs. Fetter?” I asked.
“No, I only work at the pharmacy part-time now. I’m working for a nonprofit arts foundation the rest of the time.” She said. “I’m on the panel that decides which arts groups and individual artists get funding. It’s a lot better than filling prescriptions for Mrs. Fetter, but I still haven’t been offered a full-time position there yet.”
“Oh. This whole time I thought you were going up to the pharmacy every day. I wanted to give you the rest of the rent money,” I said, “and to ask you something.” I handed her the hundred and fifty dollars.
“Yes what is it?” She asked, walking into the kitchen. I followed her.
“Well, I know you’ve had that car for a while now, and I was thinking you might be ready to sell it… To me. I figured I could give you an extra hundred dollars a month for the next six months and then you could give me the keys and get yourself a new car. I’d keep paying you for another six months after that, so you’d get twelve hundred for the car over the next year.” I said.
She set down her big purse and got a glass out of the cupboard. She took a bottle of vodka and an ice cube tray out of the freezer and poured herself a drink. “Nick, you don’t even have a license, do you?”
“No, not yet, but six months from now I could have one. My only means of travel right now is my skateboard or the bus. If I miss a payment, you can take the car back.” I said.
“Hmm… Well, let me give it some thought. I’m not sure I’m ready to buy a new car right now.”
“Six months from now.” I said.
“I guess you’ve put a lot of thought into this. Let me sleep on it. I’ll let you know in a day or two.” She said, taking a small sip of her drink.
“Alright Kate, thanks.” I said. I went to my room and got my skate and I was headed out the front door when Kate stopped me by asking if I was going out. I had the doorknob in my hand so it was a pretty stupid question. “Yeah.” I said. “I am.”
“Nick…” She said, “please be careful.”
“Yeah, okay Kate.” I said, trying to keep the sarcasm out of my voice.
I was rolling down Lake to the AM/PM for dinner when I had to stop to let a car pass in front of me. It occurred to me what an ugly thing a car really was. I stood there as a ton of metal and glass passed inches from my face. The street itself looked ugly all of a sudden and everything on it seemed foreign and hideous though I’d seen it all a million times before. Every inch of the landscape was filled with an advertisement or official reminder of some law or ordinance. The sidewalk was cracked and broken and there was trash everywhere. There was a plane passing overhead, leaving a long trail, and it seemed evil to me. I wanted to run away and hide from all this crap, or destroy it all somehow. It wouldn’t be so bad to negate the present reality. If I could send the right information down the chain to some place in the past, it could keep this world from being created in the first place. I could turn all of it into a phantom limb of time. I didn’t care if I ceased to exist as long as this place did too.
I sat on the steps of Saint Elizabeth’s near the grotto and thought about annihilating present reality when a pickup truck flew around the corner. It passed me and went about a half a block down the street before it stopped and backed up. It idled in front of me for a second before I recognized the driver. “Hey little brother, hop in.” He said. It was Jessie.
I stood and walked over to the truck’s window, carrying my skate. “What’s up Jessie?”
“Hop in and I’ll tell you.” He said.
“Do I look stupid or something? Why do you want me to get in your truck?”
“Dude, what do you think I’m gonna do? I need your help with something, don’t be such a pussy. Get in.” I wasn’t feeling particularly concerned for my safety at that moment, so I got in. As soon as I shut the door he peeled out and went screeching down the street.
“What’s up? Where we going?” I asked.
“First stop is the liq over on Woodbury.” He said. “I gotta pick up some supplies. Then I got a chore to do that I thought you might be able to help me with.”
“Yeah? What’s that?”
“It’s that fuckin’ faggot G. I’m going to pull a prank on his ass and I need some help. Here check it out.” He reached under my seat and pulled out a paper bag. He dropped it in my lap and turned into the liquor store’s small parking lot. “I’ll be right back.” He said, getting out of the truck which he left running. I opened the bag and saw that it contained four M-1000s. I was holding an entire stick of dynamite’s worth of black powder on my lap. I closed the bag and set it down between the seats.
Jessie came out of the store, opening a pack of cigarettes and throwing the cellophane and tin foil on the ground. He put one in his mouth and lit it before getting back in the truck. I was thinking about the explosives as he handed me the liquor store bag and backed out of the parking spot. I looked in and saw a plastic container of Mini Thins and a small bottle of Jack Daniels.
“Alright, here’s what we’re gonna do.” He said. “You’re gonna take two of them firecrackers and I’ll take two. You’re gonna drop one at the side of the h
ouse, and one around back, and I’ll drop one around the other side and one in front. That little bitch is gonna think he’s under attack from all sides. We’ll try to light them all at once so they go off more or less at the same time, okay?”
“Alright, as long as you don’t leave me there to get my ass kicked by his brother.” I said. “You promise to take me with you when the shit goes off?”
“Yeah man, of course. Why are you so paranoid?” He was driving with his knees while he opened the container of Mini Thins. “Hey, open that bottle for me, will ya?” He poured six or seven pills into his hand. I opened the bottle and watched him pop the pills all at once. He took the wheel with one hand and swilled down a huge shot of Jack with the other. He started coughing, and when he caught his breath he immediately took another swig from the bottle. “Here,” he said, handing it back to me, “have some.” I took a big shot and enjoyed the burn as it went down. “You want some of these pills?” He asked.
“Sure, just a couple.” I said. he shook three pills into my hand and I washed them down with more whisky. We pulled around the corner and started down my street. G only lives a couple of blocks down from me, and I wondered what Kate would think when she heard the explosions. When we got to G’s block, Jessie turned off
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